"Come on, Kelly," he ordered, but again she refused. "I don't want to be yelled at anymore." With that she walked on and barely noticed when Nick's car pulled smoothly ahead of her and parked at the curb. By the time she reached him, he'd climbed from his
seat and was holding the door open on her side.
"I won't yell at you anymore. Please get in."
Kelly looked at him and realized she was trembling. "Please, Kelly." His voice was soft.
Finally, she went to the car. Kelly was so tense that she barely let her back rest against the seat as he pulled from the curb and drove her home. She was thankful that he didn't speak to her, but when he stopped in front of her apartment, she spoke with quiet conviction without ever looking at him.
"If you think I actually put Mrs. Casmont up to that, then you don't know me at all."
"I don't think that," he admitted.just as quietly. "I was upset."
Kelly nodded and opened the door. Nick spoke while she was still climbing out.
"Do you want me to come in?"
Again Kelly couldn't look at him. "No," her voice broke on a sob, "I don't."
She closed the car door, and Nick watched as she rushed for her apartment. He stared out the windshield for a moment, knowing he had to make things right. He glanced around and found a parking place. A few minutes later he was standing before Kelly's door. He raised his hand to knock but saw that it was slightly open. With a gentle push, he entered. He heard
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the evidence of Kelly's tears long before he saw them, and something painful and tight squeezed around his chest. His footsteps sounded on the floor, and she jumped in surprise. She swiftly rose from where she'd been sitting at the kitchen table and wiped at her face.
"Kelly," Nick began, but she shook her head, and he stopped. Kelly forced herself to turn and face him. She looked at him for the space of several moments and then began to speak.
"It's all for you. This whole relationship is all for you." She sniffed, but her voice spoke of her resolve without being harsh. "The whole church thinks we're an item. What a joke! You have this big family that you share the holidays with. I spent Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter alone, Nick, because everyone assumed you'd asked me to join you." She could see that she'd shocked and upset him but kept on anyway.
"I never call you. I never bother you. I wait for you to be in touch, and when you are, you never ask how Kelly is doing. It's all for Nick. If I have trouble making ends meet, I don't say a word for fear that you'll think I'm asking for money. I do everything in my power to make you feel cared for and encouraged, and now I'm accused of trying to trap you into mar riage."
Kelly gasped a little now because the tears were coming back. She turned slightly away so Nick wouldn't see them. After a moment she spoke, this time very quietly.
"I think I'd like you to go, Nick. I need some time alone."
154 She watched from the corner of her eyes as he hesitated, but a moment later he turned for the door. Kelly went to that portal when she heard it close and this time made sure it was locked. She got no farther than the sofa in the living room before the tears came in a flood once again.
"Well, Nick! Come on in. We've just arrived home from the wedding."
"Can I talk to you, Roger?"
"Certainly. Let's go into the family room."
They made themselves comfortable, but Nick didn't talk. Roger was not a man given to light conversation, so he waited patiently. It took several moments before Nick began. He relayed the entire day's events, his voice troubled and confused.
"And then she asked me to leave. I wanted to stay. I wanted to tell her I was sorry, but she was crying. I've never seen her cry. Is she right, Roger? Am I that self-centered? Is the whole relationship for me?"
Roger looked at him for a moment. "Tell me, Nick, how often do you see Kelly?"
Nick shrugged. "I don't know."
"Every week?" Roger prompted. "Every month?
More then once a week? How often?"
"I guess every week."
Roger smiled a little. "You and I meet every week, and have for more than a year, but you never mention her. Jana has told me that she sees the two of you together, but I don't see you together that often, and since you never talk about her, I've never given it any
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thought. You've grown so much Nick, but being a new Christian is almost like being an infant. Your world starts out very small, and the only person you can take care of is yourself. It sounds like that's how it's been for you.
"And Kelly, well, I don't know her very well, but I know she wouldn't do anything that might discourage you or make you stumble. It sounds like whatever has been going on in the past is too much for her right now. Because I'm not involved, you would be the best judge of whether or not you're treating Kelly with love."
Nick's eyes slid shut. How did you treat someone with love when the only person you saw was yourself? Nick's heart clenched in pain. He looked at his watch. It was only half past four. He still had time. He stood, and Roger asked where he was going.
"To make things right" was all Nick said, and after thanking Roger, he was swiftly on his way.
Kelly was dozing in a chair when Nick knocked on her door. It never occurred to her that he would return, so she was totally unsuspecting,, but there he was, still dressed in his suit and holding an enormous bouquet of flowers. Kelly's heart hurt just to look at him, and her voice was soft.
"You didn't have to do this, Nick."
"Yes, I did," he told her, and then saw that his words had upset her. "I wanted to," he rushed to say. "I wanted to buy these for you."
Kelly looked up at him and then reached for the
flowers.
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"Thank you," she said.
"May I come in, Kelly.)"
Kelly looked away. "I don't know if that's a good idea, Nick." She still felt bruised.
"I have something to say," he told her. "If you want me to leave after that, I will, but will you please hear me out."
After a moment Kelly stepped aside. Nick entered and went to her living room but didn't sit down. He paced nervously in the small space and then turned to
her.
"I went to see Roger Foy," he admitted. "I asked him if what you said was true, and it is, Kelly, it is. I never think of anyone but myself."
Kelly had to bite her lip, or she was going to cry again. He looked so shaken and distressed. She had felt awful after he left, fearing that she had said some thing to make him doubt God's love, and now to have him looking so vulnerable was almost too much for her. His next words threatened to break her heart.
"You're my best friend, Kelly. Even as a kid I thought the concept of best friends was ridiculous, but I realized that's just what you are. You care for me and listen to me, and I've just used you. I don't know if you can ever forgive me, Kelly, but I'm sorry."
"Oh, Nick, of course I forgive you, and I'm sorry I talked to you that way."
"Don't apologize, Kelly," he said sternly. "You need to hold me accountable. If I'm not treating you well, you'd best tell me in a hurry."
Kelly nodded and smiled at him. They talked for a few more minutes before he asked if she wanted to go
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for a bite to eat, but Nick was gracious when Kelly told him that it had been an emotional day and that she was going to turn in early. She had already cried so much that she had a headache, but the tears came again when Nick was gone
He says I'm his best friend, she told the Lord. I want to hear I love you, Kelly" but find that I'm his best friend. I must move on, Lord. I'm waiting for Nick to love me, and that's not going to happen. Please show me a way to survive this anduow. Please help me to still be there for Nick without losing my mine
Kelly prayed in such a manner for more than an hour, and as sometimes happens, an affirmative answer came immediately. The phone rang as she was readying for bed. It was a young man who
had been out of the area for a few years. He'd gotten her phone number from someone at church and wanted to know if she was free for dinner on Friday night. Kelly accepted before she could talk herself out of it, and even though her heart beat with anxiety, she was asleep five minutes after she'd climbed into bed.
Kelly leaned close to the mirror and examined the corners of her eyes for wrinkles. She was going to be 24 in a month and was convinced that she looked closer to 40. She was mumbling about what Peter would think of her when she heard the knock.
"Oh! Nick!" Kelly said as she opened the front door and then recovered swiftly. "How are you?"
"I'm all right," he said as he came in, "but I need to talk to you about--" He stopped when he saw the way she was dressed. "Is this a bad time?"
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"Well, actually I'm going to be leaving." "Oh." Nick looked at ease. "I'll go with you." "Well," Kelly tried again, thinking she would cut her own hand off before she deliberately hurt him. "I'm going to dinner."
"With Jill. She never minds when I come along." Kelly was still trying to flame a reply when a second knock sounded. She opened the door, and Peter was standing there. He was smiling, but his eyes looked uncertain when he saw Nick.
"Do I have the wrong night, Kelly?"
"No, Peter. Nick just needed to ask me something. You've met, haven't you?"
"Of course," Nick offered, stepping into the breach. He moved forward, shook Peter's hand, and greeted him warmly. "We met at church on Sunday and then at men's prayer breakfast this week. How are you."
"Fine. Did I interrupt something.''
"No, no," Nick assured him magnanimously, but Kelly thought he sounded odd. I'll catch Kelly on Sunday. You two have a good time."
Goodbyes were said, and everyone went in opposite directions. Back in his car, Nick pulled away from the apartment building but drove only down the street to the parking lot of the grocery store, where he put the car in park and sat.
"She has a date," he told the windshield. "She's never had a date before. Peter is going to take her out to dinner. She's not doing this to make me jealous since she wasn't even going to tell me about it, so why am I jealous. Why do I feel like a child whose toy has been
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snatched away." Nick's brows drew together in self- directed anger, and this time he didn't speak aloud.
She's not a toy, Nick Hamilton, and you're a fool to think of her in such a way. She's a woman with needs, and you haven't been there. If you don't like her seeing someone else, then you'd better make your claim and treat her the way she deserves to be treated.
Nick's pep talk continued for some minutes longer as he prayed and made plans.
Now sitting in a restaurant across from Peter, Kelly was totally unsuspecting that an intense man's thoughts were consumed with her, and that he had plans to change their relationship entirely.
"Public library, this is Kelly. May I help you."
"You most certainly may. You can take pity on me and have dinner with me tonight."
Kelly smiled and laughed a little. It was a week after her date with Peter, and she hadn't heard from
Nick since that night. It was lovely to hear his voice. "All right. What did you have in mind?" "Let's dress up."
Kelly was sorry she'd asked. Her pocketbook really couldn't take a "dress up" dinner, but she was given no time to reply.
"A call just came in, so I've got to go. I'll pick you up at 6:30." A moment later the connection was broken.
I'll just have to tell him, Kelly told herself firmly, knowing even as she thought it that she probably never would.
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Kelly knew that Nick had come directly from work when she stepped out of her apartment and saw that the limo was waiting. He had picked her up in this luxurious fashion from time to time, and it always caused a stir in her "old city" neighborhood.
They talked companionably for the next 20 minutes until Kelly realized the driver was taking them to the Parker Club. It was the most exclusive restaurant in San Francisco, and Kelly felt panic coming on. Nick was turning to say something to her, but she grabbed his arm.
"Oh, Nick, I should have said something. I can't afford this. I mean, I really can't! I couldn't even get a soup or salad here, Nick. I'm sorry."
"I'm taking care of this," he cut in gently when Kelly paused for a breath, but she only panicked a little more.
"You don't have to pay for my friendship, Nick. I'm sorry if I said anything that made you feel that way. You really don't--" The words were effectively cut off when Nick gently grasped her jaw in one long- fingered hand, forcing Kelly's eyes to look at him.
"I'm not trying to buy your friendship; you know me better than that. Now will you please let me do this."
"My clothes--"
"Are fine," Nick finished for her. "Now will you please let me buy you dinner."
It took a moment more. Kelly's eyes searched Nick's in an effort to read his thoughts, and she finally nodded her consent. They climbed from the deep interior of the
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limo where Marcos, the driver, stood smiling at them. Nick spoke a few words to him and then took Kelly's elbow and moved her to the entrance. They were treated like royalty. If Kelly's dress and shoes were not up to par, no one even dared to notice since she was with Nicholas Hamilton.
The napkin was placed across her lap by a hovering waiter, and a menu the size of a road atlas was opened and offered into her hands. Kelly entertained the silly thought of being grateful that she'd done her nails when she got home and tried to ignore the fact that there were no prices. She was doing a lousy job of trying to act as though she belonged when one of Nick's fingers curled over the top of her menu, and he pulled it down so he could see her face.
"Just as I thought," he spoke gently, his eyes amused. "You're about to panic."
"I feel a little out of my depth, Nick. I'm sorry."
The smile he gave her was very tender. "How hungry are you?"
"At the moment, I'm not hungry at all."
Again the smile appeared as the menu was taken from her damp palms, and Nick's finger went in the air. A waiter appeared as if by magic, and Nick ordered an appetizer and something to drink. That was it. He then began a conversation meant to soothe. It must have worked, because Kelly was halfway through the plate of tiny crab puffs before she remembered where she was.
"Where is your family, Kelly?" Nick asked at one point, having already confessed to the Lord that he'd never asked before.
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"Well, I don't really have any. I was raised in a series of foster homes until I was 12, and then I was
placed with a family who kept me."
"Where are they now?"
Kelly smiled. "In Brazil. They decided to go to the mission field when I finished high school. I saw them two years ago, and we write all the time."
"Is it too painful to tell me why you were in foster homes?"
"No, but it's a sad story. I was seven when my mother went to the store and never came home. I went to a neighbor who kept me until dinner, but she called the police when darkness fell. They were able to track some of my mother's movements. Earlier that day she was seen going into a bar and then later getting into a man's car, but that was the end of the trail. They don't think she was forced, and later I realized she had never planned to return."
"That is sad," Nick said, his voice low. "I can't imagine her leaving you alone." Suddenly his face turned very serious. "But I've done that often enough, haven't I?''
Kelly didn't answer.
"No more, Kelly," he told her almost fiercely. "I'm not going to treat you like that any longer."
Kelly had dreamed of how it might be to have Nick's intensity directed at her, and now that it had happened, she found it a little frightening. He wanted to know everything about her. And the way he looked at her! Kelly felt like a rocket had shot up her spine.
"Have you always had red hair?"
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"Yes. Although
it's gotten darker. Occasionally someone would ask me where I got it, and I would that the postman delivered it."
Nick laughed. "Your father."
"I never knew him. I had an uncle who came visit me once, bur he didn't stay for more than a minutes. I was told later that he was really looking for my mother. What is your family like, Nick? I mean you've talked about them some, but only in reference to salvation."
"Well, my brother Tony is saved, I think you knew that. He doesn't go to our church, but he was the who introduced me to Roger. Anyway, he's two younger than I am, and then there's Kevin, and the youngest is my sister, B.J."
"And your folks live in the Bay Area too?" "Yes, in Burlingame. I grew up there." "How did you get to San Francisco?"
"I went to law school at Stanford, and when a job opened up here, I jumped at it."
The whole evening continued this way. Ii1 ordered items off the menu one at a time, and talked. They learned things about each other they never known before, and the hours flew. Kelly started to yawn over dessert, and Nick knew t was tme t it a night. He held her hand on the way home walked her to her door. Kelly thanked him quietly, a Nick only leaned against the jamb and stared at I' face. He didn't know exactly when he'd fallen for woman, but his heart was gone. Right now he couict remember saying he was not the marrying kind. ' finally bid Kelly goodnight and wandered back to the
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limo. It was a good thing Marcos was driving; he'd have never found the way home.
"This is the book I'm reading right now," Nick mentioned as he entered his own kitchen where Kelly was in the process of making a green salad. Roger, Jana, Russell, and Jill were all coming to dinner, and Kelly had come early to help. She looked at the title and then at the man holding it.
"You're reading a book about sexual happiness in marriage?"
"Yes. I've read two, and this is my third." Incredulous, Kelly stared at him, the salad forgotten. "Why?" she finally managed. "Well, it's important." "For what?"
"For marriage," he told her simply and frowned at her lack of understanding.
"You're getting married?"
Now he really frowned. "Of course I'm getting married."
Kelly put the lettuce down and started to turn away. Nick caught her hand, but she would not come to him. In fact, she pulled her hand away and moved to the other side of the island to put some space between them.