“You didn’t seem to have a problem telling me we were done via text, so I have a hard time believing that you can’t give news over the phone.” I sounded petty, but the filter between my brain and my mouth wasn’t really working. It’d stalled somewhere around pregnant and hadn’t come back online yet.
I waited for her to come back with something sarcastic or snarky or angry. Anything that meant we could have it out and finally get some closure. Move on.
Or, as much as we could move on when a baby was in the mix.
Baby.
Shit.
How in the fuck had that happened?
“That day – the day I left – I was on my way into work.” Her voice stayed the same. Quiet. Even.
Emotionless.
“While I was at the bodega, my brother called. My mother had passed out and was rushed to the hospital.”
Shit.
“I rushed home, packed, then went straight to the airport. There was a cancellation almost right away.”
My stomach continued to drop, and my heart followed.
“I was on the phone with Donald until I stepped onto the plane...and turned my phone off.”
By the time I’d realized she was missing, she’d already been in the air.
With her phone off.
Because her mom had been rushed to the hospital.
I was a complete ass.
“I should have called you, I know,” she continued. “But I didn’t think of it with all the rush of getting on the plane. All I could think of was getting home to Mam.”
The worst kind of ass.
“We were landing when I remembered. As soon as I turned on my phone, I...” She swallowed hard. “I saw your messages.”
Petulant, childish messages.
She risked another look at me, and I wondered if she could see the guilt written across my face.
“I accept my part for what happened between us,” she said. “And I’m not here to be asking for anything. I have no expectations–”
“I’m so sorry.” I crossed the distance between us, my heart ready to beat out of my chest. “This is all my fault. I fucked up. I should have trusted you, trusted that there was a good reason–”
She shook her head, fatigue written on every line of her body. “Water under the bridge. No need to dredge up the past.”
I reached out for her, then thought better of it. She probably didn’t want me to touch her, not after everything I’d done.
But I’d be damned if I stopped trying.
“I mean it, Sine. I am so sorry. I never should have said those things.” My heart twisted again. I wasn’t numb anymore. I was feeling, and it sucked. “I was an asshole.”
Not even a hint of a smile.
“Please, Sine.” My voice cracked. “I was wrong. Forgive me.”
It was a plea, not a command.
“Only if you forgive me for not telling you.”
I couldn’t stop myself from taking her hands. Despite the heat outside, her hands were cold. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You were thinking about your mom. As you should have been. You didn’t deserve to have to deal with my shit on top of everything else.”
Her bottom lip trembled, and I released her hands to cup her face between my palms. I hated seeing her upset, and hated even more that I was responsible for it.
“Whatever you think you should feel guilty for, don’t. You did nothing wrong. I was a bastard for how I behaved.”
I took a step back.
“Please tell me that your mother’s okay.” If her mom wasn’t...I’d never forgive myself for putting the extra stress on Sine.
“She is.”
Some of the life seemed to be coming back into Sine’s eyes. That was good. I needed her to be herself again...before we talked about that other thing she said.
“And I forgive you.”
Relief flooded through me, almost making my knees weak.
“But there is a question I’d like you to answer.”
I nodded, wondering if I should ask her to go somewhere else for us to have the baby discussion.
Baby.
Fuck.
I was going to be–
“What’s going to happen now? With us, I mean.”
Shit.
29
Sine
I knew we had to discuss the baby, but I needed to know where things stood between us. That would tell me what to expect when we discussed his involvement. I promised myself that I’d accept whatever he wanted.
He was quiet for several seconds, each one stretching out until I was worried that I’d asked the wrong thing.
“What is it you want to happen, Sine?” His voice was soft.
My pulse hadn’t slowed from the moment I knocked on his door, but it seemed to beat double-time at the question. I’d given him my forgiveness, and he seemed to genuinely care about what happened, but I wouldn’t be fooled into mistaking wishful thinking for something more solid.
Coming here was a risk, not only because I hadn’t been certain of the welcome I’d receive, especially once I shared my news, but because I knew he had the power to break my heart.
But I also knew that if I didn’t take a chance now, I’d regret it. I’d never been a coward, and I’d never forgive myself if I turned into one now.
I had to lay it all out there.
“I want...” I laid my hand on my stomach. It was still flat, but I’d found myself standing that way from the moment I’d seen that plus sign. As if I could feel my son or daughter already there, growing inside me.
Alix’s gaze followed my hand, and I watched the expression on his face change, as if somehow my gesture made it real to him, the same way the test had made it for me.
“I want us to be together,” I said the words simply, forcing myself not to rush through them. “I want us to see if this works. You and me and...”
“Our baby,” he finished.
I nodded, then forced myself to add, “If that isn’t what you’ll be wanting, I’ll understand. And I won’t be asking you for anything, should you not wish to be a part–”
I lost the rest of what I intended to say when his mouth came down on mine. I felt the hunger in his kiss all the way down to my bones, and the desire I’d been keeping down came rushing forward. I grabbed the front of his shirt, holding him close, letting everything I felt pour into him. If I walked away with my heart in shreds, I would do it with everything left on the table.
He pulled back after a moment, then rested his forehead against mine.
“You asked me what I want,” he said as he cupped my face. “I want you.”
He dropped his hand between us and placed it on my stomach. The heat of his palm warmed me through the thin cotton of my t-shirt.
“I want us.”
A surge of hope went through me, strong enough that I couldn’t quite suppress it. “I want to be certain I understand you...”
He held my chin in one hand, keeping our eyes locked. “Then let me be clear. I want you in my life. I want our child in my life. I want it to be our life. Our family.”
If I was a different sort of woman, I might have melted into a puddle after hearing those words. But I didn’t melt. What I did was take a shaky breath, then let it out with all the tension I’d been holding.
“I love you, Sine.” He brushed his lips across mine. “And I want you to be mine.”
A lump formed in my throat, and I felt tears burning in my eyes.
Apparently, I was that sort of woman.
Damned hormones.
“I am yours,” I managed to whisper. “For as long as you’ll want me.”
“Forever,” he said earnestly. “I want you forever.”
He kissed me again, hands sliding around my waist, and then down to cup my behind through my jeans. He pulled me tight against him, and I wound my arms around his neck, needing to feel the hard press of his body to assure me that I wasn’t dreaming, wasn’t imagining his words. I hadn’t let myself
hope for this, no matter how much I wanted it.
I dug my hands into his hair, pushed myself up on my toes as I nipped at his bottom lip. He groaned, his hands squeezing my ass, and a bolt of desire went through me, the sort of desire that only he could make me feel.
My memory hadn’t done reality any justice.
Emboldened, I tugged at his shirt, needing more. He took a step back, hands closing around my wrists. I frowned, confused.
“I thought – I mean–”
“I want to,” he said quickly. “I just...” He looked down for a moment, and when he looked up again, his expression was sheepish. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Now I was even more confused.
Until I suddenly realized what he meant. Then, I was amused.
“You won’t.” I stepped into him so that our combined hands were caught between us. I smiled up at him. “Not for real.”
I could see the struggle on his face, and I pulled one hand free from his grasp, reaching up to brush my fingers over his eyebrow. He made a sound in the back of his throat as I rested my palm against his cheek. He closed his eyes, leaning into my touch.
“When I say that I want you, I mean all of you,” I assured him. I reached down and ran my fingers over the erection straining against his zipper. “Now, I don’t know about you, but I would like to be picking things up where we left off.”
His response was to pull his shirt over his head, then reach for mine, yanking it up and tossing it to the floor. His eyes never left mine, not even as he went to his knees in front of me. Neither of us spoke as he helped me out of my jeans, or when he gently kissed my stomach. Everything else that’d happened between us faded away as he rested his cheek against my bare skin. I ran my fingers through his hair, the heat between us settling to a quiet simmer for a few peaceful moments.
Then he kissed his way across my stomach, just above the waistband of my panties. I made a soft noise as the sensations tickled, but I didn’t want him to stop. Especially not when he gripped my knee and draped my leg over his shoulder. I put a hand on his other shoulder, balancing myself as he pulled the panties to one side and put his mouth on me.
My eyes wanted to close as he moved his tongue over me, dipping down before coming back up to circle my clit, but I kept them open, not wanting to miss a moment of this man, on his knees, pleasuring me. Worshipping me.
He put a hand on the small of my back as his tongue flicked back and forth in rapid succession, each touch the perfect combination of friction and pressure.
“Ah...” I made a strangled sound as my muscles tensed. “Alix.” His name came out in a whimper as I climaxed.
“I’ve got you,” he murmured, the air ghosting across my skin.
The shiver sent another ripple of pleasure through me, a ripple that kept going as Alix placed my foot on the floor. He stood as he ran his hands over my ribcage, under my breasts, and moved his thumbs over my nipples. They hardened under my bra, and I moaned as he covered one with his mouth, teasing it through the fabric.
“Alix.” I tugged on his hair. “Please.”
He raised his head, a glint in his eyes. “Impatient, aren’t you?”
I glared at him, then laughed as he swept me up in his arms. He didn’t take me far, just over to the couch where he laid me down, stripping off my panties and bra before taking a step back to remove the last of his clothes.
I reached out my hands to him, and he took them as he moved to kneel between my legs. The couch was narrow, but it was enough for what we were going to do, and that was all that mattered at the moment.
He shifted his grasp so that he was holding both my wrists in one hand. As he stretched out on top of me, he put my arms over my head, holding them firm against the arm of the couch. His free hand clutched my hip, as he rocked against me. The tip of his cock slipped over my wet folds, then between them to nudge against my clit.
He hesitated, gaze searching my face for something.
“I love you,” I said. “Alix Wexler. All of you. Faults. Strengths.” I wiggled my hands. “Kinks.”
He smiled then, leaning down to take my mouth as he surged forward, locking us together in one smooth thrust. My body arched up to meet his, to find the completion that only he could bring. We moved together in perfect rhythm, each push and pull relentlessly driving us toward the same goal.
His tongue plundered my mouth, thoroughly owning it as much as his body owned mine. He owned everything. My heart. Mind. Soul. Everything. But as our release crashed into us, I saw the truth in his eyes. I owned him as well.
It wasn’t until several minutes had passed, and I was tucked back against him, his fingers tracing patterns on my stomach, that he broke the silence.
“Marry me.”
We’d known each other only two months and had been apart for half of them. Of course, there was only one answer I could give.
30
Sine
The late summer weather decided to cut us a break, which meant I wasn’t sweltering in my simple pale green dress. I didn’t wear many dresses, but I knew that my mother would never forgive me if she saw pictures of today with me in shorts. She was already disapproving of the whole thing as it was.
Even though I’d discovered I was pregnant while still in Ireland, I hadn’t told my family then. I’d wanted to have a plan in place before breaking the news. Besides, Alix had deserved to know first.
When I called them the day after Alix and I reconciled, I’d been able to tell them that Alix had proposed, and that I’d accepted. I’d also told them that we’d be making it legal at the courthouse in only two weeks. Mam hadn’t been happy, but when I’d assured her that I’d bring him to meet the family as soon as we were able, she’d been mollified. A bit at least.
Despite the fact that we weren’t standing in a good Catholic church, Mam would want pictures. And we would want to show pictures to our son or daughter one day.
So, I was wearing a dress.
But that wasn’t really the main thing on my mind. I couldn’t take my eyes off Alix. He was wearing a suit at my request rather than a tuxedo, but I wasn’t fool enough to believe that the suit wasn’t the kind tailor-made at a price that I didn’t want to think about.
And I wanted to peel off every expensive layer and trace his abs with my tongue. Move my mouth lower...
Dammit.
Heat suffused my cheeks. I’d been blessed to not have much morning sickness, but I’d discovered a more unexpected symptom when Alix and I had made love my first night back.
I wanted him all the time.
Insatiably.
As in I couldn’t even sit next to him and watch a movie without touching him. Sliding my hand up his leg, feeling his thigh muscles tense and bunch. Unzipping his pants and taking him in my mouth.
The night he proposed, we stayed in my apartment, but the next day, we’d taken my things to his place.
And then christened every room. Twice.
He’d rebuffed my attempts to get him to join me in the shower this morning, saying that we’d be late if we showered together, and I’d had to admit that he was right.
That didn’t mean I planned on waiting until after the party I knew Alix’s friends had planned for us before we left for our honeymoon. If I had to, I’d settle for a quickie in a closet or in the limo.
And I’d come prepared.
I let a little smirk into my smile as he stretched out his hand. I took it and stepped up next to him.
“You’re up to something,” he said under his breath.
“Perhaps,” I answered coyly.
“And what would that be?” He leaned closer so that our conversation was still private. “Perhaps something for the honeymoon?”
I shook my head and snuck a glance at the Justice of the Peace who was still searching in his desk for something, “Since you refused to assist me in getting dressed this morning, I may have neglected to put on...everything.”
His eyes widened, then narrowed as they sl
id over me, sending my pulse racing. “Are you telling me that under that dress...”
“I suppose you’ll need to find out.”
His fingers tightened around mine as he pulled me closer to him so that his mouth was pressed against my ear. “When we get in the limo, I’m going to pull up that dress, and if I find you bare, you’ll be in for a punishment.”
I shivered as he pulled back. “Yes, please.”
His eyes darkened. “Let’s get this started.”
Even when the Justice began the familiar ceremony, I didn’t take my gaze from Alix’s. The words would make it official, but I already knew that he was my future. My forever.
I must have said the right things at the right times because before I knew it, he was kissing me, and the guys were whistling. Someone cleared their throat, and Alix broke the kiss, his eyes shining, a smile stretched from ear to ear. His thumb moved back and forth over my rings as he raised my hand to brush a kiss across my knuckles.
“I love you, Sine Wexler.”
“And I love you,” I replied. “But don’t think this gets you off the hook for the big Catholic wedding Mam is planning for next month. The whole family is looking forward to meeting you.”
He swallowed hard, a bit of anxiety showing in his eyes. “How many brothers do you have again?”
I gave him a wry smile. “Six. But it’s not the brothers you need to be worrying about.”
“Ex?”
I shook my head and laughed. “You knocked up a staunch Irish Catholic’s daughter out of wedlock, and you’ll have to be answering to Mam about that.”
The Billionaire’s Muse will be back in November in a third book, this time following Jace. Until then, turn the page to read the bonus book.
1
Piety
My head.
Shit…my head.
I had a concussion once, but it hadn’t hurt like this. Moaning, I pulled a pillow over my head and prayed for oblivion. Or death. Right now, I was willing to take either one.
The pounding inside my skull only got worse, and as the bed shifted under me, my belly started to slosh around, making me feel nauseated too. That was just lovely.