TABLE of CONTENTS
Copyright
Acknowledgments
Prologue
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-one
Twenty-two
Twenty-three
Twenty-four
Twenty-five
Twenty-six
Twenty-seven
Twenty-eight
Twenty-nine
Thirty
Thirty-one
Thirty-two
Thirty-three
Thirty-four
Epilogue
Copyright © 2017 M. Robinson
All rights Reserved.
No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission of the author.
This book is a work of fiction. References to real people, events, establishments, organizations, or locations are intended only to provide a sense of authenticity, and are used fictitiously. All other characters, dead or alive are a figment of my imagination and all incidents and dialogue, are drawn from the author’s mind's eye and are not to be interpreted as real.
Dedication
Heather Moss & My Betas
Thank you for everything you ladies have done!
Yoda I couldn’t have done this without you! I love you!
Betas: Thank you for your feedback and your boo boos. I love you, too!
Boss man: Words cannot describe how much I love you. Thank you for ALWAYS being my best friend. I couldn’t do this without you.
Dad: Thank you for always showing me what hard work is and what it can accomplish. For always telling me that I can do anything I put my mind to.
Mom: Thank you for ALWAYS being there for me no matter what. You are my best friend.
Julissa Rios: I love you and I am proud of you. Thank you for being a pain in my ass and for being my sister. I know you are always there for me when I need you.
Ysabelle & Gianna: Love you my babies.
Rebecca Marie: THANK YOU for an AMAZING cover. I wouldn’t know what to do without you and your fabulous creativity.
Heather Moss: Thank you for everything that you do!! I wouldn’t know what to do without you! You’re. The. Best. PA. Ever!! You’re NEVER leaving me!! XO
Silla Webb: Thank you so much for your edits and formatting! I love it and you!
Erin Noelle: Thank you for everything you do!
Michelle Tan: Best beta ever! Argie Sokoli: I couldn’t do this without you. You’re my chosen person. Tammy McGowan: Thank you for all your support, feedback, and boo boo’s you find! I’m happy I made you cry. Michele Henderson McMullen: LOVE LOVE LOVE you!! Jen Pon, Louisa Rebeka Christine Perales: You always make me smile. Alison Evan-Maxwell: Thank you for coming in last minute and getting it done like a boss. Mary Jo Toth: Your boo-boos are always great! Thank you for everything you do in VIP! Ella Gram: You’re such a sweet and amazing person! Thank you for your kindness. Kimmie Lewis: Your friendship means everything to me. Tricia Bartley: Your comments and voice always make me smile! Kristi Lynn: Thanks for all your honesty and for joining team M. Pam Batchelor: Thanks for all your suggestions. Jenn Hazen: Thank you for everything! Laura Hansen: I. Love. You. Patti Correa: You’re amazing! Thank you for everything! Jennifer Pon: Thank you for all your feedback and suggestions! You’re amazing! Michelle Kubik Follis: Welcome back! I missed you too! Deborah E Shipuleski: Thank you for all your quick honest feedback! Kaye Blanchard: Thank you for wanting to join team M! Beth Morton Conley: Thank you for everything! KR Nadelson: I love you! Bri Partin: Thank you for everything you do! Mary Grzeszak: Thanks for all the military info! You’re amazing! Patti McDaniel Adams: Thanks for all the MC information! You’re awesome! Danielle Stewart: Thanks for coming in late and helping! Mel LuvstooRead: Thank you so much for everything! You helped so much! Lily Garcia: I love you! Allison East: Thank you! Louisa Brandenburger Michelle Chambers, Aidee Cruz, Bernadett Lankovits, Colleen Egger, Sheila Marie, Leeann Kidson Van Rensburg: THANK YOU! Emma Louise: Thank you for the graphics!
ALL MY VIPS!!!
Wander Aguiar: Thank you so much for doing a photo-shoot for me and being amazing. Wander Book Club
Marshall Perrin: Thank you for the amazing cover photo! You make the perfect Creed. Marshall Perrin
To all my author buddies:
Jettie Woodruff: You complete me.
Erin Noelle: I. Love. You!
To all the bloggers:
A HUGE THANK YOU for all the love and support you have shown me. I have made some amazing friendships with you that I hold dear to my heart. I know that without you I would be nothing!! I cannot THANK YOU enough!! Special thanks to Like A Boss Book Promotions for hosting my tours!
Last but not least.
YOU.
My readers.
THANK YOU!!
Without you...
I would be nothing..
I watched with stone cold eyes as the shiny white casket was lowered into the earth’s soil. The heavens were weeping right along with me, raindrops seeping into my black jacket.
Burning my core.
Little by little.
Deeper and deeper.
Until darkness surrounded me, until all eyes were only staring at me, I could feel their eagerness, like a noose around my neck. Waiting for me to react, waiting for me to breakdown, just waiting for me to do something.
Anything.
It could have been one minute, two hours, or three days that had passed in front of my swollen eyes. I truthfully couldn’t say how long I’d been standing there. If my puffy eyes and shivering body were any indications, I would have guessed a few hours. Time just seemed to stand still while my whole world shattered all around me.
Piece by piece.
One by one.
Now there would be nothing left of me. Not the girl everyone wanted me to be. Not the girl everyone remembered. The old Mia. All they saw was a hollow shell of a person they used to know, holding onto the hope that she was still somewhere deep inside of me. Not the girl...
Who had ceased to exist.
Except I tried to pretend I wasn't there. I tried to imagine that my life hadn't been changed in a matter of seconds. That my world hadn't been turned upside down in the span of a few hours. That everything I wanted to believe in wasn't truly...
A lie.
Life was about choices...
Good ones.
Bad ones.
It was the butterfly effect. Every action had a reaction. Once something was changed, you couldn’t stop the chain of events following. One simple decision could be the catalyst of chaos.
One minuscule second.
One life-altering moment.
Set the tracks in motion.
It was what made the world go around. It allowed you to see glimpses of what could have been if you made a different choice. There were no do-overs, no matter how much you tried to reach those invisible lines and put them back in order, fixing what was broken. It would tease you, showing you the possibilities of a different outcome, but then it would laugh in your face like a cruel entity telling you it would never be.
Not now.
Not ever.
Except this decision wasn’t my own. I didn't choose this. I didn't want this. I never prayed for this. My worst nightmare became my reality. In the end, it didn’t matter.
Because this decision not only changed me, but
my entire future.
It also cost me the love of my life. The person I watched being buried deep into the ground, six feet under, where I would never see them again.
Not one smile.
Not one I love you.
Not one...
Not one...
Not one...
I tightly shut my eyes, listening to the rain pelt the concrete and the ratchet noise of the hoist taking everything away from me. And then, I suddenly felt him behind me.
Everything about him hurt.
His scent, his aura, especially his love for me.
For us.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fuckin’ sorry,” he voiced in a tone that was filled with nothing but pain and remorse. His guilt was so thick, so consuming, I could feel it engulfing me, making it hard to breathe.
Hard to think.
Hard to feel.
Right now, at this moment.
My life ended before it ever even had a chance...
To begin.
While I stared at the gray granite tombstone, etched with the last name...
Jameson.
My eyes fluttered open just slightly, only to be met with nothing but darkness. A thick piece of fabric obstructing my view. I tried to get my arms to move, to take off the offending object, but it was no use. I was too weak. I opened my mouth to say something, but I couldn’t get the words to come out. My lips were too dry, my throat was raw and burning, making it hard to swallow, let alone speak. I tried to process what was going on, what had happened, how long I had been out, but I couldn’t push through the haze. I was so tired, so dizzy, so out of it that panic couldn’t even set in.
My head pounded heavily as if it weighed a thousand pounds. Sensing as though it was lying on someone’s lap, the rough material of my abductors pants, scraped against my cheek. All I could hear was the rumbling of a loud engine while a cool breeze swept across my face, neck, and hair. My body was warm which made me think a blanket was wrapped around me, but I was numb. All I could feel was the vibration from the uneven ground we must have been driving on.
The vehicle felt like it never stopped climbing and turning. Right, left then right again, over and over, throwing me off course. There was no way I could keep up with the twists and turns. My sense of direction was long gone. Nothing seemed familiar, not the sounds and not the scents. I was too drowsy to function. My body continued to be jostled from the fast movements. The roads were coarse and jagged, making the ride extremely uncomfortable and unpleasant. The sound of the wind whistled in my ears as we whipped through what I thought might have been a forest because tree branches snapped under the weight of the tires. I could occasionally hear branches scraping against the roof of the car.
They were driving so fast, as if they were getting away from someone. I couldn’t fathom why I was there, what my role was in all of this and before I could give it another thought, I blacked out again.
My head fell back against the headrest in my Jeep, staring at the house out in front of me.
Creed and Noah’s house.
The irony was not lost on me. Although, I couldn’t possibly complain, it wouldn’t be fair to Noah if I did. He had stepped up in every way possible when it came to the baby girl that grew inside of me. In the process of it all, I don’t know how it happened, but we started to become close friends. I couldn't help it. I had spent more time with Noah than I ever had with Creed, in the past seven years. Ever since I first laid eyes on his tortured soul, it had always been a game of push and pull. Even just thinking about him made me smile. I sat there contemplating, trying to convince myself to walk into his childhood home for the very first time.
Except it wouldn’t be his warm welcoming arms that wrapped around me, engulfing me with his comforting musky scent that I loved more than anything.
It would be his brother’s.
My baby’s father.
The man that shouldn’t be looking at me like I was the one he’d been waiting for all his life. I’d often catch glimpses of Noah staring at me adoringly during our many doctor visits. He didn’t even try to hide it. Noah wanted our unborn child. He wanted to be a part of this journey. He wanted it all.
A future.
A life.
A forever...
Possibly with me.
If I knew the truth, there was no way in hell Creed didn’t. The thought alone sent shivers down my spine, making the ends of my hair stand straight up. Feeling the consequences of what hadn’t happened yet, but would eventually come.
The inevitable.
A battle.
For my heart.
I learned pretty quickly that Noah was just as lost as his brother, if not more. His eyes held the same sadness that Creed’s carried all his life. A burden I could never understand or contemplate. I didn’t know anything about the Vice Prez of Devil's Rejects, other than what his eyes always showed me. What his sullen presence provided me, or what his strong, callused hands and fervent, burning lips promised me.
His love.
Noah was a lot like his older brother, but at the same time, they couldn’t have been more different. Like night and day, and oil and water. The more time I spent with Noah, the easier it was for me to see a side of him that I wished Creed would show me after all these years.
His heart.
Creed was still guarded, broody, and temperamental, and those were some of his best qualities. All I could hope for was that eventually he would open up, show me the man I knew was behind his cut all along. The man who I’d loved since I was nine years old.
I shook off the sentiment, taking in a deep breath, closing my eyes, and placing my hand on my swollen belly. Imagining a breathtakingly beautiful baby with bright blue eyes and dark brown hair, smiling back up at me. An expression on her face that looked exactly like her father’s. A smile I couldn't help but love. Much like Creed’s.
“Jesus, Mia, get your shit together,” I whispered to myself, wishing more than anything it was Creed’s baby girl I was carrying.
I sighed, chastising myself. Creed’s priority was the MC, which I’d known since day one. It was more so now than ever before, or so I thought. He was traveling all over the place, day in and day out. I barely kept up with where he was, or what he was getting involved in. All I knew was he had to go whether he liked it or not. Everything changed so quickly and so suddenly.
I never stopped thinking about him.
I never stopped praying that he stayed safe.
I never stopped...
Loving him.
I couldn’t. He was a part of me in more ways than one. He always had been. Yet to this day, I didn’t know why. It was one of those unexplainable things, a powerful magnetic pull that only he held over me.
And he knew it.
Using it to push me away every chance he got.
I took one last deep breath to steady my nerves, opened the Jeep’s door, and hopped out, straightening my dress before I made my way to their front porch.
The sonogram picture of our baby girl held tightly in my grasp. Noah wanted a girl and had been beyond excited since they told us that afternoon. He wanted to tell the world or at least his mom. He’d been inviting me over to his house for the last several months, but I kept making excuses as to why I couldn’t come. I guess now was as good of a time as any to finally meet her. Secretly wishing Creed had been the one to invite me to meet his mother and not his brother.
Noah wanted me to be a part of his world, and I think Creed only wanted to be a part of mine, if that made any sense.
I knocked on the door and waited while looking around the front yard. Memories of the last time I was here instantly assaulted every last fiber of my being, witnessing the fallout between Creed and my father all over again. Thinking how things had changed in just four short months. At least between Noah and me. My dad still hated the boys, and felt the need to remind me often that they were nothing but biker trash, even though he knew his words hurt me. He still couldn’t look me in the e
yes, and I hated that more than anything.
“Hey, pretty girl,” Noah greeted, pulling me back to reality, moving aside to let me in.
I shyly smiled, looking down at the ground as I walked by him.
“I like your dress,” he added, grinning. Eyeing me up and down, taking in my white flowy maxi dress.
I swallowed hard, locking eyes with him. The familiar mischievous spark glimmered right back at me.
“Thanks,” I replied.
“You get dressed up for me, Mia?”
I smirked. “Don’t flatter yourself, Rebel.” I never called him Noah, I only knew him as Rebel. “I wanted to look nice for your momma.”
“Don’t need to put on a dress to accomplish that.”
I shyly smiled again, my cheeks flushing. “Are you going to show me around or just stand there and flirt with me?”
“It ain’t flirtin’ if you’ve already slept with the girl.” He put his hand on my belly, proving his point.
I stepped into the foyer a little further, putting some distance between us. He smiled, shaking his head, pulling the screen door shut, but leaving the other open to allow the evening summer breeze to flow in.
“Come on.” He grabbed my hand, leading the way around his parents’ house.
Showing me all the rooms, including his, which was just how I imagined it. A typical guy’s room complete with a big screen T.V. and PlayStation. A black bedspread ruffled on his mattress, and laundry piling up in the corner.
He continued, walking past a closed door that I assumed was Creed’s room, not stopping to show me, much to my disappointment. It was the room I wanted to see the most, hoping it would give me more answers about the man I loved. Instead, I took the opportunity to look at all the pictures of Creed throughout the years on the walls. He was the cutest baby and little boy, looking so sweet and innocent, but I knew otherwise. Already sporting tattoos from such a young age, and a cigarette in his mouth in almost every picture shortly after.
“This house is beautiful. Your momma did a great job making it feel so homey and loving.”
He narrowed his eyes at me as if what I’d just said had been anything but the truth.
“Oh my God, Noah, is this you?” I pointed to the baby boy straddling a mini-motorcycle. Creed stood next to the bike, holding another little boy that looked a few years younger in a headlock.