“Good—then go.” His deep voice went harsh again. “It’s better this way. Better for both of us. I’m no good for you, Nina.”
She turned to face him once more. “It looks to me like you’re not good for anyone but yourself. Goodbye, Reddix. Have…have a nice life.”
She wanted to leave without breaking down, didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry. But on the last word, the tears burst forth, and she couldn’t stop a sob from escaping before she turned her back on him and ran into the shuttle.
* * * * *
Reddix stared after her, feeling like she’d ripped his heart out and was taking it with her. But what could he do? He was letting her go—giving her freedom for her own good. He could have let her down easier, tried to explain—but that would never work. He knew Nina, knew how persistent and tenacious she could be. She would never give up on them if she thought he still cared for her. That he still loved her. So he had to lie, had to send her away thinking he’d used her. And if she hated him for it, well, that was better than ruining her life—wasn’t it? Wasn’t it?
Reddix didn’t have an answer.
Lissa, who had been hanging back to give them some privacy, suddenly came forward. Before he could say a word, she slapped him—hard, across the face.
“You ought to be ashamed of yourself,” she said, her green eyes flashing. “I know I am ashamed of you. I just stood up in front of all our clans and said how much the men of the Touch Kindred have grown. I spoke about how kind and brave and honorable they are. But you—you are none of those things.”
“You don’t have to tell me that,” Reddix growled. “I already fucking know it.”
“Then you should also know this.” Lissa poked a finger at him. “You just threw away the best thing to ever happen to you in your whole miserable existence. I hope you regret it every day for the rest of your life.”
“I will.” Reddix rubbed his cheek, which still stung from her slap. “Believe me, I already do.”
“Then why are you doing this?” Lissa looked at him with honest bewilderment. “I can tell you care for Nina—why are you pushing her away?”
He frowned at her. “That’s none of your Goddess damned business. Let’s just say it’s for her own good and leave it at that.”
Lissa shook her head. “I guess you have your reasons, but whatever they are, they’re not good enough for doing what you just did to Nina.” She gave him a last disgusted look. “Good-bye, Reddix.”
With that, she marched up the short gangplank and into the waiting shuttle. The plank drew up, and the door closed behind her with a metallic hiss-bang. The pilot—who had only been waiting for the signal to go—had the shuttle in the air in an instant.
Reddix stood and watched as it rose swiftly over the tops of the trees, moving up and up until it was nothing but a shimmering dot in the night sky. Then it blinked once and disappeared completely.
Nina was gone.
Chapter Thirty-three
“Are you sure you don’t mind helping?” Lissa asked anxiously for what had to be the tenth time.
Nina tried to smile. “I’m positive. I don’t feel ready to go home yet, and I don’t want to just hang around this big old ship doing nothing. Besides, your friend Kat seems like she could use the extra hands.”
“Poor Kat.” Lissa sighed. “She’s the one who usually plans everyone else’s events. I think it’s just about killing her to give in and let someone else plan her joining ceremony, but she’s been having a rough time with her pregnancy lately—nothing serious, just a lot of morning sickness and nausea.”
“She’s pregnant?” Nina was surprised. “I couldn’t tell—she’s certainly not showing.”
“And that’s how we want to keep it,” the red-headed Kat came bustling up with a smile on her face. “At least until I tie the knot with my guys officially. Then I can wait a week or two and tell my grandmother I’m ‘in the family way,’ as she so delicately puts it. Until then, I’m not preggers—or at least I’m not admitting to it.”
“Got it,” Nina said, smiling. “So we’ll keep the baby talk under wraps.”
“Yes, please.” Kat fanned herself with the wedding program she was holding. “It was bad enough explaining to her that I have three way nookie. If she finds out I’ve got a bun in the oven on top of it all…” She shook her head. “Well, let’s just say it wouldn’t be good.”
“I think we can keep things quiet,” Lissa said. “But you should go lie down, Kat. It’s only a few hours until the ceremony—you need to rest.”
“I can rest when I’m dead,” the red-head said grimly. “Right now, I need to make sure everything is perfect before we get started.”
“Well, let’s see,” Lissa ticked off points on her fingers. “The tables are all set for the reception. There’s a program in every chair. The sacred grove is decorated, and I’ve posted Baird to be sure everyone removes their shoes and boots before they go in to the ceremony—which I am fully ready to perform.”
Nina looked at her in surprise. “You’re the one doing the ceremony?”
Lissa nodded. “I’m still technically a priestess of the Goddess so I was happy to agree when Kat asked me.”
“Thank you, doll.” Kat smiled at her gratefully. “I can’t wait to hear you tell the guys they can kiss the bride.”
“It will be my pleasure,” Lissa assured her friend.
“We’re almost done with the favors and place settings too,” Nina offered, holding up a small lace baggie filled with sugar almonds and a tiny white wire picture frame with a name written in calligraphy in the center.
“Is that your handwriting?” Kat looked at the tiny place setting in wonder. “Wow, that’s beautiful Nina. Thank you.”
“You’re more than welcome.” Nina smiled at her. “I’m just grateful to have something to do.”
“She means to take her mind off Reddix,” Lissa explained. She frowned. “When I think of how he acted…I’ve already told Saber he’s not invited to our joining ceremony, whenever we finally have one.”
“Thanks, Lissa.” Nina lifted her chin. It had only been a few days, and her heart still felt like it had been shattered into a million pieces, but she was determined to move on. “But you don’t have to do that. I’m not going to let him bother me.”
“Brave girl,” Kat said admiringly. “Well, if you can really get over him that easily, it wasn’t meant to be in the first place.”
“Exactly what I’ve been telling her,” Lissa said. “I just—”
“Oh, look out—disaster at five o clock,” Kat hissed, turning her back.
“What?” Nina looked around uncertainly. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s the new girl—Maggie Jordan. She’s up here on the ship because she’s going to participate on the first wholly integrated Human/Kindred exploration. Which basically means some of the warriors are checking out a new planet and letting some humans tag along.”
“That sounds nice,” Nina was intrigued. “She must be really smart to be chosen for that.”
“Oh, she is—smart as a whip,” Kat said earnestly. “She’s got a doctorate in xenobiology and xenobotany, and she’s only twenty-five. That’s like…amazing. Impossible.”
“So what’s the problem? Why are you hiding from her?” Lissa asked.
Kat frowned. “Well, you see, the thing is—she’s too smart. You know that old stereotype of the absent minded professor who has his head in the clouds all the time? Well, that’s Maggie. She’s so smart she has no common sense.”
“She’s pretty, anyway,” Nina offered, staring at the girl over Kat’s shoulder. She had short, rather messy honey blonde hair that was a mass of curls around her heart-shaped face. Her eyes might have been brown, but it was hard to tell—they were hidden behind a pair of thick, round glasses. She had a good figure which was unfortunately hidden by the bulky lace dress in a rather horrible shade of puce she was wearing. “Pretty in an…academic nerd girl kind
of way, anyway,” Nina amended.
“Pretty but not practical,” Kat confided in a low voice. “Sophie took her under her wing and asked if she could help with the wedding. Of course I said yes because I need all the help I can get. But already she’s knocked over a dozen chairs, spilled half a bottle of wine that wasn’t even supposed to be opened yet, and broken half a dozen crystal champagne flutes. I’m telling you, girls, she’s an accident waiting to happen.”
Just then, as though she’d been called, Maggie Jordan caught sight of Kat and hurried over.
“Oh, Kat!” she exclaimed. “I’m so glad to see you. Is there anything else I can do to help?”
“Well…” Kat smiled at her warily. “As a matter of fact, Lissa and Nina here were just saying they could use some help with the favors and the place settings.”
“Oh good! Anything I can do.” Maggie swept out her hands in a gesture of goodwill. Unfortunately, she happened to catch two or three of the little picture frames and knocked them off the table Nina was sitting at. The delicate glass shattered immediately, littering the floor with tiny sharp shards.
“Oops,” Lissa murmured.
“Oh dear!” Maggie cried. “I’m so sorry! Here, let me clean that up.” She bent down at once and began picking up the shattered glass.
“Don’t,” Nina warned. “You’ll stick yourself—let me get a broom.”
But it was too late. Maggie had already stabbed her finger with a piece of glass.
“Ouch!” She straightened up abruptly, and the top of her head smacked the underside of the table with a bang. Luckily, Nina was able to save the rest of the tiny picture frame place settings, but sugared almonds went rolling everywhere.
“Are you all right?” Lissa looked under the table to where Maggie was still crouched.
“I think so…” Maggie came crawling out from under the table with one hand held out in front of her. A long shard of glass was sticking out of her middle finger.
“Here—let me get that,” Nina said, bending down.
“Oh, no. I—”Maggie began, but Nina had already plucked the long shard of glass out of her finger. The minute she did, a droplet of blood welled up. Nina had a napkin all ready to wrap around the wounded digit, but the minute Maggie saw the blood, her eyes rolled up in her head and she began to faint.
“Oh, catch her!” Kat gasped.
Moving fast, Lissa fell to her knees and managed to cushion the other girl’s head before it hit the ground. “Got her!”
“Sorry,” Maggie moaned as Nina hurriedly wrapped her finger with the napkin. “I don’t like…blood. My own blood, I mean.” She sat up woozily, and Lissa helped her. “I don’t mind…anybody else’s. But when I see my own…”
“That’s okay,” Kat said quickly. “I’m not a big fan of blood myself.” She sighed and put a hand to her head. “You know, Lissa, I think I will lay down a minute. Do you girls have everything under control here?”
“Absolutely,” Lissa promised. She made a face at Nina who shrugged and smiled at Kat.
“We’ll get everything just right for your big day. Don’t worry about it—go get some rest.”
“Thanks, girls.” Kat gave them a strained smile and hurried off.
“Well, I think I’m going to go find something to sweep all this up,” Lissa said, standing and helping Maggie to her feet. “Nina, why don’t you make a few more of the sugared almond favors while I’m gone? And Maggie, I’ll see if I can find something to bandage your finger—just sit tight and put pressure on it.”
“In other words, keep my hands in my lap.” Maggie nodded unhappily. “I understand.”
“We’ve got it.” Nina nodded at Lissa and pulled out a chair for Maggie, making sure it was on the opposite side of the table from the tiny fragile picture frames.
“Oh, dear. I think I stressed Kat out,” Maggie said sadly. She sat down carefully, making sure not to bump the table. “I’m sorry about the mess—I only wanted to help. I just get so clumsy when I’m nervous.”
“It’s all right,” Nina said consolingly. “And Kat’s just stressed about the wedding—that’s all.”
“Thanks for being so nice about it. I know I’m a pain to be around sometimes.” Maggie smiled and pushed up her glasses, which were slipping down her nose. Nina reflected that she really was very pretty. Her tousled blonde curls and big brown eyes gave her an air of absentminded innocence that was both charming and unusual.
“You’re not a pain,” she protested as she grabbed a tiny piece of lace and some ribbon and began making favors again. “In fact, Kat was just telling us how smart you are. She said you have a PhD in xeno…”
“Xenobiology and xenobotany—the study of alien animals and plants. Up until now we’ve only been able to study the specimens the Kindred have been willing to share with us. But soon—” Maggie leaned forward eagerly, jostling the table. “Oops, sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Nina put down her favor and quickly began turning the miniature picture frames face down. As long as she was talking with Maggie, it seemed best to secure anything delicate and fragile. “Tell me more,” she went on, as she worked. “I’ve, uh, recently been to two alien worlds myself, and I wished the whole time I was there that I knew more about the culture and the people…”
She choked to a stop, thinking of Reddix. Maybe if she’d known more about the Touch Kindred, more about what he wanted and needed, they wouldn’t be apart right now.
Stop it, she told herself fiercely. Now isn’t the time for a breakdown! You’re over him. Completely over him so stop getting emotional.
“Hey, are you all right?” Maggie was peering at her anxiously through her thick glasses. “You seem…upset.”
“It’s nothing.” Nina sniffed and tried to smile at her. If only she didn’t still feel so shattered inside. So broken and used. “I’m fine,” she said, trying to reassure herself as well as the other girl. “Tell me…tell me about your mission—Kat said you were going with a group of Kindred to explore a new planet they found?”
“Oh, yes!” Maggie’s face glowed with excitement. “Gaia is what they’re calling it. It’s classified as a Super Earth world—meaning is has the same atmospheric composition and is the same distance from its sun as our planet is from ours, but it’s about three times larger than Earth. Of course, the gravity will be commensurately higher, but the Kindred tell me they have ways of compensating for that.”
“Oh?” Nina smiled at her, feeling more in control of herself. I don’t miss him, she told herself. I don’t need him. I’m fine.
“Yes,” Maggie went on, her eyes shining. “The Kindred scans have indicated a large variety of local flora and fauna. I just can’t wait to start classifying them! The papers I can write…I’ll literally never run out of material.”
“I never saw anyone get excited about writing a paper before,” Nina said, grinning.
Maggie smiled ruefully. “Oh, I must sound like a huge nerd, huh? But I just can’t help myself—I love finding out new things.”
Nina couldn’t help laughing—the other girl’s enthusiasm was infectious.
“Well, it sounds like you’re going to have a lot to find out about. Who are you traveling with?”
“Some Kindred scientists—a married couple.” Maggie sighed. “I wish I wasn’t the only human going, but the Kindred were really firm about it and my fiancé, Kurt, is buried in his own research right now anyway.”
“Oh, is he a scientist too?”
Maggie nodded. “A molecular biologist. He made me promise to bring back plenty of samples.”
“How long will you be gone? I bet he’s really going to miss you.”
“Six months to start with.” Maggie shrugged. “Kurt probably won’t even notice I’m gone except he’ll have to make his own coffee—which irks him when he’s in the middle of a research project.”
Nina raised an eyebrow. “Not exactly the warm and fuzzy type, huh?”
Maggie gave her a little half-smile. “N
o, more like the calculating and analytical type. But you know, we both have our work to keep us busy. Some days we go from morning until night without saying a word.”
“Really?” Nina asked doubtfully. “That doesn’t sound like a very, uh…That sounds interesting,” she amended.
Maggie shrugged again. “I know it sounds strange, but it’s perfect, really. As a scientist, you need a significant other who won’t interrupt your work or get upset when you’re so into your research you don’t have time for anything or anyone else. Kurt and I are both really good at that. Kurt especially—he’s really good at it.” She sighed, and Nina thought she looked a little bit sad.
“When do you get started?” she asked, trying to change the subject.
Maggie brightened. “We’re actually leaving tomorrow, but we’re not going straight to Gaia. We have an errand to run on another planet first which is kind of on the way.”
“What planet?” Nina picked up a handful of sugared almonds and began doling them out into the little baggies she’d created with the lace and ribbons.
“A place called Yonnie Six, I think?” Maggie frowned. “We have to deliver some kind of a collar…”
“A Hurkon collar?” Nina throat suddenly felt tight.
“Yes, that’s right. How did you know?”
“I…I…” Nina shook her head. Suddenly, the fragile web of lies she’d been building for herself—that she was over Reddix, that she didn’t love him anymore—came crashing down. “I’m sorry,” she said, rising abruptly. “I…I need to get away.”
“Away where? Are you all right?” Maggie stood too, for once not knocking anything over in the process, and went around to Nina. “Hey,” she said awkwardly, putting a hand on her shoulder. “You look awful. What’s really going on?”
The simple act of kindness undid Nina completely. Though she tried not to, she started to cry.
“I’m sorry,” she said, putting a hand to her face. “I just…I miss him so much. I’ve tried to tell myself I don’t care and I’m over him, but I don’t…don’t think I’ll ever get over him. From the first minute he kidnapped me, there was just…something about him. I knew I shouldn’t let myself fall for him, but I couldn’t help it! I mean, there we were, stranded on a planet full of people who communicated with emotions and he has RTS—or had it anyway—and he couldn’t stand it so I had to touch him to keep them from hurting him, and then we had to feed the collar so it wouldn’t shock him, and even though I kept telling myself I was only doing what was necessary, I couldn’t help feeling for him. And then later, on Tarsia when he said he wanted to spend his life with me, and then he…he…I…I…” She shook her head and burst into fresh sobs.