“So you think that if a person is saved it will be evident?”
“Yes. I didn’t always. I mean, I tried to tell myself that if a person told me he had made that choice then I should believe him, but James puts it very well in James 2. He says I’ll show you my faith by my works. If the conversion is real, my darling, then the whole world should be able to tell.”
“Oh, Mother,” Jackie took her hand. “It’s never been like this. I want to pray all the time, and I love it when someone reads the Bible to me. I’ve always been so bored and restless with church, but I can’t wait until tomorrow.”
Addy leaned over and put her arms around Jackie, her heart so full that she couldn’t even speak. They were still hugging when Sammy returned. Addy kissed her youngest daughter good-night and teased them both about giggling and talking in bed. As she then joined Morgan in their own room, she only hoped that Jackie would have a chance to tell him all that had happened. Since Jackie had left Georgetown, Morgan had been more attentive and at home as much as he was able, but Addy suspected that he was still trying to come to God his own way. Their marriage was more precious right now than she ever dreamed it could be, but Morgan’s views on how to get to heaven still lay between them. As always, Addy continued to pray.
Clayton Taggart’s face lit with surprised pleasure when he saw the Fontaine family. He hugged all the women and shook Morgan’s hand. He was doubly pleased when Robert invited him to come for Sunday dinner so he could have a long visit. Such an invitation took all the pressure off him to talk to them at church. He was able to stand back while they met the church family, knowing his time with them would come.
However, his heart didn’t completely step away. Whenever he was in the same room with Jackie, he was aware of her every move. The other girls had all grown so tall and were prettier than ever, but Clayton had eyes for only one, and she would never see him again. Amazingly, that didn’t matter. Clayton’s heart and attitude had not changed in the least, except that he wanted to cherish Jackie all the more. And he knew that he would.
Jackie, however, didn’t know it. If there was one great advantage to her loss of vision, it was that he could look at her beloved face and still keep his feelings to himself. Someday she would know his voice well enough to know what he was thinking, but right now he’d kept a close watch on himself.
After he had told Jackie about his feelings concerning her spiritual state days before, Clayton had gone home to pray. In truth, he couldn’t pray right away. His heart felt broken, and he wept off and on for two hours before falling into an exhausted sleep. When he awoke, he turned to his Bible. He read for the rest of the day and turned Jackie over to God. He knew an amazing peace, but he had no sense that something had happened. He simply knew for the first time since seeing her again that he could live without her. He told God he was going to pray for her salvation if it took the rest of his life, but he was also going to obey God’s Word, and that meant no marriage to a nonbeliever.
When Robert had come the next day to tell him what had taken place, Clayton was so shocked he could hardly speak. He was not sorry for the way he’d talked to her, but it never occurred to him that God might use his words in such a powerful way.
It was on that day that Robert told him to come back on Friday to teach. He’d gone and found Jackie in the study. One look at her as she pored over that book, and he knew he was more in love than ever. When she asked him to read from the Bible, it was as if the Lord was saying, “She’s yours now, Clayton. You can finally have her.” Now, two days later, his feelings were just as strong. He even considered talking to Morgan but decided against it. The time to tell Jackie of his feelings might not come for months or even years. No matter to Clayton’s mind. He could wait. Her friendship was beyond value to him, and the rest would come in God’s time.
“I guess I’ll see you next Sunday.” Clayton’s voice came low to Jackie’s ears. The day was getting on, and Clayton thought it a good time to go. He found Jackie alone at the front, on the wide stone porch that swept halfway around the house. She was sitting on the stone bench, the skirt of her new green dress spread out around her. Clayton found her enchanting.
“Next Sunday?” Jackie looked uncertain and shifted the glass she was holding to her other hand. “I didn’t think your class started for another week.”
“It doesn’t, but I assumed you would want to have time with your family.”
Jackie licked her lips. She did want time with her family but not without him. In addition, she began to doubt his excuse. Was that how he really felt, or did he need some time away from her?
“Well, I guess it’s probably best.” She tried without success to keep the disappointment from her voice. “You must want some time to yourself after all of this, and especially with school starting.”
Her head had dropped forward, and although she couldn’t see, it was as though she was avoiding Clayton’s eyes. He couldn’t stand it. He stepped to stand in front of her, and with a gentle hand he captured her jaw and raised her gaze. He bent from the waist and spoke directly into her upturned face.
“I don’t need any time off,” he told her. His thumb moved gently on her cheek, and her breathing became labored. “I was thinking only of you. I could come as usual or just for a few hours. Whatever you want.”
“Oh, Clayton, I wish I could see you,” she told him honestly. “I wish I could tell if you really mean it.”
“I mean it,” he said, the hand still in place. It was amazing that they’d managed to be alone as long as they had, but when Clayton heard footsteps behind him, he moved his hand and took a step back.
“What time shall I come?” he managed in a normal tone.
“Maybe I should ask Eddie, just in case they’ve made plans.”
In truth, it had been Addy who was headed their way, but when she saw how close Clayton had been to Jackie, she stopped short, beaming with pleasure.
“Your mother is here,” Clayton said loudly enough for that woman to hear. “Why don’t we ask her?”
Addy came forward and Jackie did just that. Addy pleased her daughter to no end when she said, “Well, even if we do have plans, Clay can join us.”
Jackie didn’t comment on that, but her delight was more than obvious. Clayton knew some delight of his own, but his stemmed from the way Addy looked at him when he finally said his goodbyes. She was no fool, and his feelings for Jackie were more than clear. Her approval, given with kind, beautiful eyes, was crystal clear as well.
38
The next four days with the Fontaines were so much fun for Clayton that for the first time in weeks he didn’t miss the company of his own family. They all wrote to him, from Milly to his grandmother, and he answered every letter, but since moving from Denver he’d missed them with an intensity that surprised him. However, he recognized the strong cathartic his letters to them had become. In those missives he wrote his every thought and feeling.
Only Addy Fontaine had been in contact with his family since he moved to Boulder, so it was ironic that his mother received news of Jackie’s blindness just days before Clayton wrote to her himself. His father had been the one to write back to Clayton, and the young school teacher had been surprised to hear what the other man had to say. He encouraged his son never to pity Jackie, even if she felt sorry for herself. Clayton knew this advice stemmed from the fact that his father was still not up and walking, and might never be, but his life at home, in the mill, and amid their church family was full and fruitful.
Now Clayton could see that Jackie was on the same track. She went everywhere with her family and asked dozens of questions about the places they visited. It was such a turnaround from the girl who left Georgetown. It was a wondrous thing to watch God take hold of a life. Morgan saw Jackie’s changes as well but would not admit to himself that God was at the root.
Travis had made a point of inviting the family to visit his ranch before they left, and it was during this time that Jackie was able to have a f
ew words with her father. They were outside the house, walking next to the closest corral.
“You’re doing so well,” he commented when they had a few moments alone. He stopped by the fence, and Jackie’s hands came to rest on it.
“Yes,” Jackie smiled. “It’s amazing what a humble heart can hear.”
“What do you mean?”
Jackie’s head turned to him. She could feel his gaze. “My pride has been so big. I heard all the right things but didn’t want to listen.”
Had Jackie had her sight, she’d have seen Morgan’s look become shuttered. He knew exactly what she was talking about, but since her accident, he’d become more certain than ever that he must take care of his family and himself on his own. The silence spoke volumes to Jackie.
“Please keep your heart open, Father,” she whispered.
“All right,” Morgan agreed, but only because he didn’t want to hurt her. His head tipped back, and he looked into the bluest sky he had ever seen. It seemed to stretch for miles without a cloud in sight. He then looked at Jackie. She would never see the sky again. His heart cramped, and he wanted to ask how she could trust God at all after what had happened. At the same time he knew it would be the worst thing he could say. A moment later they were joined by the others.
The week passed way too swiftly for everyone, and it was a painful goodbye that was made on Thursday morning. It helped to have Clayton come and teach Jackie, but he could see that she was down.
“I think we need to get outside today.”
“All right.” Jackie stood and waited for further orders, but Clayton didn’t say anything, so Jackie asked, “Front yard or back?”
“Hmm,” he said thoughtfully. “Let’s start in the front.”
Jackie didn’t know what he meant by “start,” but she moved from the study to the front door, Clayton following in her wake.
Clayton knew she could navigate the steps on her own, but the new friendship that existed between them made him think he could offer his arm. He did so, and Jackie took it, holding on even when they’d reached the bottom. Clayton had planned to hand her leaves and wildflowers and ask her to identify them, but Jackie spoke as they walked through the grass.
“School begins Monday.”
“Yes.”
“Excited?”
Jackie felt his arm tighten, but he said only, “Yes.”
She laughed softly. “I think you’re more than excited; I think you’re ecstatic.”
Clayton laughed as well.
“Tell me about the schoolhouse,” Jackie begged quietly.
Clayton came to an abrupt halt. “Why don’t I show you?”
“The schoolhouse?”
“Yes. I’m sure Eddie would let us use the buggy; in fact, she might want to go with us.”
Jackie was surprised at how swiftly events in the next few minutes transpired. Within 15 minutes Eddie had said she would love to go, and the three of them were in the buggy headed through the middle of town to the school.
It was a scorching-hot August 31, and even though everything was in darkness for her, Jackie kept the brim of her bonnet pulled low over her face. By the time they arrived, sweat had begun to trickle down her neck.
“Here we go.” Clayton’s voice came to her, and Jackie put her hand out. Making it seem quite natural, Clayton kept her hand in his own long after she was down from the wagon. Jackie loved it, but the action distracted her so much that she nearly tripped.
“Easy.” Clayton’s voice was close to her ear. “Here are the steps.”
“How many?”
“Let’s see. Eight.”
Jackie began to count, but Clayton still held on. In fact, he never let go. He showed her the spacious schoolroom, the wall at the front that was all blackboard, the neat rows of desks, and the woodstove that would not be needed for many weeks yet. The whole room smelled faintly of chalk, and Jackie could tell by just moving in Clayton’s grasp that it was larger than the one in Georgetown.
“What color is it?”
“Off-white, I guess.”
“And the wood; is it oak?”
“My desk is, but the children’s desks might be an ash.”
“Come over here, Jackie,” Eddie called to her. “Feel the size of these windows. They line both the side walls and give the most wonderful light.”
Clayton led her over and dropped her hand to reach around her, putting her very nicely into his arms, in order to open the woodframed glass. A hot wind instantly blew onto Jackie’s front, but she hardly noticed. At the moment all she could feel were Clayton’s arms around her, and he was no longer even there. Jackie put a hand to her heaving chest and tried to divert her attention. If she wasn’t careful she was going to grab that man and kiss him.
“What was the verse you read to me last night, Eddie? Something about the fields being white unto harvest?”
“Yes. That was what Jesus said to the disciples after He’d spoken to the woman at the well. What made you think of that?”
It never occurred to her that Eddie would ask that. She gave a shaky laugh.
“Maybe Clayton will harvest his students.”
As if she’d asked him to, he took her hand once again.
“Come stand at the front where I’ll be teaching.”
He helped her step up to the place and left her standing so he could take a seat at the back.
“I’m in a rear seat, Jackie. Eddie’s at the front.”
“Okay. How close am I to the edge of the dais?”
“About 18 inches,” Eddie told her, and Jackie took a few steps to the left and then to the right.
“I’ll have no talking in this class.” Jackie tried for a stern tone but found herself far too amusing. “Do you hear me, children? I can be very nasty if you force me to be.”
“You’re nearing the edge now, Jackie,” Clayton called to her.
“You’re nearing the edge, Miss Fontaine.” Jackie corrected him. Eddie laughed.
“I’m getting hot,” the expectant mother complained. “Let’s go back into town and see if the hotel has anything cool to drink.”
“It’s a little early, but I would treat for lunch if anyone is hungry.”
“Why, thank you, Clayton,” Eddie told him with a smile, watching as he went to get Jackie. Her eyes misted at the tender way he pulled her arm through his, and then at Jackie’s sure step with Clayton leading her.
Please, Lord, she prayed as she had done so often of late. Please help them to find a way. What does a man do with a blind wife? I honestly don’t know, but, Lord, I want them to have each other, and I just know You can find a way.
Clayton had already taken Jackie to the buggy and was now waiting to shut the door. Eddie’s heart was still at prayer as she thanked him and climbed in beside her sister, but it wasn’t until the middle of lunch that she realized she herself could be part of the answer.
“Thank you, Clayton,” Jackie told him much later that day.
“For what?”
“For taking me to the school.” She knew he would be heading for home soon and didn’t want him to leave before she could express herself.
“You’re more than welcome. I can hardly believe it’s only two days away. Now that you’ve been there, you can picture me teaching and pray for me.”
“I’ll do that,” she promised.
Clayton asked her to turn to a page in a new book he had found for her, but Jackie just sat still.
“We’ll always be friends, won’t we, Clayton?”
“Yes, we will,” he told her without hesitation. “Why do you ask?”
“It’s just so hard when you can’t see a person’s eyes.” She tried to laugh, but couldn’t quite pull it off. “I mean, you could be looking daggers through me, and I wouldn’t even know it.”
“Does it sound like I’m looking daggers through you?” he asked gently.
“No,” she admitted. “But I do wonder what you look like now.”
“Why don’t yo
u go ahead and see?”
Jackie tensed. Did he mean what she thought he meant?
“Here,” he said. Her fears were confirmed. “Put your hands on my face and see.”
Clayton picked up her soft hands and laid them on his cheeks. His beard was just beginning to feel prickly. Jackie held her breath. The temptation to forget who he was and who she was was overwhelming, so without allowing her hands to “see” him at all, she put them back in her lap.
“I can’t do that, Clayton.”
“Why not?” His voice was low, intimate.
“Because we’re not married.”
The silence that followed lasted only a moment.
“Well, maybe we should be.”
Jackie couldn’t breathe. Her mouth had gone to dust and she felt frozen to the sofa. She heard Clayton move.
“I guess I’d better be on my way, Jackie. I’ll see you on Sunday.”
With that, he kissed her cheek and walked from the study. The sound of his steps was long gone before Jackie realized she hadn’t uttered a word.
“Keep an eye on her,” Clayton said softly to Eddie as he moved for the front door.
“Why? Did something happen?”
“I hope so,” was all he said before smiling contentedly and bidding her goodbye.
Eddie stared at the closed portal and then back toward the direction of the study. She bit her lip with excitement. She had been reporting the day’s events and making plans with Lena since they returned from town. She now had more to add.
Pastor Henley had finished his sermon, and the folks of the small congregation were rising to fellowship. The elderly pastor was working his way through the book of Genesis, and there was much discussion on the respective roles of husbands and wives. The sermon was positive and exciting to all but a few. Robert and Eddie were still seated and enthusiastically discussing it when Clayton approached. The room was too noisy for Jackie to tell that someone had neared.
“Jackie,” Eddie said, not thinking of the noise. “Why don’t you ask Tag to dinner at noon.”
“Oh, well,” Jackie replied uncertainly, not realizing she was being watched. “He probably has plans.”