September 12,
I met up with Gage at the mall of all places. He was at the bookstore reading a magazine and I saw that gorgeous onyx hair that puts the color of Nevermore’s feathers to shame. So, of course I stopped in and asked how Nev was doing. We ordered coffee and went out to sit by the fountain out back.
I can hardly breathe. I’ve been bawling ever since I left. I don’t know what happened, but I completely lost it and tried to make him admit to a bunch of stupid shit. I practically begged him to tell me that he wanted me, that he was jealous of the fact I was with Logan of all people, who’s like his freaking brother, but he was relentless.
He said he had a vision of the invisible girl—that he was going to marry her. He thinks he cares about her and that he isn’t really interested in anybody else right now. Right now, as in me I suppose. How could I be so stupid to fall for the one guy on the planet who wouldn’t touch me with a ten-foot pole?
So I asked if he ever had any visions about me, and holy shit was I ever sorry! Get this; I DIE. SOON.
Gage said I was like a caterpillar going into a cocoon. Great. I hope I come back as a zombie butterfly and eat his brain for breakfast.
September 17th,
Mad rush to find another pure me. Handed everything I had, over to Holden, and what I didn’t want to give, he took—couldn’t resist anyway. I’ll always have Emerson to thank for that.
September 18th,
Gage came over. He said he had this vision of my attic room. We sat cutting out butterflies all night long and pinned them to the wall. He says I shouldn’t be afraid, that I would be back, stronger, better.
I cried and told him I loved him. I’m such a loser.
So that’s how the butterfly room came to be. It was Gage’s idea. He made the vision happen.
September 19th,
Finished the butterflies tonight with Gage. He made them flutter and come to life for me. He feels horrible about letting me in on my impending doom—AS HE SHOULD! But, I think I’ve found a unique way to punish him. He will never see it coming.
Thanx to the crazy Kraggers I’ve got a plan in motion, one that involves time and space, a death or two, and of course, the ‘butterfly’ room.
September 20th,
Ellis came crawling into my bedroom to ‘talk’. It’s official, I guess. I have a stalker. He just barged in and sat on my bed like it was no big deal. Said he wanted to hang out a while, see if we’d go on a light drive. I took him to L.A. Couldn’t find Demetri. What a freaking waste of time.
What the heck was Chloe doing in L.A.? And who’s Demetri?
September22nd,
Guess who paid me a visit? The sacred queen herself. Clocked her a good one. If you’re reading this BOO!
Oh yeah, guess who got to pick out the color of Gage and Logan’s trucks? That would be me. Too bad I can’t pick out who I’ll spend the rest of my short-lived life with. Maybe, I’ll spear both their hearts the second time around.
It was me she punched in the face—clocked me. That was the night of my first visit. I’m the sacred queen. Huh.
September 29th,
Major air gap, since the last entry, I know. SO much has happened. I’m losing control of everything.
Sometimes I wonder if I have it all backwards. If I’m really taking revenge out on someone to prove a point or if the future is just playing out the way it should be. One thing’s for sure, I’m determined to change my future and there’s not a damn thing anybody is going to do about it.
40
Gather
Marshall’s community get together in honor of his equestrian school draws the attention of the entire island. The smoky scent of barbeque ignites the air with dreams of summertime, it smells so good—the food alone is reason enough to be here.
“Feeding the masses.” He winks over at me while we walk a decent clip toward the outskirts of his property. “That’s my specialty.”
Miraculously, there’s not a cloud in the sky and the temperature has ratcheted up at least ten degrees. For Paragon, that’s practically a heat wave.
Tad and Mom are fascinated by his estate, and, of course, Mia and Melissa find the horses irresistible. It’s nauseating the way the entire community drools at Marshall’s feet.
“So, I saw Chloe last night, right before she got taken by Fems or Ezrina or Michelle—or whatever the heck happened to her,” I say to Marshall.
“Why do you insist on meddling with the past? You’ll never change the outcome.”
“Can I ask you a question?” I shield my eyes from the sun while looking up at him. “Was she was ordained to die that day?”
“Chloe was at a juncture with destiny.”
“A juncture with destiny,” I whisper, trying to swallow the meaning of his words.
“Your father was ordained—not much of a difference if you ask me. But, I could very well bring him back. It’s a soul for a soul. You could take his place.”
“Me?” Not the answer I was looking for.
“I could immortalize you.”
“Meaning?”
“You die temporarily and I bring you back, then we can proceed with our family. You could have dominion over this world and ours,” Marshall clasps my hand now that we’re alone in the woods.
“This world is my world. I’m not a part of your world and never will be.” I free my fingers from his grip. “And no thanks to the offer. Besides, my dad wants me to be happy.”
“You’d be more than happy with me.” He morphs into Logan just enough for me to see it.
“Stop that. You’re making me uncomfortable.”
We walk along until we hit a small thicket of trees.
“Are you ready to receive your vision?”
“Nope, not going there.” I turn around and see Michelle stalking us from a distance.
“Will the child she’s carrying have dominion?” Maybe he could live out his psychotic fantasies with Michelle of all people.
“No. Any other child of mine is a useless human spawn.”
“You’re going to make a great father,” I exude the necessary sarcastic inflection.
“I will—and your children are the ones who will reap the benefits.”
***
OK, I don’t want to say that Marshall is starting to creep me out just a little bit more than usual, but his whole kiss me MO, coupled with the suggestion I die to marry him and procreate posthumous is a bit unnerving.
Michelle descends on him like a fly, so I rush back and dive into the crowd looking for just about anybody I know, and the first person I know is Logan.
“Skyla.” He actually looks happy to see me. It’s the first time in a long while he doesn’t greet me with a heavy look. “How’s your arm?”
“Gashed it open again, but it was sealed shut when I woke up this morning.” I leave out the gory detail about there being a giant brown scab covering the area. I’m wearing long sleeves that come down to my thumbs, so the gauze strip I wrapped myself wouldn’t be so obvious. I’m ready to ask Dr. Oliver for a bottle of that adhesive he uses to glue me back together so I can set up a do-it-yourself shop in my bathroom.
Logan clenches his teeth, as if considering how I might have gashed it open again.
“I went time traveling with Ellis—to get his stash.” I add that last part, as if now, everything should make perfect sense. Of course it was innocent, albeit illegal, but that’s beside the point.
We walk until we hit the wall of pine trees, and we’re presented with a labyrinth of overgrown trunks.
“Logan?” I run my fingers over his arm in an effort to slow him down. “Um,” I look back to see if Michelle or anyone else saw us ditch into the woods. For all I know, this place is crawling with Counts. “I know you felt like I was cheating on you.”
“I would never say that.” He places his arm gently over my shoulders. “But as much as I don’t like it, I do think you should be with Gage. He’s able to protect you.”
“How can y
ou want that? Doesn’t it kill you that I’m with Gage? That he kisses me?” It would kill me to see someone kissing Logan. A tight knot builds in my throat.
“Yes, it kills me.” There’s a marked strain in his voice. “But I can’t control the facts. The Counts are loose cannons. They want Celestra blood, and they’re not looking too hard for reasons to kill,” he says in a sorrowful whisper.
“We should kill the ones who did this, send a message to other regional leaders weighing the same decisions.” I start to shake just thinking about the Counts in question, Counts just like the ones who destroyed my family.
“Do you really want to kill people?” Logan walks us in between a pair of twin pines, creating the perfect barrier between us and the rest of the world.
“No, but it’s a war. People die in wars. It’s a given.”
“What if they come after someone you love?” he asks, with a sweet depth of concern. “What if you’re responsible for the death of someone close to you? At that point you couldn’t go back and change it, but you could now.”
His words remind me of Chloe’s last entry.
“Do you think we shape the future, or does the future shape us?”
“You mean, are there circumstances steering us toward a predetermined destiny? Yes,” he says, unwavering. “But I think along the way, we’re allowed to make choices, and sometimes we veer off course—badly. I think if we stay on course we’ll be OK in the end.”
“Do you think we’re staying on course? Me with Gage, you with Lexy?”
“You with Gage, yes. As for me, I’m not with Lexy.” He sweeps the floor with a solemn gaze. “She gave me a clue.”
“About binding Fems?” A burst of adrenaline surges through me. “Tell me.”
“She says it has something to do with the stress in your gut.”
“The stress in my gut?” I repeat. “And what did you have to do to extract that pearl of wisdom?” I’m not sure I want to know.
He doesn’t say anything, just examines me with those eyes of burning fire.
“You kissed her.” It comes out a broken whisper. I bite down hard on my lower lip in an effort to hold back tears. A horrible sadness coats me from the inside, heavy as lead.
Logan catches me in a lingering gaze. He doesn’t let up, just lets the tension build until I think my insides are going to explode to the four corners of the island.
He shakes his head just barely. “Didn’t kiss her. I would never do that.”
I blink back the tears that fight to come. He let me think he kissed her just long enough to torment me.
“I let you go, Skyla, because I love you.” His eyes glisten with moisture.
“You want me to let you go?” Maybe that’s what this is all about, he wants me to free his conscious, so the next time Lexy lunges at him he can go for it like nobody’s business.
“I don’t want you to hurt anymore because of me.” Logan doesn’t crack a smile. Instead, he looks at me intently as though there were only one right answer.
I turn and walk out of the forest.
41
If I Leave You Now
Mom and Tad decide the whole family should go on one of Marshall’s self-guided horseback tours—only we’re not capable of guiding ourselves on six-foot high moving pedestals so Marshall agrees to lead the pack. Drake happens to be M.I.A. so of course Mom insists that Gage come along, especially since she’s been having all these weird engagement vibes.
“Disorient Tad’s horse,” I whisper to Marshall as he helps me mount the horse.
“I’m one Oliver away from winning the grand prize. Consider it done.”
He hops on a white pristine mare and trots to the front of our group.
Everything is a game to him. I’m some stupid prize who he thinks will push out babies like a Pez dispenser. Isn’t that right? I shout over at him mentally.
Right? I try again. Marshall? He can’t hear me. Chloe’s blood has brought back my capabilities, kicked-started me like some old engine. I’ll sleep with you tonight if you turn around and wink at me right now! I wait for him, but he doesn’t turn.
Nothing. Ha! I’m back!
I’m so thrilled, I shoot Gage a huge beaming smile.
The coast emerges as we cross the threshold of what feels like rows of never-ending pines. The sky is so crisp, so surreal today. I don’t remember having a single day this beautiful since we’ve been on Paragon. In fact, it reminds me a lot of L.A., well except for the forest meeting the rocky shore, the Sector, and the horses.
I look over at Gage. His eyes shine with pleasure in my direction.
He ticks his head over to me, and his horse veers off the trail. I pull the reins until my horse goes over and follows suit.
“We’ll catch up,” Gage shouts over at Marshall.
Not one of them turns around. We we’re already lagging, barely keeping up at the back of the train.
“They’ll figure it out,” he says.
Gage slides his leg over and gets down. He helps me off my horse and we tether them to a sturdy branch nearby.
“Saw you talking to him,” Gage says picking up my hand gingerly.
I’m not sure which him he’s referring to so I shrug it off. It’s not important at this point anyway.
He steps in front of me and I press into him with a tight hug.
Gage wants me—with everything in him.
I still can’t believe that Logan is breaking up with me for my own good. It sounds wrong. Maybe it’s just some excuse. How do I know for sure that the flame he had with Lexy ever burnt out?
Not Gage. There was nobody else for him, but me. And now here I am. I’m sure I’m nothing like he imagined. I wonder if he had to do it over again if he would.
“I wasn’t worth the wait,” I whisper.
“You were more than worth the wait.” He gives a quick kiss to my forehead. “This is why I didn’t really want you reading the diary. I don’t know what’s in it, but if she recorded things accurately, even semi-accurately…” He lets his words trail off.
“You’re afraid I would see how you waited for me?”
His cheeks fill in with color.
“It makes me love you more.” I tighten my arms around him. Then it hits me like a thunderbolt. It was for that exact reason Logan didn’t want me reading it either—because it would endear me further to Gage.
A filtering sadness ebbs through me, spreads slow like a storm looming on the horizon. I think I know what this means. Chloe’s diary is shaping my feelings for Gage, which, in turn, will shape our future, which, in turn, will make his prophecy come to fruition.
I don’t know if we have any control. I don’t know if Logan was right about that.
Something in me flexes into compliance. I turn and look up at Gage. Those sad watery stones stare back at me. He knows. I can’t hide anything from him.
“I want to be all yours. Help me,” I whisper. I want to say, help me forget about Logan, but I’m not sure I could ever push those words through my vocal chords. What if I never really get over Logan? I don’t like this train of thought—the runaway train, the derailed train, the train gearing up for the big collision.
“I will.” He gives a brief kiss. “We’ll get there. I promise.”
***
Marshall treats us like convicts when we return.
“Would the horse thieves like some cake?” He holds out two small plates with an exaggerated amount of chocolate icing.
I take one and thank him. He deposits the piece for Gage, right on his light blue T-shirt.
“Oh, did that just happen?” Marshall gives a wistful smile. “You’ll have to go home and change immediately. I have a strict no shirts, not allowed policy.” Not for you, Skyla. He bedroom eyes me a moment before handing Gage a napkin and smearing the mess further around his shirt.
“I should go with you,” I offer.
“Nonsense. Your parents are here,” Marshall says, wiping the excess frosting off his fingers. I have
yet to make an ass of your stepfather. The horse wouldn’t mind me—she’s a lot of you.
“He’s right, I should stay,” I pull a face at Gage. “My mom would flip out if I took off. It’d be like the equivalent of running away.” I lean up on the balls of my feet and press a kiss into his cheek. It feels real now. Like I’m truly with Gage, not pretending in any arena. “We should go on a date. You know, get to know each other better.” I mean as a couple, but Marshall is leering in on the conversation as if he belongs here.
After several minutes of awkwardness, Gage finally takes off.
“A little sugar and flour is all it takes to get rid of him. And the other one you’re still pining for, proved to be half the challenge.” He smirks, as we walk briskly in Tad and Mom’s direction.
Marshall claps his hands together, and the horses begin to stir in the corral. My entire family has lined up against the fence like they’re waiting for a firing squad. Drake and Brielle have manifested themselves, complete with spikes of hay that stray out oddly from their clothes.
“Who would like to mount a steed bareback?” Marshall calls out. “Tad, you’re the man of the family—why don’t you show them how it’s done.”
Tad doesn’t even protest. He climbs under the bar of the fence and stumbles into the corral unnaturally.
“The silver one,” Marshall instructs.
I recognize that one from the ad. It’s the one I took the pictures on, wearing angel wings.
“You didn’t have me wear the wings.” I’m so thankful, I could actually hug Marshall for letting me off the hook.
“You will,” it speeds out the side of his mouth. Marshall bows into Tad as if giving him the go ahead to attempt this moronic feat.