*****
In the morning, I showered and dressed for the day, trying to pretend that nothing bad had happened last night. I had a moment of hesitation in my room, unsure of whether Finn would be at breakfast with the group and if I could face him. All I’d done last night was cry and think about Finn and the almost kiss, and about me slapping him across the face.
Is he angry at me? Does he feel as bad as I do? Will he hate me now? A darker thought crossed my mind, and I had to try hard to swallow past the lump in my throat. Did he go directly to Brittney or someone like her just because we had an argument? Did he spend the night in the arms of another girl, even though he’d know how much it would hurt me? Was he that kind of guy?
I wasn’t sure what to think about our argument last night, and I wanted to push it to the back of my mind for as long as possible. If I could avoid an overly emotional confrontation with Finn anytime soon, I was going to do it. I was hurt last night, but I was angry right now. If I had to see Finn at breakfast, I risked exploding and bitching him out in front of everyone.
Sure enough, Finn was sitting with the others at breakfast. It looked like he hadn’t touched his food yet, and he was instead looking around the room, never fixating on any one thing. When his eyes found me, I stopped in line at the counter with an empty tray in my hand, and our eyes connected.
A mixture of different emotions showed in his eyes, including anger, sadness, helplessness, and stubbornness. One look at his beautiful eyes made me want to run over to his table and throw my arms around his shoulders and just kiss him like he tried to kiss me last night, but I forced my feet to stay rooted to the floor.
Someone tapped me on the shoulder, growling impatiently, and I moved ahead in line, filing my tray with eggs, bacon, and toast. When thunder clapped overhead, I nearly dropped my tray to the floor, and I caught it just in the nick of time. Someone laughed at my reaction to the brewing storm, and I just shrugged it off like it didn’t bother me, though honestly I didn’t need anything else for people to make fun of me for.
Tanya beckoned me over to their table, and I had another moment of hesitation. But I held my head high and ignored the hostile glares from girls like Brittney and her friends, and I walked over and sat down beside Holly and Ezra. As I scooted my chair back in, I noticed that Tanya and Ezra were holding hands under the table, and their fingers were entwined and resting on her thigh.
That one romantic, sweet gesture made me glance up at Finn discreetly through a curtain of hair, and I wasn’t surprised to find him looking at me. He was idly stabbing at a pile of scrambled eggs, and everyone at the table was busy watching the two of us with mixtures of concern and apprehension, like they were waiting for us to fight or scream or throw something at one another.
I just calmly took a bite of my breakfast–although it felt like lead settling in my stomach–just to appear normal and unaffected by his presence. He looked away from me and took a sip of his orange juice, before setting the glass down a little harder than necessary. He and I continued to ignore one another as breakfast went on, and Tanya and Ezra made stilted small talk in an attempt to calm the conflicting temperaments around the table.
I was finishing my last slice of bacon when the alarms went off. Everyone froze in their seats, and Finn’s head instantly snapped up. He titled his face and sniffed the air like an animal, and his hands clenched on the table. “He’s here,” he growled.