“I love him, Bry. And I can’t…we can’t…be together.” Rowena’s voice cracked, sobs that had built up during the drive finally breaking free. “It hurts, Bry. It hurts so bad.”
For the first time Rowena could remember, no “I told you so” left her sister’s lips. Bryony’s mouth didn’t thin. She didn’t even give a long-suffering shake of her head. Instead, Bryony’s eyes filled with grief, with love, with understanding.
She opened her arms and pulled Rowena in.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
ROWENA STOOD at the pet-shop window, peering at the playground beyond the chainlink fence. Snowflakes drifted in puffs of white. Bright red ribbons trailed from the lightposts marching down Main Street. Across the way, school windows were trimmed for the holidays, one boasting a snowman tall as any kindergartener. Every morning, some lucky kid got to change the number on its cotton batting tummy, counting down the days until vacation started.
But even Christmas had lost its luster. What was the sense in putting up decorations in her apartment when no one but her would see them? Besides, it only made her wonder what kind of tree the house on Briarwood Lane would have. Not an artificial one like her mother’s interior designer had created for the sprawling house in Forest Park, decked with white flocking and cut crystal balls and no colors at all. A real pine would fill Cash’s house with the scent of winter and the girls’ memory with wanderings through a Christmas tree farm all blanketed in white.
She could imagine Cash carrying Mac up on his shoulders as Charlie earnestly inspected each prospect. Could see him seating Mac on a stump, then kneeling in the snow to cut down whichever tree his girls had chosen.
It was so easy to imagine him selecting the gifts Santa would leave. His beautifully shaped hands putting together a doll’s house or a scooter or a new bike. She wondered what it might have been like to creep out to the new green living room with him long after midnight and fill stockings together. Curl up with him and share kisses flavored with peppermint and hot chocolate and the passion she knew would never cool between them.
But the chance for that kind of magic had passed Rowena by. No, not passed. She’d given it up herself. Hadn’t done as Cash had asked her, giving Charlie a chance to adapt, get used to…what? Her daddy’s love being divided up one more time? His precious time with Charlie subtracted away? Charlie spending her days afraid she’d become invisible again? No.
Charlie had been through so much. The little girl deserved this chance to make up for everything she’d missed. Rowena wouldn’t be the one to take it from her.
But knowing that she’d done the right thing didn’t stop the ache that kept Rowena awake at night, and none of the projects she’d tried to distract herself with could fill the hole in her heart left by Cash Lawless and his children.
Christmas just seemed to make the loss worse. Rowena couldn’t muster the least bit of enthusiasm for the shopping that had once delighted her, finding whimsical presents that would make her too-serious sisters laugh in spite of themselves. And the prospect of one of her mother’s elegant formal dinners where everyone would scrupulously avoid the subject of Rowena’s latest disaster seemed about as appetizing as turkey-flavored cheesecake.
It wasn’t that they were bombarding her with the usual round of “I told you so” phone calls. Or saying “I know this hurts now, but someday you’ll see it’s better this way.” Rowena knew her reprieve was Bryony’s doing. Her older sister must have threatened her mom and Ariel with something dire indeed.
Or maybe they’d just realized the truth, as well. That this time Rowena had finally really done what they’d all feared for so long. She’d gotten her heart so chewed up she wasn’t sure she’d ever have the courage to risk being bitten again.
So why was she staying here in Whitewater? Because the shop was finally starting to blossom, now that it had her full attention? The people in the town not only accepting her gift, but delighting in it? That she’d begun to make friends—Miss Marigold and her new fiancé, Vinny, Deirdre Stone and Ms. Daily? Those were logical enough reasons to give her family.
But Rowena had never been good at lying. Even to herself. She stayed because she could peer out of her pet-shop window and catch glimpses of the children she might have called her own and the man she would love forever.
She knew the girls were healing. She could see it for herself. The whole world was moving on. Even Cinder the cat and her litter of kittens had been swooped away from her. When she’d called the vet to ask about bringing them to the pet shop after they’d finished recuperating, Dr. Wilcox had laughed out loud.
Don’t you read the newspaper? Every one of those animals is spoken for. At least, they are as of this Friday. That’s when their new owners can pick them up. Big doings at the Holiday Program at school.
That little Lawless girl is a kid after your own heart. She found homes for every one of those kittens. Her best friend is taking Cinder on. Cat looks like something from a horror movie after the burns it suffered, but Hope is downright crazy about that animal.
So the little girl who had wanted the “prettiest kitty in the whole world” had come to love the bravest one instead. She wished she could hear Charlie’s version of how that transformation had come about.
But when Cash and the girls had stopped by the shop for their monthly supply of dog food Rowena hadn’t been able to bring herself to ask the silent, painfully stoic little girl. If you kept picking at a wound it would never heal. Even then, this was one she wasn’t sure ever would.
Still, Mac had jabbered like a little jaybird the whole time. I get to pick a pet of my very own. See, Destroyer can lick me and play dolls with me but he’s Charlie’s dog, not mine. Daddy e’splained it to me.
That’s wonderful, Rowena had told her. Your daddy is a very wise man.
Yeah, Mac had agreed, jumping right into the holiday season. But he doesn’t ride on a camel or anything like the Christmas ones. Maybe Santa Claus will bring me one of those dogs with a pushed-in face like Lucy. Or maybe a kitty. Which one do you think would look pretty in a tutu?
The postman blotted out Rowena’s view of the playground for a moment, scattering the poignant memory. She opened the shop door to take the mail. She sifted through the bills, the advertisements and Christmas cards, then suddenly glimpsed an envelope that made her heart stop.
Charlie’s neat printing marched across the envelope.
Rowena’s fingers shook a little as she opened it.
The students and staff of John Glenn Elementary School invite you to Winter Magic, December 15 at 7:00 p.m.
Beneath it was a personal note. “Be there or else.” In parentheses Charlie had noted “Mac made me write that. I just wanted to say please instead.”
So Mac was behind the invitation being sent. Rowena could see Mac giving one of her comical regal commands. Charlie reluctantly doing her sister’s bidding, trying to soften Mac’s orders with “please” even though Charlie would doubtless have anybody come to the performance besides the threat she’d managed to get rid of six weeks before.
Why would Mac want Rowena there? Was the little girl performing somehow? One thing Rowena knew for certain was that Charlie had only sent this under duress.
Rowena didn’t want to go. Didn’t want to see everything she’d never have.
But when the night of the program came, she watched the cars turn the playground into a parking lot, families spilling out in their holiday finery. Little girls in poufy dresses, boys with their hair neatly combed. Fairy lights twinkling, the winter wind piping a haunting tune.
What if Mac was going to be performing again somehow, not dancing yet, but still on her feet? What if Rowena missed this chance to hang back in the shadows and see…see how much stronger Mac had grown, see how much happier Charlie might be. See Cash. Drink in the sight of him, remember the feel of him, his mouth, so hard, so tender, his eyes that hadn’t dared look up from duty for so many years. She hoped he was seeing rainbows again and tree
houses high overhead.
The clock over the counter read quarter to eight when her resistance finally snapped. Rowena grabbed her keys and locked the door, not even stopping to put on her coat because she was afraid she might change her mind. She dashed across to the school door, snowflakes in her hair.
The school gym was dark, quiet, and for a moment she feared she’d missed the whole program. But then, a teacher announced “We’ll close tonight’s program with a reading by the winner of our holiday essay contest. Miss Charlotte Lawless.”
Charlie. Her hair in French braids, her dark green dress decorated with a puppy in a Santa hat. Rowena glimpsed something silver sparkling in the stage light. Cuchullain’s pipe making magic real for another little girl. Charlie crossed the stage, the heels of her patent leather Mary Janes clicking, a look of intense concentration on her face. She adjusted the microphone, then unfolded a piece of paper, its edges crumpled by her hands.
“Winter Magic by Charlotte Rose Lawless,” she announced. Rowena saw the child look up, knew Charlie had seen Cash when some of the tension melted out of her little shoulders.
“People talk about magic like reindeers that fly,” Charlie read. “I never met a single person who saw one. But magic is tricky that way. It doesn’t come from big bangs out of magic wands. It would be lots easier to know it was magic if it did.
“Sometimes magic sneaks up on you. Magic is when your sister can’t walk but your daddy makes her dance. Magic is getting to keep a dog even after it gave your daddy a black eye. Sometimes magic is somebody seeing you, even when you feel like nobody can.
“Magic can make an ugly cat look pretty. My friend Rowena told me that. I didn’t believe her, but the cat my daddy saved from the fire is going to live at Hope’s house. Hope thinks Cinder is the most pretty cat in the world.
“That kind of magic is better than being able to turn someone into a frog.
“Turning people into frogs is a very bad idea. Later you get sorry and wish you could change things back. You would even trade your magic whistle if you could. Maybe Christmas is a good time to try.”
Rowena’s eyes burned, a tiny cry rising in her throat. She saw parents glance up at her. She turned and fled out of the hall. Cold air hit her face and she stumbled, a hand catching her elbow, keeping her from tumbling to the snow-spattered asphalt.
She felt herself being hauled up into strong arms. Cash. She could smell the woodsy scent of his aftershave, feel the familiar hardness of his body. She turned and found herself staring up into dark eyes full of yearning. Why on God’s earth had she put herself through this? Seeing him hurt too much. Charlie’s words haunted her, making Rowena want to hope. But she didn’t have the courage anymore.
“I kept watching for you,” Cash murmured. “I was afraid you weren’t coming. Mac was sure you would.”
“She threatened me.” Rowena tried to keep it light, put space between them. “I found out in the grocery store just how harrowing one of her ‘or elses’ can be. Tell her I’m sorry I missed…whatever it was that she did.”
“She got to be a snowflake. It involved wearing a tiara. Jake and Deirdre are taking bets as to how long it’ll be before I get that thing off her. Jake’s got Halloween. Deirdre’s going for a year from this Easter.”
“Then maybe I’ll get to see it sometime after all. When she’s on the playground or…or you’re picking up dog food.”
“Actually, it was Charlie who wanted you to come to the program so much. Her teacher made her shorten her essay a little for the performance. I thought you might want to read the rest.”
Cash reached in his jacket pocket. Rowena took the note, but couldn’t read it in the dim light.
“I can’t see…”
“I know it by heart,” Cash said. “If I really could make magic, there are things that I would do. My sister would dance even without Daddy holding her up. Dr. Malley says she will. I would change Rowena, too. I would turn her into my mom.”
Cash cleared his throat. “I didn’t put her up to this, Rowena. I swear. One night she just asked me to check her spelling. We talked about it. She told me about your fairy godmother and the magic whistle and we thought maybe all our love and all your magic together could be so strong it could make this appear on your finger.”
Rowena stared as she saw him uncurl his hand. The engagement ring lay there against the callused palm she’d felt search every inch of her body during nights filled with his love.
“I thought you’d take the ring back to the jewelers.”
“I might have given up before I knew you. But someone very wise told me that nothing is impossible. That a little girl can disappear even though she’s still sitting right at the kitchen table. That demon dogs have destinies and love happens even if you don’t have time to find it. It barrels into you and leaves you with a black eye to go with your—your broken pieces inside. Pieces the right woman can put together and make whole. It’s a gift, you know. Seeing all of that in a world that seems so—so shattered sometimes. Your gift, Rowena.”
“Oh, Cash.”
“You gave that gift to me. To my children. Do you have any idea how amazing that is? You showed me that if that monster of a dog can find someone who loves him even after all the mistakes he made…maybe it’s not impossible to believe that I can, too.”
Rowena caught her bottom lip with her teeth, hearing the awe in Cash’s voice, sensing the wonder in him. Redemption, pure and sweet.
“You might want to know that we finally settled the great doggy-name war. We decided to call him Destroyer. It’s ironic, I know, since he put a broken family back together and healed us in so many ways. Charlie says it’s like a secret joke every time she calls him that.” Cash swallowed hard. “Who would have believed it six months ago? My Charlie making a joke?”
Rowena’s eyes burned. “That’s wonderful, Cash.”
His hand closed warmly over Rowena’s. She felt the smooth kiss of his ring against her finger. “Marry me, Rowena. I want you in my bed. In my life. In my kitchen making me coffee.”
“We’re back to coffee again, are we?”
“No,” Cash said, sliding the ring home. “We’re back to this.” He gathered her up onto her tiptoes, then against his chest, his mouth coming down on hers with so much joy, so much love she drowned in it. Hungry, hot, he kissed her as if he never wanted her to forget this moment. And in spite of the wintry wind and the coat she’d forgotten, Rowena doubted she’d ever feel cold again. She didn’t even notice the crowd from the program spilling out the school doors, never felt eyes watching them until she heard a warning whistle.
Cash and Rowena sprang apart, flustered, to see Jake Stone approaching, Mac up on his broad shoulders and Charlie and Hope beside him.
“Woo-ee, baby!” Mac’s high-pitched voice split the air. “Daddy’s kissing Rowena in front of the whole school! Can you get arrested for that?”
Laughter rose from the crowd.
“How about you let us off the hook this one time?” Cash took Rowena’s hand and held it into the light. The diamond shimmered, chasing rainbows into the dark. “Look, girls. Rowena’s going to marry us.”
Applause broke out and Rowena could feel the affection these people felt for Cash, felt for the first time that she belonged here, too. She’d found her destiny right here, just as her fairy godmother had promised. Whitewater was home.
“What do you think of a wedding as a Christmas present?” Cash teased, tugging one of Mac’s shiny pink shoes.
Mac wrinkled her nose. “Well, I guess it’s okay as long as I get to wear my tiara. But don’t be trying to give me a baby for Christmas like Tyler James got last year. I’d like a kitty better.”
“Some kids are lucky and get both,” Charlie said softly, slipping her hand into Cash’s. Her optimism made Rowena’s heart soar.
“But you said you only got bad luck, Charlie,” Mac complained.
“Now I’ve got magic instead.” Charlie tugged the silver chain, and Cuch
ullain’s pipe sparkled in the twinkling fairy lights. Suddenly her brow wrinkled, and Rowena could tell she was deep in thought. “I don’t ’spose you’ve got any more magic stuff lying around somewhere, do you, Rowena?”
Rowena thought of her sisters, Bryony with her earrings and Ariel with the dagger centuries old. Magic, as yet not spun. It was hard to think they might not ever dare to give Maeve MacKinnon’s gifts a chance. Rowena could only hope her happiness would give her sisters the courage to try.
Cash drew Rowena into the crook of his arm, into a future twinkling bright with love. “You think you’ll need more magic than this, Charlie?” he asked, kissing Rowena’s cheek.
“The magic’s not for me, Daddy,” she explained earnestly. “It’s for Mac and Hope and a baby if we have one. It never hurts to be ready just in case.”