This? This was how she lived on set?
I shook my head and deposited her on the couch.
Angelica closed her eyes and shook beneath the towel, completely dwarfed by the material, I’d never seen her look so… beautiful.
I reminded myself she was an actress.
A damn good one.
And that last scene.
That was acting.
It wasn’t real.
It wasn’t.
I gave my head a shake and blurted. “What the hell were you thinking?”
Her head jerked up, cat eyes burned holes through my body as she stammered out. “Wh-what?”
“You could have died!”
Saying it out loud made the fear real.
Coaxed the fire surrounding me, burning me, making me want a girl that no longer existed, a girl who looked at the camera the way she used to look at me.
Angelica wrapped the towel tighter around herself. “I didn’t think you cared if I died.”
“Bullshit.” Her eyes softened. “It’s a lot of paperwork when someone dies on set, Ang.” I said it in a teasing way.
But the way she ducked into herself told me it wasn’t funny or completely necessary, just that old habits die hard.
And my habit, after being broken, was to make sure she knew what broken felt like even though I knew she did — she always would.
What a pair we were.
“I was kidding.”
“Don’t lie to me, Will.” Her voice was small. And then she let out a rough breath between her lips, “Do you think I’ll have to redo the scene?”
“The hell you are!” I roared getting in her face, making sure she couldn’t look away, I placed my palms on either side of her cheeks. “The only way you’re getting anywhere near that water again is if you’re in a full body suit and a professional diver is on a jet ski a few inches away from your body, got me?”
She tried jerking away. I held firm. “Do. You. Hear. Me?”
“I’m. Right. Here.” She moved again.
I held firm. Resting my forehead against hers. “No more swimming.”
“It was in the script.” She licked her lips.
“I don’t care if the President of the United States asks you to jump back in that water, you say no. You’re too…” I scowled. “It’s too cold. It looks like a hurricane out there.”
She sucked in her bottom lip. “It’s my job.”
“Screw your job,” I blurted.
Her chest rose and fell.
A dizzying sensation washed over me as tension spiked between our bodies, tension and a hell of a lot of heat.
I lowered my head.
Her eyes questioned my sanity.
I questioned my sanity right before my lips pressed against hers.
A knock sounded on the trailer.
I jerked away from her and scowled at whoever interrupted whatever the hell I had just been about to do.
“What?” I barked.
Jay poked his head in. “Everybody decent?”
“If decent means Angelica’s alive, you’re in luck, she didn’t die. What the hell kind of stunt was that?”
Jay grinned and shoved a script in my face. “So, I’m going to need you to stay on set today, Will.”
“What? As swim rescue?” I glared. “Because I’m only going to say this once. She isn’t going back into that water.”
“She doesn’t have to.” Jay shrugged. “The scene was bloody perfect.” I groaned and leaned against the counter. “Which is why you’re also going to need this.” He handed me another script with scribbling on it, highlighted on top was my name.
I almost dropped it.
I read it again.
“Jay…” I tried to keep my voice calm. “Why the hell is my name on this script?”
“Is that your name?” Jay reached for his walkie-talkie. “Ah, gotta go man, think of it this way, you’re already here, and you’ve acted in shit together before. It’s a few lines, what’s the big deal?”
I glanced down, and my heart dropped and threatened to get eaten by my stomach as I turned the page. It wasn’t one scene.
It was the entire freaking movie.
I was a new love interest.
I wasn’t speaking a few lines and walking off.
“Shit.” I dropped the script to the ground and sank to my haunches. I was either going to puke or pass out. I couldn’t do it, wouldn’t do it. This was how we’d met, this was how we destroyed our lives.
A movie set.
Ang looked between me and Jay. “What?”
“Angelica Greene,” Jay said in his all business voice, “meet your new co-star.” He eyed me like he was the most brilliant bastard in the world, “Like I said, I made a few changes to the script, I think it has more emotional meaning if we add in your love interest and since this is technically based on real events, why not include Will? It only makes sense.”
“The hell it does!” I roared, looking up at him with all the anger I could gather up since I still felt sick to my stomach.
Ang shook her head vehemently, “No, no you can’t, you can’t do—”
“See!” I pointed at Ang, “Neither of us wants this. You’re going to tank your own damn movie!”
“Funny.” Jay shrugged. “Ang said the exact same thing right before she gave an Academy Award winning performance. I’m going to have to say I’d rather trust my instincts on this one than trust two people who still refuse to speak to each other about the past, yeah? Good talk as always. You have ten minutes before wardrobe.” The door slammed, and then he poked his head back in. “That’s wardrobe for both of you just in case you miss—”
I chucked my script at his face.
It hit the closed door.
His laughter echoed from outside.
“You could always sue him,” Angelica said in a small voice. “Or leave.”
It was an out I could take.
If he wasn’t one of my clients.
If he wasn’t one of my friends.
And lastly… if he wasn’t right.
Because the only thing worse than Angelica and I starring in a movie together was starring in a movie based on true events.
Ones that affected us both.
Ones that for years, we still hadn’t discussed.
Because we had been kids.
Not adults.
Kids ran away.
We were both still running.
“Come on,” I said gruffly. “If we don’t go to wardrobe he’ll just burn down the trailer with us inside.”
“But then we’d at least be warm,” Ang pointed out with another shiver.
I scratched my head.
How the hell had I gotten in this position?
I wanted to blame everyone but myself.
But maybe my first mistake was thinking that after all these years the hate would last for the next few months I had to see her.
And already, already it was getting chipped away from the fact that the girl who I’d just seen give the performance of her life hadn’t disappeared and was still in that trailer with me — like the girl was still real.
I would regret this later.
I knew it.
But I’d just add it to the list of regrets named Angelica Greene.
I jerked the towel from her body and wrapped my arms around her. I closed my eyes and let my body heat soak into hers.
After a few minutes, her chills lessened.
And when she finally sighed against me, I released her and wrapped a fresh towel around her. “Let’s go.”
I could have sworn I heard her say, “Thank you.”
But I was afraid of the way her eyes would meet mine when she said the words, afraid of my reaction, afraid that the hate wasn’t strong enough to withstand one more of her raw looks.
So I kept walking with her close on my heels.
THE RESTAURANT WAS closed off to everyone but the cast and crew, I was thankful for the break — and the food.
>
Zane: Hey man, you got your own trailer too? Sweet, I bet it’s kick ass, hey side note, does it have mallows? Cuz I can provide the goods. Should we have a trailer party?
I glanced down at Will’s phone and smiled, a girl could get used to Zane’s quirky sense of humor. In a lot of ways he reminded me of Demetri.
It had been a hellish day on set.
And to thank Will for not suing him, or beating the shit out of him when he strongly suggested Will act in the movie, Jay was taking everyone out to dinner.
I wasn’t holding out hope that someone wouldn’t leave with a black eye or missing tooth, that’s just how it was between everyone.
Nat was there with Ella. Alec was in the corner cooing in her face like, like a dad. It was the most surreal thing I’d ever seen, rock star Alec Daniels, holding a baby girl’s hand and ignoring the rest of the world as if it didn’t exist.
“Freaky, right?” Demetri plopped down in an empty seat next to me. Will had been sitting across from me but was in deep discussion with Zane about another world tour.
“Is he always like that now?” I nodded to Alec.
“You mean the best dad in the world who just so happens to have a tattoo of his baby girl’s footprints on his lower back like a freaking tramp stamp?” He winked, “Yeah, he is. It’s changed him, softened him though he’s still scary as hell sometimes.”
“Noooo, Alec? Scary?” I elbowed Demetri.
“I never hated you,” he blurted. “I just want you to know that. I think I hated what I saw in you, I just…” He shrugged and then winked over at Alyssa who was grabbing a glass of wine and handing it to Nat. “I just think that I hated the weakness I saw when I looked at you, I saw you still struggling with the drugs, the fame, and it reminded me of my own shit.”
I shook my head. “Demetri, you don’t owe me anything, I basically tried destroying your lives…” Tears filled my eyes. Why the hell was I so emotional lately? “Take a look at that.” I smiled at Alec, a real smile, one that I felt from my head to my toes. “What type of person tries to destroy that?”
“A lost one,” Zane chimed in.
I hadn’t realized that everyone, Will included, had stopped talking and was listening in on my convo with Demetri. I tucked my hair behind my ear and said nothing, because honestly I didn’t know what to say.
You’re right?
Shut the hell up?
The old Angelica would have yelled at him and stomped off to pout in the corner until some hot guy came up and offered his services. It was a way to gain attention, to get rid of the pain of rejection, the embarrassment. But that’s the thing about addictions. They can be anything that numbs you to reality.
And I’d drowned in them because I’d hated mine. Hated it.
“Eavesdropper,” Demetri accused while Zane shrugged unapologetically and turned back to Will, tour dates were mentioned, and apparently my confession was forgotten, especially when Fallon walked up behind him, kissed him down the neck, then left, he slapped her on the ass on her exit. A part of my chest cracked, but only a little bit, and I hated that it even did that, that it was capable of that after all of this time. Hurt.
“Have you held her yet?” Demetri asked.
“Who? What?” I shook my head. “What did I miss?”
“You were staring at Ella. Have you held her yet?”
My face flushed, “No, no, that’s not, I mean.” Embarrassment washed over me. Tears stung the back of my eyes. Because what parent would want me to touch their innocent child with my black sinned hands?
What rational person would even want me in the same room?
I hung my head.
Ending the discussion while I started toying with the cheap paper white napkin in my hand.
And suddenly someone sat on my left.
I knew who it was without looking.
Because a person can’t really exist in the same atmosphere as Alec Daniels and not become insanely aware of his large menacing godlike presence.
“I don’t hate you either.” His deep voice rumbled.
Oh great, and then there were two confessions.
“Is this church?” Zane piped up, then looked behind him, and back at us. “Because I gotta admit guys, I’m not actually Catholic.”
Alec glared at him.
He held up his hands, then rummaged around for a marshmallow and kept talking to Will, it was like he was capable of having multiple conversations at once without getting lost. Amazing, really.
“Thanks.” I didn’t know what else to say.
Before I could say anything else, Ella giggled and then peered over her dad’s shoulder at me, reaching out here chubby hand. I had no choice but to grab it.
I clung to the hand as tears filled my eyes.
Memories surfaced.
And without warning, she reached for me completely.
I didn’t have any business holding her.
But I had even less business rejecting her offer of innocence, no matter what it did to that crack in my heart well on its way to turning into the Grand Canyon.
“Hi.” I kissed her pudgy hand.
She giggled again.
So I kissed her other hand and nuzzled her neck. “She smells like you.”
I meant it as a compliment.
Across from me, Will stiffened.
Shit. I was always ruining things, wasn’t I?
But Alec just smiled while Demetri patted my shoulder and said, “Yeah because he hogs his own child and gets his scent all over her.”
“I’ll have you know my scent earned us two million last year,” Alec fired back, “What did your little cologne do, Dem? Hmm?”
“It was the wrong mixture.” He grumbled. “Damn chemists.”
Zane laughed even though he didn’t turn toward us.
Ella cupped my face with her hands and then reached back toward her dad like she was done with playtime.
He grabbed her then handed her to Nat.
She took her little girl and started bouncing her up and down. Alec didn’t join his family. Instead, he sat down by Demetri and me and leaned forward.
Oh, the awkwardness was real.
So real.
I’d kissed both of those guys.
Both of them.
I’d tried to get Alec to use drugs when he was at his weakest.
And when I’d filmed a reality show with them, I had nearly died of an overdose. So. Much. Fun.
Where was arsenic when I needed it? Maybe the waiter could dump a few tablespoons in my Diet Coke?
Alec was the reason I got help.
He and Demetri even paid for my stint in rehab.
I never thanked them.
They said my thanking them was actually going.
So I did.
Because by then I was a shell of a human.
And they knew that better than anyone since they’d once walked that road a lot harder than I could ever possibly know.
“So…” Zane finally turned to us. “I heard you killed that scene today, Jay wants us to write a song for it and use it for the trailer.”
I gaped. “Um, are we sure Jay isn’t intoxicated.”
Our food finally arrived. I dug in like I hadn’t eaten in days, maybe it was the fact that the freezing water had stripped all the calories from my body, either way, a hamburger and fries had never tasted so good.
I groaned and bit into my burger.
Will muttered a graphic curse.
Suddenly aware that I had closed my eyes, I forced them open and saw Zane grinning like a fool at Demetri while they gave funny looks to Will.
“Something wrong William?” Zane crossed his toned arms.
“He must be hungry.” Demetri answered for him, “I mean, how long has it been man… since you’ve… eaten.”
Alec choked on his water next to me.
I gave Demetri the evil eye.
He didn’t notice.
He was too busy goading Will while Will stared into his beer.
/>
“You know…” Zane leaned in, “Now that I’ve… eaten…” He licked his lips. “And eaten…” He received a smack from Will when he said eaten one more time. “I can’t imagine what it would be like to be without food… you know… for a long period of time… I bet just about anything would set me off, don’t you agree Dem?”
“Hell yeah, I mean, one time, back in the day I was on a type of… diet before my wedding, and let me tell you, it nearly sucked,” he emphasized sucked, “the life out of me… can’t imagine, man, can’t imagine.” He pulled a fry from my plate and chomped down. “Right, Will?”
Will wiped his face with his hand then threw his napkin onto the table, stood, and walked off. “I’m going to the bathroom.”
“They got food in there?” Zane burst out laughing.
I felt my face heat even though it’s not like I was innocent in any way, I just got their reference and hated how irrationally angry I got thinking about Will with anyone but me.
The first time I’d read about it online I’d slammed my phone against the wall.
I went through a lot of phones that year.
And then I went numb again.
“What about you Ang?” Zane leaned in. “Oh, and eating’s code word for sex just in case you’re really slow like Alec over here.”
Alec glowered.
“This isn’t proper dinner talk,” I mumbled.
“Holy shit did you just say proper?” Demetri observed with an amused smirk, “Say it again.”
Alec threw a napkin at Demetri’s head.
Zane leaned in and rubbed his hands together. “Come on sister, give us the goods, we’re all old and married.”
“The hell you are!” Demetri laughed, “You’re engaged, and I’m still waiting for her to dump you on your ass! You aren’t even house trained People wear pants, that’s all I’m saying.”
“I’ll be sure to remind myself that next time I get all the sex because of lack of pants, I mean come on, easy access man, why have them on, at all?”
By Demetri’s sudden silence, I could only assume he was suddenly wondering if Zane wasn’t a genius.