She danced around the apartment. If anyone saw, they"d think her mad, but it didn"t matter.
She"d remembered something. Tears rushed from her eyes, and she batted them away. If she
could remember a sliver, she might eventually remember other things, too, and then she could officially be able to get on with her—life? Make a life. Do something.
She swallowed through her dry throat. She hoped she"d be able to leave….
With her hair still damp, she put on her hooded sweatshirt and tried to temper the violent need to retreat. If she were to survive, then she had to leave the apartment and find food.
Survival, the most basic of human instincts, and still her desire to flee into the safety of her tiny closet and hide seemed overwhelming.
She left her apartment, locked the door behind her, and made her way down to the street.
Lael had said he worked in a homeless kitchen a few blocks away. She wasn"t homeless, not technically, but she was broke. Maybe they"d be able to point her to some work where people didn"t ask too many questions, like where she had been born.
Don’t trust anyone.
Margot had no intention of letting her guard down. No one needed to know anything about her until she understood more of what had happened to her and why she shouldn"t trust anyone.
Then she"d be able to decide whom she could speak to, and maybe she would know if
somewhere in the world a person cared whether she lived or died.
The roads were empty with only an occasional beat-up car clicking by her on its way to destinations unknown. She wished she could get into one of those cars and go anywhere. Her situation, however, would be the same regardless. Here was as good as anywhere. Still, she wouldn"t mind somewhere prettier. Somewhere like Montana probably had better scenery.
She passed two other people walking with their heads down before she made it to the soup kitchen. Her hands shook as she went inside. Venturing anonymously into the convenience store was one thing, but putting herself out in public at this place was a new step for her.
Margot had no idea if she"d ever been to a similar place before, but the warm reception she received when she came in startled her.
A brown-haired woman in her late fifties rushed over with a smile. “Good morning, honey.
Are you hungry?”
“Um.” Her stomach answered, which seemed as good an answer as any. She laughed and
placed her hand on it.
The woman giggled. “Okay, come with me. We"ll get you fed up. I don"t think I"ve seen you in here before.”
Margot cleared her throat. “I"ve never been here before. I only heard about this place yesterday.”
“Oh? I"m Nina, by the way. I"m here Monday, Wednesdays, and Friday mornings. That"s why I"m here today.”
It was Friday? Good information to have. As with the season and the city, she hadn"t any clue what day of the week it was. She didn"t have any weekend plans, but she could at least start to keep track of things. It never occurred to her to look at, much less buy, a newspaper at the convenience store. She should have. Somehow she had to start taking better care of things.
“I can see you"ve got troubles. It"s written all over your face. Don"t worry. Everyone here does. Go get yourself some food and then sit down and, for a while, try not to worry about it.
How did you find us? Did you see one of our flyers?”
“No. I wish I had seen a flyer.” She spent too much time looking down to see a notice.
Another thing she needed to fix. If she planned to survive this, she had to take better care of herself. Washing her clothes and bathing wasn"t enough.
“Then you heard about us where? I"m not trying to be nosy, but one of my jobs here is community outreach. I ask every new person I meet. If you"d rather not say, you don"t have.”
Nina had a warm smile, and Margot supposed it wasn"t exactly breaking her no-trust
instructions to tell her where she had heard about the soup kitchen. She had to make general small talk or she could draw more attention to herself, not less, through her lack of social skills.
“I met a man named Lael. He told me I could come here.”
Nina"s face brightened up, and an even bigger smile crossed her features. “Oh, Lael. He"s fantastic. One of my favorite people. Let me go tell him you"re here.”
“No.” She called after the already disappearing figure of Nina, the community outreach person. “You don"t have to.”
The last words were lost on the woman, however, because she"d already bustled off.
She didn"t want to see Lael again. Or maybe it was more truthful to say she did wish to run into him, which meant she absolutely should not remake his acquaintance. The oatmeal in the buffet line smelled good and the bacon even more so. She rubbed at her stomach and picked up a plate. She wouldn"t make a habit of coming in here. Doing so seemed too easy, and she needed to not have a routine anyone could trace.
They might be watching.
One meal, one more conversation with the blond hottie. Then she"d be on her way. What could the harm be?
She"d no sooner sat down than Lael joined her, taking the seat across the table. He smiled, and her stomach flip-flopped.
“Hi.” No one should be so handsome in the morning, and yet he looked as if he"d stepped out of a Hollywood film where the heroes were always akin to GQ cover models.
“Hello.” She took a bite of her oatmeal. “I"m sorry they disturbed you. Nina asked where I heard about this place and I told her.”
“It"s not a bother. Trust me. The day I am too busy to come say good morning to a gorgeous girl is the day I change jobs.”
She nearly choked on her oatmeal. He was flirting with her. She wanted to roll around in the sensation. Warning bells went off inside. The urge to bolt for the door flooded her system. But, if she ran, she couldn"t eat, and the oatmeal proved too much a temptation.
“Well, good morning.” She looked down at her plate before she spooned more food into her mouth. Warmth flooded her body. Margot closed her eyes in sheer ecstasy. Her stomach grumbled, begging for more.
“You"re hungry.”
Her lids flew open, and she stared right in Lael"s blue eyes. She couldn"t read his thoughts; maybe she"d never been very good at telling what others had on their minds.
“When was the last time you ate?” He drummed his fingers on the table.
“Last night.” She knew she shouldn"t answer, but she did anyway. Lael had intensity, a directness which pushed at her. She wanted to answer the questions he asked, to bask in the light from the blue in his gaze.
“I bet it wasn"t much.” He leaned over. “Can you tell me your name?”
“I could.” She grinned at her own answer. Maybe she was the type of person who could be snarky sometimes. Odd, to be on the search for who she was—what she liked—how she
responded and yet, at the same time, worried about what she might learn. Did she really have time to chat with Lael? Maybe not.
But she wanted to.
He raised an eyebrow. “All right, missy. Will you tell me your name?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I"m sorry.”
“All right. Look, I get it. None of us are here because the world was kind to us. I was in my first shelter by the time I was ten. I get how it is here. We guard ourselves and protect what little we have to hold onto. I want you to know I"m a man who is good at keeping secrets. I"ve kept more in my lifetime than I can count.”
“Really?” She wanted to believe him. “Big secrets? Small ones?”
A cheer went up in the room, and she turned around to see them all staring at a small TV in the corner. Two of the Guardians were flying somewhere. Margot glanced at Lael in time to see him wince. Did he not approve of Guardians?
He stared at her. “Big ones, sweetheart. I"ll keep your secrets if you"ll share them. If not, I can at least keep you fed. I need a worker. We"ve been short one staff member for twenty-four hours. Can you wash dishes and c
ook pasta?”
“Oh. I….” She had no idea if she could or not. “Is this a paying gig?”
“In cash. Not much, but you can buy a burger, fries, and a coke with it. You can eat while you"re here.”
“Then, yes, I can wash dishes and make pasta.”
He nodded. “Awesome.”
See. She could survive. Food. A job. Out of her closet. That was a start. “Right.”
Chapter Three
Lael flipped through the pages he"d borrowed from the personnel office. Of course, if someone found him with them, they might accuse him of having stolen the documents. But the chance anyone had the time to even notice they were gone was slim to none.
Henry had disappeared from the halfway house he"d been living in. Three other kitchen workers had vanished, too. He drummed his fingers on the desk. The action helped him think.
Lael made too much adrenaline on a regular basis, which meant he needed to move more than others did. Fortunately, he wasn"t as bad as his brother Ace who, for a period of time, could actually go crazy if he didn"t release enough adrenaline each day.
Things could always be worse. He opened up his senses, wanting to make sure his new helper in the kitchen—the no-name girl Marcus had taken to calling honey—had settled in okay.
She chopped something. He took a deep breath, and, even through the door to his office remained closed, he could scent the onions as if they were in the same room.
He could also smell her as though she sat next to him. Was she aware her scent carried roses? Lael rubbed his head and ordered himself to concentrate. He needed to make a trip to the halfway house to see if anyone there knew anything about Henry and the others who were gone.
Or he could mind his own business, put his head down, and continue to make sure the people who came in to the homeless kitchen every day got the best possible meals.
“Ah. Hell.” He stood up and walked out of his office.
Much as he wanted to leave and find out what had happened to Henry, he also didn"t want to abandon "Honey." He didn"t know what had scared her, but a woman didn"t get as jumpy as she was unless something had frightened her. Even if it was just some scummy ex-boyfriend, his instincts screamed against leaving her unprotected.
Lael leaned against the counter, and she looked up from the vegetables she was chopping.
The redheaded enigma smiled at him before something made her frown. He wanted the grin, but settled for simply having her attention.
“Okay, give me a name. It can be a made-up name, but I need something to call you. At the very least, I have paper work I have to fill out since I gave you this job.” He"d have hell to pay since he hadn't gone through the proper channels to hire her, but he"d handle the mess later. The woman who did most of the hiring liked him. He brought her pie when the kitchen made some.
“Margot.” She set down her knife. “That"s real, by the way. Not fabricated.”
“All right, Margot. Here"s the deal. I could use some help with something I need to go do. I thought maybe, if you wanted to come with me, we could pass out more flyers for Nina who does the promotion for the center and see if we could get more people in here for the evening meal.”
She raised her eyebrows, her whole face lighting up. “Sounds like a great idea. I"d love to help out.”
“Good. There"s a couple of piles of flyers on the table in the back. Grab them, Margot.” He loved saying her name. It rolled off his tongue. “I"ll meet you there.”
When she walked into the next room, he turned to Marcus. “If something happened to
Henry, I"ll figure out what. If he"s simply gone because he fell into his old vices then I"ll leave him be.”
Marcus stirred his pot. “You don"t really think there"s something else happening here?”
How to explain his feelings without giving everything away? “In my life, there have been times when I knew things I shouldn"t.”
The other man turned. “Like you're psychic? ”
“I hear the skepticism in your voice, and I get it. Really, I do. No, I"m not psychic.” He could have been a Guardian someday, if he hadn"t killed June. Guardians always had extra sensory abilities, if for no other reason than they could hear and see better than their non-Guardian counterparts.
“Well, good. We all have issues here, but I was worried you were one of those new-agers.”
“No, I"m not. Anyway, I guess you could say I"m a man who trusts his gut. Currently, it"s telling me to look for Henry. Is there anything else I should know before I go?”
Marcus shook his head. “I wish I knew something. We all play our cards pretty close to our chest. You could try his sponsor. If he shared with anyone, it"s her.”
Lael nodded. “And what"s her name?”
“Penny Nevada.”
“Right. Got it. Thanks.” He turned toward the door, and Marcus stopped him by grabbing his arm. “That girl, Margot. She doesn"t belong here.”
Maybe Lael wasn"t the only one in the room who knew to trust his gut. “I know.”
He walked outside to find Margot waiting for him. A porcelain goddess, she looked
beautiful in the sunlight. He never wanted anything to break her.
“Hey.”
She nodded. “Thanks for asking me. Helping makes me feel great.”
“Me, too.” He extended his hand. “Shall we?”
“Sure.”
But she didn"t take his offering, and he dropped his fingers to his side. It burned a little bit.
Getting female attention had never been a problem for him when he"d been Lael the Guardian.
No one had known what he did for a living, but the way he walked, the way he talked, he gave off a confidence the ladies had liked. He"d understood what he did, how he attracted them and why they liked him. Before his brother Ace had met Alice, Lael had watched him with women and learned some of his moves.
They walked in silence for a few minutes before he had to tell her where they were going.
“We"re specifically stopping at a halfway house to look for the guy who usually does your job. I need to see what happened with him. Or if anyone knows anything. It"s a good place for you to give out some of these brochures.”
“Right.” She nodded. “Don"t get me wrong. I"m excited to help in any way I can especially since you"re feeding me and paying me something. But you could have gotten anyone to go with you. Why me? Why did you specifically ask me to come? It"s because you want to keep an eye on me, isn"t it?”
Yes. Only he couldn"t tell her that because it made him seem kind of pathetic. What kind of guy met a girl, barely learned her name, and then latched onto her like her personal unwanted knight in shining armor?
“I wanted you with me because in the same way I just kind of feel I need to look into Henry"s whereabouts, I feel I should watch out for you.”
He wouldn"t tell her any more. She chewed on her bottom lip, and he wished they had the kind of relationship where he could smooth her poor worried mouth with his thumb.
Wishing for things is good. His sister-in-law Alice used to tell him. It makes you work harder.
Lael shook his head at the memory. The idea he could eventually earn whatever he wanted belonged to the days before he dropped June and killed her. He"d had the opportunity for a life he"d never have now. Could this version of himself get anything from working hard? It remained to be seen.
For now, he could take care of the redhead next to him.
When she spoke, her voice was pinched. “I can"t trust you. We can"t trust each other. I can"t be your friend.”
Well, that was direct. He stopped walking to stare at her. “Can"t or won"t?” The distinction mattered.
“Can"t. I would if it was up to me. You"ll never believe how much I need a friend.”
“Margot.” He whispered her name like a prayer because he had to, because breathing the sound of her name settled something inside of him. “I"ve done something very bad in my life.
For my action, there can never
be forgiveness or redemption.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Her heart rate kicked up.
Good, smart girl. She should be nervous in response to what he said. Margot"s racing heart showed sense.
“Because you can"t trust me. Not ever. I"ll watch out for you, and, if I can, I"ll keep you safe. But, understand, while I was born to be a good man, I"ve failed miserably every step of the way.”
He set off again, and she followed. At least she hadn"t run away. It might have destroyed something inside him if she had. He wouldn"t have blamed her, but he"d have died a little.
Someone had to still want him around even after they learned his terrible history. Being alone didn"t suit him. He was better around other people.
After a few minutes, they arrived at their destination. Lael checked out the outside of the building. It looked pretty unassuming. Red brick with a wood door which read "welcome" on the outside. The residents who stayed here were recovering from all sorts of addictions. For Henry, it had been the utter horror of methamphetamines.
Maybe the urge had gotten to be too much.
One way or another, Lael needed to find out.
He took the stairs two at a time and listened to the small beat of Margot"s slight footsteps behind him.
Lael"s fingers tingled, and he made note of the sensation. It was what he called a trigger. A physical sensation told him to sharpen his internal alarms and pay attention to what happened around him.
“Margot. Come here. Stay nearby.”
She stopped walking. “Is someone here? Did they find me?”
“Did who find you, sweetheart?”
“Never mind.” She shook her head. “What is going on? You just got nervous, didn"t you?
Something is wrong.”
He ran his hand down her arm, and she didn"t push him away. “Relax. Whatever is wrong here isn"t screaming 'imminent disaster.' Just telling me I need to pay attention.”
“Lael, you told me you"re not a good man. How am I to believe you now?"
“With one very big exception, I"ve always been able to foresee exactly how much trouble I"m in, Margot. This is a small amount.”