“Oh, Rorie, I’ve heard so much about you.” Madeline made a face like I was an adorable little child, and talked to me the same. “It’s so nice to finally meet you, sweetie.”
“Nice to meet you, too,” I mumbled automatically. It wasn’t.
“Did you get it, dear?” Linda asked, and reached for the large frame in Madeline’s grip.
My eyes slowly shut and I forced myself to take even breaths, because even though the back of the frame was facing me, I had no doubt what I was about to see when they turned it.
“Ah, yes! One of my favorites of you two.”
My eyes opened against my will and narrowed on the picture in front of me. It hadn’t been the one I was expecting, the picture from one of Madeline’s pageants that Linda liked to show me. This one I’d never seen before, and I probably could’ve done without it.
Madeline was on Declan’s back, his face turned so he could kiss her. It was innocent, and a sweet picture . . . really. You know, if it wasn’t my boyfriend with another girl, and if they didn’t look so happy.
But I couldn’t take my eyes from it. It was like trying to look away from a horrible car wreck when you knew you didn’t want to see the specifics of the scene. No matter how hard you tried to turn away from it, your gaze just kept sliding back.
Or maybe it was because the jealousy that should have been in my stomach was absent as I stared at them, and I hoped that if I kept looking, it would appear. But all I felt was the same defeat and anger directed at Declan’s mother instead.
“I just hate that it sits back in the hall where hardly anyone ever sees it. It should be out here with the rest of the family pictures. Don’t they look great together, Rorie?” Linda asked wistfully.
My hard stare flashed up to her, but I didn’t answer.
“Madeline’s just so beautiful,” she continued. “Their children would be perfect.”
“I don’t know, have you seen the girl standing right in front of you?” a rough voice asked from beside us.
Though my skin tingled, I didn’t look at him. I knew if I did, Jentry would see my frustration and defeat, and I stubbornly wanted to keep both from him. Because he would see too much in my emotions—he always did—and I wanted to keep what Linda did and said from him. Linda’s hatred and cruelty was my cross to bear.
“Jentry!” Linda called out as she turned to see him. “Welcome home, son!”
People throughout the house echoed her sentiment, but Jentry didn’t acknowledge them. He just asked Linda in a low tone, “What is she doing here?”
Madeline squeaked and spread her arms wide as she strutted toward Jentry. “I’ve heard so much about you over the years! I’ve been dying to meet you!”
Before she could get too close, Jentry pinned her with a dark stare. “Unfortunately I can’t say the same. I usually stay away from whores.”
Madeline stopped suddenly. Her mouth fell open in a way that made her look unattractive for probably the first time in her life, and it felt like Linda’s gasp sucked all the air out of the room.
“Jentry Michaels! I raised you better than that. You do not speak to women that way. Apologize to her. Now.”
Jentry nodded absentmindedly. “Yeah, probably a little harsh to call her out in front of everyone.”
My eyes widened in amazement, and I finally turned to look at him. His dark eyes bored into mine; his jaw was clenched tight and his arms were vibrating from his anger.
“If you apologize to Rorie and Madeline apologizes to Dec . . . then I’ll apologize to her,” he continued through gritted teeth.
Linda looked shocked. She placed a hand over her chest and whispered, “Apologize for what? I have done nothing!”
“Then I have nothing to say.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me from the group.
“What are you doing?” I hissed when he towed me down the hallway that led to the bedrooms. “Jentry, stop!”
Panic flooded me when I thought of what Linda could be piecing together about the two of us going down there. But I knew it was just my guilt over my feelings for the man holding on to me that fueled the panic. Because we were still in plain sight of everyone, and he released me as soon as we were far enough away to talk without being heard.
“We never talked last night, so we’re talking now. What is going on with you and my mom?”
“Nothing.”
“Aurora—”
“Nothing, Jentry.” I looked up the hall to try to gauge Linda’s reaction, but there were only a few people I didn’t know standing near the entrance.
“Tell me what happened yesterday with the guest room.” His tone was hard and unforgiving, but I knew the majority of his frustrations weren’t with me anymore. When I just shook my head, he bent closer to hold my stare. “Don’t forget that I know how you two react to each other. What I saw at the beach was nothing compared to what I’ve seen since I’ve been home, and she’s not ignoring you anymore. Now tell me what’s going on.”
My shoulders sagged, and that all-too-familiar ache in my chest flared. “This is not the time.”
He grabbed my arm when I started walking away, and pulled me back. “Damn it, talk to me! I know you’re hurting, Aurora, I know. But seeing you look like you’ve just gone three rounds with my mom whenever you’re near her, seeing you look so fucking broken each time she talks to you, that isn’t you. It isn’t even the version of you who tried so damn hard to get my mom to like her.” His other hand gripped my free arm until it felt like he was pleading with me in his touch alone. “Tell me what is happening.”
Seconds of silence passed between us. Tears pricked at my eyes, but didn’t fall. “You know what’s happening. Don’t pretend not to, or act like you don’t know why. The last thing I need now is another person pretending. Pretending like everything’s fine, like nothing’s wrong, like your entire family doesn’t hate me.”
His brow pinched and his eyes searched mine. “How could I when I don’t have a damn clue what’s even happening with you because you’re pretending like nothing is?”
“I’m not,” I said numbly. “I just don’t want to pull you or anyone else into it when I know it’s deserved.”
“Deserved.” His hands tightened on my arms when realization hit him. I’d thought he was angry before, but this—this was different.
When he started to speak, I talked over him. “We’re at a party for you, Jentry, and right now we’re standing in a darkened hallway. You’re holding me, but everyone knows I’m Declan’s girlfriend, so nothing about how we are right now is okay.”
He released me slowly, and though he didn’t try to stop me when I started walking backward, his eyes were pleading with me to stay and talk to him.
“Even though it seems like the worst time to celebrate, your family needs this, and they need you to be here,” I said softly. “So be here, and let what’s happening between Linda and me stay that way.”
13
Present Day
Aurora
The next two hours of Jentry’s party consisted of people I didn’t know, or people who stared at me like they didn’t know what to say to me. Conversations flowed on around me about everything and nothing, but there was something that was always avoided. Or rather, someone. The conversations that began heading in that direction came to a sudden halt when the people taking part would search the room until they found me.
It was as if even speaking Declan’s name was a sin, and not allowed. But those rules didn’t apply if Linda was the one talking, and then it was as if Declan were by my side. Or Madeline’s.
Where are you, Declan?
With each unsure look or conversation that ended abruptly, and with each casual mention of his name, my pain and guilt and frustration grew until it became too much.
I practically ran for the front door, and stumbled onto the porch.
My chest felt heavy and tight—too tight. I pressed a hand down on it, thinking that would somehow ease some of the tension, and kept the other firmly pressed to my
mouth.
I felt trapped in this space, claustrophobic though I was outside and had never had a problem with small places. I couldn’t breathe.
That could’ve had something to do with the fact that I was vainly attempting to keep sobs from creeping out of my chest, but I felt like I needed air. I felt like I needed to get free. I felt like I needed to run.
I looked wildly at the large field that backed up against the Veils’ home, and without another thought, I took off for it.
There were a dozen things I could’ve done to make today easier for myself: Taken the warning of the tires more seriously and not come. Grabbed Jentry’s keys and left since I absolutely hated running. Or just tried to breathe . . . to name a few.
Instead, I ran until my legs threatened to give out, and ignored the pain in my lower legs where I’d been nicked by the rough grass. I swayed slightly. My body wanted nothing more than to fall to the ground; my mind wanted nothing more than to scream. Scream for what Linda was doing. Scream for how everyone was acting. Scream for the guilt and pain I couldn’t escape from. Scream for Declan.
But no sound came. No whimper, no cry, no scream. I just stood there as the wind whipped the knee-high grass against my legs and blew my hair in a tangled mess of blond waves across my face . . . and I breathed.
“Aurora . . .”
No . . . no, why is he here?
I turned, and tears blurred my vision when I saw Jentry standing there. His chest was heaving with heavy breaths, arms slightly bent with his palms facing me, as if he didn’t know whether to approach me or reach for me from where he stood, a dozen feet away.
“Please go back.”
“Not when you’re running from something I can’t see. You hurt, I hurt,” he reminded me. “You run, I’ll chase you.”
My heart pounded as he came closer. I shook my head quickly and tried to step away but couldn’t move my legs. “I can’t handle it—any of it.”
He paused and his face morphed into grief and understanding.
“I can’t take the pretending, and the way no one talks about what happened! No one could even say his name in there except for Linda!” I yelled, and threw my hand out in the direction of the house.
“I know,” Jentry said gently, and took another step toward me.
“I can’t take the way Linda acts like he’s right here. Like he’s okay when he’s not. Declan’s gone. He’s lost, Jentry, and it’s my fault! Everyone keeps going on with their life acting like he’ll show up at any moment when he can’t. I don’t know if he’s ever going to wake up, and it’s my—” A sob burst from my chest, and the pain that had been threatening to cripple me finally succeeded.
I fell to my knees as hard sobs racked my body, and tried to push against Jentry when he knelt next to me and pulled me into his arms.
“It’s my fault. He needs to wake up, Jentry!”
“It’s not your fault. It’s not. It was an accident—”
“You don’t understand!” I cried, and looked up at him. “He—he left because of me. He was driving to get away from me and what I said! He would’ve never been in his car or gotten into that accident if it weren’t for me!”
“I told you, you can’t think like that,” he said roughly, and cradled my face in his large hands. “It was an accident, Aurora! Thinking about the ifs and trying to take the blame for something you had no control over will only make you hate yourself.”
“Stop saying that! Can’t you see that I already do?”
It felt like that guilt had consumed me, swallowed me whole. Because Jentry was gripping me, and tears were slipping down his cheeks. And he was holding on to me like he needed me . . . like I hadn’t destroyed everything.
“I told Declan,” I choked out. “I told him about us.”
Jentry’s face fell, but he didn’t speak or move away from me.
“I know you asked me to wait, but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep living a life with him when I knew I would never feel for him a fraction of what I was capable of. I understand why you asked me to wait, but you have no idea what you actually asked of me! Every day felt impossible to get through and was darker than the one before it. I hated myself long before the accident, Jentry, and it was because all I could think of with every passing day, and with every touch, was how I was going to break his heart! The night I was going to leave, he proposed. Everything about you and us just started spilling out, and I couldn’t stop, and he left.”
Jentry’s eyes slid shut like he was in pain, and his head dropped.
“Do you understand why I can hardly live with myself? Do you understand why I want to regret you and push away from you forever? I finally allowed myself to want you, and that decision caused so much pain! Linda can say and do whatever she wants. I told you, it’s deserved!” I shouted between sobs. “Declan had told them that he was going to propose that night. All they know is that instead of the phone call they’d been expecting from him, they got one from the police that he was being airlifted to the hospital. They know we fought and that that’s why he’d left, but they don’t know why we were fighting. They don’t know that I was leaving him for you!”
Jentry let out a low curse toward the ground. “He called me the night of the accident. He called me twice, but I didn’t have my phone on me. He didn’t leave messages, so I hadn’t known—I didn’t realize. When I called him back, it went straight to voice mail. It had already happened. . . .”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
He lifted his head and ran his thumbs over my cheeks, trying in vain to wipe away tears that were falling too fast. “We’re gonna get through this. I swear we will. And when Dec wakes up, we’ll figure everything else out.”
“I told you, there can never be an us. Not after how I’ve destroyed everything!”
“Aurora, it’ll always be us.”
“How can you say that after what I’ve done?”
Jentry leaned close and pressed his forehead to mine. “Because I fell in love with you the night you took my soul.”
Before I could respond, his mouth crashed down onto mine and my world went up in flames.
Jentry
The tall grass whipped around us as I pressed her closer, deepening the kiss when my name passed from her lips to mine. My blood pounded through my veins when our tongues met in a slow dance we knew well.
Every brush of her lips against mine, and every sweep of her tongue, were perfectly in sync with my movements.
It’s how it had been from the beginning with us. We’d never moved like strangers, never come together with the unfamiliarity of two people learning each other. I’d known her and she’d known me from that first night.
Her hands slid up my arms and over my shoulders quickly, and slowed as her fingers reached the back of my neck. Her nails lightly grazed the skin there, then dug in when I bit her bottom lip.
She inhaled softly and swayed closer, but steadied herself less than an inch away when my phone started ringing.
Aurora’s blue eyes begged unspoken questions as my phone continued to ring. Her chest rose and fell as roughly as it had been when I’d found her in this field.
I reached into my pocket to silence the ringing, then brought my hand back up to sweep her wild hair away from her face. “It’ll always be us,” I repeated.
Pain sliced across her face as seconds passed. “I don’t know how it can be,” she finally whispered.
“We’ll figure it out.”
“You and me . . . it would have already been so difficult without Declan’s accident. Telling him, telling the family . . .” Her head shook slightly and her eyes searched mine as if I would have the answers. “They wouldn’t have understood. And now I’ve hurt everyone so much; how is it going to look to them now after everything?”
I opened my mouth to respond, but only a growl of frustration came out when my phone started ringing again. Pulling it out of my pocket, I cursed and ignored the call when I saw Jessica’s name
on the screen.
Aurora’s eyebrows were pinched together when I looked up at her again, but she didn’t comment on what I knew she had seen.
“We can figure this out.” My words were a promise.
She nodded after a second of hesitation, but it didn’t look convincing. “But not right now.”
I’d asked her to wait to choose between Declan and me until I’d come home from Camp Lejeune, never once doubting that I would be the one she chose once I did. Granted, neither of us had thought we would all be in this situation when I finally had, but I couldn’t let her do what she was trying to. “So, what, you’re going to keep pretending to be in a relationship that you couldn’t last another three weeks in? For how long?”
Tears filled her eyes, and she dropped her head in an attempt to hide them.
I slid the hand not holding my phone around her slender neck and brushed my thumb along the underside of her jaw until she looked up at me again. “You think you’re saving my family more now by not telling them, but they’ll find out eventually.” I muted the next call that came through as soon as it began, my focus never leaving Aurora, though her eyes darted down at the sound.
“I think you’re needed,” she whispered.
I ground my teeth, but didn’t respond to that. “I’m selfish enough to want you when you belong to someone else, but I’m not selfish enough to make you mine when my family is going through this shit. Right now they need their minds taken off what is going on with Dec, but they don’t need to be lied to. How much worse is it going to be when he wakes up and tells everyone what all went down on that night?”
A few tears slipped down her cheeks, and her voice was rough when she responded. “I don’t know how to handle this.” She shrugged helplessly. “I care about him, and I’ll always love him. I would’ve never forgiven myself if I hadn’t been there for him every day, and I have no doubt that Linda would’ve tried to stop me from being there if she’d known the truth.”
“I wouldn’t have let that happen,” I assured her.