She did not know who she was, whether she was betrothed or widowed, or in love with another man, who her family’s clan was, naught much at all. He would not take advantage of the lass.
Separating from the kiss that left him agonizing for much more, he again stepped away from her, his own breathing just as ragged.
Her cheeks flushed anew, and after looking at him with a mixture of fascination and surprise, she finally had the good grace to look demurely away. ‘Twas more than disturbing to feel so hot and bothered for a lass he had no intention of bedding. Catriona’s arrival and getting this charade over with would not be accomplished soon enough.
He took the lady’s arm and walked her farther along the garden path, waiting for her to say something, expecting small talk but having only silence.
“What think you, lass?” he finally asked to break up the insufferable silence stretching between them.
“You are well versed in kissing lassies.”
This bit of witticism brought a smile to his lips. Her cheeks again blossomed with color. Was she thinking he had gone farther with the others? She would think right. With an eager lass, he would have made sure they were somewhere private before the kissing began. ‘Twas only natural what would follow.
“May I ask you a personal question?” Her voice was very small, mayhap a little reluctant.
He couldn’t wait to hear her query. “Aye, ask away.”
“Do you kiss Catriona the same way?” Her gaze snagged his.
What could he say to that? Catriona had buried her first husband at the age of six and ten. She had not given up men for the last four years of her life, pretending to be the sweet, grieving widow languishing for her dead husband. ‘Twas an arranged marriage, and she had even lured James to her bed on occasion when her old husband had been away.
That’s why James presumed Catriona would do sufficiently as his wife. She was well-versed in pleasuring a man. Taking an eager woman to bed was much more satisfying than bedding a lassie who was not, he assumed.
“I see by the smile on your face ‘tis so,” Eilis said.
Emotions fluttered across her face, but he couldn’t tell what they were exactly—condemnation, fascination, envy?
She didn’t know him and wished to escape from her captivity here. Why would she feel anything about his relations with Catriona at all? He had never understood the female mind. Even with Catriona he thought as good in bed together as they were and because of being the chief of his clan, she would jump at the chance to be his betrothed.
‘Twas his duty, though to consider other Highlander’s daughters. No, more than duty. ‘Twas necessary to keep the clans from taking offense should he have not considered other leaders’ daughters. Now he had done so, and Catriona was the one to receive the prize. She should have been more than pleased.
“I…I do not think I have ever been kissed before.”
James brought her to an abrupt halt. “Your memories are returning?”
She touched the tip of a slender finger to her full lip and stroked it like he wished to do with his tongue. “I think I would have remembered.”
“Did my kiss give you pleasure then?” He had no need to know the answer to his question. He wasn’t sure why he even asked. Mayhap because he might have been her first and wished to know if he met with her expectations or exceeded them. And why it should have mattered was another point he didn’t wish to consider too closely.
Footsteps approached, and they both turned to see one of his men hurry into the garden. Ian bowed quickly. “I beg your pardon, my laird, for, ahem, interrupting you, but Niall wished me to bring this to you at once.”
“Aye, what is the matter, Ian?”
“My laird, the lady of Castle Craven sends a missive.”
His heart pounding, James ripped open the parchment and took a relieved breath. “Catriona is coming this way in just two day’s time. Splendid.” He took Eilis’s small hand in his. “We have much work to do, lass, if we are to pull this off. But first, we must decide on a clan name for you. The situation would be odd not to have one in mind when Catriona comes to call. But we can think on the matter later. ‘Tis time to break our fast. You shall sit by me and tell me all the foods that you favor.”
Two days. In so much time, he hoped the lass and he could learn enough about each other to play the game. Two days. The time left would have to suffice then Catriona would no doubt give up her procrastination and accept his hand in marriage.
Ian waved another missive. “And this came also, my laird. The missive is from Eanruig.”
James read the message, his blood boiling. More sheep had been stolen near the MacNeill border. Blood littered the heather, and the plants trampled mightily as if a mighty battle had been waged. None of the MacNeill living nearby had seen or heard anything because they had been attending a wedding feast in one of the villages too far away. And none of the clansmen were missing. Eanruig surmised it would not have been the sheep’s blood because the raiders liked to keep the meat on the hoof until they needed it.
The situation was more than strange. Particularly since no bodies were left behind. Although if the Dunbartons had lost a man or two, they would have taken their wounded or dead with them. Still, who had fought them if none of his own people had died, been injured, were missing, or owned up to fighting the Dunbartons?
Intending to discover more about the situation, he kissed Eilis’s hand and led her back to her chamber. He had meant to stay with her longer and learn more about her, but Dunbarton was wreaking havoc on his lands once more, and James would stand for none of it. The time had come to discover what had happened at the Macneill lands bordering Dunbarton’s again.
****
Like before, James and his men could find no sign of anyone along his boundary with Dunbarton’s. Although he questioned his people again, they all offered the same story. None were in the area when the thieving occurred. Unsure as to what to think of the situation, James and the party returned to Craigly Castle to partake of the supper.
By the time James and Eilis sat at the high table overlooking the rest of the tables set up in long rows stretching outward from the dais that eve, the sconces were lighted, and the smell of tallow filled the hall.
Lady Akira gave Eilis a gracious smile and took her seat next to her while James sat on the other side of her. “We have good news, aye? That Catriona will soon be here?” Lady Akira asked.
Eilis didn’t think it was good news, rather, that she could not pull this off. And what was more, she kept feeling it was the second time she’d had to live such a lie. But as much as she tried to recall the circumstances of her past life, she came up empty.
“My son says we must come up with a clan name to make your own.”
“MacNeill,” Eilis said quickly. She thought she had heard the MacNeill were an affable lot, though she remembered hearing they were thought of as being prideful. She didn’t think her clan had ever had any trouble with them.
“MacNeill,” she repeated, hoping God wouldn’t strike her down for lying. Mayhap MacNeill was her clan name after all. She just could not remember.
Lady Akira’s mouth dropped slightly, and she glanced at James. James’s mouth hung agape as well.
The situation was not good.
“You have remembered your clan’s name, then?” Lady Akira asked, frowning.
“Aye, my lady.” Although Eilis was certain the name did not bode well with James and his mother, she couldn’t think of a way to get herself out of the quandary she was now in.
Lady Akira seemed to ponder the notion then asked, “Where from?”
“Glen Affric.” Eilis knew the area well enough, having spent many a summer with a cousin there. And why she knew that, but not the name of the cousin? The gaps in her memories bewildered her, yet as hard as she tried, she could not fill in the details of her past life. Why did she remember Glen Affric so well?
If she visited a cousin there in the summers, it must not have been
her home. Why could she not remember her home?
“Glen Affric. Hmmm, that is very interesting, my dear. My other sons are there, helping the Lady Anice of Brecken Castle. Know you her?” Lady Akira lifted a piece of brown bread and buttered it.
Eilis gulped. James had family there. ‘Twas not good. “Aye, everyone in the area knows of the lady. She is known to be kind to those who serve her.” And again, she couldn’t fathom why she could recall Lady Anice of Brecken Castle, but not her family’s name.
“Have you served her?” Lady Akira asked, her brows lifted. “Do you have word of my sons?”
“I…I have not been back there for sometime, I do not think. And I do not know anything much about her except…” She frowned, trying to dredge up the elusive memory. “Her uncle died, and she became King Henry’s ward.”
“Aye, ‘tis true. Know you, Eilis,” Lady Akira said, her words said deliberately slow, “we are of the Clan MacNeill?”
Chapter Five
Eilis could scarcely breathe, the part of her meal that she had managed to eat now sitting like a solid rock in the pit of her stomach. Why had she not thought to ask someone, anyone, which clan James was the chief of?
MacNeill. Mayhap in her semi-unconscious state someone had mentioned the name and that’s where she had gotten it from. She groaned inwardly.
“You have a clan name now, Eilis,” James said, dryly, his jaw taut.
He didn’t seem at all pleased, and Eilis had a hard time choking down her fowl, but she didn’t feel she could change her name so easily now. What if she picked the name of an enemy clan? She thought of many clan names, but had no idea which the MacNeill might not like, except for the Dunbarton.
“Aye, MacNeill is my clan’s name.” She lifted her chin and dared him to disagree.
“From the Glen Affric branch?”
“Aye.”
“Tell me what you know of the area, Eilis MacNeill of Glen Affric.”
She buttered a piece of bread, trying to calm herself, attempting to quell the trembling in her fingers. “I love picking berries from the rowan trees beside the Allt na Imrich stream in Glen Affric. My da, when he was alive, made drink from it. I collected blaeberry also to dye my cloth blue or to give to our healer who used them to aid the digestion. South of Loch Beinn a'Mheadhoin, I gathered berries from the juniper to add to the meal and hazel nuts from the trees at the falls. I have watched the beavers build damns on the river and the crossbills courting one another in early spring, singing to each other, then fighting for ownership. I have seen the red deer stag with velvet-covered antlers in summer grazing on the grasses and heather against the backdrop of the Five Sisters of Kintail. I have found the home of the red squirrel, its drey of twigs and leaves in the fork of a pine overlooking Glen Affric lach.”
She looked at him finally, her eyes challenging him to dispute her recollections.
His look devilishly sinister, James nodded. He motioned for a servant and spoke to him in a hushed voice.
Eilis tried not to attach any importance to his actions, but a trickle of unease snaked up her spine.
The servant spoke to Eanruig sitting beyond Niall. He glanced at James, who nodded. When the seneschal looked at Eilis, she noted the surprise in Eanruig’s expression, and she quickly shifted her gaze to the table.
Somehow, she believed she had sunk deeper into a quagmire of quicksand like the kind she had accidentally gotten into along the banks of the river Nith.
Eanruig joined James. “Aye, my laird?”
“The lady says she is one of your kin.”
Eilis shrank in her seat.
Eanruig leaned closer and looked at her, then grinned. “Aye, I do remember a bonny lass who looked like the lady. She was with a woman in the village whose family married into mine…a distant relation, as I recall. I thought she resembled someone I knew when first I pulled the lady from the sea.”
Och, this could not be.
“Do you wish for me to take her home to her kin?” Eanruig asked James.
James’s hard gaze remained fixed on her. “Eilis?”
“I…I thought you wanted me to assist you with Catriona.” Eilis hated the way she sounded so desperate.
In an arrogant way, James tilted his head to the side. “Would you wish me to send word to your kin you are here?”
“I…I think if you tell them I am here, they will wish me returned home at once.” Eilis felt as hot as when she was burning up with the fever, but a vague worry nagged at her that ‘twould not be in her best interest to return to Glen Affric and meet her kin.
“I would not wish them to think you are dead, Eilis.” His tone of voice had softened, but she did not think he was as concerned about her family’s worry than he was about finding out who she truly belonged to.
“Nay.” She set her bread down, her hands shaking. If they located her cousin and the word reached her family she was still alive, she feared she was doomed. Though she could not remember the reason she was so afraid to return home. And she could not even recall the name of her cousin. What horrible thing had she done? Had she stolen away on the ship and run away? Had she…she killed someone?
“Why do not you want your family to know?” Lady Akira asked, her voice concerned.
“I…I do not feel verra well. May I be excused?” She wasn’t lying. Her head felt too light, and her stomach swirled with upset.
Nobody uttered a word at the high table, and the hall grew quiet while most everyone watched the intrigue.
Finally James signaled to the healer. “Tavia will accompany you to the guest chamber.” He turned to the servant. “Have Fergus guard the lady’s chamber.”
Annoyed James would have a man watch over her, Eilis shakily walked with Tavia to the guest chamber without a backward glance at James or his mother. She had really gotten herself into a mess this time, and she didn’t even know what it was she was afraid of.
Fergus, a massive Scotsman, broad shoulders, red-bearded, piercing green eyes, gave her the impression he was not one to disobey. He walked behind her, his heavy step reminding her she was going to the chamber and nowhere else. The stables seemed a good place for her right about now, stealing a horse, although not James’s this time that could so easily be stopped with a whistle, and escaping.
Knowing James would have Eanruig try to locate her cousin, Eilis pondered a means of gaining her freedom. Think, Eilis, think.
“Mayhap I could have something to drink,” she said to Tavia, hoping the woman would fetch it, and Eilis could figure a way to get around the bear-like hulk that followed on their heels.
Tavia gave her a sly, knowing look. “Once you are settled in your chamber, I will fetch a servant to bring you something.”
Was Eilis as transparent as the veils she sometimes wore over her hair? With every passing second, the urge to flee grew.
When they reached the chamber, Tavia closed the door behind them then crossed the floor to the bed and pulled the linens back. “I do not think you are so verra ill. Why did you say you were one of our clansmen?”
Eilis walked over to the closest window and stared out. In the distance, she could see the Five Sisters of Kintail. How far were they from Glen Affric? Eanruig could learn the truth about her soon. Mayhap she would remember who she was then. But even so, the constant nagging voice at the back of her throbbing head told her it was wiser not to know.
“Eanruig will soon enough discover who you truly are then what will you do?” Tavia asked. Her words were spoken without malice, softly, with a hint of concern.
“Can you not understand a fate worse than death awaits me if my family learns I am still alive?” At least that’s what Eilis truly believed, although she could not conjure up the reason for the fear she had that her family would discover her whereabouts.
Her brown eyes rounded, Tavia stared at her. “Surely you exaggerate your circumstances.”
“Nay.” Eilis brushed a wayward curl behind her ear. “I am better off dead to my family.
”
“I cannot believe anyone would feel that way. You have no scars on your body. No one has beaten you. Why would you think so ill of your family?”
Feeling desperate, Eilis pleaded, “Help me to leave here before Laird James sends word to them, Tavia. I beg of you.”
The oddest thing was she felt as though she had pleaded her heart out with her family, to no good end. That she could not fathom the reason was maddening. Except it was not a good situation, and she had to leave this place before her family discovered her.
“Nay, Lady. If I were to help you leave, His Lairdship would have my head.” Tavia patted the bed. “Come, lie down, and I will have a servant fetch you something to drink.”
Eilis considered the long drop to the courtyard. Without a rope… She glanced at the bed linens. Tied together, would they be sturdy enough and long enough to—
The door creaked open, and Lady Akira walked into the room, her gaze worried.
“She wishes something to drink, my lady,” Tavia said.
“Tell a servant.”
“Aye.” Tavia hurried out of the chamber.
“What is this all about, Eilis?”
Eilis wrung her hands, considering the door left wide open. But she was certain the hulking Highlander was standing just beyond the door out of sight. “I must leave at once, Lady Akira.”
“After agreeing to help my son with Catriona, most certainly not.” Lady Akira’s brows furrowed. “Why are you afraid your family will learn of your whereabouts?”
“I beg of you, do not let them know I am here.”
“My son has already dispatched Eanruig to locate the woman he saw you with last summer.”
Eilis could have screamed. She turned her attention back to the window. Torches glowed in the dark, and she envisioned guards walking along the wall walk, watching for intruders. Mayhap she could slip over the south wall, which was in ill repair.
“Why not tell me what is wrong, dear?”
“My…my family must not know I am alive.” Eilis began to unplait her hair. “They must not. That is all.”