XIV
It was on one of these days that Amroth came suddenly upon me, with avery mirthful look on his face, his eyes sparkling like a man strugglingwith hidden laughter. "Come with me," he said; "you have been so dutifullately that I am alarmed for your health." Then we went out of thegarden where I was sitting, and we were suddenly in a street. I saw in amoment that it was a real street, in the suburb of an English town;there were electric trams running, and rows of small trees, and an openspace planted with shrubs, with asphalt paths and ugly seats. On theother side of the road was a row of big villas, tasteless, dreary,comfortable houses, with meaningless turrets and balconies. I could nothelp feeling that it was very dismal that men and women should live insuch places, think them neat and well-appointed, and even grow to lovethem. We went into one of these houses; it was early in the morning, anda little drizzle was falling, which made the whole place seem verycheerless. In a room with a bow-window looking on the road there werethree persons. An old man was reading a paper in an arm-chair by thefire, with his back to the light. He looked a nice old man, with hisclear skin and white hair; opposite him was an old lady in anotherchair, reading a letter. With his back to the fire stood a man of aboutthirty-five, sturdy-looking, but pale, and with an appearance of beingsomewhat overworked. He had a good face, but seemed a littleuninteresting, as if he did not feed his mind. The table had been spreadfor breakfast, and the meal was finished and partly cleared away. Theroom was ugly and the furniture was a little shabby; there was a glazedbookcase, full of dull-looking books, a sideboard, a table with writingmaterials in the window, and some engravings of royal groups andcelebrated men.
The younger man, after a moment, said, "Well, I must be off." He noddedto his father, and bent down to kiss his mother, saying, "Take care ofyourself--I shall be back in good time for tea." I had a sense that hewas using these phrases in a mechanical way, and that they werecustomary with him. Then he went out, planting his feet solidly on thecarpet, and presently the front door shut. I could not understand why wehad come to this very unemphatic party, and examined the whole roomcarefully to see what was the object of our visit. A maid came in andremoved the rest of the breakfast things, leaving the cloth still on thetable, and some of the spoons and knives, with the salt-cellars, intheir places. When she had finished and gone out, there was a silence,only broken by the crackling of the paper as the old man folded it.Presently the old lady said: "I wish Charles could get his holiday alittle sooner; he looks so tired, and he does not eat well. He doesstick so hard to his business."
"Yes, dear, he does," said the old man, "but it is just the busiesttime, and he tells me that they have had some large orders lately. Theyare doing very well, I understand."
There was another silence, and then the old lady put down her letter,and looked for a moment at a picture, representing a boy, a largephotograph a good deal faded, which hung close to her--underneath it wasa small vase of flowers on a bracket. She gave a little sigh as she didthis, and the old man looked at her over the top of his paper. "Justthink, father," she said, "that Harry would have been thirty-eight thisvery week!"
The old man made a comforting sort of little noise, half sympathetic andhalf deprecatory. "Yes, I know," said the old lady, "but I can't helpthinking about him a great deal at this time of the year. I don'tunderstand why he was taken away from us. He was always such a goodboy--he would have been just like Charles, only handsomer--he was alwayshandsomer and brighter; he had so much of your spirit! Not but whatCharles has been the best of sons to us--I don't mean that--no one couldbe better or more easy to please! But Harry had a different way withhim." Her eyes filled with tears, which she brushed away. "No," sheadded, "I won't fret about him. I daresay he is happier where he is--Iam sure he is--and thinking of his mother too, my bonny boy, perhaps."
The old man got up, put his paper down, went across to the old lady, andgave her a kiss on the brow. "There, there," he said soothingly, "we maybe sure it's all for the best;" and he stood looking down fondly at her.Amroth crossed the room and stood beside the pair, with a hand on theshoulder of each. I saw in an instant that there was an unmistakablelikeness between the three; but the contrast of the marvellousbrilliance and beauty of Amroth with the old, world-wearied,simple-minded couple was the most extraordinary thing to behold. "Yes, Ifeel better already," said the old lady, smiling; "it always does megood to say out what I am feeling, father; and then you are sure tounderstand."
The mist closed suddenly in upon the scene, and we were back in a momentin the garden with its porticoes, in the radiant, untroubled air. Amrothlooked at me with a smile that was full, half of gaiety and half oftenderness. "There," he said, "what do you think of that? If all hadgone well with me, as they say on earth, that is where I should be now,going down to the city with Charles. That is the prospect which to thedear old people seems so satisfactory compared with this! In that houseI lay ill for some weeks, and from there my body was carried out. Andthey would have kept me there if they could--and I myself did not wantto go. I was afraid. Oh, how I envied Charles going down to the cityand coming back for tea, to read the magazines aloud or play backgammon.I am afraid I was not as nice as I should have been about all that--theevenings were certainly dull!"
"But what do you feel about it now?" I said. "Don't you feel sorry forthe muddle and ignorance and pathos of it all? Can't something be doneto show everybody what a ghastly mistake it is, to get so tied down tothe earth and the things of earth?"
"A mistake?" said Amroth. "There is no such thing as a mistake. Onecannot sorrow for their grief, any more than one can sorrow for thechild who cries out in the tunnel and clasps his mother's hand. Don'tyou see that their grief and loss is the one beautiful thing in thoselives, and all that it is doing for them, drawing them hither? Why, thatis where we grow and become strong, in the hopeless suffering of love. Iam glad and content that my own stay was made so brief. I wish it couldbe shortened for the three--and yet I do not, because they will gain sowonderfully by it. They are mounting fast; it is their very ignorancethat teaches them. Not to know, not to perceive, but to be forced tobelieve in love, that is the point."
"Yes," I said, "I see that; but what about the lives that are broken andpoisoned by grief, in a stupor of pain--or the souls that do not feel itat all, except as a passing shadow--what about them?"
"Oh," said Amroth lightly, "the sadder the dream the more blessed theawakening; and as for those who cannot feel--well, it will all come tothem, as they grow older."
"Yes," I said, "it has done me good to see all this--it makes manythings plain; but can you bear to leave them thus?"
"Leave them!" said Amroth. "Who knows but that I shall be sent to helpthem away, and carry them, as I carried you, to the crystal sea ofpeace? The darling mother, I shall be there at her awakening. They areold spirits, those two, old and wise; and there is a high placeprepared for them."
"But what about Charles?" I said.
Amroth smiled. "Old Charles?" he said. "I must admit that he is not avery stirring figure at present. He is much immersed in his game offinance, and talks a great deal in his lighter moments about thecommercial prospects of the Empire and the need of retaliatory tariffs.But he will outgrow all that! He is a very loyal soul, but not veryadventurous just now. He would be sadly discomposed by an affectionwhich came in between him and his figures. He would think he wanted achange--and he will have a thorough one, the good old fellow, one ofthese days. But he has a long journey before him."
"Well," I said, "there are some surprises here! I am afraid I am veryyouthful yet."
"Yes, dear child, you are very ingenuous," said Amroth, "and that is agreat part of your charm. But we will find something for you to dobefore long! But here comes Charmides, to talk about the need ofexquisite pulsations, and their symbolism--though I see a change in himtoo. And now I must go back to business. Take care of yourself, and Iwill be back to tea." And Amroth flashed away in a very cheerful mood.