Chapter 19
“You've really made a mess of this one, Pi.” Julie was leaning against the stump of an old tree. Her long red hair was gleaming in the sunlight and she was wearing a sheer, silken lace dress that I'd only ever seen in the drawings she used to sketch in between our shifts in the hospital ward.
“You're dead,” I told her.
“Doesn't mean I'm not watching you. Drake turned out to be a real jerk, didn't he?” Julie asked.
“Yes.” I looked down at myself. I was surrounded by fluffy green grass and wearing a white gown that looked suspiciously like a wedding dress. “He turned out to be a homicidal maniac.”
“I guess I'm glad I never did get him to kiss me,” Julie said whimsically. “How was it, by the way?”
“He was a homicidal maniac. Why do you care what it felt like to kiss him?” I asked.
“I care because kissing him was our dream. We spent all those afternoons practicing. Don't you remember?” Julie laughed.
“I remember my Mom asking me what we'd done to get my pillow so slobbery,” I admitted. I reached for her hand. “Julie- I'm so sorry. I couldn't save you.”
“You tried, Pi. It wasn't your fault I died.” Julie laced her delicate, artist's fingers through my thick, stumpy ones. Julie had always been the beautiful one.
“I always thought you would be the one who'd get to kiss Drake,” I whispered.
“I'm kind of glad it was you,” she replied. “I would have fallen in love with him if he'd ever kissed me. He would have lead me to my death like a lamb to slaughter.”
“Lamb.” I frowned as the word got caught in my memory. “Little lamb. He calls me little lamb.”
“You mean Seth?”
“You know about Seth?”
“I watch you. Always. I watch over you.” She squeezed my fingers reassuringly.
“Is he evil? Seth, I mean. Not Drake. I know Drake is evil.”
“No one is ever truly evil,” Julie told me. “We're all just victims of our circumstances and reflections of our characters.”
“How very philosophical of you.”
“Death changes the way you look at things,” she said. “But as for Seth, I can't answer your question.”
“Are you not allowed to?” I asked. “I mean, is there some kind of rule or God that won't let you?”
“No. I just don't know the answer.” Julie smiled at me and shrugged. “I don't want to lead you astray. After all, I'm the one who once said Drake was a god with a little 'g', aren't I?”
“You did.”
“I'm thinking maybe you shouldn't follow my advice on men,” Julie suggested. “I already failed you once. You never really wanted Drake until I sold him to you. I spent so many hours convincing you that he was the perfect man. You didn't really like him at first, remember?”
I did remember, vaguely. “I thought he was arrogant.”
“You were right.”
“Lot of good that did me. I fell right into his trap.”
“A lot of people have fallen into his trap,” Julie said. “He's betrayed and killed more people than you could possibly imagine. There is no one who he won't lie to.”
“He's afraid of Bud Moon.”
“Everyone is afraid of Bud Moon. With good reason, I might add.” Julie shook her head and frowned. “He took your parents, Pi.”
“And killed them. I know.”
“No. He hasn't killed them. Not yet.”
“Mom and Dad are still alive?” I stared at Julie in shock. I barely dared to believe she might be telling the truth.
“I would know if they weren't,” she said softly. “You can't give up, Pi. I know you want to, but you can't give up.”
“I'm not giving up,” I said even though in my heart I knew that I wasn't exactly telling the truth.
“I wouldn't be able to talk to you now if you weren't,” Julie said. “I've tried to get through to you, to talk to you, so many times since I passed. You've never been able to hear me or see me until now. You can see me because you're giving up. You're losing your will to live and that's why I can reach you.”
“I'm tired and I'm scared, Julie.” The words came out before I could stop them. “You're gone. Dad's gone. Mom's gone. Drake's a monster. I'm a monster. I'm wearing shoes that I took off the feet of a dead friend. I'm hungry but all that's left in my pack is a bag of jerky and I don't trust it. It probably started out its existence as someone I knew.”
“You are not a monster.” Julie's fingers didn't feel as solid in my hand as they had a moment before. I looked down and saw that they were fading from my grasp. She was disappearing right before my eyes.
“Then what am I?” I asked as I squeezed her hand even more tightly. I wanted to beg her not to go but I knew it would do me no good. The world around us was dissolving just as rapidly as my best friend was.
“A survivor,” Julie said. “You'll always be a survivor. I love you, Pi.”
“I love you too,” I whispered. The words were still on my lips when I woke up, alone in the woods but no longer nearly as afraid as I had been when I'd first come into them.