“Caleb.” Her eyes glitter with tears as her smile widens. “I’m so proud of you. You’re my hero, you know that?” Her lips find mine again, and we share a hot, fevered kiss mingling with tears, hers and mine. Damn I hate it when I’m a pussy.
Kennedy pulls back, her face slicked and shining under the duress of the city lights filtering in. “Now tell me, Caleb.” Her tone sharpens. Her features harden to stone. “Tell me what the spineless bastard who is haunting me has done now.”
I gently slide her to the side and head over to my laptop. I spin it around so the speaker faces out. Kennedy heads over, wearing nothing but my jacket, and I refrain from telling her it’s a good look. I hit play and hope for the best.
“I made the delivery, and I saw his brother. I wrote down all the details for you. There’s enough to nail him to a wall.”
“Alright. I think I’m locked and loaded and ready to go. I can’t wait to bring this bastard down. Caleb McCarthy won’t know what hit him.”
Kennedy’s face shines like marble in this dull light. I can see the word “no” forming on her lips as she shakes her head. Her eyes flash to mine like dimes.
“What’s this about, Kennedy?” I want to wrap my arms around her, but there’s a rising tension in the air that weighs me down, heavy as lead.
Kennedy takes a breath and holds it. She lifts her chin. Her body straightens like a rod as if she has a new sense of resolve.
“It looks as if I’ve finally been caught red-handed.” She tilts her head back and inhales the oxygen right out of the room. “I did it, Caleb. I’ve been fucking with you all along. Just like you’ve been fucking Zoey. I don’t take too kindly to cheaters. Looks like you had to find out the hard way.”
Kennedy picks up her purse and strides out of the office wearing nothing but my jacket and the heels I demanded she keep on. Her dress lies limp on the ground, and I swipe it up burying my face in it a moment. I stagger to the window and face the swelling city pumping below like a heartbeat and wonder what the hell just happened.
* * *
In the morning, after a night of tossing and turning on the uncomfortable sofa in my office, I shower in the gym downstairs, put on what’s left of my wrinkled suit and head to the Morris Township Courthouse. I double park, and run up the steps holding my briefcase to the menacing muscleman in a security uniform.
“Stop right where you are!” he shouts, one hand on his weapon.
“I’m an attorney!” I fire back as I burst into the courtroom, and my eyes fall on a set of familiar faces, my mother, my father, my two very paranoid looking brothers.
“He didn’t do it!” I roar as I stop just shy of council. “He was with me,” I say, looking the judge dead in the eye. “He was never even in the fucking car.”
Solomon closes his eyes, and, for a brief moment, I see the distinct look of relief.
Sometimes, we only think we want to be the hero.
I wonder if that’s what it’s been all along with Kennedy and me.
Something in me stubbornly insists on being her hero.
You Can’t Handle the Truth
Kennedy
Loveless changes seasons like a magician performing a rudimentary party trick. One minute you’re staring at the black hole of fall, and, the next, it’s holding up the white rabbit of winter.
The first snow of the season peppers the evergreens, frosting them with a dusting, soft as confectioners sugar. Last winter brought storms that gusted over ten feet of powder at a time. We had to dig our way into spring—they did, I was safely down the mountain at Yeats, blissfully unaware of the personal blizzard the next few months would bring me. At that point, I was already all but done with Keith—plotting how I would somehow spend my summer with Caleb and then the unthinkable began to happen, someone was toying with me, with Keith, and it felt dangerous. I quit school and went home. Then Caleb showed up in Loveless as a friend of the friendless—helping the helpless, pulling the downtrodden out of their hairy, dark pits, and I grew increasingly, ridiculously jealous. I didn’t want him to take on Gavin Jackson’s case. I didn’t want him going after Demi and saving her. I wanted him to take me on, save me from myself. I was whiny and selfish and decided to punish him by offering a cold shoulder—and for what? Keeping his promise to come back for me? Everyone seems to have a reason to be upset with me these days, and, after abandoning him in his office, for sure, Caleb does. Hell, I’m pretty pissed at me, too.
Caleb didn’t come home yesterday. I stalked his driveway from the upstairs window, getting up at all hours to see if the lights were on, but nothing. I had spilled a lie at his feet, slick as oil—force-fed it down his throat. I hated myself for it, but, deep down, I knew it was the right thing. Sometimes the only thing that can truly set you free is a good old-fashioned lie—only I wasn’t setting myself free, I was freeing Caleb.
I shower and dress and head down for coffee so I can figure out how in the hell to handle the rest of my life.
A murmur of voices fill the front hall, and I get to the base of the stairs to find my mother, father, and sister all locked in a heated conversation.
It’s like I hit replay on a scene that just panned out a few weeks ago.
“What the hell’s going on?”
Kam smirks. Her hair is both longer and shinier than mine, her lace up thigh high boots far cuter than the ones I’m sporting, and that longstanding superficial part of me is actually pissed by this.
“We’re here to try to save your neck once and for all.” She spits it out as if she’s not. “What the hell is with you anyway?”
“What did I do now?” I head over and join their unholy huddle.
My father’s chest expands with his next breath. He looks to the ceiling a moment as if to rein in his rage. “You sent out a press release detailing the fact Solomon McCarthy wasn’t driving the car the day he supposedly killed a man. And, by doing so, you incriminated his brother—your so-called-boyfriend. If this is true, it means Caleb perjured himself when he gave his statement. You realize they’re going to suspend his license at best. Please tell me this wasn’t you, Ken.”
My sister huffs as if she knows better. “Please stop priming her for another lie.” She looks to me. “Go ahead Ken, you’re used to spewing half-truths. And where the hell is that other boyfriend of yours? If this escalates to murder, you’re going to fry in hell for this.”
Shit.
I walk slowly toward my father, my gaze set on his, my feet floating as if I’m having an out of body experience. I’m about to take it all on the chin, lie upon lie, shoveling it out like digging my own grave but when I open my mouth, my heart demands to take a U-turn.
“I don’t know where Keith is. I didn’t give the press that unfortunate statement about Caleb. Someone posed as me and squeezed the truth out of his brother.” I close my eyes a moment. “I’m so sorry I lied in court all those years ago, Daddy.” A single tear rolls down my cheek. “All this time has passed, and I still think I did it for Mom, but I really did it for me and for Kam.” I can’t bring myself to look at either of my parents when I say it. “You hurt us all, and I couldn’t let you get away with it. I wish I could go back in time, but I can’t. And I can’t take back the confession I made to my friends a few nights ago. Whoever is doing this to me—they were listening in—they recorded the conversation. That’s how the leak got out. I pray I haven’t hurt you further. I would never betray you like that. I’ve grown. I’ve changed. I’m not the hurt little girl who would do anything for vengeance. I’m about forgiveness, acceptance, and protecting those I love.” I swallow down the brick in my throat. “I didn’t do this to Caleb either.”
“Then who did this?” Kam shouts, demanding. “Who hates you enough to run everyone you love into the ground?”
“I don’t know!” I scream it right back in her face. “Is it you, Kam? You’ve always told me that you wish you were me!”
“That’s because everyone bowed down to your idiocrasy! You had Mom
and Dad wrapped around your pinky from the day you were born. You were, and, still are, their favorite.”
“Not true!” My father bellows.
“Well, guess who decided to keep quiet?” She shoots a dirty look to Mom.
My mother dives over her and gives Kam a violent shake to the shoulders. “Are you doing this to your sister?”
“No!” Kamryn stumbles and nearly falls out the opened door, and I block it with my body in the event she decides to bolt. “I would never hurt either of you.” She softens her gaze over mine. “I’ve missed you so much, Ken.” She glances to my mother. “And I missed you, too, Mom.” They wrap their arms around each other as my mother breaks into sobs, whispering her love for my sister over and over like a mantra.
I look at my father with that woeful look in his eye as he takes in the scene. That’s the look of a man who is very damn sorry he ever destroyed his family.
“Will you be here for a while?” I ask pulling him in and wrapping my arms around his thick chest, his heavy breath falling over my forehead. His cologne is zesty and spiced with a hint of rubbing alcohol layered underneath. It’s the same cheap cologne he’s worn for years. If my father is anything, he is a creature of habit.
“We’ll be up in a few days.” He breathes the words over my head. “I’ve got a lead in on Keith.”
“What? Is he okay? Is he alive?” My heart jumps to my throat. My first inclination is to call Caleb and tell him, but then I remember I burned that bridge to cinders. I still have his suit jacket. I suppose he’ll need that back. I wish he needed us back, and, ironically, I’m the reason we’re no longer together.
“I don’t know the details”—Dad tries to rub the fatigue from his eyes—“but, yes, he’s alive. I’m meeting with detectives and his parents this afternoon.”
“Oh, God. I’m going to be sick.” A heavy wave of nausea hits me, and I gulp down the chilled air streaming in around me.
“What now, drama queen?” Kam is relentless in her persecution of me and rightfully so. “You’re not knocked up are you? Any last minute secrets you want to let us in on?”
I turn to face them fully.
My mother steps in. “What is it, Kennedy?” The worry on her face breaks me. “Are you pregnant?”
“Good Lord!” Kam growls it out and rouses all the anger, the humiliation, that I’ve bottled up inside for so long. This family right here, these three people have brought me the most pleasure, the most pain.
“No, you little witch”—I get into my sister’s face with blood boiling in my veins—“I am not having anybody’s baby. And, if you all must know, there is one last secret I’ve been holding back.” My heartbeat races wild, beating against my chest so quick I’m half convinced I’m having a cardiac episode. The sounds of the world around me dissipate as my ears pump hard with the rhythm. “I did it.” Here it comes—the big one—the final truth shaking the walls of my lying heart just begging to be set free. “Keith may have deserved all of those horrible, stupid, downright petty things that happened to him, but I didn’t do a single one—except, of course, for the only one that mattered. But, then in my book, I thought that would have been enough. I’m the one who did it. I loaded everything to the Internet.”
“You put up those videos?” Kam takes a breath like she might be sick.
I give a single nod, closing my eyes in a brief show of remorse before bouncing right back into a rage.
“I had to!” I spit the words at her with venom. “Keith had them. He threatened to do it himself. I know for a fact he let his stupid, pig-faced frat brothers have at them. He was already humiliating me with other girls—and, by distributing something so intimate to his friends, it just proved he had no regard for me. There isn’t a punishment I could dream up that would supersede the fact he would do something so heinous. I figured it was already going to be done anyway—I took the power back from him. I did it myself. I uploaded every one of those damn videos.” There. I take a quiet breath, first one in months. This was the letting of a festering wound.
Dad bows his head in defeat while my mother clamps her hand over her mouth, her bug-eyed gaze set behind me. She wanted to mold me into her likeness, she wanted me to be the perfect debutant, and here I am, something just shy of a porn star.
Kam glances behind me, and I know.
It takes all of my fortitude to spin on my heels.
There he is—Caleb. Those navy eyes fill with a mixture of sorrow and rage—a storm brewing in each one. His lips twitch as if he might say something, scream at me. My heart drums in my throat, in my ears.
Caleb’s hard demeanor remains engraved over his features. Welcome to the new Caleb, the one who hates you.
I’d love nothing more than to comfort him—but I can’t.
So I do the only thing I can think of.
I push my way past him and run.
Caleb
I can count on one hand how many occasions I’ve been genuinely stunned. The first time was when I was twelve and my father said he had to stop off and pick up some mail at a small pink house across town, a part of South Lux I hadn’t even known existed until that day. He told me to stay put, but I was twelve and had to take a leak, so after twenty minutes I walked around back, exploring for a bush to piss in. That’s when I heard the grunting, looked through the window, and saw my old man nailing a woman against the wall with his thrusting body. I pissed all over that window. The ride home was sullen. He had cheated on mother and murdered my childhood all in one afternoon.
The other two occasions were solely at the hands of my brothers. Abel when he announced that after years of floundering he, too, was headed into law, and then Solomon when he asked me to lie for him—only it wasn’t Sol’s request that stunned me, it was my willingness to do it.
I watch as Kennedy bolts down the driveway, hugging the lake until she dives into the Corner Store. It’s safe to say that Kennedy has taken the prize. I am stunned as shit. Can’t even breathe.
The clouds are dove gray as a gentle dusting of snow drifts down to Loveless, but not even the bitter cold, the beauty of a new winter, can shake me from my stupor.
“That’s Kennedy.” Her sister steps out, tears streaming down her cheeks. “She’s just hurt. She’s not really a monster.” Her entire body sags as she stares off in her direction.
“Why would she do this?” Her mother lets out an agonizing cry.
“Why do you think?” Peter straightens, his voice aggressive as a slap. “You’ve fucked her up good, Bev—that’s why!”
Kamryn lets out a venomous growl “Would you two stop! You both fucked her up. Congratulations! It’s the only thing you’ve managed to accomplish together in twenty-five years.” She turns to her parents. “Stay here. I’ll bring her back.”
I don’t say a word, just walk alongside Kamryn as we trek over to the Corner Store. We hit the entrance, and she blocks my path.
“Listen, if you’re as pissed as I think you are, maybe you’d better hang tight for a while.” Kamryn turns toward the lake, her hand pressed against her neck as if she might strangle herself. “I don’t want her to be like this. And I’m sick of people driving her to the brink of insanity. My sister is a good person. Yes, she’s made some shitty judgment calls, lots of them, but, deep down, she’s a decent person. At least she used to be,” she whispers that last part.
“Maybe you should tell her that.” I swallow hard just trying to keep it together. “She’s missed you. I know it would mean a lot for her to hear it.” I glance inside and spot Kennedy near the back, her head down, her face glossy with tears, and my heart breaks. “Good luck keeping me away from her.”
The Corner Store is filled with bodies trying to escape the bitter cold. The first snowfall of the season has a way of bringing people out to ogle it only to realize it’s damn cold, and they’d rather sip something hot.
Neva’s eyes widen as we step inside, and she points down to the end of the café where Kennedy sits with Gavin and Demi.
>
“Why don’t you two head over? I’ll bring you something.”
Kamryn makes a beeline toward her sister, but I’m slow to follow. Instead, I step aside, partially hidden by a crowd of raucous teenagers mulling around the counter. I want this to be about Kennedy and Kamryn. I want to be last in line—have her all to myself. Every emotion under the sun is running through my gut, and I don’t know what to do with a single one of them. Either way this is going to hurt. After all, Kennedy didn’t say those words to my face. I happened to overhear them. I’m not sure she was ever going to say them. But then again, I’ve lied to her. Maybe this is the day we both come clean.
Kennedy rises and does a quick introduction of her sister.
“I didn’t know you had a sister.” Gavin looks stunned as he gives her hand a quick shake. It is a bit of a shock to see Kennedy in duplicate.
Kennedy lifts a shoulder. “Yeah, well, I’m private that way.”
“Plus, she was a tiny bit ticked at me,” Kamryn adds. “We haven’t really spoken in four years.”
“Are we still sisters?” she asks sheepishly.
“Do you think I’m a horrible person?”
“No—far from it. I think you’re hurt, and you need someone there for you, like a big sister. Can I still be that for you?”
Kennedy gives a dull smile, running her fingers through her sister’s hair.
“You look like a snow princess.” She bites down on her lip, still contemplating her answer. “Of course, I’d like you to be my big sister. You were never anything but.” She wipes down her sister’s tear-slicked face. “That never changed.” She pulls her in tight. “You’ll be my sister until we take our last breaths and then long after that.”