"Did you take your pills? Did you take them today?"
He sniffed indignantly. "No. I haven't taken them in a while."
I choked back a huge lump in my throat. "Why?"
"I was tired of being numb," he said, turning his palms
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toward me. "My best friend died and I barely even felt it. What kind of person am I if I can't even get upset over the fact that my best friend was murdered?"
In that moment, even as I was still shaking from his rant, my heart went out to him. I would never understand what it felt like to be him. To have no control over how I felt. Somehow, I just wanted to hug him. He looked so desperate.
"I had to feel something," he said quietly.
There was a long moment of silence. All I could think about was how often I had wished for the ability to feel nothing. Over the past few weeks I must have wished it a thousand times.
"Maybe we should just go back," I said finally.
"No. We're not going back," he said. He was calm now. Perfectly calm. The intense swings of mood were more worrisome than anything else. "I'm not leaving here until you believe me."
"Josh--"
"Thomas was my best friend at this stupid school," Josh said. He stared into my eyes. Focused now. Intense. With each word, he took another step closer to me. "We've been friends since we were kids. He was the whole reason Easton even took me after what happened at St. James. I owed him everything. He had his faults, but I would never, ever hurt him."
Josh's jaw clenched as he spoke. Each word came out tighter, more biting. More violent.
"But you don't believe me, do you?" Josh asked, still advancing.
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I backed toward the wall behind me. "Why don't you believe me, Reed? Tell me! Why don't you believe me?"
"Josh, please," I said. I pressed my back into the wall. Josh hovered over me.
"Tell me why!"
"It's . . . it's just, Noelle told me--"
"Noelle!" Josh laughed in freakish short bursts. "Noelle told you! Of course! We're all Noelle's little puppets, aren't we?" He laughed, holding his hand up and moving his fingers around. "First she tells me to turn Rick in and what do I do? I turn Rick in! Then when that doesn't work out, she decides to tell everyone I'm a serial killer! And you just go ahead and believe her! We're all such good little puppets!"
My heart pounded painfully in my chest. He was out of his mind. Totally and completely out of his mind.
"Well, not anymore!" Josh shouted, rounding on me again. He slammed his hand into the wall above my head and bore down on me until I shrank toward the floor. "Not me! I'm not gonna let her manipulate me anymore!"
"Josh, please. You're scaring me," I whimpered. "Please, stop."
Hovering above me, Josh's face changed. It was as if he was seeing me there for the first time. And in that split second he looked petrified, mortified, clear.
"Oh my God, Reed. I'm sorry. I'm--"
At that instant, I was suddenly blinded. A bright white light hit
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me directly in my eyes and I threw my hands up as tears rolled down my face from the pain.
"Josh Hollis! This is the police!" a commanding voice shouted. "Step back from the girl."
The glass door behind Josh squealed. I wrenched my eyes open. Josh's arms were up, shielding his face. He was a dark shadow against the flood of light.
"What?" he said.
"Step away from the girl!" the voice repeated.
Josh looked at me, baffled, and stepped away from me. Instantly three cops rushed in from all angles and converged on him. Another grabbed me and checked me over, asking if I was all right. Over and over again. Was I all right?
"Yeah . . . yeah, fine," I said. "What--"
"Joshua Hollis, you are under arrest."
"What!?" I blurted.
Josh stood perfectly still as an older man slapped handcuffs around his wrists. Detective Hauer was there, his expression grim as he watched the proceedings.
"For what?" he asked.
The cop grabbed Josh's arms and shoved him forward. "For the murder of Thomas Pearson."
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* * *
"What's going on?" I demanded. Shrill, out of control, seeing red. "Why are you arresting him? He didn't hurt me! He just needs help!"
"Reed, please. Calm down," Detective Hauer said.
"We should get her out of here. Take her into one of the parlors."
That was Dean Marcus. This was one infraction too many. He was going to expel me. There was no doubt in my mind. And I didn't even care. All I cared about was the fact that they were taking Josh away. That his face had completely shut down. That as they jostled him by us, he didn't even try to look at me.
"Josh--"
"I recommend you don't try talking-to him just now," Detective Hauer said, standing between me and the mass of people that seemed to be all over Josh.
"Screw you."
"Miss Brennan!" the dean growled.
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It just came out. Sorry. I'm from Bumblefuck, Pennsylvania, remember? Can't be responsible for my sense of decorum while my new boyfriend is being hauled off for murdering my last one.
The detective backed me up and I stared at the folds of his coat. The three of us stood in the center of the hallway as several police officers escorted Josh out the doors and into the cold. A couple more searched the floor with their flashlights, looking for God knows what.
"What were you two doing here, Reed?" the detective asked me.
I looked him dead in the eye, incensed. "You do not get to ask me questions. You told me once that you would keep me informed about the investigation. You promised me," I rambled. "Now I want you to tell me. Why are you arresting Josh? Did you find something? I don't understand."
The detective shook his head and turned away from me. "You need to calm down first."
"No!"
I grabbed the sleeve of his ever-present trench coat. He looked down at my hand, surprised, and shot me a look that said, Do you really want to be doing that? I did not let go.
"Tell. Me."
"Miss Brennan."
They seemed to be the only two words the dean could say.
The detective reached down and gently removed my fingers from his arm. He let my hand go and I crossed my arms over my
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chest, lifting my chin. They had nothing. I knew it. I knew they had nothing.
"We found the murder weapon, Reed," he said quietly.
My jaw clenched. I felt myself start to drift. A defense mechanism.
"What was it?" My voice was full.
"A baseball bat."
I blinked. My vision blurred entirely. A baseball bat. The violence that implied was too much for my brain to handle.
"Josh Hollis's baseball bat. With his fingerprints, and only his fingerprints, all over it."
One fat tear escaped and tumbled down my chin, dropping onto my sleeve.
"I'm sorry, Reed," Detective Hauer said. "You have no idea how sorry."
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FIND THE PSYCHO
Dean Marcus walked me back to Billings. Noelle, Ariana, and Kiran all stood outside with their coats on, waiting for me. I didn't even feel relieved to see them. I was never going to feel anything ever again.
"We'll talk tomorrow," the dean said from behind me.
Tomorrow I would be going home. That was what he meant. Tomorrow this nightmare would be over and I would be returned to my previous nightmare.
"Reed."
Ariana stepped forward and hugged me. I didn't move. Didn't try to hug her back. She didn't seem to notice. When she pulled away, she gripped my upper arms with both hands and looked me in the eye.
"Are you all right? "
I stared at her. Looked past her to Noelle and Kiran. I walked past them all. Numb.
"I'm sorry, Reed."
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I stopped short. Noelle had just apologized. Slowly, I turned.
"I'm
the one who called the police. I couldn't let you be holed up in Mitchell Hall alone with that psycho."
I didn't ask how she knew where we were. She, as I was constantly being reminded, knew everything.
"Don't call him that," I said.
"Reed, he is a psycho," Kiran told me, stepping forward. "When Noelle called the police, they were already out looking for him. They had just found the murder weapon. If they hadn't gotten there in time--"
"Shut up," I said, my voice flat.
"Reed. I just saved your life," Noelle said.
I looked up from the ground and into her dark eyes. She really believed that. She believed Josh would have killed me if she hadn't made the call. Was she right? Was Josh the insane one around here? Or was it Noelle who was delusional? Delusional enough that she could make herself believe she was innocent? That she cared about other people. That she was above reproach. I glanced over at Ariana, at her cool, ice-blue eyes. At Kiran and her expectant, self-righteous stare. These were my friends. These were the people I had chosen. Who had chosen me.
"I told you, Reed," Noelle said, stepping forward. She reached up and flicked my hair behind my shoulder, smoothing it down. "I just wanted to protect you."
"I know," I said. "Thank you. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't made that call."
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It was what they wanted to hear. It was the only thing that would get me away from them.
Noelle's face finally broke into a smile. Mission accomplished. "You're welcome."
"I'm going to bed now."
My hand was on the front door at Billings when Noelle spoke again.
"I'll always be here for you, Reed. We all will. We're not going anywhere."
The wind whistled down from the trees, and a chill raced down my spine.
"Not ever."
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NOT EVER
Natasha was not, as I had anticipated, waiting for me in our room to shower me with concern. Most likely she was up on the roof talking to Leanne, relating everything that had happened. Good. I felt like I needed to be alone. The lights were all out, but her computer screen glowed, casting an eerie blue sheen over everything. I sat down on the edge of my bed and stared.
A baseball bat. Josh's fingerprints. Hauer was sorry.
I couldn't stop thinking about what Josh had said just before the police arrived. That we were all Noelle's puppets. That she was the one who'd suggested Rick as a suspect. And he was right. Josh might have turned the guy in, but it had been Noelle who had planted the seed that day in the car. Did it mean anything, or was it just one more thing Josh had said to throw me off his scent?
Who was telling the truth? Was anyone? Did these people even know what truth was anymore, or had they just twisted its meaning to fit their needs like they did with everything else?
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Natasha's computer let out a blip. I glared at it. It was impeding my downward spiral. Then I saw that an IM screen had popped up in the corner. Every inch of me started to throb.
It couldn't be. It couldn't. But I had to know.
I pushed myself up and walked slowly across the room. In the box was a screen name I didn't recognize.
Girl_with_a_Pearl: Reed?
My blood ran cold. As I watched, the computer bleeped again. Another message popped up.
Girl_with_a_Pearl: Reed? R U there?
I sat down in Natasha's chair. My mouth was clammy and sour. My fingers trembled.
Rbrennan391: who is this? Girl_with_a_Pearl: prove u r Reed.
My heart stopped beating.
Rbrennan391: how?
Girl_with_a_Pearl: ur middle name, brother's name, dog's name, u have 10 seconds.
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What the? How could I type that fast when I was about to quake to death?
Rbrennan391: Hyra, Scott, Hershey. WHO IS THIS???
There was a long pause. I sat there, petrified, waiting for the computer to tell me that Girl_with_a_Pearl had logged off. Then, suddenly, the bleep.
Girl_with_a_Pearl: It's Taylor. Whatever they told you about me is not true. It's all lies, Reed. All of it. You have to believe me. . . .
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CONFESSIONS
Here's more Kate Brian to read while you're waiting for coming in April 2007.
KATE BRIAN
KATE BRIAN
Kate Brian, Untouchable
(Series: Private # 3)
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