Someone needed to put me out of my misery.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Monday morning Killian waited out front and followed me when I took off running. He didn’t say anything, just kept pace. It was chilly and looked like rain was heading in.
He stopped at the five-mile mark, slightly shorter than the distance he normally ran, and went back the way he came. I continued, and finished my run before the rain began.
Killian waited at my door.
I looked at him. “Nothing’s changed, Killian. This won’t work.”
I watched him close his eyes for a moment before opening them and giving me the smallest hint of dimples.
“I won’t give up, Rebecca, though I know I deserve everything you’re putting me through.”
My rage kicked in. “You have no idea what you’ve put me through. How many tears I’ve cried or how many times I’d give anything to be in your arms one last time. I’m broken, Killian. You broke me. I don’t want the pain that goes along with being your girlfriend.”
He leaned in and kissed me. No tongue, just a short, sweet kiss with barely parted lips.
“I love you,” he said, but he didn’t kiss me again. He turned and walked away.
Killian wasn’t waiting for me the following morning and my heart dropped into my belly. It was hard, but I stuck with my normal course. Everything I saw reminded me of Killian. I ran on the path and looked down for a minute at some fallen branches in my way before looking back up. I’d entered the soccer field park. Killian, with Michael bundled up warmly in his wheelchair, waited for me. As I ran closer, I made out a sign resting against Michael’s chest.
“I love you and my brother does, too,” was written in bold black letters.
I could have killed Killian. I slowed a few feet from Michael, and bent and kissed his cheek, gently squeezing his hands.
“I’ve missed you, Michael, but your brother is a rascal for pulling you into this.”
Michael made his pleased noises that I loved to hear.
I released him, rose to my full height, and gave Killian my best “You are a dick” glare.
He wasn’t intimidated.
I finished my run.
The following morning, the sign read, “If she’s a screamer, she’s a keeper.”
I gave Michael the same kiss as the day before and didn’t even bother glaring at Killian. The man had no shame.
Killian and his mother came to Tillomans during my shift that evening. I hadn’t seen Beth in more than a month and it felt good to have her arms circle around me.
“You’re doing wonderful, dear. Don’t make this easy on him,” she whispered in my ear.
I wiped a tear away and turned to Killian. “Do you know what you’d like, sir?”
His eyes sparkled with merriment. “Yes, you.”
Oh the jerk. He’d said it in front of his mother. Beth laughed. I wished I had a tray of food, because I would have dumped it in his lap.
“I’ll take tonight’s special,” Beth said into the blaring silence.
“If I can’t have you… I’ll have the same.”
“That’s enough, Killian. She’s at work.”
“Yes, Mother.”
I stormed off, hoping I could find another server to take my place. No one was willing. They knew about my past with Killian and obviously wanted to see the fireworks.
Surprisingly, he behaved himself throughout the rest of his meal.
The sign in Michael’s arms the following morning read, “Long legs make me pant.”
I don’t know what Killian said to his brother, but he was making all kinds of noises when I got close enough to hear. This was a new low and I so wanted to box Killian’s ears.
“Good morning, Michael. I love you, but your brother is a good-for-nothing dog.” I kept my voice completely sweet. Killian let out a low-sounding dog growl.
I left Michael and his deviant brother standing there while I finished my run. I really couldn’t take much more of this. My heart was melting and I was at the breaking point.
Friday the sign said, “Can my brother pick you up tonight for a sleepover?”
It was only six in the morning, but other people ran or walked at this time of day. I wondered what they thought. They had to recognize Killian, but obviously he didn’t care.
I kissed Michael. “Yes, I’ll be waiting.”
What the hell was I doing? I was a fool, but Killian was so far under my skin that I couldn’t help myself.
Killian arrived promptly at five.
“Grab the Mustang keys, Legs.”
“Why?” I looked at him suspiciously.
“Because I know you haven’t used it and it needs to be driven.”
I placed the keys in his palm. “You can keep the car, Killian.”
“No, I don’t think so.”
He pulled me into his body and kissed me. His teeth tugged on my bottom lip until I opened my mouth and his tongue swooped in. My lady bits tingled and my heart raced. Pulling back, Killian placed his fingers on my cheeks and tilted my head back so I stared into his eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Rebecca, and I don’t deserve you, but I love you. We’ll talk at my place.”
“I’d rather just fuck.” It was mean and bitchy, but I couldn’t help myself.
His lips quirked and one dimple appeared. “We’ll do that, too.”
He released my face and took my hand. Even though the promise of fucking Killian made my panties wet, it was actually his hand holding mine that I missed the most. His touch. Such a simple thing, but so powerful. I wiped a few tears from my eyes.
After situating me in the car and taking the driver’s seat, Killian didn’t release my hand. I closed my eyes and let myself absorb his thumb running across my fingers. My body craved Killian’s touch and the hole in my heart grew smaller.
Killian hopelessly out maneuvered me.
Chapter Thirty-Five
His home was exactly as I remembered. I tried to harden my heart, but when he led me immediately into his bedroom, his unique scent lingering in the air turned my belly to quivering jelly. Within a few seconds, panic set in. I put my hands out in front of me after he placed my bag on the floor.
“I’m sorry. I don’t think I can do this. It hurts too much, Killian.”
He didn’t move closer. “Talk to me, love.”
My voice rose slightly. “How can I? I shouldn’t have come. I really can’t handle you or your need to win. I’m not cut out to be part of your life.”
He spoke so softly. “I’ve changed.”
A burst of deriding laughter slipped past my lips. “No, you haven’t, Killian. Winning to you is all-inclusive. You call it focus and I call it insanity. You play a game and the ‘powers that be’ pay you a lot of money. I get that. But… when it’s all said and done, it’s a game. Boys out on a field, pounding each other into the mud. A game.”
Killian’s eyes went dark. “It’s more than a game, Rebecca.”
Why had I come here and put myself through this? Yes, I was horny and lonely, but most of all weak. “It’s a game.”
His fingers ran through his hair and he turned away.
I managed to take a slow, calming breath. I could do this.
“Sit down, please,” he said when he turned back.
“In here?”
“Yes, in here.”
“You know you can temporarily change my mind with sex. You’ve done it before, but a relationship is more than sex. It’s caring for each other at our weakest moments, holding the other tight when we’re sad or in your case devastated. You shut me out, destroyed me. When you needed me most you fucking threw me away. No, Killian, I won’t have this conversation here in your fuck room.”
I walked out and realized I’d said everything I could say. I headed to the front door.
Killian grabbed my hand.
“I can walk away from football, Rebecca, but I can’t let you walk away from me.”
My broken hea
rt ripped a little further.
“I’m sorry I came here today. I know you’re hurting and I really don’t want you to suffer any more. I want to stop suffering, too.”
“Then stay with me.” His voice was ragged.
I was such a complete and utter fool and so tired of fighting my needs. “Just fuck me, Killian. Make my body tingle and give me orgasms that rock my world. I really miss fucking you.”
For just a moment, and based on the look on his face, I didn’t think he would take me up on my offer. I turned to the door, but one of Killian’s hands went into my hair while the other pulled me back by my arm.
He was angry, but so was I. He ripped my shirt and I made sure he’d have furrows on his arms and back for a week to come. We ended up with me on my hands and knees, on the floor, on top of our clothing. He practically pulled my hair out by the roots as he held me in place. His other arm braced beneath my stomach after he roughly spread my legs wider.
I was wet, but the sudden force of his cock driving into me hurt. His fullness pushed inside me until he could go no farther. My fingers sank into the clothes beneath my hands. He pulled out and slammed back in. The cries coming from my throat begged him for more.
“Fuck me, Killian. Don’t stop.”
He didn’t say a word, just kept pounding in and out.
There was nothing loving about our coupling. Killian MacGregor fucked me just like I asked. Every nerve ending I had led to my pussy. The ache didn’t build slowly, it exploded outward, over much too fast. I screamed, but Killian wasn’t through with me. The sting of his teeth in my shoulder caused pressure to build again. He used his cock without mercy. I don’t know if my first orgasm ever stopped. Killian’s cry was a loud animal sound and his teeth found another spot. He pulled back, bringing me with him so I was sitting with my back to his chest, his cock buried deep.
“I’ll fuck you all weekend if that’s all you’ll take from me, Rebecca.” His hot breath blew into my ear.
“Yes.” I gave another low moan.
He slipped from my body, stood and picked me up. With purposeful strides, he carried me into the bedroom where he tossed me on the bed. Unbelievably, his cock was hard and I couldn’t help staring.
Killian followed the direction of my eyes and smiled. “This is what you do to me. I’m going to fuck you again, but slower this time.”
“Slow’s not fucking,” I choked out.
“You won’t have any doubt that’s what it is when I’m through. Spread your legs.”
“Killian.”
“Spread your fucking legs, Rebecca. If this is all I can have then I’m taking every last bit you’ll give me.”
The burn between my thighs was back and it wasn’t caused by the rough sex we’d just had. I lay back and spread my legs.
His finger went to my pussy and he moved far enough up my body so he could comfortably suck my nipples. He started with slow, shallow strokes of his finger while he licked and pinched my breasts. When he’d pinch particularly hard, his finger went in farther before slowly pulling out.
“Please, Killian,” I begged without shame, my pelvis lifting to meet his palm.
“I could do this for hours and keep you right on the edge.”
“No.” I groaned and opened my eyes.
Killian glanced at me, my nipple between his lips. He pulled his lips back so his teeth held my skin. He applied biting pressure and added another finger until I cried out. The rhythm between my legs slowed and his tongue twirled delicately around my areola. He moved his head to my other breast and started again. I bucked my hips and sank my hands into his hair.
“I can’t take any more, Killian.” I couldn’t get enough air and felt light-headed.
He moved on top of me and slid his cock slowly inside. I still had my fingers in his hair and pulled him to my lips. He kept a slow, steady thrust between my legs and mimicked the movement of his tongue with his cock.
I wanted hard again, but he wouldn’t go faster. My orgasm stayed right on the brink; I wanted more pelvic pressure and a faster glide, but Killian refused. I had no idea where he got his stamina. My entire body quivered. Finally, the orgasm rolled over me in one endless wave and I cried out my release. As the last ripples faded, Killian shoved into me hard and held his body still.
“All day and all night, Rebecca. I’ll make you scream each and every time.”
If she’s a screamer, she’s a keeper. I remembered the sign.
Killian was turning me into a keeper.
Chapter Thirty-Six
He washed me thoroughly in the shower. I tried to do it myself, but he removed the soap from my hands and cleaned every inch of my skin.
“You’re punishing me.” Sadness tinged my voice.
Momentarily, his soapy hands stopped moving. “No, I’m giving you what you asked for.”
“Then you’re punishing yourself.”
His gaze darkened. “But will it be enough, Rebecca? Can you forgive me? Will you love me again?”
I pulled him into my arms. I could see the pain in his eyes and I was so afraid to tell him how much I loved him. I never stopped and didn’t think I ever would. It was me…I was punishing both of us, but I couldn’t stop. The weeks and months of pain made me into a person I didn’t know. I wanted to wipe it all away, let my heart melt again, and most of all forgive him.
Why was I doing this?
My tears started and my shoulders began shaking.
“Shh, Rebecca, it’s okay. I understand. I’ll do whatever it takes. I’m not going anywhere and if I eventually get my way, you’ll never go anywhere again. Please let me know when I can stop fucking you.”
“Never,” I cried.
“Okay,” he whispered.
“But love me, too, Killian. I can’t stop.”
“Never stop baby.”
He rinsed me off, wrapped me in a towel, and instead of carrying me to bed, he carried me to the kitchen and rested my butt on the same barstool I occupied that first night.
“You’ve lost weight and need to eat.”
“What are we having?”
“I have no idea, but I’m sure it’s good.”
Killian’s waist was wrapped in a towel that separated on the side of his hip, giving me a glimpse of naked flesh. We were back to naked games and I smiled. He turned and his grin answered mine.
“You’re beautiful.” His dimples grew.
“You’re sexy.” My smile widened.
“Stop that. Eating, then lovemaking. In that order.”
“Okay.”
We ate lasagna and drank red wine. It was the first alcohol I’d had since getting drunk after my first winning meet. I needed it tonight, not a lot, but enough to take the edge off my nerves.
I finished my last bite, feeling Killian’s eyes on me. “Talk to me, please,” I whispered.
“Where do you want to talk?”
“On the couch.”
“Come on.” He helped me from my chair and didn’t let go of my hand as he led me to the couch.
After we sat down, I reluctantly pulled my fingers away. Killian watched me clasp my hands and place them in my lap. He took a deep breath, but didn’t speak.
I took the lead. “What changed your mind?”
“I never changed my mind, because I never stopped loving you.”
I almost got up, but I could see he wanted to continue.
“I couldn’t see past my injury, my dream, or the promise to my brother. Football has been my life since I decided it would give me the things Michael and my mom needed. You moved everything around. That wasn’t a bad thing. I thought I could have it all, but ‘all’ for me is winning.”
Now his eyes turned away and my fingernails dug into my skin.
“My mother set me straight.” He took a very deep breath and let it out. His gaze settled back on mine. “It doesn’t matter what I do, Michael will never come back. He doesn’t care if I win or lose a game. He only cares that I talk to him and spend time with h
im. He gets as much enjoyment, maybe more, from seeing the ducks as he does watching a football game. I’m an adult, but there was still a small piece of my nine-year-old self that had a spark of hope. If I won, he would come back.”
Tears welled in Killian’s eyes and slid down his face. “I found him in the river, touched him, but then let go and came up for air. Thirty, forty-five seconds may have made a difference. I let him go. My twin brother who I loved so much. He wouldn’t have let me go.”
I couldn’t help it; my own tears were falling, and I launched myself at Killian. He had no choice but to grab me, but he kept talking.
“My mother laid things out for me. Michael will never be the Michael I had. Nothing I do will change that. But… the Michael I had would have wanted me happy. Football and winning,” Killian paused and moved me back so we were looking into each other’s eyes. “Don’t make me happy. You do. I’m nothing without you. The game means nothing, my life means nothing. I love you more than I love Michael.”
I spoke through my tears. “No, Killian, you don’t. Your love stretches and accommodates new love.”
He pulled me back in close. “You’re so wrong. We will lose Michael someday. His health is iffy at best. He doesn’t have enough resistance to illness. It’s a miracle we’ve had so many good years. When he’s gone, I’ll go on, but, Rebecca, I won’t go on without you.” He shuddered against me.
“I love you so much.” I barely got the words out. “I’m so sorry for what I’ve put you through.”
That laughing rumble in his chest felt so good. “You aren’t nearly as sorry as I am. I was so stupid, so incredibly selfish. I love you more than life itself.”
“Will you make love to me now?”
The rumble came again. “I’ve never just fucked you, Rebecca. Every sigh, every shiver that runs across your skin settles in my heart. I can love you hard or soft, but it’s love. Don’t ever think you’re punishing me because you ask me to fuck you.”
My Killian. He always knew what to say to melt my heart.
We moved from the couch to the bed and didn’t come out of the room until the next morning.
I woke up in Killian’s arms. They tightened.
“You’re awake?” he asked.
“Yes.” I nuzzled his shoulder.
“I have something to show you.” He stood up, took a t-shirt from his drawer, and put it over my head.