“I understand.”
“And now,” Jackie admitted painfully, “you’re here to find the girl in the letters. Well, I don’t know if you will, Clay. I mean, I just get all flustered when you’re around, and I can’t seem—”
She cut off when he placed two fingers over her mouth.
“I want you to listen to me. Will you do that?”
Jackie could only nod.
“Like I said, my heart is changing. For all I know, yours is too. I’m here to see if there’s something between us, Jackie, not to hurt you or pressure you in any way.” Clayton finally moved his hand. “I felt it was best to be right up-front.”
Jackie nodded. “Thank you, Clay.” She looked away to pick up the towel for her hands and then back at him. “I’ll go and find Mother now and ask her if you can stay.”
“All right, but I think maybe I’d better talk to her first.”
Jackie looked at him for a moment but then understood. She found her mother in the living room and explained what she wanted.
“Of course he can stay with us, honey.”
“Well,” Jackie wasn’t sure how to say it, “he wants to talk to you first.”
Addy stared at her and then said, “Well, by all means, ask him to come in.”
A moment later, when Clayton came alone to the living room, Addy was smiling. However, he looked so strained that she felt a prickling of fear. Had he told Jackie in plain terms that he was just here as a friend? Or had he come to ask of becoming engaged? When Addy had opened the door and seen him standing there, her heart had tripped with gladness. Was she right or wrong?
“Sit down, Clay. What can I do for you?”
“Thank you, Addy. I appreciate your hospitality, but I think I need to tell you that I’ve come for a reason.”
Addy leaned forward in her chair.
“I’ve come to see if the things I’m feeling for Jackie are real. I think you know that we’ve kept in touch while I’ve been in Denver, but I had to see her. If I still looked at her like a little sister, then I wouldn’t hesitate to accept your offer, but I think you should know that my heart is changing.”
“I see,” Addy said simply.
“That isn’t to say that I’d dishonor her in any way, no matter how my feelings have changed, but I thought you should know.”
Addy’s heart felt like a butterfly just released from its cocoon. “The fact that you’ve come to me, Clay, and laid your heart at my feet, tells me that Morgan and I have nothing to worry about.”
Clay smiled. His own heart was feeling a good deal lighter all of a sudden.
“Thank you. I’ll go and tell Jackie.” Clayton rose to do this but never got to the door.
“Clay is here?”
The shout could be heard from the other room, and then Danny and Sammy were upon him. They both hugged him before Sammy dragged him to the sofa and began a line of a thousand questions. She seemed to have no concept of how far Denver was from Boulder and asked if he ever saw Robert and Eddie. It took some time to explain the geography to her, and while they were talking, Jackie joined them. Clayton didn’t spend the whole time gazing at her, but he knew she was there. And for today, that was enough.
25
“Jackie is working today?” Addy asked Morgan and then stared at him. He wouldn’t look at her when he answered but bent over to fasten his shoes.
“Yes. I need her.”
“I know, Morgan, but Clay is here and I—”
“Yes,” he bit out suddenly. “Clay is here. And the next thing you know we’ll be watching our second daughter go away.”
Addy sighed but kept quiet. Morgan had been in a terrible temper for weeks now, but things had grown noticeably worse when Addy confided in him the night before as to why Clayton was in Georgetown. And why was it, she asked herself, that Morgan never had a problem before the man showed up. He would encourage the girls, telling them to write, delivering the gifts that were sent, and even listening to them chatter on and act all dreamy when the beloved’s name was mentioned. But when the man came on the scene, first Robert and now Clayton, Morgan was impossible to live with. Addy simply did not know what to think any more.
“Morgan, please let her have some time off,” she tried again. “She works so hard and never complains. Please, Morgan.”
But he was adamant. His mind made up, he left the bedroom and moved to the kitchen. However, he hadn’t reckoned with his daughter. Danny and Jackie were in the kitchen. Danny had just agreed to work for her older sister, but her father said no. Both girls stared at him. He decided against breakfast and started toward the door. Clayton was not to be seen at the moment, but Jackie didn’t want to risk a scene in front of him. She followed her father out of the house.
“Danny’s going to work for me, Father.”
“No, Jack.” His tone told her not to argue, but she didn’t heed it. “You come to the store as soon as you’ve eaten.”
“Why?”
“Just do as I tell you, Jack.” He was hitching the team now in a way that told his daughter he was finished.
“I’m going to spend the day with Clay,” Jackie said firmly. “Probably tomorrow too.”
Morgan’s head rose slowly. “Are you defying me, Jack?”
“If that’s what it takes,” she stated with more calm than she felt.
Morgan’s anger exploded. “How dare you!”
“How dare I what?” Jackie was just as angry now. “Danny is coming down to the store. Why do I have to be there?”
“I’ll thank you to remember,” Morgan bit out, “that you still sleep under my roof and eat my food, Jacqueline Fontaine.”
“And I’ll thank you to remember that I put in 50 hours a week in the store and 30 during the school year without a dime to show for it.”
Some of the wind went out of Morgan’s sails at that point, but Jackie went on quietly before he could speak.
“I didn’t know you felt that way. Maybe I’ll just not be a burden any longer. Maybe I’ll just go to Denver with Clay when he returns.” She turned to walk back to the house, but Morgan finally heard what he’d been saying.
“Jack.”
She stopped but didn’t turn around.
“Please come here.”
Jackie went then, but her expression was defensive. She didn’t want to draw too close, but when she was within arm’s length, Morgan pulled her to him. He embraced her for a moment, and Jackie even hugged him in return.
“Go with Clay today. Have a good time.”
His voice sounded oddly strained to her ears, but she still nodded.
“Thank you, Father.”
Morgan went back to hitching the team, and Jackie went inside. Clayton was now in the kitchen and greeted her warmly, but Addy looked straight at her daughter. She asked to see Jackie upstairs, and the 17-year-old followed her mother from the room.
“You had words with your father?” Addy asked as soon as the bedroom door was closed.
“Yes. He’s being completely unreasonable.” Jackie was still a little angry. “He pushes you around, but he’s not going to treat me that way.”
“You will not speak to me in such a way, Jackie.” Addy’s voice told of her fury.
“It’s true, Mother. You’re his wife, so you have to take it. I don’t.”
“You’re wrong,” Addy said coldly. “You do have to take it, and if this is the way you’re going to act when Clayton shows up, then maybe he should leave.”
The anger left Jackie in a hurry. Her mother was rarely upset with her, and she felt terrible. She spoke again, but her voice was subdued.
“He was wrong, Mother. What was I supposed to do?”
“You must respect him, Jackie.”
“So you think I should have gone to the store?”
Addy suddenly felt tired beyond her years, and her face indicated as much. She turned away from Jackie and said, “I don’t know, Jackie. I just don’t know.”
Silence dropped like a cloak
onto the room. The clock could be heard chiming downstairs. Seven rings. So early in the day and already off on terrible footing.
“What did you and your father fight about?”
Jackie explained. “Then he made me feel as though I don’t earn my keep. I never ask for money, Mother, you know that. So I told him that if he felt that way, maybe I should just go back to Denver with Clay.”
Oh, Jackie, you must have crushed him with those words, her mother said to herself. Outloud she said, “What did he say?”
“He told me to go ahead and have my day. I think he was sorry, even though he didn’t say it.”
“So you did part on good terms?”
“Yes, but he still looked upset.” Jackie shook her head. “Why, Mother? Why does he give us such a hard time?”
“It’s very involved, Jackie, and I’m not sure I can explain.” Something in Addy’s voice bothered her daughter.
“Does it have to do with the fact that you and Eddie don’t think Father’s going to heaven?”
Addy could only stare at her.
“Oh, Mother, please don’t be angry with Eddie, but she was upset before she and Robert got married. I asked her why, and she said that sometimes Father’s lack of faith really upsets her. She told me she prayed for him every day. I didn’t know what to say to her. It’s not true, is it, Mother? Father will go to heaven, won’t he? I mean, he’s such a good man.”
Oh, heavenly Father, Addy’s heart begged as the breath left her body, is she really so ignorant of the way of salvation? Did her confession as a child mean so little, or have I been remiss in my explanation?
“Jackie,” Addy finally spoke very slowly. “Do you really not understand about salvation by grace, not works?”
“Well, yes, I do, but I just can’t believe that God would keep a good man like Father out of heaven. I used to get angry with Uncle Mitch for talking that way too.”
A knock sounded on the door just then, and Addy did not get a chance to reply. Lexa stuck her head in and spoke to Jackie.
“Clayton hasn’t said anything, Jackie, but he keeps looking toward the stairs. I think you should come down.”
“All right,” Jackie answered and turned toward the door. She was almost out when she remembered her mother.
“I’m sorry, Mother. Was that all?”
The timing was wrong, and Addy knew it. She wanted to sit her daughter down and talk this out, but her heart would not be in it. The older woman eventually nodded her head and told Jackie to run along. She was in need of breakfast, but she had no appetite. Addy sank down onto the bed and prayed for a long time.
“Here’s your favorite. A wild rose.” Clayton held the flower beneath Jackie’s nose. She breathed deeply before he slipped it into her hair. He then caught her hand when she tried to move it.
“Now, don’t you touch it,” he scolded. “I’ve got it just right.”
She laughed. “It feels like it’s sticking straight up in the air.”
“Well, it is. What else is it supposed to do?”
Jackie took her hand back and reached for the flower. She placed it behind her ear, a vast improvement, and then posed.
“Well,” Clayton admitted grudgingly. “I guess it looks a little better.”
Jackie smiled at him and turned away from the warmth she saw in his eyes. She began to repack the picnic lunch they’d enjoyed. Clayton lay down on the pale yellow blanket, supported by one elbow.
“Why do you do that?” he asked nonchalantly as he fiddled with a blade of grass.
“Do what?”
“Why do you get busy with your hands every time I look at you?”
Jackie stopped all movement, but still didn’t look up. What could she say to him? I’m sorry, Clayton, but if I look at you and think I see love in your eyes when there’s not, I’m going to be hurt beyond all repair. The thought alone was enough to make her speechless with embarrassment.
“Can’t answer,” he coaxed softly, “or don’t want to?”
“Oh, Clay, it’s just that—” Jackie cut off and looked at him. He wasn’t looking at her with warm interest now. Now he was just Clayton, and she felt a little better.
“I think I’m afraid for you to know how I really feel, and I’m afraid that if you look at me too long, I won’t have a secret left.”
Clayton smiled gently. “You do tend to carry your emotions in your eyes.”
Jackie had to agree. Her family always knew what she was thinking.
“Did you by any chance have angry words with your father this morning?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Did it concern me?”
Jackie nodded miserably. “Danny said she’d work for me, but he said I had to come in. We fought, but then he changed his mind.”
“Is it me, specifically, Jackie, or any man?”
Jackie was so stunned by this question that for a moment she sat quietly.
“I never thought about it before, but it is all men. I mean, Robert is a wonderful man, but Father had a terrible time when he came. He kept it covered up most of the time, but we could tell. No, Clay, it’s not you. It’s Father. I think he sees all men as a threat to our family.”
“Well, in some ways they are.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
Clayton chuckled and tossed the blade of grass he’d been holding. “Robert didn’t come here to study the plant life; he came to propose to Eddie. Six months later, she was gone. And now I’m sure your mother must have told your father that I’m here to find out our feelings for each other. The man’s not blind, Jackie; he can see the way I look at you.”
“And how do you look at me?” The question escaped with no premeditation, but Jackie felt immediately better.
Clayton grew very serious. “It’s like the letter you wrote me a long time ago about the wildflowers. For a while looking at them is enough, but then you want to touch. To really experience them, you need to hold them in your hands, smell them, and even rub them on your skin. I love looking at you, Jackie, but your father’s a married man. He knows very well that I want to kiss you and hold you.”
Jackie nearly panicked, but managed to speak.
“You’ve never talked about that in your letters.”
“I didn’t want to kiss your letters.”
Jackie couldn’t take her eyes from him. She wanted to; she wanted to busy her hands and mind a thousand miles from here, but she had to look into his eyes.
“I’m surprised you didn’t start packing the lunch again.” Clay had looked back at her, but now his eyes were smiling.
“I probably should, Clay, or I’m going to be the one to kiss you.”
She so shocked him with that statement that his mouth came open. Jackie found this very amusing. Her laughter bounced over the meadow, and her grin was cheeky. The intense moment was broken, and right now it was for the best.
Addy waited until Morgan was finished with his customer and then approached. She wasn’t fast enough, however. One of the older ladies in town snagged her, and she was tied up showing her bolt after bolt of fabric until the woman decided to go home and think it over. It seemed like hours before she could break away, but it must not have been. Morgan was leaning against the doorframe of the back room, just watching her. She hesitated in her step but kept on. When she neared, he dropped back into the room itself and over to the window. The act gave them privacy, and the window gave them light.
Looking down at her, Morgan stood in profile to the glass, his arms crossed over his chest. For a moment Addy felt like she was the one he’d fought with. She couldn’t quite meet his eye.
“I was furious with Jackie when she told me she’d had words with you.”
“I thought you would be angry with me,” Morgan admitted quietly.
“I was, but not furious like with Jackie.”
“She was right, you know. I was being unreasonable.”
“And she was being disrespectful. I won’t stand for that.”
/> Morgan nodded but did not comment. It wasn’t every man whose wife stood by his side even when he was behaving like a fool.
“I want to understand, Morgan, but I don’t,” she said suddenly. “Why could you take me thousands of miles away from my family, but not be willing to have anyone do that to your daughters?”
Morgan’s gaze shifted out the window. The back of the building looked out over the mountains. It was beautiful beyond description. He honestly couldn’t understand why anyone would want to live anywhere else, but he reminded himself that he hadn’t seen the rest of Colorado’s territory. It could be just as beautiful. In fact, if Eddie’s letters could be trusted, it certainly was.
“I just take longer to adjust than you do, Addy. I’ll get used to the idea of Jackie and Clay. Give me time.”
“I’m glad to hear that, Morgan, but you’ve been simmering with anger since Robert and Eddie left. Why can’t you go see them? Go see how happy Eddie is in her home, and maybe you can lay it to rest.”
“Go on my own?” he asked incredulously.
“Well, yes. I thought if I suggested we all go, you’d say we couldn’t afford it. If you go alone, I’ll be here to watch the store.”
“I can always close the store,” he mumbled. Addy’s heart leapt. The hope must have shown in her eyes because Morgan reached for her.
“I’ll think about it. All right?”
She nodded against his chest.
“Maybe this fall. All six of us.”
Addy looked into his eyes. “Thank you.”
“For what? I could still say no.”
“I know, but your willingness to work on it makes it so much better.”
He kissed her then, a long passionate kiss that dislodged hair pins and turned her face a bright pink. Coming into the back, Danny heard their low voices and moved back out front. Father always whistled the hours away when mother made a visit to the store. Danny decided her mother should come every day.
26
Clayton leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to Jackie’s brow. When he moved away, she looked into his eyes and admitted, “I’ve wanted you to do that for the longest time.”