XVI
The time moved on quietly enough in the land of delight. I madeacquaintance with quite a number of the soft-voiced contented folk.Sometimes it interested me to see the change coming upon one or another,a wonder or a desire that made them sit withdrawn and abstracted, andbreaking with a sort of effort out of the dreamful mood. Then they wouldleave us, sometimes quite suddenly, sometimes with courteous adieus.New-comers, too, kept arriving, to be made pleasantly at home. I foundmyself seeing more of Cynthia. She was much with Lucius, and they seemedas gay as ever, but I saw that she was sometimes puzzled. She said to meone day as we sat together, "I wish you would tell me what this is allabout? I do not want to change it, and I am very happy, but isn't it allrather pointless? I believe you have some secret you are keeping fromme." She was sitting close beside me, like a child, resting her head onmy arm, and she took my hand in both of hers.
"No," I said, "I am keeping nothing from you, pretty child! I could notexplain to you what is in my mind, and it would spoil your pleasure if Icould. It is all right, and you will see in good time."
"I hate to be put off like that," she said. "You are not reallyinterested in me; and you do not trust me; you do not care about thethings I care about, and if you are so superior, you ought to explain tome why."
"Well," I said, "I will try to explain. Do you ever remember having beenvery happy in a place, and having been obliged to leave it, alwayshoping to return; and then when you did return, finding that, thoughnothing was changed, you were yourself changed, and could not, even ifyou would, have taken up the old life again?"
"Yes," said Cynthia, musing, "I remember that sort of thing happeningonce, about a house where I stayed as a child. It seemed so stupid anddull when I went back that I wondered how I could ever have really likedit."
"Well," I said, "it is the same sort of thing here. I am only here for atime, and though I do not know where I am going or when, I think I shallnot be here much longer."
At this Cynthia did what she had never done before--she kissed me. Thenshe said, "Don't speak of such disagreeable things. I could not get onwithout you. You are so convenient, like a comfortable old arm-chair."
"What a compliment!" I said. "But you see that you don't like myexplanation. Why trouble about it? You have plenty of time. Is Luciuslike an arm-chair, too?"
"No," she said, "he is exciting, like a new necklace--and Charmides, heis exciting too, in a way, but rather too fine for me, like aball-dress!"
"Yes," I said, "I noticed that your own taste in dress is different oflate. This is a much simpler thing than what you came in."
"Oh, yes," she said, "it doesn't seem worth while to dress up now. Ihave made my friends, and I suppose I am getting lazy."
We said little more, but she did not seem inclined to leave me, and wasmore with me for a time. I actually heard her tell Lucius once that shewas tired, at which he laughed, not very pleasantly, and went away.
But my own summons came to me so unexpectedly that I had but little timeto make my farewell.
I was sitting once in a garden-close watching a curious act proceeding,which I did not quite understand. It looked like a religious ceremony; aman in embroidered robes was being conducted by some boys in whitedresses through the long cloister, carrying something carefully wrappedup in his arms, and I heard what sounded like an antique hymn of a finestiff melody, rapidly sung.
There had been nothing quite like this before, and I suddenly becameaware that Amroth was beside me, and that he had a look of anger in hisface. "You had better not look at this," he said to me; "it might not bevery helpful, as they say."
"Am I to come with you?" I said. "That is well--but I should like to saya word to one or two of my friends here."
"No, not a word!" said Amroth quickly. He looked at me with a curiouslook, in which he seemed to be measuring my strength and courage. "Yes,that will do!" he added. "Come at once--don't be surprised--it will bedifferent from what you expect."
He took me by the arm, and we hurried from the place; one or two of thepeople who stood by looked at us in lazy wonder. We walked in silencedown a long alley, to a great gate that I had often passed in mystrolls. It was a barred iron gate, of a very stately air, with highstone gateposts. I had never been able to find my outward way to this,and there was a view from it of enchanting beauty, blue distant woodsand rolling slopes. Amroth came quickly to the gate, seemed to unlockit, and held it open for me to pass. "One word," he said with his mostbeautiful smile, his eyes flashing and kindling with some secretemotion, "whatever happens, do not be _afraid_! There is nothingwhatever to fear, only be prepared and wait." He motioned me through,and I heard him close the gate behind me.