“For what, Creed?! What the hell are you sorry for?!” I yelled, my body trembling uncontrollably.
He just shook his head back and forth. “Baby, I—” Looking back up at me with torment in his eyes.
“Answer my fucking question!” I ripped the blanket back, ignoring the wires and tubes pulling at my skin. Swiftly sitting up. Groaning out in immediate pain.
He was in my face trying to get me to lie back down. “Mia, stop! You’re gonna hurt yourself!”
I shoved him away, but he didn’t budge. “What are you sorry for?! What did you do, Creed?!” My hands connected with his chest with a loud thud, repeatedly pounding into him. Weakly struggling against his body and the machines that held me back. “Where is Madison?!”
“Pippin, calm the fuck down! Let me explain! I’m sorr—”
“Calm down?! You want me to calm down?! Tell me where my baby is!”
He tried to wrestle me into his arms, wanting and needing to hold me. Trying to control me.
“Let go of me!” I shouted, trying to shake loose from his hold. Ignoring the pain cycling my entire body. Roughly clawing at his hands, his arms, trying to pry them off of me. Only making him hold me tighter.
“Babe, I’m hangin’ on by a fuckin’ thread here... Please...” he pleaded as I continued to struggle against him. “We did everythin’ we could, but she was just so fuckin’ small, Mia. Her lungs...”
“NO! NO! NO!” I hysterically ranted, thrashing and whipping my body all around. Excruciating pain tore through my body this time, but I couldn’t stop. Ripping the IV line out of my hand as my fists beat into his chest harder with each punch.
He took every blow as if he knew he deserved it.
I wanted him to hurt.
I needed to fucking hurt him.
He caught my wrists mid-hit, tugging me toward his body. Holding me against his chest, against his heart. Against the agony and grief that would always live inside of him.
“You’re lying! You’re fucking lying! You did this! Why?! Why would you do this to me?! I thought you loved me! I thought you loved her! You wanted this, didn’t you?! Why you fucking bastard?! Because you weren’t the fucking father?! Let go of me! All of this is your fault! I should have never been there! She would be alive if you didn’t fucking bring me to that goddamn house! For what?! My safety?! Look how well that turned out, you fucking murderer!” I sobbed violently, desperately trying to push him off of me.
Melting down.
Losing all my strength.
My strength to fight, my strength to live and most of all my strength to fucking love him.
“Baby, I’m so fuckin’ sorry... I loved her... I love you... you know that, Mia... you fuckin’ know that... if I could switch places wit’ her, I would... please... baby... please... I can’t lose you, too.”
His words felt like acid on my skin as I stared into his sorrowful eyes. Silently pleading for my forgiveness. “You killed her! You killed my baby! I hate you! Do you hear me?! I fucking hate you!” I spewed, meaning every word.
“Fuck, Pippin! You’re bleedin’ again! Please, baby, calm down!”
The harder he held me, the more I wanted to hurt him. The more I wanted to break him. The more I wanted to die. The next thing I knew the back doors to the van roughly slammed open and Doc came into focus. I hadn’t even realized we’d stopped.
“Doc! Where is she?! Please... let me hold her... let me touch her... please, Doc... please give her to me...” I begged, reaching for him.
Needing him to understand.
“Shhh...” he soothed in a gentle tone, stepping into the van, making his way toward me. “It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s alright,” he coaxed, caressing the side of my face as he sat down beside me. Wiping away my sweat and tears. Nodding to Creed to let me go.
Reluctantly, he finally did.
I narrowed my eyes at Doc, trying to take him in. Something wasn’t right, something felt off. It was then I saw the syringe hiding behind his back.
“No... No... No...” I panicked, vigorously shaking my head. Scooting back as far away as I could from the both of them. Hugging my knees to my chest. Looking down at the blood on the blankets but not caring it was coming from me. My head continued to rapidly shake. “No, no, no, no, no, no,” I chanted over and over again, rocking back and forth. Mumbling incoherently. Trying to comfort myself as best as I could.
“Mia,” Doc murmured, touching me.
I swatted his hand away, covering my ears. “No! No! No! No!” I endlessly screamed. Tucking my head in my knees, curling up in a ball. Hands touched me everywhere and all at once, causing me to fight harder. Pain coursed through my entire body, my head throbbed, and my vision twisted.
“Mia! Fuckin’ stop!” Creed yelled from above me. “You’re only hurtin’ yourself!”
“She’s in shock!” I heard Doc say. “Her body’s in fight or flight mode! Her pain doesn’t even matter at this point. Her body’s just movin’ on autopilot mode!”
“Nooooo!” I cried out. “No... no... no... no... no...” I sobbed, my body shaking uncontrollably. Convulsing to the point of pain.
“Mia, sweetheart, you need to stay with me. You need to calm down,” Doc added as I shoved their hands away. Pushing at the grips they both had on me. Flailing my arms.
“Don’t touch me! Don’t fucking touch me!” I screamed, violently lashing out. Causing even more pain to wreak havoc on my entire body. The sounds of the machines beeping all around me were ear-piercing. “Don’t fucking touch me!” I repeated, yelling bloody murder.
“Grab her legs!” Doc demanded from beside me. “Help me grab her arms!”
“No! No! No! No!” I whipped around every which way, but they were too strong for me. “Please... please... please...” I bawled like a baby, my emotions overtaking me. Smothering me in nothing but a sea of loneliness and despair.
A sharp prick entered my bicep. My body fell slack, heavy, and foreign as soon as a familiar warm sensation began surging through me from my head down to my toes. Creed’s strong arms circled my body, engulfing me in his scent. Pulling me to lie on his chest.
“Shhh... go to sleep. Close your eyes and go to sleep, Pippin...” I heard him faintly say, his voice an echo in the distance.
I did as I was told, unable to fight even if I wanted to. Letting the darkness take over. I prayed I would never wake up.
Dying right along with Maddie.
My baby girl I never even got to meet.
I sat in the waiting room area, leaning back into the chair with my head against the wall. My legs spread out in front of me, and my arms crossed over my chest. Doing exactly that.
Fucking waiting.
The chain of events in the last few months led up to this place in time. And soon the moment of truth would be knocking at my door, ready to let itself right fucking in.
Doc, Diesel, and I brought Mia into the ER to be admitted. Along with Maddie’s body, Doc had wrapped up and placed in a wooden box to be taken to the hospital morgue. I let them handle the staff, answering the necessary questions. Following whatever fucking protocol was needed, including calling her parents and the cops. Reporting that the missing girl from Oak Island had finally been found alive.
Diesel and Doc stayed by my side in the waiting room, knowing I’d need some back-up from the impending shit storm that was about to erupt. I came to the decision that I wouldn’t lie to Mia’s family, at least not anymore. Extinguishing the fire that protected all my secrets. Airing them out if it meant saving her. The staff wouldn’t allow me into her room, informing me I wasn’t immediate family. Saying some shit about having to wait until her parents’ showed up to grant me permission, even though I was the one who brought her in.
The staff wouldn’t tell us one damn thing about her medical condition. In spite of the fact that all we had done since we stepped foot into the ER was cooperate with anything they needed or wanted. They wouldn’t even tell us if she had woken up, or if she was going to be
all right. Looking at us the same way this entire fucking town always had.
Like we were nothing but pieces of shit, biker trash.
It never used to bother me until I met Mia. She was the only person who ever looked at me like I was someone special to be looked at. Like I mattered in this fucked up world and deserved to be respected.
I took a deep breath, watching as pictures of Mia took center stage on the flat screen TV hanging on the wall in front of me. Images of her pretty face scrolled across the screen with headlines that read, “After months, missing Oak Island native Mia Ryder found alive.” Showing live coverage just outside the hospital doors. Only a few yards away from where I sat. It wouldn’t take long for the press to find out about our involvement, and all hell would break fucking loose by morning. Our club spent decades trying to keep our names out of the papers, and in a few short hours we’d be front-page news.
Which was the least of my fucking worries.
Soon Mia’s family would make their grand entrance, cutting off any ties that their daughter and I had. I’d lose her for good. Completely conscious of the fact that I didn’t deserve to have her to begin with.
I’d be lucky if they didn’t throw my ass behind bars before the end of the day.
No good would come of this.
No good would have ever come from us, and I knew that since day one.
My entire life flashed before my eyes like a goddamn movie reel that I couldn’t pause or fucking stop. It felt like I’d been sitting there for days, but in reality, it was only a few hours. Thinking about what went down in the van, repeatedly playing it over in my mind. I would never be able to forget the words she spewed, the way she hit me, and especially the look on her face when I told her Maddie had died.
“You killed her! You killed my baby! I hate you! Do you hear me?! I fucking hate you!”
One word stuck out among the rest. “Murderer!”
I got out of my chair a few times, pacing the room. Shaking off my demons that plagued my mind. Randomly wandering over to the double doors to look out into the hallway where Mia was taken back.
My mind raced with thoughts, with guilt, with shame from all the shit I put the people that I love the most through. All the memories faded when I heard loud, rumbling footsteps coming down the hall. I didn’t have to wonder who they belonged to.
“You son of a bitch!” Mia’s old man called out, making me look up from my chair. Moving in an autopilot state of mind, I stood. Watching as he and McGraw came barreling through the same double doors where Mia was wheeled back.
They must have been in to see her already, giving me a sliver of hope that maybe she was awake again and well. As well as she could be at least. The nurses must have told them we were waiting around since we brought her in.
“I’m going to fucking kill you!” His fist collided with my jaw before he got the last word out. My head whooshed back, taking half of my body with it. I stumbled, trying to shake it off. He didn’t waver, gripping onto the front of my cut, and slammed my back up against the wall. I hit it with a hard thud, knocking the wind out of me for a second.
I never took my eyes off of his while he laid into me, but I knew Doc and Diesel were standing there twitching to interfere. As soon as we sat in the waiting room, I had warned them to mind their own fucking business when it came to her family and me.
Her old man could do whatever the fuck he wanted. I deserved every blow to my body, every punch to my face, every wound he wanted to inflict. No damage could ever compare to what their daughter had been through. Or what she had lost.
Because of me.
“You motherfucking piece of shit!” he snarled, punching me in the stomach and then again in the ribs. Grazing my wound from being shot at. “I knew you had her this whole fucking time, you fucking liar! Didn’t you?!” Another hit to the side of my face. An uppercut to the jaw, making me instantly taste blood. “Answer me, you son of a bitch!” he screamed, hurling my body across the room. I knocked over a few vacant chairs, leaving nothing but destruction in my path. “Why aren’t you fighting back?! Huh?! Where’s your pussy ass brother who knocked her up?!”
I staggered to my feet, wiping the blood off my face with the back of my arm. Watching with hooded eyes as hospital security abruptly rushed into where we were. McGraw put his hand up, stopping them dead in their tracks. Showing them his badge, and nodding to Lucas to keep going.
That was all it took for him to be over to me in two strides, punching me in the face again. “Prison is too fucking good for you!” Hitting me in the side of my stomach. “I knew you and that piece of shit club were behind this! For what?!” he growled, throwing a few more blows to my ribs.
I peeled over, gasping for air when he picked me up, slamming me against the drywall. Causing it to crack and fall beneath me. He immediately held up my lax body, shoving me harder against the adjacent wall.
“Dad! Stop!” I heard Mason shout from down the hall. Bringing his father’s attention to him as he ran into what was left of the waiting room. Mason booked it over to us, grabbing ahold of his dad. Trying to pull him off me. “He didn’t do this! You guys didn’t even let the doctor finish before you hauled ass out of the room! They saved her!” Mason gestured to all of us. “They found her during a shootout! She’s alive because of them!”
Lucas jerked back, stunned by Mason’s revelation. McGraw stood there like he already knew that fact.
Fucker.
It was then I realized this was the alibi Diesel and the club must have come up with to save my sorry ass.
“What?” his dad clenched out, completely caught off guard. His chest heaved from the adrenaline that was throbbing full force through his veins.
“You should be thanking him, not trying to kill him,” Mason added, shaking his head. Trying to pry him off me.
I didn’t know what to say to them, so I didn’t fucking say anything at all.
Diesel stepped forward as if reading my mind, knowing I wouldn’t lie to them. “Yeah, it’s fuckin’ true,” he stated, answering for me. “We’ve been tellin’ you since she went missin’, we were doin’ everything we could to help. Well, we fuckin’ found her, deep in the woods. Creed was the one who said to take Doc with us not knowin’ what condition she’d be in. He’s a jack of all fuckin’ trades in the medical field. So why don’t you folks back the fuck off! You should be kissin’ Creed’s ass instead of ridiculing him. He saved your daughter’s life!”
Diesel wouldn’t look me in the eyes, knowing exactly what he would fucking see. Doc stepped beside him, clearing his throat. Bringing everyone’s attention over to him. He stated, “I can only imagine what you’ve all gone through. We are more than willin’ to come down to the station and answer any questions you may have. We want to find the motherfuckers who did this to her as much as you do.”
I swallowed hard. At least that part was true.
“I’m just sorry I couldn’t save the baby,” Doc apologized in a sincere tone as if he’d wanted to say it since the moment she turned blue. “I did everythin’ I could with Creed’s help. There was a shootout... Mia got caught in the crossfire and was shot in the back. We had to move fast. There was no time. Like Diesel said, they had her in the middle of nowhere. Mia was bleedin’ out... I did what I had to do, but we rushed her to this hospital as soon as I was able to get her stable.”
All eyes were focused on him as he continued to fill them in on what he could divulge. Some of it was bullshit and some of it was true. I turned my head, shutting my eyes, trying not to relive it all over again. Her father’s grip loosened slightly, allowing me to take a deep breath and slowly let the air escape from my lips. I opened my eyes, seeing each one of them observing me.
Mason let go of his dad, and his dad finally let go of me, backing away. But not before punching me one last time in the fucking face, and spitting on me for good measure.
“I don’t give a shit what they’re claiming you did! I won’t believe it until it comes out of M
ia’s mouth. And even then, if it’s true... you will stay the fuck away from my daughter! You, your pussy ass, brother and your fucking club! I will kill you if you come near her again! And that’s not a threat, you piece of shit, that’s a fucking promise! Now get the fuck out of this hospital before I have you thrown the fuck out!”
“Dad, that’s not fair,” Mason spoke, looking over at me.
“Don’t,” I demanded in a stern tone, eyeing their father. “Your old man’s right. Just please tell me how’s she’s doin’, is she up? She okay? That’s all I wanna know.”
He scoffed out, shaking his head and left. McGraw pointed at me with a menacing regard.
“This is far from fuckin’ over. You better pray their stories add up to what Mia says. Or I’ll make sure your new best fuckin’ friends are cellmates who’ll love to make you their bitch. That’s if I don’t encourage a lifer to bleed your body out in your cell,” he sincerely stated, nodding toward the exit. “You got one fuckin’ minute to see your ass out. Or I’ll personally escort you myself, and trust me, motherfucker, I want nothin’ more than to take your ass out.”
I knew he meant every word. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t fucking tempted to let him follow through on every threat he’d made. The only reason I didn’t was to find out the truth and make the motherfuckers pay.
I owed it to Maddie.
Noah.
And especially to Mia.
Diesel and Doc followed me out of the back entrance of the hospital to avoid the press. We headed over to my bike that was in the back parking lot, hidden from the main street. Sitting pretty next to Diesel’s bike and Doc’s car. They must have had prospects drive them over.
The cargo van was nowhere to be found, not that I expected it to.
“Fuck, never thought I’d see the day you’d get your ass kicked like that,” Diesel chuckled, walking beside me. “Better yet, never thought you’d let someone kick your ass like that.”
I pulled out a cigarette, lighting it up as soon as I got to the old girl. Inhaling half the filter in one long, hard drag, letting the smoke seep from my busted up lips and nose. “Ain’t nothin’ I didn’t deserve,” I reminded, spitting a mouthful of blood on the pavement, ignoring the sting in my lungs from Mia’s father’s assault. I took a seat on the curb, mentally and physically fucking exhausted from all the bullshit that had gone down. Allowing the nicotine to course through me, hoping it would calm my nerves the way it always had.