Chapter Forty Three
"Reality T.V on every channel. Rubbish." Brick complained at the apparent lack of quality programming on Sid's tellies.
"This machine has a purpose far beyond entertainment my fellow saviour." Hugo stepped forth, holding his well muscled and bold looking chin. "If I'm right, and I usually am, this is the mythical Machine of Emotional Alignment." Hugo remained still during one of his trademark silences. Nobody fell into the trap of questioning him about the machine. The quietness edged towards uncomfortable.
"The story goes as so." Hugo silently cursed his audience for their lack of interaction. Only Bettina appeared to even care he was there. The red outfitted hero began pacing and speaking to the air in order to deliver his tale.
"A race once existed that lived in perfect harmony with each other and the planet they occupied. The rest of the Galaxy they inhabited believed if they could find the key to such a way of living then universal peace would be a dream no more. Theories were debated, and a few egos' along with a number of faces were bruised. Things got a little out of hand and the great battles of peace erupted, but that's another story. Once settled the people forgot why they had ever been fighting, and the original, noble intention behind the research that had started such bloodshed was forgotten." A lavish spin saw Hugo turn and return towards the group. "At the other end of the universe a bored and penniless student was working on a machine that would spread his butter further and thus cover more rounds of toast per tub, another honourable quest. Yet his ambition far outweighed his skill and he failed, or did he?" Still no interaction from the audience. A further disappointed Hugo continued. "Purely by accident the student did manage to create a machine that could spread attitudes across vast distances and infinite locations." The nodding grin did nothing to entice participation. Everyone had pretty much pieced together the clues, except Jam who was still trying to piece together the ongoing plot on the television nearest to him. Hugo continued regardless of the group's realisation.
"Having recently studied the Great Battles of Peace the student saw the potential in his machine: by harnessing the attitude of the peaceful planet they could spread it to everyone in the galaxy, and eventually the universe. Acquiring a sponsor the idea took off, and for a while it looked as though Bargain Bullets galactic peace had been achieved."
"There's an 'until' coming here. I can feel it." Brick couldn't resist filling the pause.
"Until....." Hugo fulfilled the prophecy.
"What did I say?" Nobody cared.
".....the harmonious race began thinking that if the whole galaxy believed their attitude was so perfect then perhaps they should rule it. This highly egotistical attitude quickly spread through the machine, and every planet in the galaxy began invading each other in the belief they had the right to rule. It was a dark time in the history of the universe." Hugo wiped away an imaginary tear of empathy, biting his lip in a well practiced manner. "Many believed the machine had been wiped out, caught up in the destruction, yet here it stands, turned to evil on a universal scale." Hugo awaited applause. All he got was a question from an inquisitive man from Earth.
"So this one machine is bombarding every planet on these screens with apathy right now?" Brick wanted to be sure before revealing his own idea.
"Indeed it is. We must destroy it." Hugo looked for something nearby to use as a tool of destruction.
"Or." Brick took a moment to compose the room. "...we could use it to reverse the effects of apathy and the damage it's done?" Nobody had expected a stroke of genius from Brick, least of all himself. He interpreted the silence to mean he was being stupid. It was usually the case. "If that's possible of course?"
"Anything is possible my fair haired....."
"How does it spread these attitudes?" Spiritwind stopped Hugo before he could get going on a pointless anecdote and diverted the giant hero towards saying something useful instead.
"From what I can recall, which is usually everything in perfect detail, the essence of whatever is being spread is recorded upon a disc of vinyl and played through a machine with a horn of unseemly proportions." Hugo spoke while eyeing up the unconscious Sid. He'd make the perfect tool for battering the machine to bits.
"You mean something like that gramophone?" Spiritwind pointed to the record player at the base of the tower.
"Behold the source of evil." Hugo wanted to kick it really hard.
"So why don't we record a disk that contains the very antithesis of apathy?" Brick couldn't help but spill useful thoughts.
"An entirely feasible proposal, but we would need to find a being for who the idea of pointless is beyond comprehension. Who fails to grasp indifference because everything is a worthwhile action no matter how large or small. A mind that embodies the spirit of positive thought, a soul......"
Everyone had already pointed their faces at Bobby. The joyful soul was lost in his personal world of pondering. It took Hugo a moment to catch up but eventually he did. ".....I'll set up the gramophone." Hugo pulled the record player backwards. He removed the current disc and snapped it with all the venom he'd been building up inside. A stack of fresh discs sat nearby. Placing one onto the turntable Hugo flicked the button from play to record, placed the needle on the vinyl and raised an enormous thumb to let Spiritwind know he was ready.
"You know Bobby. Sometimes I can't be bothered." Spiritwind stepped back.
"Ah, Mr Spiritwind, I suppose we all feel what we feel, but I cannot profess to share such a sentiment. There is so much life and vibrancy to savour, so much emotion to feel, people to share the wonder with, things to see, time just to enjoy every breath we breathe; each one a unique experience never to be repeated." Bobby took in a deep breath and closed his eyes, focusing on each particle as it became one with his body, and for that single moment sat as the very basis of his continuing existence.
"Too often we forget that life is its own purpose. We search for meaning within nature and existence, leaning our hopes and dreams on the most insignificant of occurrences, reaching out for symbols of explanation. Why? How? What for? Curiosity has taken us far and I commend it so, but sometimes it blocks the truth: that life just is. To be a part of something so beautiful, yet so functional, as nature should be enough to stir awe within even the simplest of souls for countless lifetimes, yet we are too concerned with problems of our own making to see what sits right in front of our eyes. If you cannot be bothered young Spiritwind then you are not seeing the world as it truly is, for it overflows with intrigue and entertainment that needs little effort to discover." Bobby toyed with his amulet while speaking, growing mesmerised by its changing light.
"I've never been told off so eloquently." Spiritwind had been hit with a philosophical hammer blow. Bobby continued.
"I've sat in the same fields back home for more Jarrars (six hours) than could ever be counted, yet every day I find something new, something unseen on every previous visit. The ability to find freshness where others see stagnation is the greatest weapon our mind possesses in the battle of buoyant spirits over sullen natures. Life is not the constant high we hope it to be, and excitement doesn't lie around every corner. Entertainment comes from within, and the mind is the greatest tool for such ends when used correctly. We sit and wait for stimulation to discover us when it is a mere thought away if we allow it to be." Bobby returned his focus to the amulet.
"I've watched millions of sunbeams emerge yet every time it is a joy to behold. I'm overwhelmed by the privilege of seeing its first curious foray into the vastness of all that is, a beam containing the very power of life at its core. To watch a few simple photons emerge from the purest soil, unsure of where they are or their purpose, but not afraid. The naivety within makes them shine all the brighter, determined to illuminate the darkness that we allow into every corner of our lives. They know nothing of 'not bothered', and with an entire universe to explore who can blame them?" Bobby wound up to a crescendo. "Once unleashed their path is true and endless in their quest for that which lies ahead,
never bending for any obstacle they encounter, true to their goal and spirit. Watch as this one tiny beam will illuminate the entire room."
"He's going to use the amulet to save the universe." Brick awaited the realisation of his prophecy and the ensuing gloat to his friend.
"I'm not sure the amulet is actually saving the universe." Spiritwind took the legal route.
"It's playing a big enough part to justify my smugness."
"Maybe mildly pleased."
The debate was ended by Bobby removing the cap and twisting the end of the amulet to its widest setting. The horn of the gramophone took a direct hit at full intensity, the rest of the room taking the same warmth and glow on board.
The light it created felt undeniably powerful, far beyond the usual sixty watts, although its soothing nature belied its strength. The gentle heat eliminated all ill will the room had held, the corners becoming no more sinister than a pile of sleeping kittens resting on daisies. Even the dust that had previously threatened danced playfully in the light.
The gathering of heroes sighed a relief of a thousand concerns escaping. Reality and its problems brushed aside and replaced by the suggestion their dreams were a mere sniff away. Spiritwind pulled out an ice cream and wished he'd brought his deckchair after all.
Time passed, immeasurable through the distortion of pleasure, before Bobby replaced the cap and returned the room to its previous light setting. It took a moment for everyone to snap back. Hugo became the first to reanimate.
"I think that should do it." Switching the record button to play, Hugo wheeled the gramophone back into place, set the needle and waited. Several minutes passed while everyone awaited an explosion or some other such symbolic action.
"It's worked on him." Dandara had been watching the golden screen of Dave Normal. From hiding beneath the covers he'd sat bolt upright, checked the clock, had a stretch, did a meagre amount of poor sit ups, and headed to the bathroom.
"Is that conclusive proof? Grape anyone?" Spiritwind had two questions.
"If I remember rightly...." Hugo had more to share.
"Isn't that usually the case?" Brick couldn't resist a little mockery.
"Well I'm not one to brag but it has been said by others. You must be a real fan to know such things. Here." Hugo whipped out a signed photo from beneath the lycra. Brick held the image carefully between two fingers before passing it to Bettina. Her enthusiasm for the object was clear.
"As I was saying, wherever emotions gather there has to be a centre. An amalgamation of all those feelings averaged out and mapped on to one poor individual. Every room, house, street, district, city, county, planet, solar system, galaxy and even the universe itself has such a thing." Everybody except Hugo could see the list had gone beyond exhaustive. "The Machine of Emotional Alignment is programmed to find that person within the area you are working and display them upon a screen of splendour. I propose this man is that centre. We should honour his sacrifice." Hugo closed his eyes, clenched his fist, and buried his head deep into his chest. Nobody joined him.
"So if his apathy levels are decreasing then that would suggest the universe's are too. And we've saved all that is." Spiritwind simplified Hugo's speech. "Again." The bald man recounted the fact they'd already saved the universe once by beating Sid.
"It seems our job here is done." Hugo repeated Spiritwind's sentiment, only in a professional hero fashion. "I must call my ship and alert it to my location upon this planet of devilry. Whilst on my cufflink I can inform the Hero Council of our success. If we're all agreed? Good." Hugo twitched into a stance as stable as the boldest bridge.
"So that's it?" Brick had expected more.
"Indeed. The universe is safe once more." Hugo couldn't help himself, which was a real shame, and flicked his hair to the left. The others spoke between themselves. Hugo had become a pantomime aside, prancing around behind them. Even Bettina began to see the emptiness behind the suit.
"That's nearly as big an anticlimax as it was saving the Earth. I thought there'd at least be a self destruct mechanism we'd have to flee from. Timer running down, ceilings and floors collapsing, I realise ceilings and floors are the same thing only from different perspectives by the way, gaps of leap-able but impressive dimensions, but nothing." Brick imagined jumping around the corridors, attacked by varying sizes of debris.
"We could pretend if you want?" Bettina adopted a running stance.
"I'm not sure it would be the same. Plus I'd rather not run if at all necessary. Thanks for the offer though."
"Maybe a grape would cheer you up?" Spiritwind still had half a bag left.
"How? Is it going to tell me a joke?"
"This is Hugo Cortizone calling Velos 19." Hugo's voice dominated the room. A thud was followed by speech.
"Oooh Sylvia's fainted. Is there a first-aider in? I'll take this call for her if you ring for one. Good darnum, hero. My name's Envelope and I'll be taking your call today. I must warn you our bold conversation may be recorded for the purpose of training and for any legal disputes which we may wish to win, which we will."
"This is Hugo Cortizone."
"Mr Cortizone? Is that really you?" The giddiness was clear even through the miniscule speaker in Hugo's cufflink.
"Loud and clear son."
"Hee hee." Nerves got the better of Envelope. "We've been concerned sir. It's been at least a granule (a week) since you've registered saving a planet, rare for a man of your powers."
"Your concern warms my heart but the worry was in vain. I can only apologise for the wasted energy." Hugo was glad to see he still had the power to excite strangers. The three team's reaction to him had caused him some doubt. "I'm calling to break news of a wider success. Tell the universe it is safe once more. We've captured the evil monstrosity that had challenged our way of life and neutralised his plan. We need a team to come and secure the planet. I'll await their arrival while my companions deliver the body of the scoundrel."
"You've saved the universe! That's marvellous news."
"Not me, us." Hugo winked in a manner assuring he'd sort the confusion.
"HEY EVERYONE, HUGO CORTZONE'S SAVED THE UNIVERSE." The operator shouted the news to the call centre he sat in. The room whooped back as one.
"It was a team effort. Others need thanks too." Hugo's efforts at credit parity were mild at best.
"The security team's on its way. The party to welcome you back has already started."
"And my buddies?"
"Bring whoever you want. It's your party." A final whoop ended the communication.
"Those call centre guys." The smirk didn't convince anybody Hugo would be making a real effort to share the praise. "Could I just ask one favour before we set off on our separate journeys?"
"Does it involve you and me in a room with nothing but time to kill?" Bettina abandoned subtle flirting and went all out.
"I'm flattered to the core ma'am but not quite. Should anyone ask about this mission could you miss out the part where you found me having a picnic with a henchman disguised as a maiden? Could we just say we met in a corridor after both stumbling upon The Underground Tower of Crizal?"
"Let's just say once we get those grade five hero cards we're owed all will be forgotten." Dandara knew a bargaining point when she saw one.
"You're a fine lady Dandara Foxley. I'm just glad you're on my side."
"I'm with her. Not with her of course, but I can be with you." Bettina scrambled for even the slightest recognition. All she got was in the way of Hugo's concerned stare into the distance. .
"What is your problem when faced with muscle bound hunks?" Dandara had no time for her partners swooning behaviour.
"I'm not all about physical perfection." Bettina returned her scorned attention to Spiritwind. Initially wondering if what she'd said was a compliment or not the bald man felt cheap. He was clearly the back up after her lust had been spurned. The cheap sensation quickly passed as he realised he may still get a kiss out of it.
"Who wi
ll take the honour of carrying home the defeated foe?" Hugo held Sid in the air by the ankle. "You look like a strong couple of guys." Hugo plonked Sid across the shoulders of The Magwanvu. They all flinched in surprise. "I wish you well friends. See you all at the celebration." Nobody had moved making Hugo's wave look completely out of place.
"Is someone going?" Brick tried to understand.
"Us it would appear." Spiritwind checked his pocket out of habit and began walking away. The group took the hint and followed.
Jam walked at the back. Spotting Sid hanging on The Magwanvu he posed a question to the triplicate being. "Who's the guy in the suit? Is he a new member of the team?"
"This is the guy that was trying to take over the universe."
"Then shouldn't we stop him rather than helping him get away?"
"We have stopped him. Tut." One part of The Magwanvu felt it was pointless wasting their breath explaining.
"Oh good. So the universe is safe?" Jam had a quick celebration swig of his flask.
"Of this one attempted takeover yes, but you can be sure there are others waiting for their chance. Why can't you just say yes? Because he deserves to know. He'll have forgotten in a minute. That doesn't change the fact he deserves to know. You're lame. Who's lame? Him. Oh. Can we not, please? It's alright for you, you haven't just been called lame. Actually I was talking about him. Why are you calling me lame? I thought you weren't getting into this? I'm not. You just have......"
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