The wall dragon bared its teeth. “Fear.”
“I am sufficiently scared now,” I squeaked, taking a step back.
“Oh,” the cliff dragon said as it stood on all four legs. “That’s right. It makes the meat sweeter too.”
“I’m going to be honest,” I said as I reached for Randall. My hand curled into the front of his robes. “My meat is probably really sweet right now. Which is not something I ever expected to say to dragons in an ice cave, so yay! New experiences and all. Hey, Randall?”
“Sam.”
“I have a new idea.”
“Do you?”
“Yeah.”
The dragons hissed.
“It can’t be any worse than the last one.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Ready?”
“As I will ever be.”
“Okay. Here it is.”
The wall dragon’s leg muscles coiled like it was ready to pounce.
“Run.”
I jerked Randall by the robe as the wall dragon leaped at us. Its mouth was open wide, row after row of razor-sharp teeth flying toward us. Randall stumbled behind me, tripping me as he fell onto my back. I was knocked forward to my knees, sliding along the ice. My pack hit the ground and bounced away.
It was probably the only thing that saved us. As soon as we hit the ground, the dragon flew over us, jaw snapping, missing us by inches. The underbelly of the dragon wasn’t feathered but instead consisted of soft-looking white flesh. Its tail was long and had white and blue feathers across the top. The tip ended in a large plume that seemed iridescent in the failing light.
It roared in anger as it flew over us, and even before it got the chance to turn back around, I was pulling Randall to his feet and reaching down to grab my pack.
“I hope you’re into running,” I snapped at Randall, shoving him back toward the way we’d come. “Because we really need to do a lot of it right now.”
And apparently he was, because he took off more quickly than I would have expected. I glanced back over my shoulder again to see the wall dragon’s wings spread wide, feathers rippling as it slowed and twisted back around toward us. The cliff dragon’s wings were spread too as it prepared to take flight.
“You leave my sweetmeats alone!” I shouted back at them before I took off after Randall. It was not an exit line I was proud of.
The dragons roared behind us, and I heard the flapping of wings.
I didn’t look back.
Randall was waiting for me at the entrance to the dragons’ lair, eyes wide as he saw whatever the dragons were doing behind me. I figured that since I’d never seen that look on his face before, it probably wasn’t a good thing. I ran past him, intent on pulling him along with me, but he knocked my hands away before I could curl my fists into his robes.
“What are you—” I started.
But his hands were twitching at his sides, and I felt the rush of magic around me, like it was getting sucked out of the air. Sometimes I forgot just how powerful Randall could be, and it was reminders like this that showed he was not a man to be trifled with.
The ice cracked beneath our feet, the floor shaking. The dragons were hurtling toward us, wings folded against their sides. They were almost to us, and I—
The ice rose from the ground, great columns that shot up toward the ceiling. One of the dragons snarled angrily before the entrance to the lair was covered in a wall of thick ice. The shadows of the dragons slid along the ice as their wings snapped open, stopping them from smashing into the wall.
“Holy shit,” I breathed. “That was awesome.”
Randall rolled his eyes. “I can do magic, Sam. Just because I’m old doesn’t mean I don’t know how to kick some ass.”
“Dude,” I said. “I am telling everyone you just said kick some ass. That’s just fucking gnarly. Old people rock.”
He mumbled something threatening toward my person, but I saw right through it.
But before I could call him on it, there came a faint orange glow from the other side of the wall. It was quickly joined by a second one, and it refracted against the ice wall beautifully, like ripples along the surface of a lake.
“What is that?” I asked, raising my hand to touch the ice. “It looks almost like… like—”
Randall’s eyes were wide. “Like fire.”
“Sweet molasses,” I managed to say.
The orange lights erupted. Great plumes of fire smashed into the ice wall, and it cracked down the middle. I could feel the heat of the flames through the wall and watched in horror as a lick of fire curled through the crack. The ice began to split even more, and Randall grabbed my hand, jerking me toward the cave entrance.
The heat at our backs grew exponentially as we ran. I looked back over my shoulder in time to see the ice wall shatter, steam rising as fire shot through, melting the chunks of ice that tumbled to the ground. The dragons both tried to fit through the small opening at the same time, but the remains of the wall held, though it creaked dangerously. Two sets of claws reached out, scraping along the ice, scrabbling for purchase.
I ran, following Randall, his robes flowing with every step he took. He was light and quick, and I almost had a hard time keeping up, my feet sliding along the ice, the weight of my pack throwing me off-balance. I gave brief thought to tossing it aside, but Ryan’s letter was rolled up safely inside, and I couldn’t bear to part with it. I shouldn’t have brought it to begin with, but I hadn’t known how long I was going to be gone for. If I tossed it now, the dragons might destroy it. I couldn’t have that.
The fact that these dragons were assholes shouldn’t have surprised me.
They were testing me.
Just like Zero had.
Just like Kevin had.
The fact that neither Zero nor Kevin had exactly known they were testing me didn’t matter. Zero was a child. He’d said he thought we were playing. Kevin was just… Kevin. He was a douchebag who had wanted to hoard pretty things.
These two, though.
They knew what they were doing.
Maybe they did want to eat me.
Maybe they didn’t give two shits about a destiny of dragons.
Maybe they didn’t care what the star dragon said.
And that made me run even faster.
From behind me, in the distance, I heard the remains of the ice wall crumble.
The dragons roared, louder than they’d been before.
WIZARD
WE ARE COMING, WIZARD
WE FEEL YOU
WE SEE YOU
WE TASTE YOU
“Go fuck yourselves!” I screamed back.
They laughed in my head, grating and harsh.
The path in the cave twisted sharply ahead, and I couldn’t slow in time. My feet slid along the ice, and I crashed into the wall, bouncing off it with a jarring impact. Something in my shoulder snapped wetly, and I cried out as the pain rolled through me. My stomach lurched as my vision grayed.
“We must hurry,” a voice said in my ear, hands coming to my good arm.
“Shit,” I muttered. “Fucking hurt my shoulder.”
“I know. It might be dislocated. Fight through it. We have to go. Now.”
And with no other choice, I followed him.
There was a faint light ahead of us after we rounded the curve. The air was getting colder, and I inhaled deeply, the bite of it clearing my head. I held my arm against my chest, my shoulder on fire. All that mattered was getting to the light. I focused on that and Randall beside me. I told myself that Ryan would kick my ass if I died in this cave, that Gary and Tiggy would desecrate my grave in anger, that Kevin would deliver a sexually charged eulogy about his stepson who had died before he could fuck him. Since all that sounded terrible, I ran as fast as I was able, suddenly very, very tired of dragons and destinies. If I survived this, if I lived through everything that was to come, I was going to give the star dragon a piece of my mind the next time I saw him.
Dragons sucked. I could
n’t believe I used to be so enchanted by them.
Fuck them. Fuck them all.
The two behind us were pulling their way through the cave, if the sound of claws on ice gave any indication. Snow began to swirl around us, carried into the cave by a brisk wind. I could see the plateau ahead of us, and I—
The only warning I had was the whisper of wings before claws curled into my pack, lifting me off the ground. I cried out as the strap dug into my right shoulder, the flare of pain bursting across my body. My feet left the ground, and only a second later, we burst onto the plateau, the snow falling heavier than it’d been when we’d gone into the cave. It stung my cheeks as I struggled against the straps, trying to get myself loose.
My injured shoulder slid free, the pain making me dizzy and nauseous as my arm flopped uselessly at my side. I started to fall, and I reached up with my good arm and snagged the bottom of the pack, holding on as the dragon flew low across the plateau. I couldn’t see what was happening with Randall and the other dragon, but I didn’t have time to think about that now. I had to believe that he was fine, that they wouldn’t hurt him.
But they apparently had no problems trying to hurt me, as the dragon flew toward the edge of the plateau, where the small footpath wound up the side of the mountain on a sheer rock face.
I really, really didn’t want to fall to my death.
But I really, really didn’t want to let it take my pack either.
Magic didn’t affect dragons. Not like it did most other creatures. Their blood was magic, and it acted as a counter to almost anything one could throw at it.
But Kevin had been hurt, hadn’t he? That ragged hole in the wing had shown that. Maybe it’d been a lucky shot. Maybe he had already been weakened in that exact spot.
Or maybe dragon wings were the thinnest part of the dragon, skin stretched out until it was almost translucent, the membranes thin.
I didn’t want to hurt it.
But apparently being an adorable twink wasn’t enough for these lesbians.
Which. You know.
Rude.
The ground rose beneath me, cresting on a small incline as the dragon flew toward the edge of the plateau.
Now or never.
There was green. And there was gold.
It felt good.
It felt like home.
The air around me felt ozone sharp, like a storm was approaching.
The scars on my chest burned.
But before I could call the lightning out to do something that would look totally cool and make Randall say, “Gosh, Sam, you are the best wizard I’ve ever seen,” the dragon curled its head down until it was right in front of me, staring at me upside down while it flew forward. I could feel the heat from its nostrils on my legs.
“What are you doing?” it (she) asked me, the feathers around her head snapping back and forth.
I improvised. “You have something in your eye.” Then I used my legs to rock my body back before swinging forward and kicking the dragon right in her bright blue eye.
“Ow!” she shrieked, and her grip slipped. The pack slid from her claws, and I held on to it as I fell toward the ground. I twisted my body to avoid landing on my bad shoulder. I had a bit of luck on my side, as I landed on a snowdrift that wasn’t hiding a jagged rock that would have broken my fall (and my back). I hit the snow and slid through it, losing my pack in the process.
“Why would you do that?” the dragon shouted at me as she flew up above me, flapping her wings and rubbing her eye. “That was completely uncalled for!”
I pushed myself up from the snow, grinding my teeth against the pain in my shoulder. My pack had broken open, strewing the contents along a small section of the plateau. I heard the crunching of snow and saw Randall running toward me, the other dragon chasing after him. But instead of descending upon him, it went for its mate. It was the smaller of the two. I thought it was the cliff dragon, and the one that had carried me out had been the wall dragon.
They were remarkably similar in their coloring. Their underbellies and sides were white and feather-free, soft and smooth. They had crowns of feathers. The bigger dragon’s crown was a deep blue, the feathers long and thin. The smaller dragon’s crown was mostly white, the tips looking as if they had been dipped in blue ink. Their wingspan was large, and instead of membranes like Kevin and Zero, they were completely covered in feathers. But these feathers looked stiff and unyielding, almost like they were hardened. A row of sky-colored feathers ran down each of their backs, ending at the enormous plumage on their tails.
They were amazingly beautiful creatures.
Who were also trying to kill us.
Maybe.
“What did he do?” the cliff dragon demanded as it hovered near its (her) mate. “Why are you rubbing your eye like that?”
“He kicked me!” the wall dragon snarled. “With his foot.”
“Oh my,” the cliff dragon said. “Are you blind now?”
“No, I’m not blind.”
“Oh. Then why are you making such a big deal out of this? His foot is tiny.”
“Hey! My feet are normal size! In fact, they might even be bigger than normal. Everyone says so!”
“Maybe not try and instigate,” Randall muttered as he knelt beside me. “You’ll only make things worse.”
“I have big feet,” I told him, just in case he was wondering.
“It doesn’t matter if it was little or not,” the wall dragon said. “It still went into my eye. Do you know what that feels like?”
“Yes, yes,” the cliff dragon said. “It hurts. Who knew that my big, wonderful huntress could be brought down by the foot of a wizard. Certainly a story for the ages.”
“You’re not funny,” the wall dragon said, growling just a little as she continued to rub her eye. “And it was just a lucky shot.”
“Excuse you, lucky shot,” I snapped as Randall helped me to my feet. “You wanna put your face down here again and see what happens? You’ve still got another eye I can take care of for you.”
“My word,” the cliff dragon said, staring down at me. “You certainly are a violent little creature, aren’t you?”
“Damn right! I’m hard-core! Come at me, lady-bro!”
“Six hundred years of life for this,” Randall sighed.
“Well,” the cliff dragon said to her mate. “As soon as you’ve sufficiently recovered from what I am assuming is a life-changing injury, perhaps we can continue on with the plan?”
“Life-changing,” the wall dragon snapped. “Nice. Please, continue to mock me when I could have possibly been blinded. It’s not my fault he’s a wily little bastard.”
“I’m wily,” I whispered to Randall. “That means hard-core.”
“That’s not even remotely close to what it means,” Randall said. “Now if you don’t mind, maybe we can stop chatting and get out of here?”
“Oh, you can’t leave!” the cliff dragon said. “We have a plan.”
“I’m changing the plan,” the wall dragon said. “I feel like I should be able to take his foot as recompense for his trespasses against me.”
“That certainly seems fair,” the cliff dragon said. She looked down at me. “Be a dear, would you? Let her have your foot. It’d make things easier.”
“No, thank you,” I said. “In case you couldn’t tell, I’m kind of attached to it.” Then I snorted and elbowed Randall. “Get it? I’m attached to—”
A gust of wind blew around our feet. Off to my right, I heard the sound of something flapping, like clothing or the pack or—
I looked over to my belongings.
A square wooden object lay propped in the snow.
Atop it, white fabric snapped back and forth in the wind.
A sail.
“Holy shit,” I breathed. “I just had the best idea ever. Or the worst. Maybe both at the same time.”
The cliff dragon continued to fuss over the wall dragon above us. I began to edge my way over to the pack. “C
ome on,” I hissed at Randall. “I know what to do.”
He moved slowly, never taking his eyes off the dragons. “You said the same thing before we came here, and look where we are now.”
I ignored him, bending down slowly to start shoving my possessions back into the pack. Ryan’s letter and his autograph from long ago were still tucked inside. I sighed in relief at the sight of them. I’d been sure they’d been lost in the snow.
Randall helped me gather everything up, and when he reached for the wooden device, I shook my head once.
He frowned at me, looking back down at it.
As of now, it looked like nothing, just a folded piece of wood with fabric draped over the top of it. But I knew what it was.
A sand sailboard belonging to the Wolf of Bari Lavuta.
Ruv, my wannabe cornerstone.
A gift, though I didn’t understand why.
I thought it precious, but he’d slipped it into my pack before we’d left Mashallaha.
Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all.
And if this worked, if we lived through the crazy that was going through my head, I’d have to thank him one day.
“When I say, you need to run toward the cliff edge,” I said in a low voice to Randall. “You stay behind me. Get my bag. Leave the other thing to me. And when we get to the edge, you jump when I say jump.”
Randall stared at me with wide eyes. “You want me to what?”
“I’m serious.”
“I know. That’s why I think you’re out of your mind.”
“Randall,” I growled. “Do you trust me?”
He opened his mouth, closed it. Then again. He sighed. “Gods help me, but yes. I do.”
That shouldn’t have made me as happy as it did. But for some reason, knowing that the man whose nose I’d once turned into a penis trusted me made me want to crow just a little bit.
I’d have to save that for later.
I looked back up at the dragons. The cliff dragon had the wall dragon’s face in her claws, cooing softly at her, telling her that she was the biggest and the bravest and the strongest huntress that had ever existed.
“Aww,” I said. Then, “Run.”
Randall ran, hoisting my pack onto his back. I was at his side, and the dragons roared behind us as we moved. Without slowing, I reached down with my good arm and scooped up the sand sailboard. It was heavy, the pieces of it clacking together as I clutched it under my arm.