XXVIII
Left to ourselves, Cynthia and I sat awhile in silence, hand in hand,like children, she looking anxiously at me. Our talk had broken down allpossible reserve between us; but what was strange to me was that I felt,not like a lover with any need to woo, but as though we two had longsince been wedded, and had just come to a knowledge of each other'shearts. At last we rose; and strange and bewildering as it all was, Ithink I was perhaps happier at this time than at any other time in theland of light, before or after.
And let me here say a word about these strange unions of soul that takeplace in that other land. There is there a whole range of affections,from courteous tolerance to intense passion. But there is a peculiarbond which springs up between pairs of people, not always of differentsex, in that country. My relation with Amroth had nothing of thatemotion about it. That was simply like a transcendental essence ofperfect friendship; but there was a peculiar relation, between pairs ofsouls, which seems to imply some curious duality of nature, of whichearthly passion is but a symbol. It is accompanied by an absoluteclearness of vision into the inmost soul and being of the other.Cynthia's mind was as clear to me in those days as a crystal globe mightbe which one could hold in one's hand, and my mind was as clear to her.There is a sense accompanying it almost of identity, as if the othernature was the exact and perfect complement of one's own; I can explainthis best by an image. Think of a sphere, let us say, of alabaster,broken into two pieces by a blow, and one piece put away or mislaid. Thefirst piece, let us suppose, stands in its accustomed place, and theowner often thinks in a trivial way of having it restored. One day,turning over some lumber, he finds the other piece, and wonders if itis not the lost fragment. He takes it with him, and sees on applying itthat the fractures correspond exactly, and that joined together thepieces complete the sphere.
Even so did Cynthia's soul fit into mine. But I grew to understand laterthe words of the Gospel--"they neither marry nor are given in marriage."These unions are not permanent, any more than they are really permanenton earth. On earth, owing to material considerations such as childrenand property, a marriage is looked upon as indissoluble. But this takesno account of the development of souls; and indeed many of the unions ofearth, the passion once over, do grow into a very noble and beautifulfriendship. But sometimes, even on earth, it is the other way; andpassion once extinct, two natures often realise their dissimilaritiesrather than their similarities; and this is the cause of muchunhappiness. But in the other land, two souls may develop in quitedifferent ways and at a different pace. And then this relation may alsocome quietly and simply to an end, without the least resentment orregret, and is succeeded invariably by a very tender and truefriendship, each being sweetly and serenely content with all that hasbeen given or received; and this friendship is not shaken or fretted,even if both of the lovers form new ties of close intimacy. Some naturesform many of these ties, some few, some none at all. I believe that, asa matter of fact, each nature has its counterpart at all times, but doesnot always succeed in finding it. But the union, when it comes, seems totake precedence of all other emotions and all other work. I did not knowthis at the time; but I had a sense that my work was for a time over,because it seemed quite plain to me that as yet Cynthia was not in theleast degree suited to the sort of work which I had been doing.
We walked on together for some time, in a happy silence, though quietcommunications of a blessed sort passed perpetually between us withoutany interchange of word. Our feet moved along the hillside, away fromthe crags, because I felt that Cynthia had no strength to climb them;and I wondered what our life would be.
Presently a valley opened before us, folding quietly in among the hills,full of a golden haze; and it seemed to me that our further way lay downit. It fell softly and securely into a further plain, the country beingquite unlike anything I had as yet seen--a land of high and craggymountains, the lower parts of them much overgrown with woods; the valleyitself widened out, and passed gently among the hills, with here andthere a lake. Dotted all about the mountain-bases, at the edges of thewoods, were little white houses, stone-walled and stone-tiled, withsmall gardens; and then the place seemed to become strangely familiarand homelike; and I became aware that I was coming home: the samethought occurred to Cynthia; and at last, when we turned a corner ofthe road, and saw lying a little back from the road a small house, witha garden in front of it, shaded by a group of sycamores, we dartedforwards with a cry of delight to the home that was indeed our own. Thedoor stood open as though we were certainly expected. It was thesimplest little place, just a pair of rooms very roughly and plainlyfurnished. And there we embraced with tears of joy.