Nahadoth, I said.
My lips barely moved. I had given the word only enough breath to make it audible, and no more. I didnt even hear myself over the running water and the pounding of my heart. But I waited. Two breaths. Three.
Nothing happened.
For an instant I felt utterly irrational disappointment. This was followed swiftly by relief, and fury at myself. What in the Maelstrom was wrong with me? I had never in my life done anything so foolish. I must have been losing my mind.
I turned away from the mirrorand as I did the glowing walls went dark.
What I began, and a mouth settled over mine.
Even if logic hadnt told me who it was, that kiss would have. There was no taste to it, only wetness and strength, and a hungry, agile tongue that slid around mine like a snake. His mouth was cooler than Tvrils had been. But a different kind of heat coiled through me in response, and when hands began to explore my body I could not help arching up to meet them. I breathed harder as the mouth finally relinquished mine and moved down my neck.
I knew I should have stopped him. I knew this was his favorite way to kill. But when unseen ropes lifted me and pinned me to the wall, and fingers slipped between my thighs to play a subtle music, thinking became impossible. That mouth, his mouth, was everywhere. He must have had a dozen of them. Every time I moaned or cried out, he kissed me, drinking down the sound like wine. When I could restrain myself his face pressed into my hair; his breath was light and quick in my ear. I tried to reach up, I think to embrace him, but nothing was there. Then his fingers did something new and I was screaming, screaming at the top of my lungs, except that he had covered my mouth again and there was no sound, no light, no movement; he had swallowed it all. There was nothing but pleasure, and it seemed to go on for an eternity. If he had killed me right then and there, I would have died happy.
And then it was gone.
I opened my eyes.
I sat slumped on the bathroom floor. My limbs felt weak, shaky. The walls were glowing again. Steaming water filled the tub beside me to the brim; the taps were closed. I was alone.
I got up and bathed, then returned to bed. Tvril murmured in his sleep and threw an arm over me. I curled against him and told myself for the rest of the night that I was still trembling because of fear, nothing else.
18
The Oubliette
THERE ARE THINGS I KNOW NOW that I did not before.
Like this: In the instant Bright Itempas was born, he attacked the Nightlord. Their natures were so opposed that at first this seemed destined and unavoidable. For countless eternities they battled, each occasionally achieving victory only to be later overthrown. Only gradually did both come to understand that such battle was pointless; in the grand scale of things, it was an eternal stalemate.
Yet in the process, completely by accident, they created many things. To the formless void that Nahadoth birthed, Itempas added gravity, motion, function, and time. For every great star killed in the cross fire, each god used the ashes to create something newmore stars, planets, sparkling colored clouds, marvels that spiraled and pulsed. Gradually, between the two of them, the universe took shape. And as the dust of their battling cleared, both gods found that they were pleased.
Which of them made the first overture to peace? I imagine there were false starts at firstbroken truces and the like. How long before hatred turned to tolerance, then respect and trust, then something more? And once it finally did, were they as passionate in love as they had been in war?
There is a legendary romance in this. And most fascinating to me, most frightening, is that it isnt over yet.
* * *
Tvril left for work at dawn. We exchanged few words and a silent understanding: the previous night had just been comfort between friends. It was not as awkward as it could have been; I got the sense he expected nothing else. Life in Sky did not encourage more.
I slept awhile longer and then lay awake in bed for a time, thinking.
My grandmother had said Mencheys armies would march soon. With so little time, I could think of few strategies that had any real chance of saving Darr. The best I could do was delay the attack. But how? I could seek allies in the Consortium, perhaps. Ras Onchi spoke for half of High North; perhaps she would knowno. I had watched both my parents and Darrs warrior council devote years to the quest for allies; if there were friends to be had, they would have made themselves known by now. The best I could do were individual sympathizers like Onchiwelcome, but ultimately useless.
So it would have to be something else. Even a few days reprieve would be enough; if I could delay the attack until after the succession ceremony, then my bargain with the Enefadeh would take effect, earning Darr four godly protectors.
Assuming they won their battle.
So: all or nothing. But risky odds were better than none, so I would chase them with all I had. I rose and went in search of Viraine.
He was not in his laboratory. A slim young servant woman was, cleaning. Hes at the oubliette, she told me. Since I had no idea what this was, or where, she gave me directions and I set out for Skys lowermost level. And I wondered, as I walked, at the look of disgust that had been on the servant womans face.
I emerged from the lift amid corridors that felt oddly dim. The walls glow was muted in a strange waynot as bright as Id grown used to, flatter somehow. There were no windows and, most curious, no doors, either. Apparently even servants did not live this far down. My footsteps echoed from ahead as I walked, so I was not surprised to emerge from the corridor into an open space: a vast, oblong chamber whose floor sloped toward a peculiar metal grate several feet in diameter. Nor was I surprised to find Viraine near this grate, gazing steadily at me as I entered. He had probably heard me the moment I stepped off the lift.
Lady Yeine. He inclined his head, for once not smiling. Shouldnt you be at the Salon?
I hadnt been to the Salon in days, or reviewed my assigned nations records, either. It was hard to care about these duties, considering. I doubt the world will falter for my absence, now or in the next five days.
I see. What brings you here?
I was looking for you. My eyes were drawn toward the grate in the floor. It looked like an exceptionally ornate sewer grate, apparently leading to some sort of chamber under the floor. I could see light glowing from within that was brighter than the ambient light of the room Viraine and I stood inbut that odd sense of flatness, of grayness, was even stronger here. The light underlit Viraines face in a way that should have sharpened the angles and shadows in his expression, but instead it stripped them away.
What is this place? I asked.
Were below the palace proper, actually in the support column that elevates us above the city.
The column is hollow?
No. Only this space here at the top. He watched me, his eyes trying to gauge something I could not fathom. You didnt attend the celebration yesterday.
I was not certain whether the highbloods knew about the servants celebration and ignored it, or whether it was a secret. In case of the latter I said, I havent been in a celebratory mood.
If you had come, this would be less of a surprise to you. He gestured toward the grate at his feet.
I stayed where I was, suffused with a sudden sense of dread. What are you talking about?
He sighed, and abruptly I realized he was in an ugly sort of mood himself. One of the highlights of the Fire Day celebration. Im often asked to provide entertainment. Tricks and the like.
Tricks? I frowned. From what I knew, scrivening was far too powerful and dangerous to be risked on tricks. One miswritten line and gods knew what could go wrong.
Tricks. Of the sort that generally require a human volunteer. He gave me a thin smile as my jaw dropped. Highbloods are difficult to entertain, you seeyou being the natural exception. The rest He shrugged. A lifetime of indulging all manner of whims sets the bar for entertainment rather high. Or low.
From the grate at his feet, and the c
hamber beyond, I heard a hollow, strained moan that chilled both my souls.
What in the gods names have you done? I whispered.
The gods have nothing to do with it, my dear. He sighed, gazing into the pit. Why were you looking for me?
I forced my eyes, and my mind, away from the grate. I I need to know if theres a way to send a message to someone, from Sky. Privately.
The look he gave me would have been withering under ordinary circumstances, but I could see that whatever was in the oubliette had taken the edge off his usual sardonic attitude. You do realize spying on such communications is one of my routine duties?
I inclined my head. I suspected as much. Thats why Im asking you. If theres a way to do it, you would know. I swallowed, then privately chided myself for allowing nervousness to show. Im prepared to compensate you for your trouble.
In the strange gray light, even Viraines surprise was muted. Well, well. A tired smile stretched across his face. Lady Yeine, perhaps youre a true Arameri after all.
I do whats necessary, I said flatly. And you know as well as I do that I dont have time to be more subtle.
At that his smile faded. I know.
Then help me.
What message do you want to send, and to whom?
If I wanted half the palace to know, I wouldnt ask how to send it privately.
Im asking because the only way to send such a message is through me, Lady.
I paused then, unpleasantly surprised. But it made sense as I considered it. I had no idea how messaging crystals worked in detail, but like any sigil-based magic their function simply mimicked what any competent scrivener could do.
But I did not like Viraine, for reasons I could not fully understand myself. I had seen the bitterness in his eyes, heard the contempt in his voice on those occasions that he spoke of Dekarta or the other highbloods. Like the Enefadeh, he was a weapon and probably just as much a slave. Yet there was something about him that simply made me uneasy. I suspected it was that he seemed to have no loyalties; he was on no ones side except his own. That meant he could be relied upon to keep my secrets, if I made it worth his while. But what if there was more benefit for him in divulging my secrets to Dekarta? Or worseRelad and Scimina? Men who served anyone could be trusted by no one.
He smirked as he watched me consider. Of course, you could always ask Sieh to send the message for you. Or Nahadoth. Im sure hed do it, if sufficiently motivated.
Im sure he would, I replied coolly
* * *
The Darren language has a word for the attraction one feels to danger: esui. It is esui that makes warriors charge into hopeless battles and die laughing. Esui is also what draws women to lovers who are bad for themmen who would make poor fathers, women of the enemy. The Senmite word that comes closest is lust, if one includes the variations bloodlust and lust for life, though these do not adequately capture the layered nature of esui. It is glory, it is folly. It is everything not sensible, not rational, not safe at allbut without esui, there is no point in living.
It is esui, I think, that draws me to Nahadoth. Perhaps it is also what draws him to me.
But I digress.
* * *
but then it would be a simple matter for some other highblood to command my message out of him.
Do you honestly think I would bother getting involved with your schemes? After living between Relad and Scimina for two decades? Viraine rolled his eyes. I dont care which of you ends up succeeding Dekarta.
The next family head could make your life easier. Or harder. I said it in a neutral tone; let him hear promises or threats as he pleased. I would think the whole world cares who ends up on that stone seat.
Even Dekarta answers to a higher power, Viraine said. While I wondered what in the gods names that meant in the context of our discussion, he gazed into the hole beyond the metal grate, his eyes reflecting the pale light. Then his expression changed to something that immediately made me wary. Come, he said. He gestured at the grate. Look.
I frowned. Why?
Im curious about something.
What?
He said nothing, waiting. Finally I sighed and went to the grates edge.
At first I saw nothing. Then there was another of those hollow groans, and someone shuffled into view, and it took everything I had not to run away and throw up.
Take a human being. Twist and stretch his limbs like clay. Add new limbs, designed for gods know what purpose. Bring some of his innards out of his body, yet leave them working. Seal up his mouth andSkyfather. God of all gods.
And the worst was this: I could still see intelligence and awareness in the distorted eyes. They had not even allowed him the escape of insanity.
I could not conceal my reaction entirely. There was a fine sheen of sweat on my brow and upper lip when I looked up to meet Viraines intent gaze.
Well? I asked. I had to swallow before I could speak. Is your curiosity satisfied?
The way he was looking at me would have disturbed me even if we hadnt stood above the tortured, mutilated evidence of his power. There was a kind of lust in his eyes that had nothing to do with sex, and everything to do withwhat? I could not guess, but it reminded me, unpleasantly, of the human form Nahadoth. He made my fingers itch for a knife the same way.
Yes, he said softly. There was no smile on his face, but I could see a high, triumphant gleam in his eyes. I wanted to know whether you had any chance, any at all, before I assisted you.
And your verdict is? But I knew already.
He gestured into the pit. Kinneth could have looked at that thing without batting an eyelash. She could have done the deed herself and enjoyed it
You lie!
or pretended to enjoy it well enough that the difference wouldnt have mattered. She had what it took to defeat Dekarta. You dont.
Maybe not, I snapped. But at least I still have a soul. What did you trade yours for?
To my surprise, Viraines glee seemed to fade. He looked down into the pit, the gray light making his eyes seem colorless and older than Dekartas.
Not enough, he said, and walked away. He moved past me into the corridor, heading for the lift.
I did not follow. Instead I went to the far wall of the chamber, sat down against it, and waited. After what seemed an eternity of gray silencebroken only by the faint, occasional suffering sounds of the poor soul in the pitI felt a familiar shudder ripple through the palaces substance. I waited awhile, counting the minutes until I judged that sunsets light had faded enough from the evening sky. Then I got up and went to the corridor, my back to the oubliette. The gray light painted my shadow along the floor in a thin, attenuated line. I made certain my face was in that shadow before I spoke. Nahadoth.
The walls dimmed before I turned. Yet the room was brighter than it should have been, because of the light from the oubliette. For some reason, his darkness had no effect on it.
He watched me, inscrutable, his face even more inhumanly perfect in the colorless light.
Here, I said, and moved past him to the oubliette. The prisoner within was looking up at me, perhaps sensing my intent. It did not bother me to look at him this time as I pointed into the pit.
Heal him, I said.
I expected a furious response. Or amusement, or triumph; there really was no way to predict the Nightlords reaction to my first command. What I did not expect, however, was what he said.
I cant.
I frowned at him; he gazed into the oubliette dispassionately. What do you mean?
Dekarta gave the command that caused this.
And because of his master sigil, I could countermand no orders that Dekarta gave. I closed my eyes and sent a brief prayer for forgiveness towell. Whichever god cared to listen.
Very well, then, I said, and my voice sounded very small in the open chamber. I took a deep breath. Kill him.
I cant do that, either.
That jolted me, badly. Why in the Maelstrom not?
Nahadoth smiled. There was someth
ing strange about the smile, something that unnerved me even more than usual, but I could not allow myself to dwell on it. The succession will take place in four days, he said. Someone must send the Stone of Earth to the chamber where this ritual takes place. This is tradition.
What? I dont
Nahadoth pointed into the pit. Not at the shuffling, whimpering creature there, but slightly away from it. I followed his finger and saw what I had not before. The floor of the oubliette glowed with that strange gray light, so different from that of the palaces walls. The spot where Nahadoth pointed seemed to be where the light was concentrated, not so much brighter as simply more gray. I stared at it and thought that I saw a darker shadow embedded in the translucent palacestuff. Something small.
All this time it had been right beneath my feet. The Stone of Earth.
Sky exists to contain and channel its power, but here, so close, there is always some leakage. Nahadoths finger shifted slightly. That power is what keeps him alive.
My mouth was dry. And and what did you mean about sending the Stone to the ritual chamber?
He pointed up this time, and I saw that the ceiling of the oubliette chamber had a narrow, rounded opening at its center, like a small chimney. The narrow tunnel beyond went straight up, as far as the eye could see.
No magic can act upon the Stone directly. No living flesh can come near it without suffering ill effects. So even for a relatively simple task, like moving the Stone from here to the chamber above, one of Enefas children must spend his life to wish it there.
I understood at last. Oh, gods, it was monstrous. Death would be a relief to the unknown man in the pit, but the Stone somehow prevented that. To earn release from that twisted prison of flesh, the man would have to collaborate in his own execution.
Who is he? I asked. Below, the man had managed at last to sit down, though with obvious discomfort. I heard him weeping quietly.