Blind Michael was seated on a throne made of ivory, amusement in his sightless face as he turned toward me. “So,” he said. “You’ve returned.”
“You cheated,” I snapped. One day I’ll learn when to hold my tongue. “You said I could free Mitch and Stacy’s kids. You didn’t tell me you had Karen.”
He leaned back. “So did you. You took children I’d not agreed to lose.”
“I never said I wouldn’t.”
“I never said I’d tell you what children I had, or that I wouldn’t take back the ones you didn’t bargain for. The children you won fairly are yours, the others are mine if I want them.” He smiled. I shuddered. There were things in that smile I never wanted to know the names for. “Of course, we could always make another bargain. I enjoyed our last one.”
“What do you want?” I asked. “You can’t keep me here. I have the Luidaeg’s blessing.”
“Oh, I know. My subjects were—enthusiastic—in bringing you. I apologize.” I somehow doubted anyone was going to be punished for their enthusiasm. “As long as you hold my sister’s candle, you may leave at any time. But.”
“But?” I echoed. There was a catch. Of course there was a catch.
“You leave without this.” He pulled a familiar crystal sphere out of his vest, holding it up to show me the struggling butterfly trapped inside. “Isn’t she lovely? She brushed past me in the night, and I took her. How long will she last, I wonder?”
Karen. Oh, root and branch, Karen. “Let her go!”
“Stay with me.”
I froze, staring at him. “What?”
He smiled again. “Put down your candle. Stay with me. You don’t have time to save her and escape, but if you’ll stay of your own free will, I’ll let her go.”
“Why?”
“Because you tricked me once; that impressed me, but I’m not leaving you free to do it again. Because your existence offends me, daughter of Amandine.” He spun the sphere, making the butterfly fan its wings in a frantic attempt to stay upright. “You stay. She goes.”
“And Katie?”
“You have no claim to her.” He shook his head. “Sacrifice yourself to save one, or lose both. The choice is yours, daughter of Amandine. You haven’t got that much time left.”
I looked down at my candle. He was right: time was slipping away, and I wasn’t sure I could make it out alone, much less with my kids. Damn it. Forgive me, Luidaeg, but you were right. I really did run away to die.
“I see,” I said, looking up.
Blind Michael smiled. “Will you make the trade?”
I shivered, taking another look at my candle. It wouldn’t burn forever; if I stalled too long I’d be trapped, and Karen would be trapped with me. If I took his bargain, at least one of us would get away.
I didn’t mean to fail anyone; I didn’t mean to leave Katie behind. At least she’d forget that she’d ever been anything but a horse in a madman’s stable, and Quentin was young—he’d have outlived her no matter what happened. Loving a mortal is never wise. You get burned every time. He was just going to have to learn that lesson a little earlier than I did.
I knew I was justifying what I was going to do. I didn’t care. There was no other way.
“If I stay,” I said, slowly, “you’ll let Karen go. No tricks, right?”
“Of course,” he said, offended. “My word is my bond. Am I not born of Faerie?”
That was the thing. He was born of Faerie, a Faerie so old only the Firstborn remembered it. Our word has always been our bond, and his blood was older than mine. His word would be more binding. “Promise me,” I said.
“If I promise, you stay. You will join my Hunt and belong to me, forever.”
One last chance. I could still say no; I could run away and come back to save them all, if I truly believed I could still get there and back by a candle’s light. The wax was melting faster all the time, running down and coating my fingers. How many miles to Babylon?
Too many.
“If you promise, I’ll stay,” I said. “You have my word.”
“That is all I need.” Blind Michael stood, giving a short, mocking bow. “By my mother’s blood and my father’s bones, I promise,” he said, in a singsong voice that echoed back and forth until it filled the world. I shivered where I stood, wanting to run. Too little and too late, by far. I’d given up my chance, and I was going to have to live with the consequences.
“By oak and ash, by rowan and thorn, I promise. By root and branch, by rose and tree, by flowers and blood and water, I promise this to you: your sleeping princess and her siblings shall be free of my lands, and I will never touch them again. My Hunt will not pursue them, my Hunters will not take them. You have my word.”
His words were ash and dust; I breathed in their power and felt myself go cold. The children erupted into cheers. He’d done it. The promise was made, and not even Blind Michael could escape his own bindings. Karen would go free and I would stay behind. It was up to Quentin and the others to free Katie. The fight wasn’t mine anymore. My fighting was over.
I looked into his face and saw the end of the world. “Your turn,” he said.
“I . . .” There was nothing I could say. Like it or not, I’d given my word. You can get there and back by candlelight, the Luidaeg said, and she’d been right; the light brought me into Blind Michael’s lands and kept me as safe as possible while I was there. It was my road home, and as long as I had it, my promises didn’t matter. As long as I didn’t let go, there was still a chance.
Wordless, I opened my hand, and I let the candle fall.
The Hunt watched, and Blind Michael watched through them. When it hit the ground, flame finally going out, he smiled. Victory, damn him forever. Victory was his. I stood as straight as I could, blinking back tears. The land wasn’t very welcoming when I was under the Luidaeg’s protection, but now, without my candle, it was terrifying.
Dimly, I realized that I wanted my mother.
“I stay,” I said.
“Yes,” said Blind Michael, “you do.” Something hit the back of my knees, knocking me to the ground. I tried to raise my head, but the world had gone dark, filled with the icy whispering of Blind Michael’s lost children. Oak and ash, what had I done?
“Here comes a candle to light you to bed,” they chanted. I could feel them closing in around me, but I couldn’t get my body to obey me and move away.
Luidaeg, forgive me . . . I thought, desperately. “Here comes a chopper to chop off your head,” rumbled Blind Michael. “Take her.”
Something heavy hit me on the base of the skull, and the world fell away.
TWENTY-SEVEN
THE WORLD WAS MADE OF MIST and filled with snatches of song. I hummed along, singing when I knew the words. There was nothing else: just the music, the mist, and me. Sometimes people moved past without speaking, but they didn’t matter. Nothing mattered as long as the music was there to keep me warm. There was a time when the world was something more than mist and half-remembered songs, but that time was long ago and far away; that time was over. I hurt when I tried to remember, and so I’d stopped trying. I just sat in the darkness and waited. What I was waiting for exactly was the part I didn’t know.
There were things to hope for, even in the misty darkness. If I was very lucky and very good, He might come. He was as big as the sky and as bright as the moon. When He walked the mists parted, and I could see the plains that stretched forever under the twilight sky. I would have done anything for Him. I would have died for Him. I think I told Him that once. I remember His hand on my hair, and His voice, as deep and wide as the ocean, rumbling, “You’re almost ready.” I cried for a long time after that. I didn’t know why. Something about promises.
Time passed. I don’t know how much, and I didn’t care; time had no real purpose. All that mattered was the mist, and the hope that soon, He would come again.
When the mists cleared enough to remind me that I had a physical shape, I realized someone wa
s dressing me. Something was coming, something as important as the moon I could remember seeing against . . . some other sky. The thought hurt, so I put it aside; something important was coming, and that meant He would be there. Everything would be fine, as long as He was there. I smiled, letting unseen hands pull boots onto my feet. That didn’t seem polite, and so I sang, “Ride a cock horse to Banbury Cross, to see a fine lady upon a white horse . . .”
“Yes, yes, of course,” said the someone, and stroked my hair, pulling it back and pinning it. The voice was almost familiar, the way the faces I sometimes saw when I slept were almost familiar. “It’s almost time to go. I’m going to get you out of here. Don’t worry.”
“. . . with rings on her fingers and bells on her toes,” I sang, closing my eyes. It hurt to watch the mist for too long. It would start dissolving if I did, showing me glimpses of a world that wasn’t quite right. It wasn’t the way the world was supposed to be; it made me want to bite and scream. Something about children and candles.
“How many miles to Babylon?” I muttered. “It’s threescore miles and ten.”
“Shhh,” said the voice. “You need to be quiet. No more rhymes. No more words.”
“Can you get there by candlelight?” What was she talking about? Words and the mist were the only things I had.
“Snap out of it!” she whispered and slapped me. I froze. Sometimes He hit me when I sang songs He didn’t like. I never knew what songs would make Him hit me until they were already sung and it was too late to take them back. Once, when I sang a song about a woman named Janet and the white horse her lover rode, He started hitting me and almost didn’t stop. I bled into the mists for hours after that, bright blood like rubies on my fingers.
I didn’t like it when He hit me. It hurt. And it confused me, because as much as I hated it, I didn’t want Him to stop. When He hit me, the mists cleared enough that I could start grasping concepts beyond the world I knew, things more complex than mist and half-remembered songs. So I cringed at the blows and remembered what caused them, so that I could make Him do it again whenever I wanted Him to. Whenever I was willing to gamble pain for sanity. When He hit me, I hated Him. When He stopped I hated myself for hating Him.
But I always made Him hit me again.
There was no more pain. I opened my eyes. The mist was empty, eddying in slow swirls. “Hello?” The mist caught my voice and threw it back, drowning out the songs. “Hello?”
No one answered. I wrapped my arms around myself, shivering harder. This wasn’t right: I was never alone. There was always someone in the mist, ready to chastise or soothe. They never left me alone. Something might hurt me. Something might frighten me. Something might . . .
Might . . .
Something might wake me up.
“How many miles to Babylon? It’s threescore miles and ten . . .” I whispered. I remembered someone else saying the same words; a woman with dark hair and eyes like the mist. She put a candle in my hand, she told me the route to follow for my there-and-back-again; she promised the candle would protect me. There was danger, yes, always danger, but there was a road I could follow. I remembered the oily sheen of her skin, the tapered nails that crooked so naturally into claws . . .
The Luidaeg.
I gasped, my heart hammering against my ribs. The Luidaeg. She gave me my candle and set me on the road to Blind Michael. I was safe as long as I held the candle and stayed on the path. I was safe until . . . oh, root and branch, what had I done? More important, what was I doing? I tried to stand and fell, catching myself on the chair.
A voice behind me said, amused, “Well, that worked better than I expected.”
I froze, sorting through the possible speakers and discarding them. Finally, I asked, “Acacia?”
“It’s me; now hush. I need you to get up.” Her hands were firm on my shoulders. “I won’t let you fall.”
“Where am I?” I could hear her, but I couldn’t see her; the mists blocked everything.
“My husband’s private hall.” She guided me to my feet. “It’ll be all right, but you need to move.”
“I can’t see.”
“You’re enchanted—he has plans for you, and they don’t include escaping.” There was a dark amusement in her tone. “Close your eyes.”
I did as I was told, and she dragged a soft, damp cloth across my eyelids. I opened my eyes when the pressure faded, squinting against the sudden brightness. The mist was gone. We were in a small room cluttered with broken furniture and heaps of discarded tapestries. The floor was covered with a thick layer of dust, and footprints led to the chair where I’d been sitting. There were no windows; the door was ajar, and had no locks. They’d held me prisoner, and they hadn’t even needed iron bars to do it, because I gave myself to them. I was an idiot.
Acacia was kneeling in front of me, a frown pulling the scar on her cheek taunt. She watched me look around, concern evident in her expression. “Can you see me?”
“I can,” I said, looking back to her. “What did he do to me?”
“He coated your eyes with faerie ointment brewed to blind, not reveal.” Her smile was bitter. “He’s not very original, I’m afraid, but what he does, he does well. Including the taking of other people’s toys.”
“I thought he was a god.” I almost gagged on the words.
“I know. He does that to everyone; even those of us who should know better.” She ran her hand over my hair and straightened, saying, “We need to go. It’s All Hallows’ Eve, and he’ll be coming for you soon.”
“What?” I stared at her. Had it been that long? It couldn’t have been . . . but the mists had been so thick. For a moment, I was ready to go with her. Then I sobered, shaking my head. The thought of freedom was like a drug, but it didn’t change my promises. “I can’t.”
“I know you gave your word. Do you know what you swore?”
“To stay.”
“You never said you’d Ride. My woods are part of his land. Now come with me. I can’t free you, but at least you won’t be his.”
I studied her before offering my hand and letting her lead me out of the room. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because you didn’t have to take her my rose, and because his plans for you would be bad for us both. Now hurry.”
I fell silent, letting her guide me through the halls. We were halfway down the hall when Acacia gasped and shoved me behind her. I hunched down, trying to make myself small enough to be overlooked. I hadn’t seen whatever startled her, but I was sure it wasn’t anything friendly. Very little in Blind Michael’s lands was friendly.
Armored feet scuffled on the floor, and a voice said, “Lady Acacia? We did not expect to see you here.”
“Do you question my right to pass?” she demanded. Her voice was cold and convinced of its own superiority: the kind of voice purebloods use on changeling servants.
It worked just as well on Blind Michael’s guards.There was an embarrassed pause, and the voice said, “No, Lady. But we grow near time to Ride, and I thought . . .”
“Who said you should think?” she asked. “You’re obviously ill-suited to the task. What breed of fool challenges a lady in her lord’s halls? And I am still his lady until the Ride is done.”
What was she talking about? I remembered Blind Michael’s hands on my hair and cheeks and was suddenly terribly afraid that I already knew.
“My lady, I—”
He’d have been better off keeping silent—it was too late to stop her. I’d heard Evening do the same thing more than once; it impressed me coming from her, and she usually had reason. Acacia was doing it cold, with nothing to fuel her but fear. That took skill. “I’ve half a mind to tell my husband you doubt my right to walk his halls! I’m sure he’ll be charmed to know his guards would even do so much for his safety as guard his lady from his bed!”
“Please!” The guard was frantic, and even I felt a little sorry for him: I could guess what it would mean to be reported to Blind Michael for som
ething like that. “A thousand apologies!”
There was a pause. When Acacia spoke again her tone was gentler. “Very well. See to it no one else disturbs me; I haven’t a mind to dance these steps more than once a night.”
“Yes, Lady!” I heard the guard scramble away, footsteps fading. Acacia kept me pressed against the wall for several minutes, waiting. No alarms sounded.
When she finally stepped away from the wall, she gave me a look that was full of sorrow. “So you know.”
“Why—”
“Because.” Her sorrow faded, twisting into bitterness. “You’d be a better toy. Come quickly.” She grabbed my hand and started walking again, faster now. The guard was as good as his word, and no one else tried to stop us. The end of the hall was in sight when Acacia broke into a run, dragging me with her. We were almost there. We were almost out.
Fingers snagged in my hair, yanking me to a painful stop. I fell backward, hitting the floor hard, and found myself looking up into the smirking face of the Piskie from the Children’s Hall. She was sitting astride her Centaur mount, one hand wound in his mane; her other hand was still raised, strands of my hair caught between her webbed fingers.
“He said you might try to get away. He said we should watch you special,” she said, and looked to Acacia, eyes cold. “You can’t hurt us. He knows where we are.”
“No,” said Acacia wearily, hands dropping to her sides. “I can’t hurt you.”
“Stupid old hag,” said the Piskie. The Centaur grabbed my hair this time, hauling me to my feet. I winced but didn’t scream. I wasn’t giving them the satisfaction.“These are His halls, not yours. You have no power here.”
“No, I don’t. I gave it up,” said Acacia, and looked at me, expression pleading.