“Jesus, Gray. I don’t know what to say. You’ve missed almost three years of your child’s life.”
“I’ll have to make up for it.”
She stared into my eyes, and I watched hers fill with tears. I thought she was sad about this latest wrench in things. A lone tear slipped down her cheek, and I wiped it away with my thumb.
“I’m sorry I have all this baggage. If I were a better man, I’d walk away from you and not leave all this at your feet. But when it comes to you, I’m completely selfish. I can’t help myself. I’m sorry I’m upsetting you. But I can’t let you go again. I had no choice last time when you walked away.”
More tears started to fall. I blew out a deep breath and wiped her cheeks again. “I’m sorry. Please don’t get upset. I’ll figure this out. We’ll figure this out. It kills me to see you crying because I let you down again.”
“I’m not crying because you let me down.” She sniffled. “I’m crying because you lost years with a child you haven’t even met yet.”
I pulled her to me and wrapped her in my arms. It felt like I could finally breathe again. I stroked her hair.
“It’s a lot, I know. And I don’t expect you to say anything at all today. You need some time. But there’s one more thing I need to say.”
Pulling back, a sad smile threatened at her lips. “I’m not sure I can take much more.”
I took her hand in mine and brought it to my lips for a kiss. “This doesn’t have anything to do with Max. But it’s important that you know.”
“What is it?”
“Tomorrow or whenever you reflect back on everything—when you think of all this bad stuff I just unloaded on you—I need you to also remember one other thing.” I paused and waited until she was really looking into my eyes before continuing. “I’m in love with you, Layla Hutton—so fucking in love with you it hurts to think about losing you.”
She smiled. “Gray...”
I pressed my lips to hers to stop her from speaking. “Shhh. We’ve talked about enough heavy shit for one night. How about I pour you another wine and we take a hot bath together?”
“I don’t know, Gray. I should go…”
“If you go, I’m going with you. You’re not getting rid of me that easily. We can go to your place if you want, but I’m not leaving you alone…not tonight after I just sprang all that shit on you.”
She seemed conflicted, but after a few minutes she finally nodded.
Layla accepted my offer of wine, but turned down my suggestion of a bath together. When we climbed into bed that night, I held her in my arms as tightly as I could without hurting her. But even through my iron grip, I felt her slipping away.
Chapter 27
* * *
Layla
I woke up to the sight of a sleeping Gray. He looked so peaceful. My heart ached for everything he’d lost: three years of his life, his business, his reputation, experiencing the birth of his daughter—her first few steps, her first haircut, first words, first…everything. So I wanted to be here for him, to stick it out. But the thought of building a new life that now included a three-year-old and her mother who was about to die scared the living shit out of me.
The self-protection mechanism in my heart wanted me to run the other way as fast as I could. But the part that beat wildly every time Gray walked into the room kept me here watching him sleep.
Last night I couldn’t stop thinking about something my mother had always said. After I’d realized we weren’t my father’s only family—that she was actually the other woman and I was her bastard child—I’d asked my mom on more than one occasion how she could put up with something like that. Her answer was always the same: “When you love someone, sometimes you need to put their needs first.”
I’d always thought that was a cop out, that her accepting that my father needed to have two families was bullshit. Yet I always kept my tongue in check, never wanting to upset her or speak badly about my father, who was so good to me…when he was around.
But inside, every time she said love meant having to put his needs before her own, all I could think was Yeah, and you just taught him that your needs always come second. Growing up, I’d vowed to put my own needs first if I ever fell in love.
Gray’s eyes fluttered open on that thought.
“Hey.” He reached out and ran a thumb along my cheek. “You’re still here.”
“Did you think I’d be gone?”
He gave me a soft smile. “I was afraid to fall asleep and have my grip on you loosen for fear you’d slip away.”
“Well, I do have to get my ass up and go to work. I need to go to my apartment to shower and get clothes, too. So I better get moving.”
He reached around to my back and hauled me flush against him. “Shower with me.”
“That isn’t exactly conducive to getting to work on time.”
Gray buried his head in my hair. “We can be fast.”
The way his hot breath on my neck made me instantly aroused, I knew that was a crock of shit. “How about, I’ll take a shower here, and you can make us some breakfast?”
“Let’s negotiate,” he grumbled against my skin before trailing a line of kisses up my neck. “We shower together, and I’ll eat you for breakfast while you wash. Multitasking.”
I bent my head back to allow him better access and smiled. “Nice try. But I have a ten o’clock deposition that will go most of the day, so I need something to fill my belly.”
“I’ll give you something to fill your belly.”
Laughing, I pushed him away so I could get up. “I’ll have to take a rain check.”
After a quick shower, I wrapped my hair in a towel and put on the shirt Gray had worn yesterday. It hung to my knees like a dress as I followed the smell of bacon to the kitchen. Gray stood in front of the oven shirtless, wearing a pair of black sweatpants. His back muscles were ripped without him even flexing, and they tapered down to a slim waist. No matter how confused my head happened to be at the moment, my libido knew exactly what it wanted.
I walked behind him and scratched my nails down his back, not so lightly.
Gray groaned. “You have no idea the willpower it took to stay out here, knowing you were naked in the other room. Scratch me again, and I’m going to say fuck the self-control, and you’re going to be up on the kitchen counter with your legs spread and late for work.”
He plated the bacon, grabbed some toast as it popped from the toaster, and turned around to face me. His eyes looked down to a noticeable bulge in his pants.
I covered my mouth and giggled. “That just happened now?”
“I woke up in bed next to you. It had started to go down a minute before you dug those nails into my back. Now you’ve made it rear its needy head again.”
I took the plate from his hands and tried to ignore my own needy head—although mine was north of my waist. “Bacon and toast?”
“I’m out of eggs. It was that, peanut butter, or a steak.”
“Good choice.”
“Sit. The coffee just finished brewing. I’ll fix us both some.”
Although Gray had plated a second serving of bacon, he left it on the stovetop and sat across from me with only his coffee.
“Aren’t you going to eat your bacon and toast?”
“After I get back from a run. I can’t eat before I hit the pavement.”
I sipped my coffee. He hadn’t asked how I took it, yet made it perfectly. My heart warmed. “What’s on your agenda for today?”
His easygoing smile fell. “I checked my phone while you were in the shower. Max wrote back late last night. She said I could meet Ella this afternoon. I suggested the park across the street. There’s a kid’s play area and a dog run. I’m going to rearrange my schedule to work from home today. I told her to text me a time, that I’d make myself available as soon as she can get there.”
“Wow. Okay. Are you nervous?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m terrified. A man’s not
supposed to show fear, but I’m afraid this little girl will take one look at me and start crying.”
“Oh my God.” His vulnerability touched a weak spot inside of me. I got up and knelt down next him. Taking his hand, I said, “She’s going to love you, Gray. Children have a sixth sense when it comes to knowing who’s a good person. And I watched you with Quinn’s daughter. I told you Harper isn’t a fan of men at all, yet she took to you.”
“I bribed her with a gift I knew she’d love.”
“Maybe. But trust me, you wouldn’t have gotten that hug from her if she didn’t have the sense that you were a good person. And whether you know it or not, you were good with her. You’re a natural. When you spoke to her, you didn’t look down at her. I watched you. You bent down and spoke to her at eye level. You treated her as a person, not a little kid, and you actually listened when she talked. That’s pretty much all you need to start. The rest will come to you.”
“I’ve never changed a diaper in my life. I watched muted YouTube videos on it last night after you fell asleep.”
I smiled. “You’ll be fine. We’ll figure it out. Besides, most kids are out of diapers by the time they’re three. So that’s one less thing to worry about.”
He’d been looking down at our joined hands, but his eyes jumped to mine. His gaze was intense.
“What?” I said.
“You said We’ll.”
My forehead wrinkled.
“We’ll. You said, ‘We’ll figure it out.’”
I hadn’t even realized it, but he was right. “I guess I did.”
Gray pushed his chair back and lifted me into his lap. He cupped both my cheeks in his big hands.
“Of anything you could say to try to make me feel like I wasn’t going to screw this up, that gives me more hope than anything. Because with you next to me, I can do anything.”
***
“I called Al.” Gray finished tying his running shoes and stood just as I emerged from the bathroom, dressed and brushing my wet hair. “He’ll be downstairs in five minutes. He’ll take you home to get dressed and then drop you off at work.”
“Oh. You didn’t need to do that. I could’ve taken the train.”
“It’s my pleasure.”
My eyes did a quick sweep of the clothes Gray had thrown on to go running. A second skin, black Under Armor shirt and a pair of running shorts.
“I like your outfit.”
“Oh yeah?” He stalked over to me and wrapped his hands behind my back. “I’ll wear it every day, then.”
“I think it might start to smell after a while.”
“I’ll buy multiples.”
One hand slipped under the back of my shirt and began to caress my skin. It froze where my bra should’ve been, and then felt around, as if he was verifying his initial conclusion.
“You’re not wearing a bra.”
“I shoved it in my purse. I wore it yesterday.”
His hand traveled from my back to my front and cupped a bare breast. “I like this. Easy access. But I don’t like the thought of you traveling like this on the train.”
“I’m not taking the train. You just said Al was picking me up.”
“Yes, but you didn’t know that when you got dressed.”
“Well, then it worked out nicely, didn’t it?”
Gray squinted at me and pinched my nipple. “Wise ass.”
I reached up on my tiptoes and leaned in to whisper in his ear. “If you don’t like the thought of me riding the train with no bra, you probably would’ve hated that I have no underwear on either.”
Gray mumbled something about self-control right before his lips crashed down on mine. He kissed me passionately, and it was the first time since Max had walked into my office that things felt normal again between us. I sighed into his mouth, and he backed me toward the bed. I barely registered my back hitting the soft mattress, but I definitely felt the erection prodding at my hip. As much as I hated to, I forced myself to cut things off before we went any farther.
Placing two palms on his chest, I gave a gentle nudge. “I have to get to work.”
“I’ll call Pittman and tell him I had an emergency you needed to attend to this morning.”
“Then I’d have to bill you for the hours.”
“Bill me for a month. I don’t give a fuck as long as I don’t have to let go of you.”
I laughed and shoved him a little harder. “No, really. I have to go.”
“Fine.” He pouted, but got up.
In the elevator, the playfulness continued. My panties had been sticking out of my unzipped purse, and Gray and I had a fight over them. He pulled. I yanked. I wanted to stay in this little box, our own little world where we’d briefly forgotten anything else existed.
But too soon, the doors slid open in the lobby. An older couple was waiting to get in, and Gray thought he could use that to his advantage. His eyes glinted in victory, assuming I’d let go, embarrassed that we were fighting over a black lace thong.
Instead, I cleared my throat and took a step forward, still refusing to give up the panties. I looked at the woman. “Sorry. My brother is a cross-dresser, and sometimes I catch him stealing my panties.”
The woman’s eyes bulged while Gray released the underwear. I flashed him a wicked smile of victory over my shoulder as I exited the elevator.
“Cute. Very cute,” he called after me as the doors closed behind him. “That’s Mrs. Elsworth. She’s the president of the co-op. I’m sure my cross-dressing will be on the agenda at next month’s board meeting.”
I laughed through the lobby and all the way to the front door. But my laughter abruptly ended as I stepped onto the street.
Stopping short, I caused Gray to crash into me. He steadied both of us and kept me from nearly toppling over. Thinking I was still playing around, he squeezed me and lifted me off my feet, swinging me around until he came full circle and got a look at the two people standing in front of his building.
Max and Ella.
Chapter 28
* * *
Layla
Neither one of us knew what to say or do. Gray held on to my shoulder so tightly, I was certain I’d have a bruise later.
“What are you doing here?” he snipped to Max, who straightened her spine at his tone.
“I texted you twenty minutes ago. Ella’s sitter called in sick, so I decided to bring her to the office with me. Your place is on the way, so I thought…” Max looked back and forth between us. “If this isn’t a good time, we can come back.”
Gray didn’t respond. I turned to see him staring down at Ella. The beautiful little girl stared back up at him with his same stunning green eyes. Seeing his daughter in person for the very first time seemed to have sent him into some sort of shock. When he continued to just stare and say nothing, I tried to nonchalantly take hold of his bicep and squeeze in an effort to snap him out of it before he scared Ella and his worst fear came true—she started to cry.
“Gray…”
He blinked a few times and looked at Max. His face was a mix of lost and terrified. It reminded me of a little boy who wouldn’t get off his bed, for fear there was a monster under it, so he didn’t know how to get out of his room.
Max knelt down to Ella and began to speak, while also signing with her hands. “Sweetheart, this is Mommy’s friend, Gray. Say hello.”
Ella extended her fingers and crossed her thumb in front of her palm, then made a saluting gesture from her forehead while she said, “Hello.” The motion appeared as though it might be sign language and not really a salute.
Gray looked at me, at a complete loss of what to do, how to respond. I nodded my head back toward the little girl and pointed my eyes down to her. Thankfully, he followed my muted directions.
Kneeling down to her eye level, he cleared his throat. “Hi, Ella.”
She signed something without adding the words this time.
Max prompted her, “Ella, add the words, sweetheart.”
Ella did the same sign and then said, “Park.”
Max looked at Gray. “I told her we were going to meet my friend and then the three of us would go to the park.”
Gray nodded. And then the awkwardness that had started to wane came back—at least for me anyway. Max turned in my direction. Her hard stare silently communicated that a fourth wasn’t welcome on their family outing.
She flashed me a Botox smile. “You remember, Ms. Hutton, right, Ella? She’s Mommy’s attorney.”
I heard her loud and clear.
Luckily, Gray’s driver pulled to the curb at that moment. I couldn’t wait to flee.
“There’s my ride. I should get going to work.” I smiled down at the little girl. “Bye, Ella.” Squeezing Gray’s arm, I forced half a smile. “I’ll talk to you later.”
Then I scurried to the car before anyone had a chance to say anything else.
Slamming the door shut, I let out a few panting breaths as I watched the three of them out on the street. I’d never been so glad for tinted windows before.
Ella reached her hands up toward her mother, and Max leaned down to unlatch the little girl and help her out of the stroller. I couldn’t take my eyes off the three of them, even as Al started to pull away from the curb. My neck craned to watch out the back window. We only made it a few car lengths before hitting a line of traffic, so I had plenty of time to study their interaction.
Max finished folding up the stroller, and Ella took one of her hands. Then she spoke to her daughter, who extended her other hand toward Gray. My heart broke watching him struggle with how to react. Holding your daughter’s hand should be the most natural thing in the world. Yet he looked stiff and terrified. After a few heartbeats, he took hold of her little hand. Gray couldn’t stop staring down at his daughter—which I understood completely. After a minute or two, the three of them finally started to walk in the direction of the park.