Conversation lapsed, and they snoozed as the long ride continued.
Wenda woke as the bus slowed. They were arriving at Lake Ogre Chobee. Hastily she got up and went to ask the driver for transfers, so they could transfer to a boat. She had almost forgotten that detail.
Armed with the transfer tickets, they debussed and stood at the shore of Lake Ogre Chobee. This was a vast shallow sea with toothy chobees swimming in it. No ogres were around, fortunately.
Wenda saw how Angela seemed to float just over the ground, her full skirt not quite touching. She had wings and could fly, but this was walking. The skirt flexed subtly as if being governed by moving legs. The overall effect was appealing.
There was a pier projecting into the lake, but no boat. What were their transfers good for?
Then Wenda spied a booth similar to the one the troll had used. She would inquire there.
But inside it was an ogre. She hesitated to approach it. “I will go,” Jumper said. “It may be that the ogres handle the river traffic.”
He went, and in one and a half moments confirmed it. The ogre spread their transfers on his table and pounded his hamfist on them, once. Now they were stained with streaks of dirt: they had been duly canceled. “Wait to float, morning boat,” he said.
“Morning?” Wenda whispered. “We need a suitable place for the evening.”
“We are a party of six,” Jumper said smoothly. “Four of whom are women. Where can we stay overnight?”
“Park your butts in yonder huts,” the ogre said gruffly, pointing with a hamfinger.
They looked. There were several small cabins. Those would do. They selected two, one for the women, one for the men. Then they looked for somewhere to eat.
“There’s a prospect,” Meryl said, fluttering her wings. “Crossbreed Corner.”
Wenda could appreciate why that would interest Meryl, who was a crossbreed. But was it really suitable?
Meryl went to inquire, then beckoned them in. It was a restaurant specializing in seafood. The proprietor was Nara Crossbreed, a composite of a six-species ancestry: human, sea serpent, nymph, brassie, dragon, and ogre. She could assume any combination of creatures in her heritage, but for now resembled a long-haired nymph with clawed dragon wings. Her talent was to summon water from any spring, into any container.
“What will you have?” she inquired when they were seated at the counter with tall glasses before them. “Healing elixir? Love spring water?”
“No!” Wenda cried.
The others laughed, and she realized it was a joke.
“We do carry tea,” Nara said. “But right now the bags are being totaled, so they’re not available.” Indeed, Wenda saw the tea-totaler totaling the tea bags to the side.
Nara conjured fresh ordinary water into their glasses, then took their food orders. Naturally Angela had angel food cake. It took Jumper and Hilarion a while to decide, because they were distracted by Nara’s plunging décolletage, so Wenda ordered for them: humble pie. Not that they would appreciate her return joke.
Seven grizzled mining dwarfs entered and ordered hard drinks. There were several rocky bottles on the shelf, really hard stuff, but Nara refused. “You know miners aren’t allowed hard liquor,” she told them. Disappointed, they departed.
Nara delivered the pies, leaning gracefully forward. The men went comatose again, until she turned away. Then Hilarion returned to life. “Kiss me.”
“Why should I do that?” Nara inquired.
“To ascertain whether you are the one.”
Nara paused, perhaps contemplating a sharp retort. Then, observing his handsomeness, she leaned quickly across the counter and kissed him before he had time to freak out all the way from the view of her front. Stars radiated out from that contact like hot sparks.
But it was not to be. “You are not the one,” he said with surpassing regret.
“Not the one for what?” she asked, faintly miffed. It had after all been a sparkling hot kiss.
“Not my betrothee. I can’t marry you.”
“Is that all? Have you any idea how many of my male customers want to marry me?”
“All of them,” Wenda said, making a shrewd guess.
“All of them,” Nara echoed. “So why should you be the one?”
“He’s a prince,” Meryl explained. “He was betrothed when he was two years old, to a princess who was age one at the time.”
“Oh.” Nara was evidently reconsidering. “I don’t remember any such event, but if I was in my nymphly form at the moment, I might have forgotten. Maybe we should kiss again, just to be sure.” She leaned forward once more.
“No need,” Wenda said quickly. Of course she wasn’t jealous; she was married. “Unless you are twenty-one now.”
“I’m seventeen.”
“So it couldn’t have been you.”
“Actually—” Hilarion began.
“No need,” Meryl agreed just as quickly. Naturally she wasn’t jealous either, even if Nara was a prettier crossbreed, complete with legs instead of a tail, at least at this moment.
Ida and Jumper stayed out of it, and Angela merely observed, perhaps learning more about Xanthly interactions.
In due course they retired to their cabins. They even had illusion boxes showing scenes of Xanth. All part of the service of the trollway. Wenda was impressed.
“You seem like such nice people,” Angela said. “I am enjoying your company, even if it is my last week of existence.”
“I’m just a forest nymph who got lucky,” Wenda said.
“What was it like, living in the forest?”
“It wasn’t much, actually. I had to be wary of men, because they wanted only one thing and I didn’t want to give it. I had a pet chuck made of would, like me, called Wouldy, and—”
“A what?” Angela asked.
“She used to speak in the forest dialect,” Meryl explained. “Now a spell blocks that. She is trying to say her pet was Woody Wood Chuck.”
“Oh, I see,” Angela said, though she didn’t seem to see very clearly. “She certainly knows her trees.”
“I will show you some tomorrow, if we have time,” Wenda said.
“That would be nice.”
They went to sleep watching a Big Band, which was a huge rubber band that vibrated to play popular music.
In the morning they rejoined the men and went to the pier. There was a boat there, but it was almost invisible. “I believe that is an air boat,” Ida said. “It is made of compacted air, and is very light. It should be safe to use.”
“But it’s invisible!” Wenda protested. “I would not feel safe in it.”
“I, too, have a certain insecurity,” Hilarion said. Wenda flashed him a smile, appreciating the young man’s support.
They went to the restaurant to inquire. “There’s a new boat every hour,” Nara said. “You’ll have time for breakfast before the rowbot arrives.”
Now it was Wenda who feared she had misheard. “Rowboat?”
Nara set a pile of pancakes and another of waffles before them. The pancakes looked like pans made of batter, and the waffles tended to shift positions, but they were good enough. “No, it’s a robot boat. Stout and reliable.”
“That’s the one we want,” Wenda agreed.
After breakfast, there was still a little time before the boat arrived, so Wenda took Angela for a walk at the fringe of the untamed forest beyond the way station. The first big tree was magnificent, but their feet started to slip as they approached it. “Slippery Elm,” Wenda explained.
“Ah, now I comprehend.”
The next tree had many furrly little flowers and made a mewing sound. “Pussy Willow,” Wenda said. “Now we are coming to some pines.”
Another made whispering sounds. “Whispering Pine,” Wenda said. “If you listen carefully, it will whisper puns to you.”
“I think I have already encountered plenty. In Heaven we don’t have base humor; it is beneath us.”
“There
are doubtless plenty in Hell, though,” Wenda said.
“I really wouldn’t know.”
“Still, it wouldn’t hurt to learn some, if you are to associate with Beauregard.”
“Oh! I hadn’t thought of that.”
The next tree extended small branches that hooked on their skirts and tried to lift them. They both had to jump back to avoid exposure. “Naughty Pine,” Wenda said, smiling ruefully. “In the past I would have accented that differently.”
“Knotty!” Angela exclaimed.
“Yes. Fortunately you don’t need to worry, because it can’t expose your panties.”
“But I want to be able to worry! I need to get substance.”
Oops. “I apologize. I forgot.”
“No need. But I hope I can become a woman of substance soon.”
They were interrupted by the toot of a horn. The rowbot was arriving.
This was a boat made all of metal, with arms that transformed into paddles. It was large enough to accommodate them all. Smoke drifted from its stack; it was indeed a wood-burning robot, with a pile of wood to consume. Robots had once been adversaries to the living creatures of Xanth, but now had been tamed and adapted to many purposes.
Wenda walked out along the pier and approached it, presenting her transfers. A bell sounded, and a gangplank extended to the pier. It seemed their tickets had been accepted.
They boarded. “We are going to the Gap Chasm,” Wenda told it. A bell answered her. That seemed to be the language of this craft.
When they were all aboard, the paddles descended to the water and stroked it vigorously. The craft moved out, forging through the water of the big lake. Puffs of smoke rose from its stack and floated up into the sky, where they mingled companionably with the clouds.
They saw the the green snouts of the chobees pacing them, but then Jumper assumed the form of an ogre, smiling, and the reptiles quickly departed. Evidently the chobees had brushed with ogres in the past, and learned respect by getting pulped into green paste. Ogres were not known for subtlety.
Later, as they were on the verge of the Kiss Mee River as it flowed into the lake, there was a storm that did not look like an ordinary tempest. This one made a howling sound, and let down a huge whirling tube that sucked up water. Then it came toward them and shot out a jet of water that splashed across the deck.
“It’s a waterspout!” Ida said. “It is trying to wash us off the deck or capsize our boat so that we will fall prey to the hungry chobees.”
“It is playing a mean game of Drench Mee,” Meryl said.
“I can punch it,” Jumper said, remaining in ogre form.
“You’d get sucked in and blown away,” Ida said. “Waterspouts are dangerous.”
Indeed, it looked dangerous, as it loomed closer, ready to spout again.
“Maybe I can help,” Angela said. She spread her wings and flew toward it.
“Don’t risk it!” Wenda cried, too late.
The angel flew right to the whirling spout. It spied her, and shot a fierce jet at her. But the water passed right through the angel without affecting her.
Wenda was surprised. “How did it miss her?”
“She has no substance,” Ida reminded her. “It can’t touch her.”
“Oh. Yes.”
Immune to the jets, Angela flew right up to the spinning dark column. She put her sweet face forward and kissed it.
The spout was plainly surprised. Its tight column loosened. Then it lost control and flew apart, splatting them with flying water.
Angela, unaffected, flew back to the boat and landed neatly on the deck.
“What did you do?” Wenda asked, amazed. “A mere kiss by an insubstantial woman shouldn’t have dented it.”
“Yes it did,” Angela said. “I could touch it, while it couldn’t touch me. Sometimes mean-spirited things don’t know how to handle affection. My kiss freaked it out.”
“And the Kiss Mee River is certainly the place for a good kiss,” Meryl said. “It must have had more power here.”
So it seemed. Wenda realized the angel could indeed help their Quest, just by being what she was: a nice girl without substance.
They paddled on up the Kiss Mee River. No more waterspouts threatened them.
They ate the sea biscuits stored on the boat, watching the scenery forge by as the rowbot paddled ceaselessly. Angela didn’t eat; she needed to develop substance before she could eat, ironically.
The sun was hot, and Wenda got thirsty, so she did what was natural in the forest: she cupped her hands and dipped out river water to drink. Meryl joined her.
“Don’t do that!” Ida cried. “The water will—” But as often happened, she was too late.
Wenda sipped the water, and suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to kiss. She kissed Meryl, who was similarly overcome. Then the two of them got up and went after the others. Wenda kissed Hilarion while Meryl kissed Jumper, who had reverted to manform. Then they switched partners. Then they kissed Angela and Ida. Angela cooperated by actively kissing, because that made the illusion of her face just solid enough. Otherwise they would have fallen through her head. Finally, kissed out, they relaxed.
“—make you want to kiss indiscriminately,” Ida finished. “The Kiss Mee is a very friendly river.”
So it seemed.
“Still, if you girls are really thirsty …” Hilarion said, not at all averse to further kissing.
Ida threw a biscuit at him. “Neither of them is your betrothee,” she reminded him sternly.
Dusk came, and the boat forged on. They spread mats on the deck and settled down for the night. Wenda had an idea, and dipped out a cup of river water, setting it beside her.
And Charming was there. Wenda hastily picked up her cup and gulped the water. Then she started kissing him so avidly that he was amazed. “You really miss me!” he said, pleased.
“I really do,” she agreed around kisses.
Her ardor had effect. He was asleep in six minutes instead of seven. That wasn’t quite what she had had in mind. Ah, well. It had been a wild six minutes.
In the morning the boat drew to a halt. They had come to the end of the river. Beyond it was the Gap Chasm.
“I believe we have completed our trollway trip,” Ida said. “Hereafter, we must travel by foot and wing inside the Gap.”
“Isn’t the Gap dangerous?” Meryl asked.
“Not to us,” Ida said. “I have a friend.”
They did not question that. They would surely find out soon enough.
They stepped off the boat. “Thank you, Rowbot,” Angela said, and gave its prow a hug. It almost seemed to Wenda that the boat blushed. The touch of an angel was special.
6
KNOT
They stood at the brink of the Gap Chasm. The land fell away in a virtual cliff, dropping into the shadowed depths so that they could not see the bottom. A young cloud floated serenely at ground level, which was cloud-height from the depths.
“This may seem like a foolish question,” Hilarion said, “but how can those of us who can’t fly safely descend?”
“There are paths down,” Ida said. “I am familiar with them. There is one near here.” She led the way to the east, and soon they came to a footpath that led up to the brink. And stopped. There was no angling ledge down the side.
“I fear this path has been terminated,” Hilarion said.
“This may require some mental adjustment,” Ida said. “Follow me.” She stepped over the brink.
The others stared. Then Meryl leaped into the air, thinking to fly down and try to catch Ida as she fell. And paused, astonished.
Ida was not falling. She was standing on the cliff, her body at right angles to the ground. “It’s magic,” she explained. “The path provides its own orientation. Simply turn the corner and walk.” She demonstrated by walking a few steps down inside the chasm.
Now Wenda remembered. The Princesses Dawn and Eve had shown how they handled the Gap Chasm, with Dawn crossing
on the invisible bridge and Eve taking the low route, the path down into the void. Wenda had crossed in the bridge; Jumper had accompanied Eve into the depths.
“I will try it,” Jumper said. “In my natural state, so I can post a safety line. That is what I did before.” He became the large spider, dabbed a spot of web on the exposed rock, and clambered over. And paused much as Meryl had. “It works. It feels exactly like level ground.”
Wenda trusted her friend, knowing he would catch her if she fell. He was explaining it as if it were new to him, reassuring her. She walked to the brink and stepped over. And turned the corner as if stepping over a ridge. Now she was standing horizontally. “I would not have believed this before trying it,” she said, once again feeling slightly off because she had not said “wood knot.”
After that Hilarion stepped over. “Remarkable,” he said as he joined their orientation.
Meryl, still hovering, exchanged a generous glance with Angela. Actually it was more like a glance and a half. Then she flew to the Gap path and put her tail down. She stood aligned with the others, carefully balanced. Then Angela rounded the corner, not trying to fly. They were all on the path.
Meryl and Angela, having made their little demonstration of solidarity, lifted off the path and hovered nearby. Flying was really easier for them, for different reasons. Wenda saw Hilarion glance at them, perhaps hoping to see something interesting, but there was only a piece of tail as Meryl reoriented to the main chasm rather than the path, and of course there was nothing at all to be seen under Angela’s widely spreading skirt. Wenda suppressed a private smirk of amusement. Hilarion was all right, but he was a man. That was his problem. He simply had to look.
They marched on down, following Ida. The princess was certainly proving to be helpful, with her knowledge of the most feasible route. It seemed like coincidence that they had encountered Angela on the trollway, but Wenda suspected that they had been magically guided. She also suspected that the angel needed them more than they needed her, but she was glad to help. Angela faced a horrible extinction if she did not succeed in her quest.
In time they reached the level bottom of the chasm. The path made a smart right-angle turn, and they resumed vertical orientation. The base was much like regular terrain, with bushes and a few trees dotting gentle hills. There were pie plants and pillow plants, so they would be able to eat and rest. It was actually rather pleasant.