Knowing she meant sex made me cringe. No I didn’t want to hear about that, but Arianna was my friend, and I’d always known there would be certain sacrifices I’d have to make when she started dating Julian. “It’s okay, go ahead.”
I listened for my parents. They were downstairs, having a conversation about last night. They seemed pretty absorbed in each other, so I didn’t think they were listening, but certain sentences might get their attention.
“Julian and I were going to…do stuff last night, but after everything that happened, that plan sort of fizzled.”
I let out a short exhale. “Oh…I’m sorry…that didn’t work out.”
“Yeah…me too. But…we had a really weird conversation about it at the dance. With your grandmother and your parents.”
I sat up straighter from my lounging position on the bed. “What? Why would you guys discuss it in front of my family?”
Arianna sighed. “I have no idea. It was right after you left. Julian just out of the blue asked your dad why we shouldn’t have sex. It was…beyond mortifying.” I wanted to slap my hand over my eyes. Oh God, he’d done that for me, so I could have a few minutes alone with Hunter. Damn it. I owed him big time. Arianna continued while I wondered how I could possibly repay him. “And as if that wasn’t weird enough, your grandmother said…” she stopped to sigh, “well, she basically said she wanted us to have kids as soon as possible. Kids! Why the hell would she say that?”
I was suddenly very uncomfortable. I tried fidgeting into a new position, but it wasn’t helping. How in the world could I explain this to her? “Umm…Grandma’s got a thing for children, but it’s not like she’s going to force you to—”
I knew the second the words left my lips that it was the wrong thing to say. “Oh my God, could she force me? Could she do that hypno thing and make me have kids? That’s so…wrong.”
“No, no,” I quickly said. “She would never do that. Ever. I promise. If you do or if you don’t, it will be your choice.”
“Good…because I’m only sixteen, Nika. I don’t even know if I want kids. That’s something I’ll figure out in the next decade or so, but I don’t want to be pressured in the meantime. I just want…to be sixteen.”
“That’s what Julian wants too. All he cares about right now is being with you, Arianna. You mean everything to him.” I poured as much sincerity into that as I could. Even if Julian was driving me crazy lately, I wanted him to be with Arianna. They were a good couple, and I could see them having a really great future together. If my brother didn’t completely mess it up, of course.
Arianna sighed at my statement, then shifted the conversation toward how I was doing. I told her what I could, which wasn’t nearly enough. I wished I could have taken my phone into my parents’ bedroom so I could tell her everything, but I couldn’t, so instead I was vague with my best friend. I hated it, and I felt unsettled when the phone call ended.
When Julian returned, he kept to himself the rest of the day. He didn’t even voluntarily come down for dinner. Dad forced him to sit at the table and be a part of the family, but it was obvious Julian didn’t want to be there. His sullenness threatened to ruin my good mood, but I managed to hang on to my happiness. I wasn’t 100 percent sure, but I suspected that Hunter would be dropping by tonight so I could help him get through a feeding. I was edgy and nervous, but most of all, excited. If Hunter could just accept this one aspect of himself, I knew he could accept the rest. Then he’d feel a lot more positive about his life, about us.
After being silent for most of dinner, Julian headed to his room, shut his door, and called Arianna. She had a lot of questions for him, mainly about why Halina wanted them to have children. Julian, ever conscious of so many listening ears, did his best to explain that the family wanted children to dilute out the vampirism, and stressed that while it was important to them, it wasn’t necessarily important to him.
Arianna asked about Raquel next, about how she was doing. Julian hesitated, then told her Raquel was going to be fine. After a long pause, Arianna said, “Well…that’s good. I’m glad you were able to be there…for her…” While her words were encouraging, her tone was sad, full of unease.
Julian did his best to brighten her spirits, but their conversation dwindled to nothing shortly after that. Julian’s mood was dour when he hung up the phone. I sent him supportive feelings, but Julian wasn’t in the mood to receive them. He was only interested in stoking his misplaced anger toward Hunter.
After getting ready for bed, I sat up and waited for everyone to fall asleep. It felt like it took a hundred years for me to hear Julian start snoring. My eyes grew heavy as I stared at the curtains framing my window. Hunter had to show. He just had to. We’d had such a great moment yesterday, but sometimes that wasn’t enough with Hunter. His moods could spin on a dime. All I hoped was that he didn’t push me away again. I didn’t think he would, since he’d been the one to ask me for help, but it was really hard to tell with him.
I must have dozed off while I was waiting, because I startled to alertness when icy fingers touched my skin. When I opened my eyes, Hunter was standing beside the bed, leaning over me, a half-smile on his face. His eyes cast the room in a warm, faint light; they highlighted the hollowness of his cheeks, the paleness of his face. His chilled fingertips swept across my cheek, then ran along the length of my jaw. Frowning, he pulled his hand away. “I shouldn’t be back here.”
Sensing his mood shifting again, I sat up on my knees and wrapped my arms around his waist, symbolically preventing his escape. “Yes, you should. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.” When his dubious face didn’t respond, I asked, “Are you ready?”
Already distressed over what he was about to do, Hunter ran a hand through his hair. “No.” Exhaling in a slow, controlled way, he nodded. “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready, but I know I need to do this. It’s the only way I’ll be strong enough to…” His lips compressed as his sentence died off. “I need to do this. I’m choosing my evil.” He lifted an eyebrow as he referenced my grandmother’s warning.
Detaching myself from him, I patted the bed beside me, then stood up. “I’ll be right back.” I gave him a stern look as I pushed my finger into his hard chest. “Don’t go anywhere.”
A small laugh escaped Hunter as he sat down where I’d indicated. Tilting his head to the window, he murmured, “There’s really nowhere for me to go.”
I glanced outside, to where I could sense Halina hovering. She was giving us privacy by not entering the house, but she was definitely keeping tabs on Hunter. If this went badly, she could be here in a heartbeat. It wasn’t going to though. It was going to be fine, and Hunter was finally going to be well fed. In the same way he’d touched me earlier, I slid the back of my finger over his jaw. The light stubble was rough under my sensitive skin—a wonderful sort of rough.
With an encouraging smile, I turned and left him alone in my room. I’d debated dragging him downstairs and having him eat in the kitchen, but I thought the preparation process might disturb him. It would be best to have the blood just appear in his hands. Less to think about.
I blurred to the kitchen, hoping that the scent of fresh blood didn’t wake my brother. It shouldn’t bother my parents at all, not locked away like they were. Soundproof was also smell-proof. Finding a large container of cow’s blood in the fridge, I opened it and poured some into an extra tall coffee mug. Normally I’d heat it on the stove, but time was of the essence here, so I nuked it. I didn’t want Hunter to change his mind and run away. He needed this.
When it was ready, I hurried back upstairs, careful to not spill any. A low growl echoed in the hallway as Hunter smelled what I was bringing him. As much as he denied it, he wanted this. My grandmother’s presence moved forward, but just by a few feet. She wanted this for Hunter just as badly as I did, and if me feeding him was the secret to him eating, then she’d gladly let me do it. She’d probably even hide all of this from the rest of the family if we as
ked. Anything to get her child to drink.
Hunter was standing when I walked into the room. He was partly turned toward the window, like he was going to dive out of it at any moment. I hoped he didn’t. I stepped forward tentatively, my free hand extended palm out, like he was a wild animal I was trying to tame. And, in a way, he was. His eyes flashed from mine to the cup and back again. His fangs were already extended, and he clenched and unclenched his hands in an obsessive-compulsive sort of way.
“Nika…” His voice was strained, aching with need. Even though I knew the blood was the source of his tone, it sent a surge of excitement through me.
“It’s okay…just relax,” I cooed, approaching him.
His eyes locked onto the steaming mug in my hands. “I don’t know if I can do this. It’s wrong…but I want it so much…”
I offered the mug to him. “You can do this. I know you can.”
He swallowed a lump in his throat as he took the mug from me. “Okay. I can do this. I can do this.”
He repeated it over and over like a mantra as he brought the mug to his lips. His fingers were shaking as the blood inside the cup touched his mouth, then he clenched the mug so hard I had a momentary fear he’d accidentally break it. “Relax, it’s okay.”
His grip eased just fractionally as a small stream entered his mouth. He immediately pulled the mug away and looked like he might be sick as he gagged. I knew it wasn’t because of the taste. The taste, to a vampire, was pure heaven. It was the knowledge of what he was drinking that was killing him, making eating so incredibly difficult. His mind couldn’t accept what his body wanted. Stepping into him, I rubbed my hand over the rigid arm I could feel beneath his jacket. “Don’t think about what it is, just enjoy the taste. Let yourself swallow it, Hunter. Let yourself enjoy it.”
His eyes locked onto mine as he struggled with something that was as natural to me as breathing. With obvious difficulty, he finally swallowed the small amount in his mouth. His eyes fluttered closed as he sucked in a deep breath. “God, it’s so good,” he murmured.
Not wanting him to lose that feeling, I urged the drink back to his mouth. “It is. Have more.”
A brief look of disgust crossed his face, as the battle of wills inside him waged on. Hunter’s determination won out, though, and he tilted the mug back and gulped down huge swallows. The more he accepted drinking, the more ravenous he became. A purr escaped his throat as the bottom of the mug rose toward the ceiling. His expression changed from revulsion to euphoria. The look of pure contentment on his face was making me hungry, but I pushed aside the feeling and embraced the joy I felt instead. He was eating, of his own free will. It was a beautiful thing.
When the blood cocktail was gone, Hunter’s eyes burned with desire. He shifted them to me, and a shiver went up my spine. Maybe I was imagining it, but I thought his cheeks looked a bit fuller already. He was breathing heavier as he handed the mug back to me. “More,” he panted.
Nodding, I grabbed the mug and rushed downstairs to heat up more. When the timer dinged on the microwave, Hunter appeared beside me like he’d teleported there. It surprised me, and a tiny squeak escaped me. Hunter stepped into my body, pushing me back into the counter. He was cold, hard, and rigid with tension, but my body contorted to his like he belonged there. He reached beside my head to open the microwave door, and my breathing sped up to match his.
While he grabbed the mug and brought it to his lips, I placed my palms on his chest. I felt the rumble of a growl beneath his skin as he guzzled down the liquid life he’d so long denied himself. When he was finished with his second serving, his eyes seemed glazed, like he was buzzed. “More,” he repeated.
I twisted as best I could with his weight pressed against me, trying to reach the container of blood on the counter. Hunter’s heavy gaze slid to the jug and he blurred over to it. Setting his cup on the counter, he tore the lid off the jug and drank straight from the container. He gulped down the cold blood like it was just as good chilled. I cringed as I watched him. It wasn’t as good cold.
When the container was almost empty, he finally set it down. Groaning, he put his hands on the counter and leaned back with his head hanging down. “Too much,” he muttered, sounding a little sick for an entirely different reason.
Smiling, I put my hand on his back and rubbed a circle on his jacket. “I think you’re finally full. How are you feeling?”
He peeked up at me; a small amount of blood trickling from the corner of his mouth was the only evidence of his gorgefest. “Okay. Tired…but okay.”
Feeling shy for some reason, I indicated my bedroom upstairs. “Do you want to…lie down? Stay with me again tonight?”
Hunter wiped the blood from his mouth, then straightened to his full height. I held my breath as I watched strength and confidence return to his visage. Weak was not a word that would ever be used to describe this man right now. Resisting the urge to feel his chest again, I whispered, “Please stay.” I couldn’t look him in the eye. My heart was racing a million miles an hour.
Hunter’s hand came out to grab my side. “Nika, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. A part of me doesn’t feel right being here. I should stay away from you.” Instead of retreating from me like his words suggested, his thumb brushed back and forth along my ribs, igniting me.
Stepping up to him so that our hips touched, my restraint fell away and my fingers trailed down the T-shirt exposed between the opening of his jacket. “Don’t. Don’t do that thing where you pull away for my own good.” I stared him in the eyes, his phosphorescence gone in the faint lights emanating from under the cabinets. “You get to choose your path, your evil, and I get to choose mine.”
Hunter’s lips twitched. “Am I your evil?”
“Sometimes…” Leaning into him, I pressed our chests together and slid my hand up to his neck; his eyes locked onto my jugular. I tilted my head, flicking my hair over my shoulder and giving him a better view of the blood rushing through my body. Almost like he was tranced, his head started lowering, his fangs still fully extended. As before, all I could think was Yes, take a bite.
When his teeth were almost to my skin, an irritated voice broke the silence. “What the hell is he doing here? It’s the middle of the night?”
I spun around to see Julian standing in the doorway, a scowl on his face. Knocked back to reality, Hunter took a step away from me. “Nothing, I was just…” He looked over at me, his brows furrowed. “Nika was helping me out with something.”
Protectiveness oozed from my brother as he stepped into the kitchen. “Helping with what?” Mood prickly, Julian moved so that he was standing between Hunter and me.
Rolling my eyes, I stepped out from behind him. “He asked for my help, so I gave it to him.”
Julian held out his hand in expectation. “Help with…?”
Hunter looked uncomfortable as he answered. “I needed to eat. She helped me get through it.”
Julian’s eyes flashed to mine. “Are you crazy? What if he lost control and ate you?”
At the same time Hunter said, “I wouldn’t,” I shoved Julian’s shoulder.
“Knock it off, Julie.”
Julian gave me an irritated expression which matched my own. He needed to get over this beef he had with Hunter. Face contrite, Hunter told him, “I’m so sorry about what happened to your friend, Julian. And what we had to tell her…if there had been any other way, I would have taken it. I hope you believe me.”
Julian took a step away from Hunter. “You made her sound suicidal. You’ll excuse me if I have a hard time forgiving you for that.” Hunter gave him a brief, accepting nod. Julian’s anger flared at Hunter’s lack of a rebuttal. Julian had too much anger in him; it needed to be vented somewhere. Poking a finger into Hunter’s chest, he snapped, “Those hunters…were they friends of yours?”
Hunter’s eyes flicked to mine. “I knew them, yes.”
Julian narrowed his eyes as his mood spiked even higher. “You knew them? Okay, then
maybe you can tell me…is it common practice to drug and slice up an innocent human girl as bait? You don’t see vampires doing that, so who’s really the bigger monster here?”
Hunter clenched his jaw and averted his eyes. “No, that’s not common.” His gaze returned to Julian. “What Brett and Sam did to her…that practice isn’t something my family condones. It’s one of the reasons Dad and Sam parted ways a few years back. Sam started leaning toward the ‘anything to get the job done’ line of thinking. Dad had a problem using unwilling bait.”
Julian smirked. “Right, he used his children instead.”
I bristled at Julian’s remark, but Hunter raised his chin. “His willing children.”
Hunter and Julian defiantly stared at one another for a moment until finally, Hunter lifted his hands. “I just wanted to tell you, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. And I took care of Sam, so you don’t have to worry about anyone else being used as bait again.”
Some of Julian’s anger faded as he saw the pain flashing over Hunter’s face. A trace of compassion washed over him, and hope sprang in me that Julian might finally see that Hunter wasn’t to blame for any of this. He gave him a brief nod, and Hunter added, “If it makes you feel any better, I told the girl that she would be stronger from now on, and she’d never do anything like that to herself again.”
Julian blinked. “You did? Well, thank you.”
Hunter smiled, then turned to me. “Thank you for everything you did for me. I should go, though. She’s waiting.” He glanced behind him to the wall separating him from my grandmother. When his eyes returned to mine, there was a longing in them that I knew had nothing to do with me. “I’m still drawn to her, even when I’m with you, and I feel like I should apologize for that too.”
I shook my head as jealousy crept up my spine. “It’s the bond. It’s not your fault.”
Hunter nodded as he leaned down. His fangs retreated into his mouth as our lips met—cold and warm, soft and fervent. The best of both opposites. When he pulled away from me, I clenched my hands into fists to resist the urge to grab him and hold on. He would come back to me, I was sure of it. Almost sure of it. His moods were so unpredictable, but maybe they would stabilize now that he was eating. That was my hope anyway.