An abrupt wave of nausea rolls through me. The room starts to feel like it’s spinning as a heavy feeling settles over my bones. I hang onto the edge of the table in order to catch my breath.
“You OK?” He helps steady me.
“I’m fine.” I try to shake the feeling away.
Logan rushes and gets me a glass of ice water.
“Skyla, my uncle said he discovered the puncture on your neck after he drew more blood for Chloe. He says your blood levels are way too low, that you’re running off minimal reserves. Let me take you home.”
“No. It’s my first day. Besides, I need the money for insurance and I want to pay for the car.”
An easy grin glides across his face.
“Monetarily,” I add.
“Of course.”
“So did you find out how to bind a Fem?” The thought of Logan hanging out with Lexy makes me sick. “Did she kiss you?”
The smile melts off his face. Something in him darkens before he answers. “No. I wouldn’t let her. And no, she didn’t tell me, but I made progress.”
“What did she say?”
“She said there is a way. It was made known to her by her dad. I guess they’re part Nephilim.” He shakes his head. “She said she would tell me if…” He looks away briefly. “Anyway, I’m not going to find out. We’re back to square one.”
“If what?” I think I know, but I want to hear it from him.
The table starts in on a violent rattle.
“What the heck?” Logan struggles to press it down before he stops its erratic quaking.
“Holden Kragger’s ghost,” I say.
I tell him what Marshall said about my new spiritual attachment and share my theory on the crash.
He lets out a hard breath.
“Marshall said he could get rid of him if I wanted.”
“I think I know what he wants in return.” Logan doesn’t look impressed with Marshall’s tactics.
“Is it the same thing Lexy wants?”
“Yes, but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want a race of Celestra, Deorsum children running around.”
I twist my lips at the thought. “So Lexy is Deorsum. She never said anything before?”
“She didn’t know I was Celestra until after we weren’t together anymore.”
My stomach sinks when he says it. Lexy and Logan were together once. It’s probably only natural for him to still have feelings for her.
“The reason my uncle called was to let me know there’s an emergency faction meeting scheduled at Nicholas Havar’s tomorrow night.”
“What’s the emergency?” I’m almost afraid to ask.
“Something tells me you are.”
***
I hang out for three hours after my shift ends and help Logan close up the bowling alley. I’m beyond exhausted—my arms and legs feel like they’re going to fall off, and my head feels as heavy as a bowling ball itself.
Logan locks the main exit and turns off the florescent ceiling lights, leaving the alleyways glowing in soft purples and blues.
“You should always keep it like this.” I wrap my arms around his neck and peck a quick kiss on his cheek.
He leans in and relaxes into me. His face dims and his brows rise as though he were getting ready to ask me something.
“Well?” A small laugh rumbles from his chest.
“Well what?”
He looks intensely from one eye to the next. “You can’t hear me, can you?”
I straighten. I try my hardest to hear him telepathically, but nothing. I study his face intently and shake my head.
“What does this mean?” I’m panicked.
“I don’t know. We’ll have to ask my uncle.” A look of worry slowly dissipates. Logan draws me in and holds me, rocking me safe in his arms. “It’ll be OK.” He sighs into me and presses a kiss against the top of my head. “You ready to start our date?” A seductive half-smile plays on his lips.
Logan busies himself setting up a picnic right there on lane number five. The music is soft, and the lighting is perfectly enchanting as we take a seat Indian style across from one another with our knees touching.
“Since we had dinner a few hours ago, I thought maybe we could skip right to dessert.”
“Was dinner the pizza you catered in and sold to your customers for five dollars extra a box?” I tease.
“That’s how I stay in business.” He winks. “Kitchen opens near the end of the month.”
“Just in time for my birthday.”
“And what’s the date again?” He brightens as he pulls a mini chocolate éclair from out of the basket.
“Twenty-second.”
“Really?” He deflates a little. “I guess you know Gage is the twenty-third.”
“No, I didn’t know that.” I’m surprised, actually. “When’s yours?”
“It was the week before you came.” He takes up my hand and gently traces my fingers. “You were the perfect present.” There’s a familiar looking sadness in his eyes. “So you and Gage seem to have a lot in common. How are you getting along?” He massages my hands with his thumbs, staring down at them intently.
Logan is perfect—he glows from the inside with his own special light. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone as majestic as Logan.
“Gage is fine.” I don’t like where this might be going.
“I don’t want to ruin our time together, but I want to let you know…” His eyes shimmer with moisture as he looks over at me. “Um, I walked into his room this morning and saw you with Gage.” His features smooth over as he depresses out a sigh.
A visual of what he must have seen runs through my mind, me kissing Gage, me on top of Gage. “I…” Shit. “I thought he was hurt. He said he was tired, and he went to lay down, so I—”
“It’s OK.” He presses his fingers to his lips. “There’s nobody to blame, but me.”
A spring of tears comes up unexpectedly and I blink them away. I want to say that nothing happened, that it didn’t mean anything, but my vocal chords clamp shut, forcing me to swallow the lies.
“I’m not being fair to you or Gage,” he starts. “I threw you together and this is something that I’m going to have to live with.” Logan nods into this as though he’s already considered it.
“You don’t have to live with anything. I won’t kiss him, I won’t be with him.”
He tilts his head a little. “I’m not asking you to do that. You need Gage to protect you. I’m not going to give the Counts any extra excuse to hurt you.” He swallows hard. “I’ve been thinking.” His eyes light up like sorrowful embers. “I don’t think you need the added pressure of me hanging around.”
“What are you talking about? Everything is about us. That’s why I’m with Gage, so we can be together in private—that’s why there’s a faction war, so we can knock the Counts off their pedestal and be free to be together. It’s going to be you and me, Logan.” It comes out more of a question.
“I know that’s what we planned and I really do believe you still want that,” he pauses pushing into me with an unwavering look of despair. “But I think Gage and I have confused you. I should’ve known Gage would fall in love with you. It’s hard not to.” He gives a short-lived smile. “I can’t have you with the both of us—it’s not right. I’m the one that suggested you be with him, and I think I should be the one to step away, remove myself from the situation. I don’t think it’s OK for the both of us to pursue you.”
“Yes it is.” It speeds out of me.
“No.” He tugs at my fingers playfully and gives a slow smile. “I love you, but I think your feelings for Gage…” He shrugs. “I think maybe they blossomed unexpectedly.” He floats his thumbs over the back of my hands in an even sweeping motion. “It’s me you need to keep away from, Skyla, not him. I’m the one who could cost you everything.” His eyes glitter with tears as he offers a hesitant smile. “I think maybe for now—we should just be friends.”
27
> Heartbreak
Alone in my bed that night, I drench myself in tears. It all unfolded just like the vision Marshall had given me.
Logan’s rationale meant nothing. They were empty words on a nonexistent platform. He wouldn’t admit the real reason he was leaving me was because I cheated. Instead, he shouldered the majority of our demise and pinned the rest on the Countenance.
I apologized beyond reason for ever touching Gage, for ever thinking I might have loved him, but Logan was emphatic we part ways—and that once the faction war was over we could see how things go.
A war. I have to fight a war to even hope to have Logan as a part of my life again. I pull the covers up around my blotchy face, hot from rivers of tears, my chest still heaving with ragged sighs and hiccups.
I listen to the sad drizzle of rain patter against the wood-covered window as I nestle deeper in my bed, feel the arctic breeze snake its way in through the cracks, and meditate on what a mess my life’s become.
Unsteady dreams take me captive. Seductive images fed to me in pieces. An entire catalog of events unfold in random order, each one beseeching the next.
I can hear Logan’s voice, the tenor lost in perfect octave—the rumble of his chest as he whispers hot into my ear. I am enslaved by his presence. He is magnified by an aura of irrational calm, an undeniable peace as easy as dying.
I can feel his lips. Hear him tell me that it’s going to be all right, just breathe. He restrains the sweet ache in my chest to kiss him. It’s a temptation beyond understanding.
***
In the morning I tell Mom I can’t go to church, that I’m too tired from working the late shift. Truth is, my wearied body doesn’t compare to the Mack truck Logan drove over my emotions last night. It is heartache in acres, trying to imagine my days without Logan.
I fish out Chloe’s diary from my underwear drawer and land back on the bed in a heap.
August 14th,
Last time I embarrass myself with a boy. Ever. I’ve never felt so insecure, immobilized with grief over the way Gage made me feel when he shut me down. Gage said his mystery girl would sail into town soon. I’ll be sure to pull out the welcome mat, make her feel like she’s my new best friend before I accidently knock her off Devil’s Peak. Oops! People are prone to drinking too much around here and accidents happen.
August 15th,
Perfect night! Carly had a party. Lame as usual. Of course she asked about Brody one zillion times until I finally made something up about him seeing Zoe Topherman. It was priceless to see Carly take off crying upstairs during her own get together. To top it off, Zoe has hair that covers her body like an ape, so of course this really pissed off miss tan and beautiful. It must hurt to think you’ve been replaced by a circus animal, sort of like it hurts to be replaced by the invisible woman. For all I know she might be a figment of his imagination—wishful thinking.
Anyway, Gage was there, stringing me along with one of his “discussions”. I let him fill me in on how Nevermore was doing. I wish I would have cut a little deeper when I plunged that knife into his hand—impaled him two or three times, severed an artery. You should have seen his face drop like a brick when I stopped listening midsentence and went over to talk to Logan. With Michelle and Lex both on vacation, this won’t even be a challenge.
August 16th,
I picked up Logan and we went to the south side today over by Rockaway Point. I told him I forgot my bathing suit and stripped down to nothing right in front of him. I swear he’s just like Gage. He didn’t even try to make a move. He just acted like I was fully clothed and we went out swimming like it was no big deal. There’s obviously something wrong with the both of them.
August 17th,
Ellis is driving me insane with these constant midnight visits, not that I’m turning him away. Besides we go light driving after and do fun things like change test scores at school and mess around with Dr. Oliver’s corpses. He suggested I mess with Gage, but I have something bigger planned. It involves his BFF Logan Oliver. It is a thing of beauty I tell you.
August 21st,
Look at me. I can’t keep you up on things for two days straight. I guess it’s not a secret that I have a hard time being faithful. I finally got Logan to kiss me! Turns out there’s no invisible girl in his future. Well, Logan doesn’t have the curse of ‘knowing’ so we’ll go with the idea that I’m the girl of his dreams. Besides, he’s sweet. I like the way he takes up my hand and kisses it.
His aunt and uncle are buying them both trucks. Can you believe it? They are so spoiled rotten. I’ll be driving around in that beat up old hatchback for the rest of my natural life and they get brand new wheels right out the gate.
August 22nd,
I think Logan is in love with me. Tonight at the bowling alley I thought Gage was going to piss his pants when he saw Logan and me sucking face for like five minutes straight. Of course, he wasn’t the only one having a seizure over the situation, Lexy and Michelle freaked out on me, like I was caught lighting their hair on fire. It’s every girl for herself. Don’t they know that already?
August 23rd,
Shit hit the fan! Had an encounter with a full-blown army of Fems and I thought I was a goner. Thank God my dad came around and helped me get away. He broke his arm in two places and was in surgery getting pins put in this afternoon. Dad says he doesn’t know what they want or what we did to cause this sort of trouble in our lives. Mom thinks we should move, but Dad says they’ll just follow us wherever we go. They wanted to know if I did anything to piss off the Counts. I kept my lips shut tight. Good thing dead men (or should I say dead girls) tell no tales. Too bad their brothers do—or threaten to anyway. Maybe I should slaughter their whole family and put myself out of my misery.
There’s something to think about.
August 24th,
After cheer practice I got in a knock down drag out fight with Lex, trying to get her to tell me how to bind a Fem. I’m afraid my entire family is going to die if she doesn’t spit it out soon.
I bashed her head into my locker so hard it left a dent (my locker not her head). She did get a nasty cut that bled profusely and ruined both our uniforms. Hopefully lockjaw will set in, or she’ll hemorrhage internally in her sleep, because she won’t tell me a thing. She said she’d die before she did that. I might take her to the mat on that one.
August 25th,
I love that Logan is a Celestra. For a long time I thought he was this stuck-up pretty boy, but he’s actually really nice, and kind of shy and quiet. I told him what happened with the Fems and he GAVE me his grandmother’s pendant to protect me. I don’t think anyone has ever been so kind to me before.
I wish I could get over Gage. Carly swooped in now that Brody and her broke up. OK, I might have had something to do with that, but how was I supposed to know I’d push Carly-let’s-have-a-baby-Foster into Gage’s arms? Anyway. I asked him if we could get together and talk sometime. I’m hoping there’s still a chance for us.
August 27th,
Met up with Gage yesterday after practice and just hung out on the senior lawn. We talked for hours. I finally broke down and told him about how I felt, about how scared I was because of what’s been happening with Ms. Richards’ grandmother—how I’ve been seeing her everywhere like a ghost, how she feels so real to me. I think I’m going insane. She actually spoke to me and said it was ‘almost time’. Almost time for what?
I feel like I’m losing my mind. Maybe I should go back to Dr. Booth? Obviously giving the Ceslestra files to Holden was a mistake. Maybe telling them they could taste my blood and see how strong it makes them, or how they could read minds and time travel if only for a moment, wasn’t the most brilliant idea in order to save my freaking ass. I’ll be paying for her death the rest of my natural life. They made me an offer I couldn’t refuse, pinned me to a wall and now I’m just fucked.
Oh and have I mentioned I lost Logan’s necklace again? Welcome to my wonderful life.
I wonder
what kind of deal Holden made with Chloe? She said them—I bet his brother knew all about it. What the hell were they doing with Celestra files? Don’t the Counts keep track of us anyway? Unless Holden and Pierce were going off on their own, starting their own demonic junior council, with no rules, and no backward code of ethics.
I touch the top of my neck, still swollen and bruised. I wonder what kind of an offer they made her? What could possibly make Chloe whore out her blood to them? And who the hell did she kill?
28
Calling All Angels
“What kind of company meeting?” Tad balks when I tell him and Mom that I’m going out for a few hours and why.
“I don’t know. Logan wants to talk to the staff. It’s like a production meeting or something. He’s buying dinner, so I didn’t ask too many questions.” Actually I don’t know if we’re even having dinner. Besides, I can’t eat knowing Logan doesn’t feel we should be together anymore. The only bright spot in my day is that he’ll be at the faction meeting tonight.
A light knock erupts at the door.
“That’s for me.” I head toward the door with both Mom and Tad hot on my heels.
“Ready?” Gage offers a private smile before saying hello to the two of them.
“So where is this meeting?” Tad cranes his neck looking down the driveway.
Gage presses his lips together. I can tell he’s shocked that I might have said anything about the faction meeting.
“At the bowling alley,” I say, picking up Gage by the hand and heading into the frigid night air before things get too involved. The last thing I want is to drag Gage into my bed of lies.
“Your friend has a nice ride.” Tad ticks his head down toward Logan sitting in the orange beat-up mustang.