God, I look so cool. I look like I’m going to win at Crufts.
No. I don’t mean Crufts, that’s the dog show. I mean the other one. The horse one.
I can start riding every day in Hyde Park, I think in a sudden burst of excitement. I’ll practice hard and get really good! Then I can come down here every weekend and ride with Suze. While I was in the shop I even filled out a form for a riding competition next month, as a little incentive.
“Tallyho!” says Luke, coming into the bedroom. “You look very dashing. Very sexy.” He raises his eyebrows. “Great boots. How long are you going to be?”
“Not that long,” I say knowledgeably. “We’re just going to go for a hack through the woods.”
“Becky…” Luke looks at me carefully. “Have you ever been on a horse in your life?”
“Yes! Of course I have!”
Once. When I was ten. And I fell off. But I probably wasn’t concentrating or something.
“Just be careful, won’t you?” he says. “I’m not quite ready to become a widower.”
“I’ll be fine!” I say, glancing at my special new “equestrian” watch with compass built in. “I’d better go!”
The horses are all kept some way from the house in a stable block, and as I approach I can hear the sounds of whinnying and hooves clattering in the stable yard.
“Hi!” says Lulu, appearing round the corner in a pair of ancient jodhpurs and a fleece jacket. “All set—” She breaks off as she sees me. “Oh my God.” She snorts with laughter. “Suze, come and look at Becky!”
“What is it?” Suze hurries round the corner and stops dead.
“Gosh, Bex,” she says. “You’re very… smart!”
I take in Suze’s filthy old jodhpurs, her muddy boots, and her battered riding hat. As I look down at my own shiny gear I suddenly feel mortified. How could I have been so stupid?
But I’m not going to act embarrassed in front of Lulu. Chin up.
“I wanted to make an effort!” I say, trying to sound light and matter-of-fact.
“What’s that?” Lulu is looking incredulously at my rosette.
“It’s a corsage. They were selling them in the riding shop,” I add pointedly.
“For the horses,” Suze says gently. “Bex, they go on the horses.”
“Oh.”
For a moment I’m a bit discomfited. But then… why shouldn’t people wear them too?
“Here we are!” Albert, who runs the horses at Suze’s parents’ place, interrupts us. He’s leading an enormous brown horse along by the reins. “We’re putting you on Ginger today. He’s pretty good-natured, aren’t you, boy?”
I freeze in horror. This? He’s expecting me to get on this monster? I was envisioning some nice little pony.
Albert hands me the reins and I take them automatically, trying not to panic. The horse takes a step forward with an enormous, heavy hoof, and I give a frightened jump out of the way. What if it steps on my foot?
“Aren’t you going to mount?” asks Lulu, swinging herself up into the saddle of a horse which is, if anything, bigger than mine.
“Of course!” I say with a nonchalant laugh.
How? How am I supposed to get up there?
“Want a leg up?” says Tarquin, who has been talking to Albert a few yards away. He comes up behind me, and before I know it, he’s hefted me right up into the saddle.
Oh my God.
I’m so high. When I look down, I feel dizzy. Suddenly Ginger takes a step sideways, and I try not to gasp in fright.
“Shall we go?” calls Suze, who is on her old black horse, Pepper, and with a clip-clop she’s off through the gate, into the field. Lulu makes a clicking sound with her tongue, swings her horse round, and follows.
Right. My turn. Go.
Go on, horse. Move.
I have no idea what to do next. Do I kick it? Experimentally I pull on one of the reins, but nothing happens.
“Gee-up,” I mutter under my breath. “Gee-up, Ginger!”
Suddenly, as though he’s noticed that his friends have gone, he starts walking forward. And it’s… OK. It’s fine. It’s just a bit more… bumpy than I’d imagined. I look ahead at Lulu, and she’s totally comfortable. In fact, she’s got her reins gathered up in one hand.
“Close the gate!” she yells to me.
Close the gate? I think in panic. How am I supposed to close the gate?
“I’ll do it,” Tarquin calls. “Have a good time!”
“OK!” I call back gaily.
Right. As long as we just keep ambling along, I’ll be OK. In fact, this could almost be fun. The sun’s shining, the breeze is ruffling the grass, and the horses are all lovely and shiny. Some people are walking along the side of the field on a footpath, and as we pass by I give them a nonchalant “Don’t I look great on my horse?” nod and twirl my riding crop. And they look really impressed!
Maybe I’ve found my natural talent. Maybe Luke and I should buy some horses and a few acres of land. We could do field events and show jumping, like Suze—
Shit. What’s going on? All of a sudden, Ginger has started jolting up and down.
OK. Don’t panic. This must be trotting.
I look at Suze and Lulu, and they’re both rising up and falling in time with their horses. I try to copy them, but all that happens is I crash painfully back onto the saddle. Ouch. God, saddles are hard. Why don’t they make them padded? If I were a horse saddle designer I’d make them really soft and comfy, with furry cushions and drinks holders, maybe, and—
“Shall we canter?” Suze calls over her shoulder. Before I can reply she’s kicked her horse, and it’s zooming away like National Velvet, closely followed by Lulu.
“We don’t have to canter, Ginger,” I say quickly to the horse. “We can just—”
Oh my Goooooood. He’s taken off after the others.
Fuck. Oh fuck. I am going to fall off. I know I am. My whole body is rigid. I’m clenching the saddle so hard it’s hurting my hands.
“Are you OK, Bex?” shouts Suze.
“Fine!” I call back, but I just want this to stop. The wind is streaming past my face. I feel ill with terror.
I’m going to die. My life is over. The only plus I can think of is it’ll sound really cool when they report it in the papers.
A KEEN HORSEWOMAN, REBECCA BRANDON (NÈE BLOOMWOOD) DIED WHILE OUT CANTERING WITH HER FRIENDS.
Oh God. I think he’s slowing down. At last. We’re trotting… we’re kind of jogging… we’re finally coming to a halt.
Somehow I manage to unclench my hands.
“Isn’t it lovely?” says Suze, turning round on Pepper. Her blond hair is streaming out from under her hat and her cheeks are flushed pink. “Shall we have a really good gallop?”
Gallop?
You have to be kidding. If Ginger takes one more step, I’ll throw up.
“Can you jump yet, Bex?” she asks. “There’s just a couple of little ones coming up. But you should be able to manage them,” she says encouragingly. “You’re really good!”
For a moment I can’t speak.
“I just need to… er… adjust my stirrup,” I manage at last. “You two go on.”
I wait until the two of them are out of sight before I slither to the ground. My legs are all shaky and I feel nauseous. I am never leaving solid ground again. Never. Why on earth would people do this for fun?
I sink down onto the grass and take off my new riding hat — which, to be honest, has been hurting my ears since I put it on. Suze and Lulu are probably miles away by now. Galloping along and talking about nappies.
“Come on,” I say to Ginger. “Let’s walk back.” I stand up and cautiously pull the reins — and to my astonishment he obediently follows.
This is more like it.
As I walk across the grass, I start to relax a bit. A horse is actually a pretty cool accessory. Who says you need to get on it? I could still go to Hyde Park every day. I could buy a really pretty horse and
just lead it around like a dog. And if any passersby asked, “Why aren’t you riding?” I’d just give them a knowing smile and say, “We’re resting today.”
We wander along for a while and at last come to an empty road. I stand for a moment, looking from left to right. In one direction, the road disappears up a hill and round a corner. In the other, I can see what seems to be quite a sweet little village, all beamed houses, and a patch of grass, and…
Ooh. Are those… shops?
Half an hour later I feel a lot better.
I’ve bought some gorgeous cheese with walnuts in it, and some gooseberry preserve, and some huge radishes, which Luke will love. And best of all, I found this amazing little shop that sells hats. Right here in this village! Apparently, the milliner is local and is practically the next Philip Treacy. I mean, not that I wear hats that often… but I’m bound to be invited to a wedding soon, or Ascot or something. And the prices were fantastic. So I bought a white one decorated with ostrich feathers and a black velvet one all covered in jewels. They’re a bit cumbersome in their hatboxes, but they were so worth it.
Ginger whinnies as I approach the lamppost where I tied him up, and stamps his foot on the ground.
“Don’t worry!” I say. “I haven’t left you out.” I bought him a bagful of Chelsea buns and some “extra sheen” shampoo for his mane. I reach in the bag and feed him one of the Chelsea buns, trying not to shudder as he slobbers on my hand.
The only slight problem now is… where am I going to put all my shopping? I can’t very easily hold all these carrier bags and lead Ginger along the road. Should I try to mount him carrying my shopping? What did people do in the olden days?
Then suddenly I notice a big buckle on one of Ginger’s saddle straps. I could easily hang a bag off that. I pick up one of the paper carriers and loop it over the buckle — and it hangs there perfectly! And now that I look properly, there are handy buckles all over Ginger’s tack. Genius!
Happily I start hanging bags from every available hook, strap, and buckle on Ginger’s tack. This is great. I never realized a horse could hold so much shopping. Last of all I tie my two hatboxes onto the side. They are so gorgeous, all pink-and-white candy stripes.
I untie Ginger and start leading him out of the village, trying to stop the hatboxes bobbing up and down too much. A couple of people gawp as we go by, but that’s OK. They’re probably just not used to strangers in these parts.
We’re just approaching the first bend when I hear a clattering sound ahead. The next moment, Suze and Lulu appear on their horses.
“There she is!” says Lulu, shading her eyes against the sun.
“Bex!” cries Suze. “We were worried! Are you OK?”
“I’m fine!” I call back. “We’ve been having a lovely time!”
As they come nearer I can see Suze and Lulu exchanging stunned glances.
“Bex… what have you done to Ginger?” says Suze, her eyes running over all the bags and boxes in disbelief.
“Nothing,” I say. “He’s fine. I just took him shopping. I got these two great hats!”
I wait for Suze to say “Let’s see them!” but she looks totally gobsmacked.
“She took a horse… shopping,” Lulu says slowly. She glances at me, then leans over and whispers something in Suze’s ear.
Suddenly Suze gives a helpless snort and claps her hand to her mouth.
I feel my face flame.
She’s laughing at me.
Somehow I never thought Suze would laugh at me.
As soon as we’re back at the house, Lulu heads off home, and Suze has to rush in and feed the twins. I’m left in the stable yard with Albert, who is a total sweetie and helps me untie all my bags and packages from Ginger’s tack.
I’m walking out when Luke approaches, in his Barbour and Wellingtons.
“So how was it?” he says cheerfully.
“It was… all right,” I say, staring at the ground. I’m waiting for Luke to ask what’s wrong, but he seems distracted.
“Becky, I’ve just had a call from Gary at the office,” he says. “We need to get going on the Arcodas Group pitch. I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to head back to town. But listen. Why don’t you stay on here for a few days?” He smiles. “I know how desperate you were to see Suze.”
And suddenly I feel a swell of emotion. He’s right. I was desperate to see Suze and I’m bloody well going to. Who cares about stupid Lulu? I’m going to have a proper chat with my best friend, right now.
I hurry into the house to find her in the kitchen, feeding both the twins at once while Ernie fights for a place on her lap.
“Suze, listen,” I say eagerly. “It’s your birthday coming up. I want to treat you to something really special. Let’s go to Milan! Just the two of us!”
“Milan?” She looks up, her face strained. “Ernie, stop it, sweetheart. Bex, I can’t go to Milan! What about the babies?”
“They could come with us!”
“No, they couldn’t,” says Suze, sounding almost sharp. “Bex, you just don’t understand!”
I smart at her words. Why does everyone keep telling me I don’t understand? How do they know?
“OK, then,” I say, trying to stay cheerful. “Let’s have a fab birthday lunch right here! I’ll bring all the food, you won’t have to do a thing… ”
“I can’t,” Suze says, without looking at me. “Actually I’ve… I’ve already made plans for my birthday. Lulu and I are going to a spa for the day. A special mother and baby day. She’s treating me.”
I can’t hide my shock. Suze and I always spend our birthdays together.
“Right.” I focus on the back of the door, where an ancient tweed jacket, about six dog leads, and what seems to be a dead pheasant are hanging. “Well… have fun. Enjoy it!”
There’s silence in the kitchen. I don’t know what to say.
I’ve never not known what to say to Suze.
“Bex… you weren’t here,” Suze says suddenly, and I can hear the distress in her voice. “You weren’t here. What was I supposed to do? Have no friends?”
“Of course not!” I say brightly. “Don’t be silly!”
“I couldn’t have survived without Lulu. She’s been a real support to me out here.”
“Of course she has.” Tears are suddenly pricking at my eyes and I turn away, fiercely blinking them back. “Well… you have fun together. I’m sure you will.”
“Bex, don’t be like that. Look… I’ll speak to Lulu about the spa. I’m sure we could find a third place.”
She’s taking pity on me. I can’t bear it.
“No!” With an almighty effort I manage a laugh. “Really, it’s no big deal. I probably wouldn’t have time anyway. In fact… I came in to tell you we have to go back to London. Luke’s got work engagements.”
“Now?” Suze looks taken aback. “But I thought you were going to stay for a few days.”
“We’ve got loads to do!” I lift my chin. “Everything’s different for me, too, you know. I’m a married woman now! I’ve got to set up the flat… look after Luke… throw some dinner parties… ”
“Right.” Suze hesitates. “Well, it’s been lovely to see you, anyway.”
“You too! It’s been fun! We must… do it again.”
We sound totally false. Both of us.
There’s silence. My throat is tight. I’m going to cry.
No, I’m not.
“So… I’ll just go and pack,” I say at last. “Thanks for a lovely time.”
I leave the room, pick up my shopping, and walk away. And my bright smile lasts all the way to the stairs.
NETHER PLEATON GYMKHANA
Manor Stables
Pleaton
Hampshire SO20 8EX
Mrs Rebecca Brandon
37 Maida Vale Mansions
Maida Vale
London NW6 0YF
30 April 2003
Dear Mrs Brandon:
Thank you for your letter conc
erning the Nether Pleaton Gymkhana next month. I confirm that I have withdrawn your name from the following classes:
General Horsemanship
Open Jumping
Senior Dressage
Perhaps you could let me know if you still wish to enter for “Best Kept Pony.”
With kind regards,
Marjorie Davies
Organiser
Seven
ANYWAY. IT DOESN’T matter. People get married and they move on and their friends change. That’s all. It’s perfectly normal. Suze has her life… and I have my life. It’s fine. A week has gone by since the christening — and she’s barely crossed my mind.
I take a sip of orange juice, pick up the Financial Times, which Luke left on the breakfast counter, and begin flicking briskly through the pages.
Now that I’m married, I expect I’ll make loads of new friends, too. It’s not like I’m dependent on Suze or anything. I’ll start an evening class or a book group or something. And my new friends will be really nice ones who don’t ride horses and have children with stupid names like Cosmo…
I take a sip of coffee and plaster some more chocolate spread on my toast. I’m sitting in the kitchen of Luke’s flat in Maida Vale, having a late breakfast.
I mean… our flat in Maida Vale. I keep forgetting, it’s half mine now! Luke lived here for ages before we were married, but when we went to live in New York he had it all done up and rented it out. And it is the trendiest place in the world. All minimalist, with this amazing stainless-steel kitchen, pale beige carpets, and just the odd piece of modern art here and there.
I do like it. Of course I do.
Although, I suppose if I’m totally honest, it’s a tad bare for my taste. Luke has quite a different style from mine when it comes to decorating. His approach is basically “no things anywhere,” whereas mine is more “lots of things everywhere.”
But it doesn’t matter, because I read this article about couples in an interiors magazine, and it said fusing two different styles need not be a problem. Apparently, all we have to do is meld our individual ideas and do some mood boards together and create a signature look.