I giggle to myself and Jack looks down at me, those eyes fond and full of an affection I’ve never seen in someone before.
“What’s so funny?” he asks.
“Just thinking about Matilda and TJ.”
He looks over to TJ, and then back to me and rolls his eyes. “He’s strange, that’s for sure.”
“I was just wondering what she sees in him, outside of the fact that he looks like a male model.”
Jack grunts. “Yeah, I don’t know. Matilda is actually a really smart girl, so it surprises all of us. Talking to that man is about the same as having a conversation with a brick wall.”
I giggle. “Yeah, I agree.”
“Whatever floats your boat, I suppose,” he shrugs.
“Well, I can tell you something, I’d rather date myself then put up with that kind of shallow person.”
Jack laughs. “There’s an idea I never considered. Dating myself. Now why didn’t I think of that sooner?”
“I can imagine you and yourself would have a great time together, all that testosterone flowing around,” I tease. “It would be a constant battle over who is better looking.”
“Who’s better looking?” Phoenix says, sidling up beside us.
“Not you, loser,” Jack says, nudging him with his shoulder.
“I’m far better looking than anyone here,” he says, crossing his arms and winking at me. “Except maybe Diesel. That man has Mack’s face, and anyone with Mack’s face ... Oh, right, you know, don’t you, Jack. They get their panties out ...”
Jack thumps Phoenix in the arm, and the man bursts out laughing, throwing his head back. Yep, Phoenix and Quinn have a lot of growing up to do, but man, when those two mature and become real men, they’re going to knock the socks of ladies. They’re incredibly good looking.
“At least I can walk around saying I’m the one that makes women rub their panties,” Phoenix boasts one more time, before leaping out of the way as Jack swings at him once more.
“You two knock it off,” Diesel grunts. “Or someone is going overboard.”
“Someone is moody today,” Mercy says, squeezing his cheek.
He gives her a look, and holy hell it’s so heated even my cheeks flush. Mercy just grins up at him, leans up, and rubs her lips over his a few times before nestling back into his lap. I watch the small smile on his lips, and the way his eyes warm as he looks down at her, even though she’s not looking, and my heart swells.
Sweet.
So damned sweet.
“He acts like a giant dick, but he’s actually a good guy. The best, actually. He’d do anything for that girl,” Jack says, catching me watch the two of them.
“Yeah, I can see that.”
“So would I.”
Jack’s breath tickles my ear and for a moment, my body goes stiff. It catches me off guard, but when his hand settles on my hip, I exhale and sink into him. I know I shouldn’t, but it feels so nice. It feels so good to be next to him, to feel his warm hand against my body. I close my eyes for a second, planting this moment in my memory, so I’ll never forget it.
After a few blissful moments, I turn around and face him. “Should I go down and get lunch?”
He nods, his eyes dropping to my lips.
God.
He’s doing things to me.
Things that scare me.
~*~*~*~
“So, Baylee, you and Jack ...”
I glance at Molly, and she wiggles her brows. I can’t help but smile. I look over her shoulder to where all the men are standing, a few feet away, chatting amongst themselves. This is the first time it’s just been all us girls, and it’s nice. It makes me wish I had been able to bring Shan. She would love these girls.
“We’re just friends,” I say softly. “But he is a really great guy.”
“Just friends, huh?” Matilda says. “Seems like more.”
“I’m not really ... in a good place for more.”
Their eyes all get curious.
“Want to share why?” Mercy asks.
“Not really,” I murmur, holding her eyes. “It’s not that I don’t trust you all, but I don’t talk about it.”
“Fair enough.” Matilda nods, and the others all nod, too. “But he really does like you. Are you sure you can’t be more than just friends?”
I glance at Jack, who is laughing at something. He looks so gorgeous. It hurts to stare at him. My heart aches.
“Right now I can’t.”
“I said that about Roman, once, too,” Molly says.
I look to her. “Really?”
“Yeah, he got out of a really bad relationship, and so did I. We were friends for a while, now I look back, I think we both kind of knew we were never just friends but we also knew we weren’t ready. It was painful. I do not advocate just friends at all.”
I laugh softly. “But look how it turned out.”
She smiles over at Roman. “Yeah, he got rid of the trash and finally he’s happy.”
The softness in her eyes when she looks at him is so sweet, it makes my heart swell.
“I guess we all have our baggage,” I add, feeling my chest tighten.
“Yeah,” Molly agrees. “She was a piece of work though, his ex. I’ll never understand why people stay in relationships that are so toxic.”
My chest clenches even more.
I said that once. I said I could never understand it. But the thing is, when you love someone, you honestly can overlook so much. You think there is a way. That your love will be strong enough. That you can fix anything. But the truth is you can’t. Love isn’t always enough sometimes. And that’s a painful reality to face. Because people spend years of their lives hanging onto the hope that love will fight the biggest wars, but it can only march into them. The only way to fight them is with two people willing to go into it together.
“I guess it isn’t always easy,” Kaylee says.
She stays quiet most of the time, keeps to herself, and just reads or stares at the ocean. She’s a sweet girl. She has a good heart. It’s written all over her.
“No, I agree,” I say, smiling at her. “I don’t think it’s always easy.”
“No, I get that,” Molly adds. “It baffles me, but I do understand that sometimes it isn’t always easy for outsiders to understand. I know it took me a lot to understand it, but now, when I look at him, I think there isn’t much I wouldn’t let him get away with, I love him so much.”
Aw.
“And that’s the problem,” Matilda says, lifting her sunglasses and positioning them on her head. “We let them get away with too much.”
“What does TJ get away with?” Mercy teases. “Using your hair straightener too much?”
We all laugh softly, even Matilda.
“That’s exactly why I’m with him sometimes, because it’s ... easy.”
I blink.
I never thought of it like that.
“I know that seems shallow,” she goes on. “But seriously, we barely fight, he’s kind to me, granted he loves himself but it’s just so easy. He doesn’t get jealous, or moody, he’s just ...”
“Easy,” we all say at once.
She laughs. “Yeah.”
“Don’t you want depth, though?” I dare to say, meeting her eyes.
“Honestly, yeah, one day I do want depth. Someone I can talk with for hours, laugh with, fight with, cry with, and give my heart to, but right now, I’m okay being the way I am. I don’t love TJ, I don’t think I ever will, but I think sometimes he’s the same. We just work for now. And that’s what it is, a for now. When I find the real thing, I want to know it’s everything. I want to know that man is the one I’ve been waiting for.”
“God, I didn’t know you were so deep,” Molly says, staring at her sister. “Good for you.”
“Honestly, the idea of getting hurt scares me,” Matilda admits. “I see it so much, with all my friends, family, and I wonder, is that how it all ends? Does everyone who falls in love get hurt? I couldn’t imagine that
kind of pain, sometimes I don’t even want to, so I tend to block it out.”
“It does hurt,” I say, my voice a little pained at the memories. “But I think it’s the hurt that teaches you a lesson, you know?”
“I get that. But, I don’t know, I guess I just want to be the girl, cliché as it is, that waits and finds that one man that she spends the rest of her life with. The girl who doesn’t get hurt a thousand times before, but instead just meets the right one. So I hold back, I date shallow guys that I know will never hurt me, because I don’t care enough.”
“You know, even in love, sometimes it’s going to hurt. You’re never going to avoid that forever,” Mercy says. “I love Diesel to death, but sometimes he will say or do things and they genuinely hurt like hell. That’s love.”
Matilda nods. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Whatever works for you, sis,” Molly smiles. “Just don’t wait too long. You’re too amazing to hold back that love forever.”
I ponder her words.
She’s too amazing to hold back love forever.
Is it the same for me?
Am I holding back?
CHAPTER 21
NOW – BAYLEE
“I’ll find you, Maddie.”
I jerk awake, panting, pressing a hand to my chest. It takes me a moment to realise where I am, and a longer moment to realise my phone is ringing beside me. It takes me a second to gather myself. I swear, I could swear, York’s voice in my dream was so real. With a pounding heart, I lift up the phone and glance down at the screen.
Private number again.
That’s the eighth time today.
Something uneasy settles in my belly, and I answer it, praying someone will just say something so I can put my paranoia to bed, but the feeling in my stomach only increases when I answer, and the same thing happens. Nobody says anything. I can hear the soft breathing on the other end. I know somebody is there. I know it. My fingers tremble as I listen harder, asking over and over who it is.
Then it ends.
Just like every other time.
I rub at my belly. Am I being paranoid? Am I overreacting? Or ... has he found my number?
The feeling of dread that settles in my body, makes me want to vomit. If he has found me ... God. I can’t do it again. There is only so long I can run. Why won’t he leave me alone? Why the hell can’t he just let me be? What’s going to happen if he has found me? My heart pounds so hard I press a hand against my chest, as if that’ll slow it.
Is Rae safe?
I dial Shania’s number, just needing to know. Needing to put my fears to rest. She answers on the second ring, and I know it’s early hours of the morning, but I also know she won’t mind.
“Is everything okay?”
I exhale. She doesn’t sound panicked. She sounds more worried about me.
“Yeah,” I say softly. “I ... I just ... I wanted to check how everything was going there.”
No need to make her worried, if it’s just me overreacting.
“Everything is fine, honey. Rae is alive. I can’t say she’s in a great way, considering she’s been housebound and unable to get her fix, so she’s a pain in the ass, but she’s alive. That counts as something, right?”
I smile, but my lips tremble.
“I’m sorry you have to go through that.”
“Oh, seriously, stop it, woman. I don’t mind at all. She only gives me so much lip before I threaten to lock her in her room and take her phone. I’ve got back up. She doesn’t try too hard. Honestly, she sleeps most of the time. It’s been fine. Plus, your place is a nice escape from mine right now.”
Some of the pressure eases in my chest. “And nothing else has happened?”
“No, not at all. Why? Is something wrong?”
“No,” I say quickly, probably a little too quickly.
“Baylee ...” she says. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I just had a bad dream, and honestly, I just wanted to call. It’s stupid, I know.”
“It’s not stupid at all,” she sounds relieved. “I don’t mind you calling to check in. You’re only gone one more night, enjoy it, okay? I promise you I’ll call you if anything goes wrong. You know I will.”
She will.
I know she will.
“Thank you,” I say softly. “Seriously, that makes me feel better.”
“Now, for the love of God, stop worrying about brat of the century and go and enjoy that fine as hell biker boy you’re lucky enough to be there with.”
I laugh softly. “I’ll do that.”
“Good girl. Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
I hang up the phone, put it down, and push out of bed. I leave the beautiful, big room I’ve got all to myself and walk across the hall and into the bathroom. I move to the marble sink, turn on the tap, and splash my face, trying to calm myself down. It works, just a little, but I’m still anxious, so I head downstairs into the kitchen. Warm milk. My mom used to give it to me when I was little and couldn’t sleep.
It always worked.
It’s worth a shot now.
When I get into the kitchen, I see Diesel sitting at the counter, doing the same thing. I can’t help but smile.
“Here I was thinking warm milk was my trick.”
He looks up, slightly startled, and then relaxes when he realises it’s me. “Yeah, don’t tell anyone, imagine the shit I’d get for it.”
I smile. “Your secret is safe with me. Mind if I join you?”
He waves a hand to the free stool at the counter. I give him a grateful look, grab a glass, and put some milk in it before putting it into the microwave. After about thirty seconds, I pull it out and join him.
“What keeps you awake at this time of the night?” I ask him, sipping the milk.
It makes me feel better instantly.
“Can’t sleep sometimes, no particular reason. You?”
I shrug. “Same.”
“Plus, Mercedes can snore.”
I giggle. “Gosh no, she’s far too pretty to snore.”
He chuckles. “Don’t let her looks fool you, she can get one hell of a snore up when she’s been drinking. But I don’t mind, it’s kind of fuckin’ cute.”
My heart warms. The way he loves her. It’s so sweet.
“It’s good when you can love all the parts of someone, even those annoying ones,” I say to him, sipping my milk again.
“Yeah, good feeling, that’s for sure. How are things with you and Jack?”
I stop drinking and look to him. “We’re just friends.”
“And pigs can fly.”
I give him a look, and he winks at me.
“Honestly, I’m not in a good place for anything more,” I say, softly. “It’s not that I don’t want to. He’s such a good guy. The best I know.”
“He isn’t like that with everyone, he’s different with you.”
“He is? Why do you think that is?”
Diesel studies my face, his brown eyes soft. “We all have that one girl. We can have a handful of relationships, and they might be good, we might even fall in love with those people, but there is always going to be that one girl. The thing is, you don’t know it until you meet her, but when you do, it is like nothing else could ever compare. She has the power to change everything. She makes you a better person. She brings out the good in you. She knocks back all the bad. You honestly don’t know yourself when you’re with her. But you just know, she’s the one to bring out the absolute best in you. It's a connection unlike anything you've ever felt, almost like you've known her forever. It's more real than anything you've ever experienced. You don't feel a single bad vibe. And for the first time, you honestly wonder how you ever managed before you met her. Mercedes was that girl for me, and I honestly think you’re that girl for him.”
My heart twists.
Tears form under my eyelids.
I don’t want to be that girl for Jack, because if I can’t give him what he needs, that means
he’ll end up hurt and broken.
I would never want to hurt someone, let alone break them.
“What if that one girl can’t be the girl you need?” I whisper.
He studies me again. “I don't believe that. Because I think you meet her exactly when you need her, at the exact right moment, so even if at the time it might not seem like you can go with it, or she can go with it, she’s there and she’s there for a reason. She’s sent to you right when you need her, trust me on that.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” I say, because I don’t honestly know what else I can say.
He believes those words, because for him, Mercedes was that woman. The one that changed him. And maybe he thinks I’m that for Jack, but I’m not.
I’m just not.
I want to be, so badly.
So damned bad.
“At least give him a chance, even if you take it slow, I might not be an expert at this stuff, but I know what I see, Baylee.”
With that, he finishes his milk and stands, looking down at me. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Diesel.”
He disappears, and I watch him go.
Damn it all.
I think I’m falling in love with Jack.
~*~*~*~
“Spa time!” Molly squeals, skipping through the house in her swim suit, hair flying around behind her. She finds Roman and throws herself at him. He catches her with a grunt, and she plants a kiss on him. “Get ready, Roman. It’s time for the spa!”
“You’re the only one overly excited about this,” he points out to her.
“Because it’s our last night, there is alcohol, and a spa. Of course I’m excited.”
“Alcoholic.” He grins down at her.
She kisses him again, and they disappear upstairs.
“You excited to get in the spa?” Jack asks me from his position beside me on the sofa. “It’s really nice. Warm.”
I look to him. “Yeah, it’s been so long since I’ve been in a spa.”
We spend the day sailing again, stopping for a seafood lunch at a local restaurant. Then we came back and Jack took me to a lighthouse up the beach, before we came back to chill out before dinner and drinks.
It’s been an amazing trip. I’ve had so much fun.
So much.
“Well, go and get changed, and I’ll meet you in the spa. All the others are already in there. Except Molly and Roman, because, well, she’s behind in the times.”