I took the washcloth and towel back into the bathroom and returned to her. Pillowing her head on my chest, she snuggled as close as she could get and let out a long breath that sounded almost sad. I wanted to ask why she was sad but couldn’t find the words—and honestly, I was scared shitless of what her reason really was. Neither of us spoke as we drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms, holding on as if we would never let go.
I spent every night that week at Noah’s apartment. Sometimes Annabelle and I slept on the couch, but more often than not we took the bed and she begged me to touch her. I barely had any self-control, and each night I came closer and closer to taking something I knew I didn’t deserve.
On Friday I left work early to pick her up from school. I took her home with me because Gram had been asking me to bring her back. My two favorite girls in the world spent the afternoon talking away and making dinner for Gramps and me. Annabelle didn’t know much about cooking, but Gram took her time with her, showing her how to do everything.
Sitting down to dinner that night, I savored every bite on my plate because I knew the girl I loved had helped make it. She blushed every time I would make an approving groan and Gram would giggle to herself while Gramps ate his own dinner with a half grin on his normally taciturn face. The gruff old man had a soft spot for Annabelle but, then again, who wouldn’t? She was special.
Noah was closing up the garage early that night so Annabelle didn’t have to go into work. I was taking her with me to Floyd’s Bar for our gig, but I didn’t understand why Noah wanted to torment himself by going too. I hated to admit it, but Axton Cage sounded so much better with us than Noah did. It wasn’t that Noah didn’t have the voice to make it in the business, but after jamming with Axton, I had realized—hell, we’d all realized—that Noah wasn’t the right voice for OtherWorld.
I’d felt guilty for feeling that way all week. It felt like I was being disloyal to Noah, but I couldn’t feel guilty for being glad that we’d found Axton. Noah would do better doing country music; his voice just suited that style better. Didn’t mean I wasn’t torn up at having to say goodbye to a band member who I thought of as a brother. I knew that with Noah officially out of OtherWorld, I was one step closer to losing him…and Annabelle.
Refusing to think about that—because my fucked-up mind would probably shatter if I did—I left Annabelle with Chelsea in the back room at Floyd’s Bar while I helped the guys set up for that night’s gig. We were all somber as we set up our gear, all of us hurting a little because it was going to be the first time we played a show without Noah. Even Axton was quiet, as if he knew how hard this was going to be for us, and felt our pain just as deeply.
Once everything was set up we joined the girls in the back room and had our usual beers. I sat beside Devlin on the old loveseat, Annabelle on my lap. She kept shooting her brother questioning looks and after a few minutes Noah nodded his head. I felt her tense for a second or two and then she was turning her head and smiling brightly down at me. She stroked her thumb over my bottom lip and I pressed a kiss to her soft skin.
“You boys ready?” Floyd’s gruff voice, nearly as scary as Wroth’s, asked as he stuck his head into the room. “The place is packed as usual. Even got a few new faces out there.”
“Give us five,” Devlin told the old man, and with a nod Floyd left us alone again.
Wroth and Liam stood along with Devlin. I sat Annabelle on the loveseat before joining them, hating having to leave her. Noah seemed hesitant as he stood with us. Axton remained on the chair, watching us, letting us have this goodbye with our friend. I watched as Noah swallowed hard before giving Wroth a one-armed hug. Out of everything else that was going on right then, watching that big man swallow with difficulty while he hugged Noah nearly ripped my heart out of my chest.
Clenching my jaw, I took my turn hugging my friend, my brother. Turning away, I grabbed another beer and swallowed the entire thing in two gulps. Annabelle caught my hand as I headed for the door, following my band-brothers. Her touch and the reassuring squeeze she gave me had the power to ease some of the tightness in my chest. Bending, I brushed a quick kiss over her slightly parted lips.
I waited on stage for Devlin to get us started and found Annabelle in the crowd. She was standing between Noah and Chelsea. There was a bright smile on her lips, but even from where I was standing with the lights shining down on me, I could see the tears in her beautiful blue eyes.
Putting it down to her being emotional for her brother, I winked at her, hoping to make her laugh. Her lips opened in a small laugh, but I couldn’t hear it over the noise of the crowd. I wanted to tell her right then and there that I loved her —that no matter what happened in the future, I would always love her.
Devlin counting us down for our first song of the night kept me from doing just that, and I turned off everything in my mind except for the music. I didn’t see the crowds while I played with my band. All I could hear, see, fucking feel, was the music that seemed to radiate out of me with the force of a tropical storm that was quickly turning into a hurricane.
Nothing in the world had ever felt as good as being on stage, sharing my love and need for my music. Nothing had ever gotten me as revved up, as high. Nothing could make me feel like a god more than my music…
No, that was wrong. Annabelle could do all of that with just her smile. All she had to do was look at me with those baby-blue eyes and I felt like I could conquer the world. She was my high. She was the goddess to my god. I might want the music, but I needed her more. If she asked me, I would throw down my bass right then and there and walk away from it for the rest of my life. I would give up anything and everything if she wanted me to.
Being a rock star didn’t seem as important when faced with the possibility of losing her forever, something I knew would happen if I stayed with OtherWorld. I would happily quit and follow her and Noah to Nashville, find a job working for the DOT there. And then, when she was old enough, I’d put my ring on her finger, put my baby in her belly.
Everything inside of me went simultaneously hot and cold. I wanted all of that, damn it. I wanted it and more, but I wasn’t good enough for Annabelle Cassidy. I didn’t want to destroy her life like that. She deserved so much more, someone better than the monster that was in my head. I couldn’t ruin her life by being selfish. I wouldn’t. She was too good, so special, to have to live the rest of her life with my fucked-up mess.
But I wanted to be selfish…
If you asked me how well the show went that night, I couldn’t have told you. My mind had shut down and I’d played on autopilot. I didn’t hear the screams for one more song, or see the reactions on my band-brothers’ faces as we left the stage and returned to the back room where more beers were already waiting on us.
Grabbing two, I swallowed one before my ass had even hit the loveseat and quickly tipped the other to my lips. Vaguely, I heard the others laughing and someone patting Axton on the back. From the groan I heard I was pretty sure it had been Wroth doing the patting. Someone sat beside me and I was surprised to see it was Liam. Usually he went off with Tawny right after our gigs, either to get some pussy or more drugs, I didn’t know. Didn’t care.
“You alright, man?”
I nearly laughed at my junky friend asking if I was alright. I bit back the laugh, though. I wasn’t sure how I could hold back the other emotions churning deep inside of my gut if I did.
Noah walking into the room with Chelsea and Annabelle, distracting me long enough to calm down. I held out my hand for her, wanting just a little more time with her. God, please. I won’t ask you for more, I swear. Just a few more days with her is all I want. When she moves to Nashville, I’ll let her go. Just give me a few more days.
Annabelle placed her hand in mine, but when I gave it a little tug, wanting her to sit down on my lap as she had before the show, she gave me a tight smile and shook her head. My brows lifted and my hand tightened around hers, ready to pull her down forcefully if I had to. She pu
lled her hand away and turned her head, looking at the door she’d just come through.
Curious, I followed her gaze only to find a man in his late thirties, dressed in an expensive suit, standing in the doorway. Noah stepped forward, shaking the man’s hand as if he knew him already.
“Glad you could make it, Rich.” Noah encouraged the other man to come in, grinning. “I told you that you wouldn’t be sorry if you came out. After that show I’m sure you will agree with me.”
“You got that right, boy.” Rich glanced from one of my band members to the next, only stopping for a few seconds on each of us, but I could see the excitement in his eyes when I met his gaze. “I like your sound. I think I can take your band far, if you’re willing to let me try.”
I shot a look at Noah, who was still grinning. He wrapped his arm around Chelsea’s shoulders and she kissed his cheek quickly before pulling away and went to hug Annabelle. I watched the girl I loved continue to wear her bright smile, but I was more than sure that she was blinking back tears as she let the smaller blonde hold her.
“Mind telling us what’s going on?” Wroth’s scary-ass voice brought my head around, turning my attention back to what was going on around us.
“When I was in Nashville last week, I told the radio exec about OtherWorld. He gave me Rich Branson’s number and told me to mention his name so Branson would take me seriously.” Noah shrugged his shoulders. “Once we found Axton to take over for me, I knew that you guys were ready, so I asked Rich to come out and listen tonight.”
“Rich Branson?” Axton repeated the name, a frown tightening his brow. “Aren’t you one of the top managers in California?”
The Branson guy was grinning even bigger now and even I could see the narcissism in this asshole. “That would be me. If you guys are willing to sign on with me, I can guarantee you a record label contract within the next year. Hell, within the next month if you boys aren’t scared of coming out to Cali with me.”
My heart stopped at his words. Holy shit. Here it was, my chance to go after the dreams I’d had almost my entire life. I had known it would happen one day, but now that the chance was staring me right in the face, I couldn’t breathe.
Branson continued, laying all the details out for us, and my heart still didn’t beat. We had a week to get our life in West Bridge in order before going to California. He’d send a bus for us, give us a taste of what life on the road touring would be like. Around me, the others were going crazy, laughing and slapping each other on the back. We’d made it. OtherWorld was going to be something special.
All I had to do was leave Annabelle behind.
The noises around me, added to those in my head, were making it hard to think straight. I jumped to my feet, grabbed hold of Annabelle’s arm and pulled her out of the room with me. The exit was just a few feet to the left and I dragged her outside with me.
The air was cool and I sucked in one lungful after another. My entire body was shaking and when I looked at Annabelle I realized that I must have been scaring her. She cupped my face in her soft hands. “What’s wrong?” she murmured soothingly.
“I…” I broke off, not sure what I was going to say. Shaking my head, I covered her hands and closed my eyes. “Things are just going too fast. I can’t slow it down. It’s too fast for me to wrap my head around and I need to make sense of it.”
I heard her breath hitch as she inhaled sharply and forced my eyes open. “I know,” she whispered. “It’s kind of scary. I’m kind of scared too. But I know this is what you’ve always wanted. Here’s your chance. Don’t let your fear of change take that away from you. You’re too good at what you do to let this slip through your fingers. OtherWorld is going to go places; you’re going to become the rock gods I’ve always known you would be.” Her arms wrapped around my neck and she buried her face in my neck. “I’m so proud of you, Z.”
Hearing her say those words, letting her put it all into perspective for me, was exactly what I needed. For the first time since Branson had opened his mouth, I felt like my heart was beating again. This was happening and I was going with OtherWorld on this crazy rollercoaster that I knew it would be.
She was right. This was everything I’d ever wanted. All I had to do was say goodbye to her.
Motherfucking hell.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Annabelle
The guys wanted to go out and celebrate, but since I couldn’t go to any of the places they wanted due to my age, they settled on going back to the apartment. Wroth, who was the only one old enough to actually buy booze, brought enough beer and liquor to qualify us as a small bar. The stereo was on full blast and the apartment was crawling with fans who had followed us back from Floyd’s Bar—most of them girls.
I sat on a pillow in a corner with Chelsea for most of the night, not wanting to get in Zander’s way as one person after another congratulated him and his band members for their success. I didn’t move when I saw one chick after another kiss his cheek and smile at him, offering him their bodies on a fucking platter as they looked up at him through their fake lashes. Even if what I really wanted to do was scratch up every prettily made-up face that went near him, I didn’t.
No, I sat there and every time he glanced at me, I smiled brightly for him, not wanting him to see how I was slowly dying inside. I refused to let him, or anyone else, see how close to breaking I really was. I just had to keep this up for another week, and then I could fall apart. Then I’d be able to mourn the loss of the boy/man I loved more than anything or anyone. Once he was gone, I knew he wouldn’t come back. I’d be just a vague little memory that entered his head from time to time while he rocked out on stage every night and fucked a different girl after every show.
Chelsea pulled the beer bottle out of my hand, forcing me back from the self-torture I was putting myself through as I imagined the guy I loved touching someone else the way he’d been touching me for the last week. The look on Chelsea’s face was full of sympathy and compassion as she replaced the empty bottle with a fresh one.
Lifting her own full bottle of beer, she tapped hers to mine. “Here’s to being the unselfish chicks who let the men we love have the futures they deserve.”
Hearing her say that, I felt guilt tighten my already churning stomach. “It should be Noah out there with them, getting ready to start the rock-star lifestyle with OtherWorld.”
Chelsea’s blue eyes darkened and she lifted her beer to her lips, swallowing deeply before speaking. “No, Annabelle, it shouldn’t. Noah has some serious talent, and yes he deserves to go far in the music world, but he and I both know that it wasn’t going to be the rock world he’d succeed in. The radio exec told him what we’ve always known. Country is where his voice belongs, not rock. And you know what?” I shook my head, not sure if she really wanted me to answer or not. “I’m glad.”
Her chin trembled ever so slightly before she clenched her jaw and forced a smile to her beautiful face. “I’m so glad, Annabelle. His going solo saved us. I could barely handle the groupies that hung around the bar on Friday nights. How was I going to deal with the ones that follow bands from city to city? The ones who just want to say they fucked a rock star? Yeah, I know he loves me, but that doesn’t mean shit when they’re drunk and they have available ass just begging them. How was I supposed to not break apart when he was out on tour without me? Huh?”
“Chels…” I honestly didn’t know what to say, because she was voicing every fear I had running through my own head. That was going to be Zander. He would be the drunken rocker with all the girls throwing themselves at him, and he wouldn’t resist. He wouldn’t have to.
She took a smaller sip of beer this time. “No, girl. This is the life I can live with. I can handle this one. He’s promised me that we can tour with him when his career takes off. I’ll be able to handle it because I know the only piece of ass he will be getting every night will be mine.” She winked and I had to laugh at the pleased look on her face.
Hearing her voice h
er opinion on my brother’s need for a new career path actually made me feel a little better. The guilt of ruining Noah’s life had been festering to the point that I was in fear of an ulcer. With Chelsea’s confession that all the new changes were probably going to save their relationship, I could feel some of the knot in my stomach ease.
Sipping at my own beer, I glanced back at where I’d last seen Zander. He and Devlin had been talking to a small group of two girls and three other guys in the kitchen, but they were gone now. One of the girls had kept touching his arm, flirting with him and tossing back her fried bleach-blond hair. I didn’t think he would do anything with that little ho-bag, but I didn’t put it past the chick to actually throw herself at him.
Turning my head, I searched the room for him and found him sitting on the arm of the couch talking to Noah, who was standing with Wroth and some chick who looked like the type I pictured the big ex-marine would go for: long hair, longer legs, and big boobs. Yeah, that was exactly how I figured Wroth Niall liked them.
As if he felt my eyes on him, Zander turned his head and caught my gaze. I offered him the same bright smile I’d had affixed on my face all night and gave a small wave. He stood and brushed past Wroth like he didn’t even see him as he crossed the living room and crouched down in front of Chelsea and me.
Taking my beer from me, he lifted the bottle to his lips and swallowed the rest of its contents before handing the now empty bottle to Chelsea and taking my hand. He pulled me to my feet. “Let’s get some air, baby.”
I let him lead me outside where several other people were standing around smoking, drinking, and laughing. It was a good thing we didn’t have any neighbors because obviously everyone was having a great time, some of them a little too much fun from the looks of it. I just wished I could have been as happy for OtherWorld as I was pretending to be. Zander linked his fingers through mine and we walked down the stairs and around the back of the garage where no one else had dared to venture, at least not yet.