CHAPTER XIII
THE LAMP BEFORE THE ALTAR
Life at Uncle Edward's was as he had predicted a very quiet affairindeed, but Maud slipped into it very easily, with a sense of comfort ather heart. It had a healing effect upon her. It stilled the feveredunrest of her spirit. It was all so well-ordered, so methodical. Itsoothed her, gave her a sense of normality and peace. Her physicalstrength came back to her with a rapidity that surprised herself, andwith its return she found herself beginning to look upon the world withnew eyes, found herself able to thrust dark thoughts and problems intothe background, found herself at rest.
At Uncle Edward's suggestion, she wrote once a week to Jake. It was noteasy to write, but when her uncle remarked that the young man wouldprobably come tearing hell-for-leather across England to find out whatwas the matter if she didn't, she deemed it the wiser course to follow.Her letters were very brief, very formal, and the letters she receivedin reply were equally so. She was sure that they were penned in thatcheerless little den of his that faced north and overlooked thestable-yard.
Bunny's letters were very few and far between. He was completelyengrossed with the thought of the new life at school upon which he wasabout to enter, and it was very plain to Maud that he missed her not atall. The fact had ceased to hurt her as poignantly as when she firstdiscovered it. Empty though her life was, she had learned by degrees todo without him. She was learning day by day to endure that emptinesswith patience, for by some secret instinct she knew that it would not beher portion for ever.
Not far from her uncle's house, at the corner of a busy street, therestood an old grey church. The doors were always open, and one day shedropped in to rest.
It was the first visit of many. The place was infinitely peaceful, fullof silence and soft shadows. A red light burned ever before the altar,and there were always beautiful flowers upon it, white lilies that neverseemed to fade. She loved to draw near and smell the incense of thoseflowers, to gaze upon their shining purity, to feel with awe that theground beneath her feet was holy.
She did not often turn her eyes upon the lamp that burned so still andred. It was always the flowers that drew her, the fragrance of themthat comforted her soul.
Once, on a golden afternoon in mid-September, she came in late andstayed for the evening service; and then it was that, sitting in thebody of the church, she found herself gazing, gazing, not at theflowers, but at the red, mystic flame that burned unflickering beforethe altar. It reminded her of something, that still redflame,--something that made her want to flee away and hide. It camebetween her and her prayers. It lay in wait for her in her dreams.
And yet when Sunday evening came and Uncle Edward prepared to sallyforth alone, she put forward a tentative suggestion that she shouldaccompany him.
He was delighted with the proposal, and as they fared forth together,his horny old hand was on her arm, making her glad that she was withhim.
They sat near the door, and she was secretly relieved. In the glare ofmany lights all down the body of the church, the gleam of that one redlight was swallowed up and she saw only the flowers. It was a beautifulservice--a harmonious whole in which no individual note was struck. Theman who officiated was young and very quiet, and not till he ascendedthe pulpit was she aware of anything out of the ordinary in hispersonality. It came to her then instantaneously, like a flash-lightpiercing her soul. He struck no attitudes, made no visible attempt togain the attention of his audience; but it was fully his from the momenthe began to speak. He preached, not as one delivering a discourse, butwith the absolute simplicity of a man who speaks from his heart. "Letyour lights be burning," were the words he first uttered, and thenwithout preamble he began to talk of Love--Love Divine, Unconquerable,Eternal--Love that stoops but is never small--Love that soars, but isnever out of reach. He spoke of the great warfare of the spirit, of thethousand difficulties holding back the soul. And he declared that Lovewas the one great weapon to meet and overcome them all. "We do not knowthe power of Love," he said. "We only know that it is invincible andundying--the very Essence of God." He spoke of spiritual blindness, andswept it aside as nought. "We may not all of us be able to believe; butwe can all have Love. Nothing counts in the same way. However blind wemay be, we can keep that one lamp burning in the darkness, burning inthe desert, giving light to the outcast, and guiding the feet of thewanderers."
It was while he was speaking thus that the lights in the body of thechurch went down and the red flame before the altar shone clear andunchanging in the gloom. Maud's eyes were drawn instantly to it, becameriveted upon it. She sat with bated breath, almost as one who watched amiracle. And by some strange telepathy the man in the pulpit becameaware of it also. He turned towards it.
"Look at that light!" he said. "It is kept burning perpetually, thesymbol of undying worship, undying Love. Everyone may keep such a lightas that burning always. The spark is ours for the kindling. It may beplaced before the Altar of an Unknown God. But none the less is itoffered to His Glory and immortal. It is not faith or hope that thesoul needs above all things. It is Love, the power to love, and thepower to create love--the will to offer love perpetually before theAltar of Love. It is only love that counts in the long run, only lovethat survives. There may be a thousand other things around us when wedie, good and evil, but the only thing we shall carry with us beyond isthat lamp that we have always kept burning before the altar and neversuffered to go out. It is no easy thing to keep it always burning inthis world of many failures. It is bound to flicker sometimes, even todie down; but while we live, the power to revive it is still ours, thepower to worship God with love." He paused a moment, turned slowly backto face the dim nave, and then very quietly he gave utterance to wordsthat Maud was never to forget. "We all want Love, hunger for it, starvefor it. Our lives are mere ash-heaps without it. But do we all realizethat love is only gained by love, that we must pour out all we have towin it, that we must purge our hearts of all selfish desire, sanctifyourselves by self-sacrifice, by the complete renunciation of self,before the perfect gift can be ours? Love is a joyful sacrifice. Thereare people whom everyone loves. They are the people who realize whatLove means, who give and give, without measure, not counting the cost,rejoicing only in the power to give, till it all comes back to them athousandfold. It is then that the ploughman overtakes the reaper, forploughman and reaper are one."
When Maud lay down that night, those words were still running in hermind. That unstinted giving, that measureless pouring out, that uttersacrifice, were these indeed the means by which the desert could be madeto blossom--even for her?
She slept sooner than usual, but the echoes of that quiet voice stillfollowed her down through the deeps of slumber, till she dreamed thatshe was back before that shining altar of flowers. And a radiance thatwas not of earth was all about her--a radiance unimaginable that waswarmth as well as light; and looking up she saw that it came from thered lamp above her--the symbol of undying Love.
As in a trance she waited, for the wonder of the thing held herspellbound. And while she waited, she became aware of someone else inthe holy place, someone who moved stealthily, as if half-afraid. Andturning, by the light of that revealing glow, she saw her husband withthat look of silent misery in his eyes.
It pierced her then as it had not pierced her before. She was consciousof an almost fierce impulse to comfort, an impulse that urged her tohim, banishing all hesitation, all doubt. She went near to him, shegave him both her hands. And even as she did so, the look in his eyeschanged. She saw a deep, still fire come into them. It seemed to bereflected from the red lamp above. He moved forward with her into theglow.
And suddenly her own eyes were opened and she knew that he loved her--heloved her....
Then she awoke with a palpitating heart and realized that it was adream.