Oh, and Lexy the liar reneged on her offer, looks like binding Fems is not in my future. No surprise there.
Lexy is going to have to learn the hard way that paybacks a bitch.
August 11th,
I had three late night conversations with Gage that lingered into the wee hours of the morning. I can tell he’s just about ready to take that next step. I told him I wanted to have a picnic down by the dunes this weekend and he said YES! I can’t wait. Come September when school starts, we’ll totally be together. I can feel it.
A light knock erupts at my door. My mother peers in and gives an uneasy smile.
“There’s someone down here to see you.”
***
I follow close behind as she leads me to the kitchen. Tad is there with his arms folded tight, staring down Gage like he’s some kind of fugitive.
“Skyla?” Tad’s eyes oval out like two giant eggs. “I’d like to talk to you alone a moment,” he says ushering me out to the back patio.
The sun is already starting to set, and it’s just barely after four. I rub my hands up over my bare arms as the chill grips me.
“I want to take this opportunity to make it clear that...” His words get strangled in his throat as he points hard back toward the house, “that hulk of a person…that the two of you are nothing more than friends. The last thing I need is you saddled with a kid before graduation.” He turns to head back in then stops abruptly. “Oh, and if I were you, I’d remove that necklace of horror as soon as humanly possible. I don’t care if you have to wear a scarf the rest of your natural life. Your mother and sisters are never to see that atrocity.” His finger comes just shy of digging into my chest. “Got it?” His eyes bug out, furious and wild.
“Got it,” I mouth the words and walk back in the house. “I’m going out with Gage,” I announce.
“That’s great, Hon. You need some air, you’ve been stuck in bed all day.” My mother lets the paper she’s holding slip through her fingers while looking suggestively over at Tad.
Come to think of it, Drake is probably out with Bree, and the girls were at a sleep over last night and still haven’t been picked up—OK the implications are pretty gross.
“Don’t worry.” I restrain myself from picking up the phonebook next to her and swatting her over the head for wanting to procreate with such a moron. “You can have the house to yourself. Gage and I have got things to discuss.” I look over at Tad to see if he’s buying this load. The only thing we’ll be discussing with great sorrow is the fact Tad is in my life—that, and the awful fact I killed someone.
***
Gage drives us to the base of Devil’s Peak. I’ve never been down at the bottom before. A few cars are parked along the rocky shore facing the ocean. The white caps swirl in a massive fit of destruction, and it reminds me of the night Marshall saved me, as I was getting ready to drown.
“What’cha thinking?” Gage wraps a blanket around my shoulders as we as head over to an embankment.
“About death.” And selfishly, not Holden’s. I still can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact I ended someone’s life yesterday all because I mistook him for a Fem. I’m a danger to society—welcome to my new reality.
“He attacked you.” Gage guides me high up on a dirt patch and tosses down a towel for us to sit on. We land softly, and I let him hold me while we stare out the angry, boiling sea. “What were you supposed to do? Let him overpower you just because he wasn’t a Fem? You did the right thing.”
“I ran my fingers through his esophagus like it was rotten fruit. I went overboard,” I say, closing my eyes in disbelief.
“Sorry. I don’t know what to say,” he whispers into my ear.
I turn to face him. Even in this dim light his eyes radiate a brilliant electric blue. His dimples tremble as though they might ignite full and deep at any moment. I don’t really know why I’m here with Gage. He should be my friend when we’re not around other people, but something in me wants more. Eventually I’ll have to stop blaming Logan for this, whatever it is, and start taking responsibility for my feelings.
“So,” I sigh, “Brielle texted me this morning and said it was a kid from East named Holden.” I shrug looking down at my fingers.
“Holden Kragger,” Gage nods. “He’s got a twin brother, Pierce. They weren’t identical though. I think Pierce goes out with Nat off and on, not sure.”
“Oh.” I didn’t even know Nat had a boyfriend. “So they’re twins—were.” A horrible feeling comes over me to know that someone has to bury their brother, a son because of me.
“I don’t think you should dwell on this.” He studies my face intently. “It’s not like it was intentional. Even if you confessed, you’d be found innocent.”
“What are the police saying?”
“They ruled it a homicide. They think someone hopped up on drugs did it. My dad said it looks like he was mauled by a wild animal.”
My fingers come up over my neck. He was struggling to get away. I could have let him go.
“He was forcing himself on me.” I can still feel his tongue slithering down my throat like a barbed, rabid snake.
“Don’t upset yourself. And don’t worry about the cops. My dad said the last person in the world they’re going to suspect is a sixteen-year old girl.” He rubs his hands gently up and down my back. “Um…I talked to Logan.” His voice drops down into his chest.
It seems so trivial now. Me with Logan, me with Gage—none of it matters because we’re all still alive and breathing.
“He’s pissed.” One of his dimples ignite as he gives a slight grin.
“What exactly did you say?” A part of me doesn’t want to know, doesn’t want to get sucked down further by the undertow of our blossoming relationship.
“I told him I thought you were beautiful.” His eyes round out. “That I can’t stop thinking about you.” He stares me down with those cobalt spheres. “That I don’t think I can pretend to be your anything, and that I want to start seeing you.” His Adam’s Apple rises and falls dramatically as though he were unsure of what my reaction might be. “I know you have feelings for Logan. I’m not asking you to deny them or tell me you’re leaving him. All I want is a chance.” It comes out as a fact, but beneath the surface there’s a layer of desperation. “Skyla,” My name comes out broken, just shy of a whisper. “I’d do anything to be with you. And if that means giving you all the time in the world to make up your mind, I’ll do that.”
I lean in and press my lips soft against his. We start in with slow, deep kisses—then it erupts into an entire desolate exchange of passion.
Choosing between Logan and Gage would require more time than the world could possibly afford. I’d need two lifetimes, and two of me—both of which reality could ever hope to give me.
13
One Count Down
Monday, on the way to second period, I pass Logan in the hall. He not only smiles in my direction—he holds out his hand to high five me.
Butterfly room at ten? He asks.
It’s on, I give a sly smile as I head into Marshall’s class.
Gage pretends not to notice the whole skin slapping exchange. I spent all day yesterday trying to figure out how to see one Oliver, without cheating on the other—turns out there’s no possible way. I’m going to have to do something, rather drastic and painful, like choose, but I think I’d rather pluck off my fingernails.
I contemplate the finer skills I’ve picked up since moving to the island—liar, cheat, thief, oh yeah—murderer. At least Paragon is molding me into a well-rounded asshole.
I plop down in my seat. It takes all of my effort not to put my head down, I’m so tired and it’s only nine in the morning. Marshall whistles happily while passing out the tests from last week. I find this extremely annoying so I don’t bother acknowledging him.
He glides a paper onto my desk with a giant red F scrawled across the top.
That’s impossible.
“What did
you get?” I lean over to Gage whose paper is sporting a neat little A in the corner. I scan the sheets side by side and none of the numbers match.
“Maybe I confused you when I was repeating the problems,” he whispers.
Marshall swoops over to the two of us. “Maybe what confused you, Ms. Messenger, is that you didn’t know the answers.” His brows sharpen. “I took the liberty of discussing your disposition with your mother this morning.”
“What? You said you were going to let me slide.” Did I just say that out loud?
“She has agreed to procure my tutoring services.” I charge four hundred dollars a month, and with that I can practically guarantee an A. Oh the fun we’re going to have. He bites down on his lower lip suggestively.
Mom and Tad don’t have a spare four hundred lying around. It might just be cheaper for Tad to ship me off to boarding school. And, of course, he’ll use me as an excuse to deny Mia and Melissa their self-entitled weekly shopping sprees. Soon, I’ll be to blame for all things debt related.
“When do we start?” I spear him with my anger.
“Soon as possible.” His cheek pulls into a half smile as he walks away. And Skyla? Feisty becomes you.
***
“I don’t like the thought of you hanging around him,” Gage whispers, while holding me under the awning at lunch.
A downpour ignited as soon as the bell rang, which leaves ninety percent of the student body huddling en mass like ants under a leaf. You would think with all the rain they get on Paragon, they would offer us more shelter.
Ellis comes over, spilling his backpack onto the ground. “You guys hear they caught some kids going at it on top of the English building?” He laughs into the words. This is obviously the trivia he lives for.
“It was Nat.” Brielle closes in our circle. “Pierce came up. He’s all freaked out about losing his brother. He lost his sister like a year ago, and now he’s the only child. Anyway, I guess Nat has been suspended for three whole days.”
My heart sinks. Of course he’s all freaked out about losing his brother—dead is pretty much forever, unless you’re Chloe.
“Funeral is Friday.” Brielle smirks when she says it. “Isn’t that weird?”
“Why would that be weird?” I ask.
“It’s Halloween,” she whispers as though it were top secret. “I don’t know, it’s just wrong.”
“Yeah well, I’m not calling off the party.” Ellis growls. “I’m not letting some murderous lunatic ruin life for the rest of us.”
Ellis is right—ever since I moved here, I’ve been ruining life for the rest of them and flat out ending it for others.
“Don’t go there,” Gage says it hot in my ear. “You made so many things right.”
It amazes me sometimes that Gage doesn’t have to read my mind to know what I’m thinking. I pull in closer and let my head dip down over his chest. A violent clap of thunder explodes above us, rattling the windows of the surrounding buildings. I tighten my grip around his waist so hard I think I’m going to push through.
I look back and both Brielle and Ellis have disappeared.
“I don’t feel right about going to a party that night—any night ever again to be exact.” I should voluntarily ban myself from ever having fun again.
“We have to.” He tickles my ribs gently. “It’s the best party of the year.” He rests his lips on the top of my head momentarily. “I’ll even wear a costume if you want.”
“Really?”
“Really. Anything.”
“OK, how about a vampire?”
“Except that.” He averts his eyes as though he were rethinking the situation.
“Come on, vampires are cool and super sexy. It’s what I really want you to be. I’ll be Frankenstein’s daughter. I’ve got the neck, remember?”
“Yeah, well, my dad wanted me to let you know it’s time for the stitches to come out.”
“I’ll leave ‘em in until Saturday.” I shrug. “Tad saw them and thinks they’re some Goth experimental stage I’m going through.” I feel better talking to Gage—being with him. He has a way of removing the grime from the world and letting me see things clean and new the way he wants me to, if only for a moment.
Gage leans in and kisses me without reservation. He pulls back and his eyes linger into mine.
“I think I’m falling in love with you, Skyla.” His dimples dig into the sides of his cheeks, as though somehow highlighting the importance of what he’s saying.
The sky ignites with splinters of lightning that spider across the sky in pink and lavender hues.
I pull him in and lean my head up against his shoulder. Logan catches my eye from the doorway of the building across the way. Lexy is talking to him, but his full attention is locked in my direction.
I close my eyes and listen to the thunder roar over Paragon like a lion on fire.
“I love you,” Gage whispers directly into my ear.
“I know.” I can feel it, deep, in the marrow of my bones.
***
As soon as I get home, my mother whisks me away downtown. Turns out I’m magnificently late, as she phrased it, for my appointment with Dr. Booth.
Branches whip across the window of his office as we sit across from one another with matching folded hands, somber expressions, which I’m sure reflect boredom more than any other emotion.
“There’s rumor of a killer roaming free on the island.” He leans back without perforating his bleak expression. Dr. Booth is the psychiatrist I pretend to see in order to appease my mother and Tad.
His dark mat of hair, coupled with his squared off glasses gives him a comical quality I can’t quite pinpoint.
“Are you the killer, Skyla?” There’s no change in his affect. He may as well have asked if my mother and I plan on picking up fast food on the way home.
I don’t say anything, don’t dare posture myself, or so much as blink.
His fingers press together at the tips as he rocks back into his seat. “Thought so.”
***
I’m still reeling from my appointment with Dr. Booth. He saw right through me. It’s like I have the word killer etched on my forehead or something.
I run my fingers over the tiny paper butterflies pinned to the wall as I wait for Logan. I remember how Gage made them come to life for me, how he let one go and it flew to the ceiling like magic.
Logan shows up close to ten-thirty. For a while, I thought he wasn’t coming and started to fall asleep on the floor.
“Hey, sorry I’m late.” He gets on his elbows and lies down beside me.
His cologne smells fresh as he brushes my lips with a quick tender kiss.
“I had someone quit tonight, so I had to close.” He gives my back a gentle rub. “Heard Gage made his move. He came home and threw the L word around all over the place.” He looks startled, afraid, as though it rocked his very existence to witness it.
I don’t know what to say to that. Gage is diving in deep, and he’s starting to pull me down with him.
“Anyway, I’m not here to talk about Gage.” He lets out a heavy sigh. “Just wanted to let you know that I found out a little more about Holden Kragger.”
“What?” I’m thirsty to know anything.
“Their family owns a coffee shop out by Rockaway Point. They were always there. That, and the fact he and his brother were infamous for the way they treated girls.”
“I heard Nat is dating his brother.”
“Sort of. Lots of people are dating Pierce.” His fingers twitch in air quotes when he says the word dating. “Turns out, there’s an entire list of girls from East he toys with on a regular basis.”
“Oh,” I say, just taking him in. It feels strange with Logan sometimes. As if all this time I’ve spent with Gage has severely punctured something in our relationship.
“Is that all you have on Holden and Pierce?” I ask biting the tip of my finger then tracing his lips with it.
Logan leans in and gives a slow
lingering kiss. His features soften as he pulls away. He studies me with an infinite sadness masked by the weakest smile. “One more thing. I’ve been combing through the copies from the book of Counts with my uncle. We’re able to see some kind of hierarchy. It has a list of regional leaders and locations in the back. There’s an infrastructure in place, that’s for sure.”
“Locations? Like Paragon?” A spike of adrenaline shoots through me.
“Like Paragon,” he says without blinking.
“Who’s in charge of the Countenance here?”
“A man named Arson.”
“Arson? What the hell kind of name is that?”
Logan shakes his head just barely. “Father of Holden and Pierce.”
“Oh no, I killed a Count.”
“Oh yes, Skyla.” He looks at me with a magnetic intensity that seems to weld our souls together. “Looks like our holy war is well underway.”
14
My Ride
Driving rain strums relentlessly against my window, vexing me with its wild tapping thumps, until I manage to crawl out of bed and head downstairs for breakfast.
The lights flicker in rhythm to the storm as the steady hum of a thousand drummers penetrates the walls with its insistent frenetic pace. There won’t be any peace in our world today.
“Morning.” My mother yawns and stretches, exposing her pink lace negligee from beneath her terry robe. Mia and Melissa speed past me upstairs, already done with their breakfast. “Hey,” Mom leans into me as I head to the fridge. “I don’t want to say anything around your sisters, but apparently that kid that died the other night was murdered.”
“Murdered?” The word feels rugged coming from my lips like corrugated cardboard.
“Yes!” Her eyes widen. “I don’t want you going off alone. Make sure to stick with Brielle or Gage.”
“Gage?” I ask sarcastically plucking the juice from the counter and filling a glass. “Taddy wants me to break up with him remember?”