Ranger jumped back up on the bed and laid his head on my side. With a trembling hand, I scratched behind his ears. Linc moved around the bed and handed over a small trashcan. “In case you have to puke again before I get back. Want something to drink? Shane picked up some ginger ale and some Gatorade earlier this morning before he went for his run.”
“Can I have a strawberry milkshake?” I was dying for one.
“After just puking?” He lifted a brow at me. “You sure you’re okay, Harp?”
“I’ll live.” I yawned and pulled Ranger’s head off my side to lie on the pillow beside me. “Can you make me the shake?”
“If it’s what you want, you got it.”
“Thanks, Linc.” My eyes were already feeling heavy again so I buried my face into the pillow. “Love you.”
“Love you too, Harp.” The light clicked off and he quietly shut the door behind him, but I was already falling back to sleep.
The next time I opened my eyes was to find Shane lying next to me in bed. My head was tucked under his chin, and his arms were wrapped around me as he rubbed soothing circles on my lower back. He was softly humming a newer Demon’s Wings song that he knew I loved, but I didn’t think he realized he was even doing it. When I lifted my head he was staring off into space, as if deep in thought.
In the fading light coming from the open blinds, I saw that his face was pale and he was frowning so hard I wondered if the lines on his forehead would freeze in place. A deep snore that came from the end of the bed told me that Ranger was still with us and I found myself smiling despite feeling like hell. In that moment I was scared out of my mind because I had no idea what was going to fall into my lap next; but, I was so happy that it didn’t matter.
“How was your run?” I asked to break the silence.
“It helped clear my head,” he assured me and pressed his lips to the top of my head. “How are you feeling? Linc said you woke up sick.”
“I’m still nauseous.” I cuddled against him, burying my face in his delicious-smelling shirt. “I asked him for a milkshake, but I must have fallen back to sleep.”
“He made up a whole batch of it. All I have to do is add some ice and blend it up for you.”
My stomach grumbled and my tongue actually tingled from needing to taste the sweetness of the strawberries. “Do you care to make me a glass?”
“No, I’ll go do it now.” He started to get up but then stopped and tightened his arms around my waist. Shane rolled me onto my back and kissed me long and hard before finally raising his head. “When I get back, I have to talk to you about something.”
My eyes widened when I saw how tight his face was drawn. I lifted a hand and traced over the deep frown lines still on his forehead. “Whatever it is, everything will be okay.”
“Fuck, beautiful. I hope so.” He brushed a softer kiss over my lips and then got up. “I love you.”
I smiled up at him. “I love you more.”
His face softened, but just a little. “I love you most,” he vowed as he shut the door behind him.
I reached for my phone and quickly pulled up my text messages. His name was at the top and I quickly opened our conversation. I love you the mostest.
I heard his phone chime with the text and then his deep chuckle seconds before I got a return message.
Rolling my eyes at the message, I dropped my hand still holding the phone and smiled up at the ceiling. How was it possible to be this miserable yet be so happy that I felt like I would burst with it? Unconsciously, my hand went straight to my stomach and I rubbed my fingertips over the spot where the ultrasound had shown me our baby was growing.
It was too soon to feel the baby, but I closed my eyes and imagined it growing stronger with each passing minute.
Shane returned quickly with a tall glass full of thick, creamy strawberry milkshake. My stomach growled hungrily and I sat up to take the glass from him. The first sip from the straw he’d put in the glass was like nirvana on my tongue and I couldn’t keep from moaning in appreciation.
“That good?”
“Better.” I took another swallow and then paused to make sure my stomach wouldn’t instantly protest being invaded. When everything seemed to stay calm I took another drink and leaned back against the headboard with a relieved sigh. “Can we keep Linc forever?”
Shane grinned. “We can try, beautiful.”
“It sucks not telling him.” I traced my finger over the growing condensation on my glass. “I want to make him the godfather.”
“Okay. He deserves it.” He sat down beside me on the bed and moved closer before turning on the lamp on his nightstand. At the foot of the bed, Ranger’s head snapped up but quickly dropped back again when he saw Shane.
“So what did you want to talk about?” I took another sip of the shake before putting it on my own nightstand. “You made it sound serious.”
He was quiet for a long moment and I turned my full attention on him. The look on his face worried me. His eyes were narrowed, his face pale, his lips pressed together in a way that made me wonder if he was trying to find the right words. What was going on with him?
“Shane?” I touched my fingers to his jaw and he closed his eyes, savoring the contact.
“I should have told you sooner, but you’ve been so sick.” He blew out a long breath and squared his shoulders. “The stalker sent me some mail a few days after Todd died.”
A coldness filled my chest that had nothing to do with the milkshake. I dropped my hand and turned to face Shane better. “What was it?”
“It was a letter addressed to you and didn’t have a return address. Like we’d be lucky enough to get that much out of her.” He clenched his jaw. “The letter had a picture with it.”
Suddenly the milkshake wasn’t feeling so steady on my stomach, but I swallowed down the rising nausea. “Like the last time?”
“No.” His voice was low, nearly a whisper, and he lowered his eyes to glare at the comforter. “No, beautiful. It wasn’t like the last time. It was… The picture was like the one the nurse gave you at the hospital. Only old and wrinkled.”
“What?” It took me a moment to realize what he meant and when it hit me, my heart turned to lead. “It was an ultrasound picture?”
“Part of one, at least. The bitch cut off the top part that had her information on it and even where it had been taken. But there was a date on it and there was a little blob that Emmie identified as a baby for me.” He shook his head and lifted his eyes to meet mine. Whatever he saw in my face had him paling even more.
I wanted to tell him it was going to be okay again, but everything inside of me suddenly felt like I’d been turned upside down and nothing had fallen where it should have. My hands went to my stomach, holding on to the baby.
Our baby.
“Wh-what did the letter…say?” I whispered, dropping my eyes so he wouldn’t have to see the pain in them.
Again he remained quiet, but I could feel the tension practically rolling off him. He opened the drawer of his nightstand and pulled something out. I didn’t look up until a crumpled piece of paper landed on my lap. It looked like it had been balled up more than once so I had to smooth it out with fingers that shook as I opened it up.
I read over the words three different times before they began to make sense to my brain, which was trying its damnedest to block it all out.
Harper,
I’m surprised you stuck around after the pictures I sent last time, so maybe this one will be more effective. I can give him what you can’t. See? I’m more woman than you will ever hope to be. I had an abortion when Emmie broke us up, but I could easily give him another one. You aren’t what Shane wants, nor are you what he needs. He loves me and the only reason he’s with you is because he feels sorry for you. If I cocked my finger right now he would come back to me in a flash.
Remember that.
“Broke you up?” That didn’t make sense to me.
“I thought you never dated anyone until we got together.”
“That’s the truth, beautiful. Everyone else is a faceless blur in my head. No one mattered enough to last more than a few nights. No one.” He caught my hand and lifted it to his mouth. He pressed kiss after kiss to my palm, as if begging me to believe him. “She’s insane because there was no one before you. No one.”
I barely felt the kisses as I lifted the partial ultrasound to take a better look at it. Like my own baby’s first picture, it was barely a speck on the worn, old paper, but my eyes could make out exactly what it was. A baby. Was it true? Had this little innocent baby belonged to Shane?
Had he fathered another kid with someone else? The pain of just that thought cut through my heart, making me hurt in a way I’d never hurt before.
And she’d aborted it?
How could she do such a thing? If she was so fucked up over Shane now, why would she get rid of something that would have been her key to holding on to him?
Shane’s baby was the one thing I’d always wanted just as much as I’d wanted him. Now that I had our child growing inside me, the thought of any other child of his being aborted was like a stab to the stomach. He could have had a precious baby to hold on to.
Would it have been a boy or a girl? Would it have looked like its father?
Would it have had a room down the hall that was used on the weekends and holidays, or would we have had full custody?
All those thoughts filled my head. Not ones of not ending up with Shane, but of what our life would have been like if there had been another baby. One that wasn’t my own, but whom I would have loved as if it were. If this baby had had the chance to live—if it was really Shane’s—I would have treated it as if I’d given birth to it myself. I loved Shane enough to have accepted any child he might have had before he’d met me.
“Say something,” Shane commanded in a choked voice, the fear blatant in his blue-gray eyes. “Please, beautiful. Say something. Anything.”
“I’m sorry that she aborted it,” I told him, pulling my hand free so I could wrap it around him. I pulled him close and buried my face in his neck. “I’m so sorry she did that to you.”
“What?” He pulled back to look down at me, his eyes seeming hungry for the sight of my face.
“I’m sorry. She’s a monster for aborting your child like that, Shane.”
Blue-gray eyes widened. “That’s… How can you say that, Harper? I thought this would destroy you,” he muttered, almost as if he were talking to himself.
I shrugged and told him the truth. “Maybe it would have if I hadn’t gotten pregnant. But now that I am, I don’t care that she was pregnant. It doesn’t matter to me. I’m just sorry she took your baby away like that. If this is the truth.” It could just as easily be a lie, after all.
That stupid bitch was trying to get in my head, trying to turn me against Shane. If I were honest with myself, I would admit that she might have done just that a week ago. Now…
Nothing could.
“You’re an incredible person, Harper Stevenson. I fall deeper and deeper in love with you every damn day.” Shane leaned back against the headboard and pulled my head down to rest on his chest. “Not many people would have had that same reaction.”
“That baby would have been part of your past, Shane. Haven’t I shown you by now that I don’t care about your past?” It might sting a little every now and then, but mostly I didn’t give a damn about what he’d done before he’d met me. “All that matters is now, and our future.”
His shoulders seemed to droop with relief. The barest of laughs escaped him as he lifted his free hand to touch the skin of my stomach that was exposed from where my shirt had risen. “I know I probably haven’t shown it much, but I really am happy about our baby.”
Happy tears filled my eyes. “I know you are. And I know why you haven’t shown it, too. But as soon as we get that evil cunt out of our lives, we can celebrate the way we should have been able to.”
“I promise you we’ll throw the biggest party and tell the fucking world.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Natalie
Yay! It was appointment day.
I hadn’t thought there would ever come a time in my life when I actually looked forward to going to the doctor so that he could feel around all my lady parts, but I’d been wrong.
Going to the doctor these days meant I could actually get out of bed for longer than five seconds without Devlin losing his shit. I loved that he was so protective, but seriously, I was down to my last nerve with him and Harris. I couldn’t sneeze without them freaking out.
Of course, I couldn’t sneeze without my head feeling like it was going to explode—and worse, peeing a little. My blood pressure was ridiculously high and not even bed rest was helping that. My feet stayed swollen even though I wasn’t on them but for maybe a minute total each day. My fingers weren’t exempt either, and I couldn’t even wear my wedding ring, which ticked me off.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay with Linc and Harris taking you to the doctor today?” Devlin called from the bedroom while I finished getting dressed in our bathroom. I was so excited about being out of bed I was actually putting on makeup.
I rolled my eyes at my reflection in the mirror. “It’s fine, babe. I know you have work to do.” He was supposed to meet Axton and Liam to go over some of the new material they planned on recording in the upcoming weeks. Wroth and Marissa were in town to celebrate Thanksgiving with us all in a few days and were thankfully going to be sticking around until after Christmas. Zander was supposed to fly out two days after my due date with Annabelle and their daughter, Mieke, and I was looking forward to seeing our friend.
It felt oddly lonely without him around these days and I wanted to have a few hours to hang out with him without feeling like my head was going to explode or my heart pound out of my chest. Which was exactly how I felt right in that moment.
Devlin appeared in the doorway that connected our bathroom to our bedroom and leaned against the frame. “You look beautiful.”
I grinned up at him and blew him a kiss as I turned back to putting on my makeup. “Says the delicious piece of eye candy.”
“Call me as soon as you get out of your checkup. I’ll have my phone on, so don’t worry about interrupting us. You’re more important.”
Tossing the mascara aside, I crossed the tiled floor and wrapped my arms around his waist. “I love you.”
He lowered his head and brushed his lips over my own, not caring that I’d just put on pink gloss. Lifting his head, he pressed a quick kiss to my temple and then crouched so he was eye level with my huge stomach. “You be good in there for a little longer, Trinity. Daddy will see you soon.” He pressed a sweet kiss to my extended belly button that caused my eyes to fill with tears. He loved our little girl so much and I knew he was going to spoil her rotten as soon as she was in his arms. Straightening, he kissed me once again before pulling away. “I love you. Please, be careful today, baby.”
Dashing away the stupid tears that had spilled free, I nodded. “I will—promise.”
Once he was gone I finished getting ready and then carefully made my way downstairs to find Harris. It was hard to see where you were going when you couldn’t see your feet. Since I couldn’t get behind the steering wheel, let alone drive with my headaches, Harris was taking a day out of his fall break to drive me to my appointment. Since Linc was still staying with Harper and Shane, I’d asked him to go with us.
I might have also wanted to distract my best friend. While I’d been so busy helping Emmie with the shit storm that had followed Gabriella Moreitti’s shooting—and then slipping away for a few days to get married—Linc had been going through his own mini-drama episodes. He’d broken up with Rhett, and the poor rocker had finally given up on Linc. I couldn’t really blame Rhett. Linc had treated him like shit in their on-again, off-again romance. Rhett had gone home and Linc had returned to New York for a few weeks. He probabl
y still would have been there if Harper’s father hadn’t died and Shane had convinced him to stick around.
I found my stepson in the kitchen, already dressed and ready to go as he finished rinsing off his breakfast dishes. “Someone’s happy to be out of bed, I see.” He grinned as he skimmed those aquamarine eyes over my face and then down to my feet as if checking to make sure I had on the right shoes. With a nod of approval he opened the door that led out to the garage for me. “Dad must have kissed you before he left. Your lipstick is smeared.”
Laughing, I climbed into the passenger seat and checked to make sure my lipstick wasn’t all over my face, before fastening my seatbelt.
Nearly an hour later we stepped into my obstetrician’s office. Thankfully the place was empty except for a few other patients who were heavily pregnant, but none of them seemed to have company for their visit. That kind of made me sad. There I was with two of my favorite guys and those chicks didn’t have anyone—that I could see—with them. Silently cursing my hormones that made me feel weepy, I signed in and started to sit down, but the receptionist was quick to tell me to go on back.
Harris lifted his brows at the quick service and, grabbing my things, followed me back as a nurse appeared at the door and led us down the hall to one of the exam rooms. Linc stuck with us, and stayed with Harris while I went into the bathroom down the hall for the usual pee-in-a-cup test that was expected with every damn visit.
By the time I returned to the exam room, I was out of breath and knew my face was red because it felt hot. No sooner had I taken my place on the table, with Linc holding my hand to steady me, did the nurse return to take my temperature and blood pressure.
“Ouch. Your feet must be killing you, Mrs. Cutter,” the nurse murmured as she looked down at my feet while taking my pulse. I stuck my feet out so I could see them and saw that my feet were stretching the material of my ballet flats. Well, they wouldn’t be usable after I had the baby.