CHAPTER V.
IN WHICH THE COLONEL NARRATES SOME OF HIS ADVENTURES.
Early in the forenoon of the day after the dinner in Grosvenor-place,at which Colonel Altamont had chosen to appear, the colonel emergedfrom his chamber in the upper story at Shepherd's Inn, and enteredinto Strong's sitting-room, where the chevalier sat in his easy-chairwith the newspaper and his cigar. He was a man who made his tentcomfortable wherever he pitched it, and long before Altamont'sarrival, had done justice to a copious breakfast of fried eggs andbroiled rashers, which Mr. Grady had prepared _secundum artem_.Good-humored and talkative, he preferred any company rather than none;and though he had not the least liking for his fellow-lodger, andwould not have grieved to hear that the accident had befallen himwhich Sir Francis Clavering desired so fervently, yet kept on fairterms with him. He had seen Altamont to bed with great friendliness onthe night previous, and taken away his candle for fear of accidents;and finding a spirit-bottle empty, upon which he had counted for hisnocturnal refreshment, had drunk a glass of water with perfectcontentment over his pipe, before he turned into his own crib and tosleep. That enjoyment never failed him: he had always an easy temper,a faultless digestion, and a rosy cheek; and whether he was going intoaction the next morning or to prison (and both had been his lot), inthe camp or the Fleet, the worthy captain snored healthfully throughthe night, and woke with a good heart and appetite, for the strugglesor difficulties or pleasures of the day.
The first act of Colonel Altamont was to bellow to Grady for a pint ofpale ale, the which he first poured into a pewter flagon, whence hetransferred it to his own lips. He put down the tankard empty, drewa great breath, wiped his mouth in his dressing-gown (the differenceof the color of his heard from his dyed whiskers had long struckCaptain Strong, who had seen too that his hair was fair under hisblack wig, but made no remarks upon these circumstances)--the coloneldrew a great breath, and professed himself immensely refreshed by hisdraught. "Nothing like that beer," he remarked, "when the coppers arehot. Many a day I've drunk a dozen of Bass at Calcutta, and--and--"
"And at Lucknow, I suppose," Strong said with a laugh. "I got the beerfor you on purpose: knew you'd want it after last night." And thecolonel began to talk about his adventures of the preceding evening.
"I can not help myself," the colonel said, beating his head with hisbig hand. "I'm a madman when I get the liquor on board me; and ain'tfit to be trusted with a spirit-bottle. When I once begin I can't stoptill I've emptied it; and when I've swallowed it, Lord knows what Isay or what I don't say. I dined at home here quite quiet. Grady gaveme just my two tumblers, and I intended to pass the evening at theBlack and Red as sober as a parson. Why did you leave that confoundedsample-bottle of Hollands out of the cupboard, Strong? Grady must goout, too, and leave me the kettle a-boiling for tea. It was of no use,I couldn't keep away from it. Washed it all down, sir, by Jingo. Andit's my belief I had some more, too, afterward at that infernal littlethieves' den."
"What, were you there, too?" Strong asked, "and before you came toGrosvenor-place? That was beginning betimes."
"Early hours to be drunk and cleared out before nine o'clock, eh? Butso it was. Yes, like a great big fool, I must go there; and found thefellows dining, Blackland and young Moss, and two or three more of thethieves. If we'd gone to Rouge et Noir, I must have won. But we didn'ttry the black and red. No, hang 'em, they know'd I'd have beat 'em atthat--I must have beat 'em--I can't help beating 'em, I tell you. Butthey was too cunning for me. That rascal Blackland got the bones out,and we played hazard on the dining-table. And I dropped all the moneyI had from you in the morning, be hanged to my luck. It was that thatset me wild, and I suppose I must have been very hot about the head,for I went off thinking to get some more money from Clavering, Irecollect; and then--and then I don't much remember what happened tillI woke this morning, and heard old Bows, at No. 3, playing onhis pianner."
Strong mused for a while as he lighted his cigar with a coal. "Ishould like to know how you always draw money from Clavering,colonel," he said.
The colonel burst out with a laugh, "Ha, ha! he owes it me," he said.
"I don't know that that's a reason with Frank for paying," Stronganswered. "He owes plenty besides you."
"Well, he gives it me because he is so fond of me," the other said,with the same grinning sneer. "He loves me like a brother; you knowhe does, captain. No?--He don't?--Well, perhaps he don't; and if youask me no questions, perhaps I'll tell you no lies, CaptainStrong--put that in your pipe and smoke it, my boy."
"But I'll give up that confounded brandy-bottle," the colonelcontinued, after a pause. "I must give it up, or it'll be the ruin ofme." "It makes you say queer things," said the captain, lookingAltamont hard in the face. "Remember what you said last night atClavering's table."
"Say? What _did_ I say?" asked the other hastily. "Did I split anything? Dammy, Strong, did I split any thing?"
"Ask me no questions, and I will tell you no lies," the chevalierreplied on his part. Strong thought of the words Mr. Altamont hadused, and his abrupt departure from the baronet's dining-table andhouse as soon as he recognized Major Pendennis, or Captain Beak, as hecalled the major. But Strong resolved to seek an explanation of thesewords otherwise than from Colonel Altamont, and did not choose torecall them to the other's memory. "No," he said then, "you didn'tsplit as you call it, colonel; it was only a trap of mine to see if Icould make you speak; but you didn't say a word that any body couldcomprehend--you were too far gone for that."
So much the better, Altamont thought; and heaved a great sigh, as ifrelieved. Strong remarked the emotion, but took no notice, and theother being in a communicative mood, went on speaking.
"Yes, I own to my faults," continued the colonel. "There is somethings I can't, do what I will, resist: a bottle of brandy, a box ofdice, and a beautiful woman. No man of pluck and spirit, no man as wasworth his salt ever could, as I know of. There's hardly p'raps acountry in the world in which them three ain't got me into trouble."
"Indeed?" said Strong.
"Yes, from the age of fifteen, when I ran away from home, and wentcabin-boy on board an Indiaman, till now, when I'm fifty year old,pretty nigh, them women have always been my ruin. Why, it was one of'em, and with such black eyes and jewels on her neck, and sattens andermine like a duchess, I tell you--it was one of 'em at Paris thatswept off the best part of the thousand pound as I went off. Didn't Iever tell you of it? Well, I don't mind. At first I was very cautious,and having such a lot of money kep it close and lived like agentleman--Colonel Altamont, Meurice's hotel, and that sort of thing--never played, except at the public tables, and won more than I lost.Well, sir, there was a chap that I saw at the hotel and the PalaceRoyal too, a regular swell fellow, with white kid gloves and a tuft tohis chin, Bloundell-Bloundell his name was, as I made acquaintancewith somehow, and he asked me to dinner, and took me to Madame theCountess de Foljambe's soirees--such a woman, Strong!--such an eye!such a hand at the pianner. Lor bless you, she'd sit down and sing toyou, and gaze at you, until she warbled your soul out of your bodya'most. She asked me to go to her evening parties every Toosday; anddidn't I take opera-boxes and give her dinners at the restaurateurs,that's all? But I had a run of luck at the tables, and it was not inthe dinners and opera-boxes that poor Clavering's money went. No, behanged to it, it was swep off in another way. One night, at thecountess's, there was several of us at supper--Mr. Bloundell-Bloundell,the Honorable Deuceace, the Marky de la Tour de Force--all tip-top nobs,sir, and the height of fashion, when we had supper, and champagne,you may be sure, in plenty, and then some of that confounded brandy.I would have it--I would go on at it--the countess mixed the tumblersof punch for me, and we had cards as well as grog after supper, and Iplayed and drank until I don't know what I did. I was like I was lastnight. I was taken away and put to bed somehow, and never woke until thenext day, to a roaring headache, and to see my servant, who said theHonorable Deuceace wanted to see me, and was waiting in the sitting-room.'How are y
ou, colonel?' says he, a-coming into my bedroom. 'How long didyou stay last night after I went away? The play was getting too high forme, and I'd lost enough to you for one night.'
"'To me', says I, 'how's that, my dear feller? (for though he was anearl's son, we was as familiar as you and me). How's that, my dearfeller,' says I, and he tells me, that he had borrowed thirty louis ofme at vingt-et-un, that he gave me an I.O.U. for it the night before,which I put into my pocket-book before he left the room. I takes outmy card-case--it was the countess as worked it for me--and there wasthe I.O.U. sure enough, and he paid me thirty louis in gold down uponthe table at my bed-side. So I said he was a gentleman, and asked himif he would like to take any thing, when my servant should get it forhim; but the Honorable Deuceace don't drink of a morning, and he wentaway to some business which he said he had.
"Presently there's another ring at my outer door: and this time it'sBloundell-Bloundell and the marky that comes in. 'Bong jour, marky,'says I. 'Good morning--no headache,' says he. So I said I had one, andhow I must have been uncommon queer the night afore; but they bothdeclared I didn't show no signs of having had too much, but took myliquor as grave as a judge.
"'So,' says the marky, 'Deuceace has been with you; we met him in thePalais Royal as we were coming from breakfast. Has he settled withyou? Get it while you can: he's a slippery card; and as he won threeponies of Bloundell, I recommend you to get your money while hehas some.'
"'He has paid me,' says I; but I knew no more than the dead that heowed me any thing, and don't remember a bit about lending himthirty louis."
The marky and Bloundell looks and smiles at each other at this; andBloundell says, 'Colonel, you are a queer feller. No man could havesupposed, from your manners, that you had tasted any thing strongerthan tea all night, and yet you forget things in the morning. Come,come--tell that to the marines, my friend--we won't have it anyprice.' '_En effet_' says the marky, twiddling his little blackmustaches in the chimney-glass, and making a lunge or two as he usedto do at the fencing-school. (He was a wonder at the fencing-school,and I've seen him knock down the image fourteen times running, atLepage's). 'Let us speak of affairs. Colonel, you understand thataffairs of honor are best settled at once: perhaps it won't beinconvenient to you to arrange our little matters of last night.'
"'What little matters?' says I. 'Do you owe me any money, marky?'
"'Bah!' says he; 'do not let us have any more jesting. I have yournote of hand for three hundred and forty louis. _La voici._' says he,taking out a paper from his pocket-book.
"'And mine for two hundred and ten,' says Bloundell-Bloundell, and hepulls out _his_ bit of paper.
"I was in such a rage of wonder at this, that I sprang out of bed, andwrapped my dressing-gown round me. 'Are you come here to make a foolof me?' says I. 'I don't owe you two hundred, or two thousand, or twolouis; and I won't pay you a farthing. Do you suppose you can catch mewith your notes of hand? I laugh at 'em and at you; and I believe youto be a couple--'
"'A couple of what?' says Mr. Bloundell. 'You, of course, are awarethat we are a couple of men of honor, Colonel Altamont, and not comehere to trifle or to listen to abuse from you. You will either pay usor we will expose you as a cheat, and chastise you as a cheat, too,'says Bloundell.
"'_Oui, parbleu_,' says the marky, but I didn't mind him, for I couldhave thrown the little fellow out of the window; but it was differentwith Bloundell, he was a large man, that weighs three stone more thanme, and stands six inches higher, and I think he could have donefor me.
"'Monsieur will pay, or monsieur will give me the reason why. Ibelieve you're little better than a _polisson_, ColonelAltamont,'--that was the phrase he used"--Altamont said with agrin--and I got plenty more of this language from the two fellows,and was in the thick of the row with them, when another of our partycame in. This was a friend of mine--a gent I had met at Boulogne, andhad taken to the countess's myself. And as he hadn't played at all onthe previous night, and had actually warned me against Bloundell andthe others, I told the story to him, and so did the other two.
"'I am very sorry,' says he. 'You would go on playing: the countessentreated you to discontinue. These gentlemen offered repeatedly tostop. It was you that insisted on the large stakes, not they.' In facthe charged dead against me: and when the two others went away, he toldme how the marky would shoot me as sure as my name was--was what itis. 'I left the countess crying, too,' said he. 'She hates these twomen; she has warned you repeatedly against them,' (which she actuallyhad done, and often told me never to play with them) 'and now,colonel, I have left her in hysterics almost, lest there should beany quarrel between you, and that confounded marky should put a bulletthrough your head. It's my belief,' says my friend, 'that that womanis distractedly in love with you.'
"'Do you think so?' says I; upon which my friend told me how she hadactually gone down on her knees to him and said, 'Save ColonelAltamont!'
"As soon as I was dressed, I went and called upon that lovely woman.She gave a shriek and pretty near fainted when she saw me. She calledme Ferdinand--I'm blest if she didn't."
"I thought your name was Jack," said Strong, with a laugh; at whichthe colonel blushed very much behind his dyed whiskers.
"A man may have more names than one, mayn't he, Strong?" Altamontasked. "When I'm with a lady, I like to take a good one. She called meby my Christian name. She cried fit to break your heart. I can't standseeing a woman cry--never could--not while I'm fond of her. She saidshe could not bear to think of my losing so much money in her house.Wouldn't I take her diamonds and necklaces, and pay part?
"I swore I wouldn't touch a farthing's worth of her jewelry, whichperhaps I did not think was worth a great deal, but what can a womando more than give you her all? That's the sort I like, and I knowthere's plenty of 'em. And I told her to be easy about the money, forI would not pay one single farthing.
"'Then they'll shoot you,' says she; 'they'll kill my Ferdinand.'"
"They'll kill my Jack wouldn't have sounded well in French," Strongsaid, laughing.
"Never mind about names," said the other, sulkily: "a man of honor maytake any name he chooses, I suppose."
"Well, go on with your story," said Strong. "She said they would killyou."
"'No,' says I, 'they won't: for I will not let that scamp of a marquissend me out of the world; and if he lays a hand on me, I'll brain him,marquis as he is.'
"At this the countess shrank back from me as if I had said somethingvery shocking. 'Do I understand Colonel Altamont aright?' says she:'and that a British officer refuses to meet any person who provokeshim to the field of honor?'
"'Field of honor be hanged, countess,' says I, 'You would not have mebe a target for that little scoundrel's pistol practice.'
"'Colonel Altamont,' says the countess, 'I thought you were a man ofhonor--I thought, I--but no matter. Good-by, sir.' And she wassweeping out of the room her voice regular choking in herpocket-handkerchief.
"'Countess,' says I, rushing after her, and seizing her hand.
"'Leave me, Monsieur le Colonel,' says she, shaking me off, 'my fatherwas a general of the Grand Army. A soldier should know how to pay_all_ his debts of honor.'
"What could I do? Every body was against me. Caroline said I hadlost the money: though I didn't remember a syllable about thebusiness. I had taken Deuceace's money, too; but then it was becausehe offered it to me you know, and that's a different thing. Every oneof these chaps was a man of fashion and honor; and the marky and thecountess of the first families in France. And by Jove, sir, ratherthan offend her, I paid the money up: five hundred and sixty goldNapoleons, by Jove: besides three hundred which I lost when I hadmy revenge.
"And I can't tell you at this minute whether I was done or notconcluded the colonel, musing. Sometimes I think I was: but thenCaroline was so fond of me. That woman would never have seen me done:never, I'm sure she wouldn't: at least, if she would, I'm deceivedin woman."
Any further revelations of his past life which Altamont
might havebeen disposed to confide to his honest comrade the chevalier, wereinterrupted by a knocking at the outer door of their chambers; which,when opened by Grady the servant, admitted no less a person than SirFrancis Clavering into the presence of the two worthies.
"The governor, by Jove," cried Strong, regarding the arrival of hispatron with surprise. "What's brought you here?" growled Altamont,looking sternly from under his heavy eyebrows at the baronet. "It's nogood, I warrant." And indeed, good very seldom brought Sir FrancisClavering into that or any other place.
Whenever he came into Shepherd's Inn, it was money that brought theunlucky baronet into those precincts: and there was commonly agentleman of the money-dealing world in waiting for him at Strong'schambers, or at Campion's below; and a question of bills to negotiateor to renew. Clavering was a man who had never looked his debts fairlyin the face, familiar as he had been with them all his life; as longas he could renew a bill, his mind was easy regarding it; and he wouldsign almost any thing for to-morrow, provided to-day could be leftunmolested. He was a man whom scarcely any amount of fortune couldhave benefited permanently, and who was made to be ruined, to cheatsmall tradesmen, to be the victim of astuter sharpers: to be niggardlyand reckless, and as destitute of honesty as the people who cheatedhim, and a dupe, chiefly because he was too mean to be a successfulknave. He had told more lies in his time, and undergone more basenessof stratagem in order to stave off a small debt, or to swindle a poorcreditor, than would have suffered to make a fortune for a braverrogue. He was abject and a shuffler in the very height of hisprosperity. Had he been a crown prince, he could not have been moreweak, useless, dissolute or ungrateful. He could not move through lifeexcept leaning on the arm of somebody: and yet he never had an agentbut he mistrusted him; and marred any plans which might be arrangedfor his benefit, by secretly acting against the people whom heemployed. Strong knew Clavering, and judged him quite correctly. Itwas not as friends that this pair met: but the chevalier worked forhis principal, as he would when in the army have pursued a harassingmarch, or undergone his part in the danger and privations of a siege; because it was his duty, and because he had agreed to it. "What isit he wants," thought the two officers of the Shepherd's Inn garrison,when the baronet came among them.
His pale face expressed extreme anger and irritation. "So, sir," hesaid, addressing Altamont, "you've been at your old tricks."
"Which of 'um?" asked Altamont, with a sneer.
"You have been at the Rouge et Noir: you were there last night," criedthe baronet.
"How do you know--were you there?" the other said. "I was at the Club:but it wasn't on the colors I played--ask the captain--I've beentelling him of it. It was with the bones. It was at hazard, SirFrancis, upon my word and honor it was;" and he looked at the baronetwith a knowing, humorous mock humility, which only seemed to make theother more angry.
"What the deuce do I care, sir, how a man like you loses his money,and whether it is at hazard or roulette?" screamed the baronet, with amultiplicity of oaths, and at the top of his voice. "What I will nothave, sir, is that you should use my name, or couple it with yours.Damn him, Strong, why don't you keep him in better order? I tell youhe has gone and used my name again, sir; drawn a bill upon me, andlost the money on the table--I can't stand it--I won't stand it. Fleshand blood won't bear it. Do you know how much I have paid foryou, sir?"
"This was only a very little 'un, Sir Francis--only fifteen pound,Captain Strong, they wouldn't stand another: and it oughtn't to angeryou, governor. Why it's so trifling, I did not even mention it toStrong,--did I now, captain? I protest it had quite slipped mymemory, and all on account of that confounded liquor I took."
"Liquor or no liquor, sir, it is no business of mine. I don't carewhat you drink, or where you drink it--only it shan't be in my house.And I will not have you breaking into my house of a night, and afellow like you intruding himself on my company: how dared you showyourself in Grosvenor-place last night, sir--and--and what do yousuppose my friends must think of me when they see a man of your sortwalking into my dining-room uninvited, and drunk, and calling forliquor as if you were the master of the house.
"They'll think you know some very queer sort of people, I dare say,"Altamont said with impenetrable good-humor. "Look here, baronet, Iapologize; on my honor, I do, and ain't an apology enough between twogentlemen? It was a strong measure I own, walking into your cuddy, andcalling for drink, as if I was the captain: but I had had too muchbefore, you see, that's why I wanted some more; nothing can be moresimple--and it was because they wouldn't give me no more money uponyour name at the Black and Red, that I thought I would come down andspeak to you about it. To refuse me was nothing: but to refuse a billdrawn on you that have been such a friend to the shop, and are abaronet, and a member of parliament, and a gentleman, and nomistake--Damme, it's ungrateful." "By heavens, if ever you do itagain. If ever you dare to show yourself in my house; or give my nameat a gambling-house or at any other house, by Jove--at any otherhouse--or give any reference at all to me, or speak to me in thestreet, by Gad, or any where else until I speak to you--I disclaim youaltogether--I won't give you another shilling."
"Governor, don't be provoking," Altamont said, surlily. "Don't talk tome about daring to do this thing or t'other, or when my dander is upit's the very thing to urge me on. I oughtn't to have come last night,I know I oughtn't: but I told you I was drunk, and that ought to besufficient between gentleman and gentleman."
"You a gentleman! dammy, sir," said the baronet, "how dares a fellowlike you to call himself a gentleman?"
"I ain't a baronet, I know;" growled the other; "and I've forgottenhow to be a gentleman almost now, but--but I was one once, and myfather was one, and I'll not have this sort of talk from you, Sir F.Clavering, that's flat. I want to go abroad again. Why don't you comedown with the money, and let me go? Why the devil are you to berolling in riches, and me to have none? Why should you have a houseand a table covered with plate, and me be in a garret here in thisbeggarly Shepherd's Inn? We're partners, ain't we? I've as good aright to be rich as you have, haven't I? Tell the story to Stronghere, if you like; and ask him to be umpire between us. I don't mindletting my secret out to a man that won't split. Look here,Strong--perhaps you guess the story already--the fact is, me and theGovernor--"
"D--, hold your tongue," shrieked out the baronet in a fury. "Youshall have the money as soon as I can get it. I ain't made of money.I'm so pressed and badgered, I don't know where to turn. I shall gomad; by Jove, I shall. I wish I was dead, for I'm the most miserablebrute alive. I say, Mr. Altamont, don't mind me. When I'm out ofhealth--and I'm devilish bilious this morning--hang me, I abuse everybody, and don't know what I say. Excuse me if I've offended you.I--I'll try and get that little business done. Strong shall try. Uponmy word he shall. And I say, Strong, my boy, I want to speak to you.Come into the office for a minute."
Almost all Clavering's assaults ended in this ignominious way, and ina shameful retreat. Altamont sneered after the baronet as he left theroom, and entered into the office, to talk privately withhis factotum.
"What is the matter now?" the latter asked of him. "It's the oldstory, I suppose."
"D----it, yes," the baronet said. "I dropped two hundred in ready moneyat the Little Coventry last night, and gave a check for three hundredmore. On her ladyship's bankers, too, for to-morrow; and I must meetit, for there'll be the deuce to pay else. The last time she paid myplay-debts, I swore I would not touch a dice-box again, and she'llkeep her word, Strong, and dissolve partnership, if I go on. I wish Ihad three hundred a year, and was away. At a German watering-placeyou can do devilish well with three hundred a year. But myhabits are so d----reckless: I wish I was in the Serpentine. I wish Iwas dead, by Gad, I wish I was. I wish I had never touched thoseconfounded bones. I had such a run of luck last night, with five forthe main, and seven to five all night, until those ruffians wanted topay me with Altamont's bill upon me. The luck turned from that minute.Never held the box again for three mains,
and came away cleaned out,leaving that infernal check behind me. How shall I pay it? Blacklandwon't hold it over. Hulker and Bullock will write about it directly toher ladyship. By Jove, Ned, I'm the most miserable brute inall England."
It was necessary for Ned to devise some plan to console the baronetunder this pressure of grief; and no doubt he found the means ofprocuring a loan for his patron, for he was closeted at Mr. Campion'soffices that day for some time. Altamont had once more a guinea or twoin his pocket, with a promise of a farther settlement; and the baronethad no need to wish himself dead for the next two or three months atleast. And Strong, putting together what he had learned from thecolonel and Sir Francis, began to form in his own mind a prettyaccurate opinion as to the nature of the tie which bound the two mentogether.