“I’m sorry.”
Receiving no other explanation left her feeling cold and hollow.
“I’m going to see Adam and talk to that doctor,” her father declared.
“We’ll both go,” Eleanor said.
“Me too,” Alexis said.
“They won’t let us all in at once, Alexis,” Eleanor said. “Please wait here.”
Not wanting to cause a scene, Alexis backed off. Sawyer led her to a vinyl-covered couch, where he’d made a bed for her with a pillow and a blanket. “I found the stuff in that chest over there. I guess the hospital leaves it there for families.”
“I can’t sleep,” she said.
“Then rest until your parents come back. You look ready to explode.”
“I won’t let them shut me out this time,” she said fiercely.
She leaned back, mostly to placate Sawyer, but he was right—she felt like a simmering volcano.
It seemed to take an eternity, but finally her parents returned. She met them in the middle of the room. “What’s happening?”
Her father said, “Adam’s sleeping. He’s getting whole blood because his white count is off the charts. Bernstein will do a full workup tomorrow. He told us to go home.”
“I’m not leaving,” Alexis said. “What about you and Mom?”
“We’re both staying,” her mom answered.
“We should try and get some sleep,” her father said. “They’ll come get us if there’s any change.”
He settled into a lounger chair, and her mother went to a couch on the other side of the room. Alexis returned to her couch and to Sawyer, who had thrown some cushions on the floor beside it. He covered her and lay down on the cushions, then reached up, took her hand and held it until she fell asleep.
Alexis slept fitfully. At one point, Sawyer got up and went down the hall. When he returned, he whispered, “I’m going home to clean up. I’ll go to school and tell people what’s going on. Kelly’s version will probably sound like a disaster movie.”
“Tell Tessa to call my cell phone. And tell people they shouldn’t come down here, because no one can see him except us. I’ll go home sometime today to shower and change, but I want to talk to Adam first. I want to know exactly how this happened. And I mean exactly.”
Alexis ate breakfast in the hospital cafeteria with her parents. No one felt like talking. Her mother nibbled on a muffin. Her dad moved scrambled eggs around on his plate with the back of his fork. He looked disheveled, with a stubble of beard on his face, his shirt and slacks rumpled. “After we talk to the doctor, I’ll go home and shower,” he said. “I’ll go in to the office long enough to dole out my most urgent projects.”
Eleanor stared into space as if she hadn’t heard him, an expression of such sadness on her face that Alexis could hardly stand it.
Blake said, “You come with me, Ally. Do you know where Adam left your car?”
“It’s probably at Kelly’s.”
“We’ll pick it up on the way home. After we talk to the doctor, the three of us are going to sit down and talk and figure out a game plan.”
“My game plan is to stay with our son,” Eleanor said, her voice flat, resigned.
“Not this time,” Blake said.
She stared at him in disbelief.
“We’ll do this as a family,” he said without apology. “No martyrs this time.”
Alexis saw her mother’s face go blotchy, and for an instant she thought her mother might throw something at him. Her lips compressed into a firm line, and she pushed back her chair and left the cafeteria. Her father raked his hand through his hair. Alexis was left to wonder why he had said such a thing.
He stood, scooped up his tray of uneaten food and dumped it in a nearby trash container. “Come on, honey. Let’s see if your brother’s awake.”
Upstairs, Adam was awake, the head of his bed raised, two IV lines attached to his arm. One bag held clear liquid; another, blood. A breakfast tray that had been set on his bedside table looked untouched. He gave Alexis the once-over when she came into the room. “You look rough,” he said.
“You’re no vision,” she answered testily, but he opened his arms and she went to him. She buried her face in his neck. Pulling back, she felt moisture filling her eyes.
“Now, don’t start leaking on me.” He held on to her hand. “How’s Kelly?”
“Freaked out. Sawyer will check on her today.”
“Tell her I’m sorry.”
“Why didn’t you say something to us?” Their mother came to one side of his bed, their father to the other.
“Don’t gang up on me,” Adam said.
“Surely you realized you weren’t well,” Eleanor said. “Why not tell us?”
“I didn’t want it to be happening all over again. So I pretended it wasn’t.” Adam’s tone was matter-of-fact.
“Dr. Bernstein told us you missed your lab work in August.” This from Blake.
“True,” Adam said.
Alexis couldn’t believe what he was saying. After his last remission, Adam had gone for lab work every six months. His last scheduled visit had been right before the time capsule ceremony at their old elementary school. As a seventeen-year-old outpatient, Adam had taken responsibility for his checkup appointments for two years, and until now, Alexis had thought he’d never missed one.
“You told us everything was good with those tests. Why did you lie to us?”
He shrugged. “I was sick and tired of the testing and then of the waiting for bad news— Were my numbers holding? Were they skewing? The pressure of always wondering sucked. So I skipped the last go-round. Bad timing. By October, I knew something was wrong, and I was pretty sure I was relapsing. I didn’t want to come back here until I had to.” He held his father’s gaze without flinching.
Eleanor looked furious. “Dr. Bernstein told us his office called and left three messages on our home machine, plus he wrote a follow-up letter explaining how important it was for you to keep regular lab appointments. We never got any of his messages, or his letter.”
Adam closed his eyes, clenched his jaw. “That’s because I erased the messages. And I made sure I got to the mail first every day to intercept any letters.”
“How could you? And how dare you lie to us!”
He shrugged. “I’m sorry about lying, but I wanted to go to school and have a normal life. I was tired of being micromanaged. You seemed to be relieved whenever I told you I felt fine and my checkups were good. You were busy with your job and that campaign. Dad was busy with his clients. None of us wanted to go backward, so I told you what we all wanted to hear.”
Alexis’s heart went out to him. She understood his logic. He had wanted to be a typical healthy teenager, even if only for a few more months. What hurt and shocked her was that he’d hid it from her so well that she’d never picked up on any of it, not even with her twin radar. She’d never suspected a thing. When he was moody, she’d chalked it up to school, Kelly, anything except a relapse.
“You almost died,” Eleanor said, her voice shaking with emotion. “Until you got transfusions, you were all but comatose.”
“Mom, I’ve been dying for years. A few more months of medical freedom was worth it to me.”
Alexis’s stomach knotted. Had he really said the word dying ?
“Now, hold on,” Blake interjected. “We’re going to meet with Bernstein and the oncology staff and see what they can do to help. It’s been several years since you’ve undergone treatments. New things have come along. New drugs and protocols. You’re still going to fight.”
“I never said I was quitting. I just said I wanted to be and act normal for a while. I still want that. I want to play baseball in the spring. I want to graduate in June. I’ll do whatever my doctors say.” He looked to his sister. “Ally will kill me if I don’t graduate with her, won’t you?”
“With my bare hands,” she said softly, ignoring the smile he offered her.
“Then go back to school
and tell my friends I’ll see them soon. And—and tell Kelly that— well, that I love her.”
“I’ll pass it on,” Alexis said, all the while wondering if the girl could handle a love as brave and determined as Adam’s.
When Alexis arrived home after picking up the car, Tessa was waiting for her on the doorstep. “I cut out after third period,” Tessa explained. “I was going crazy trying to sit still. I couldn’t concentrate.” She bit her bottom lip, as if to control her emotions. “I—I want to see him.”
Alexis was sympathetic. “No one can see him except the family until he’s out of ICU.”
“When will that be?”
“Not sure.” Alexis beckoned from the now-open front door. “Come upstairs with me while I clean up and change.”
“You going back to the hospital?”
“You bet.”
Tessa followed Alexis up to her room, and Alexis told her all she knew.
“I can’t believe he hid this from you. That means the whole time we were running around Disney World—”
“Yes,” Alexis said, grabbing clean clothes from her closet. “He’s been lying about his health for months.”
“Will it . . . I mean, is it going to make a difference? I mean, with the way cancer grows and spreads and all.”
“I don’t know.” Alexis headed toward the bathroom. “But I’m sure going to find out.”
Alexis didn’t have a chance to be alone with Adam until that evening. Their parents were taking a much-needed break when she went into the ICU and found Adam propped up in bed, staring at the ceiling. “How’s it going?” she asked.
“I’ve been poked and jabbed like a piece of meat all day. I don’t like it any better this time than I did before.”
“You look better.” He wasn’t as pale, and the bruising had lightened.
“Whole blood makes the difference. Now we know why vampires go after it.”
“I’m really sorry, Adam.”
“Me too.” He turned his face away from her, and his sadness felt like a weight on her heart.
“Why did you keep it a secret?”
“I told you why. I wanted to be normal.”
“Yes, but—”
“I got to have a few more months of living on the outside. It was worth it to me. And before you ask, it didn’t make much of a difference in the cancer. I got sicker than if I’d checked in during September, but in the long run, I’m out of remission. End of story.”
“Do you know what the doctors are going to do yet?”
“New chemo. Experimental stuff. I’ll have to live here while they do it, because they’ll have to keep close tabs on my blood work. The only halfway positive news is that I’ll go into a private room tomorrow. I really hate the ICU.”
“Well, maybe friends can come visit then.” She tried to sound hopeful.
“Sure, but I have to wear a mask around visitors during the days I’m taking the drugs so they don’t pass around any pesky little germs. Hey, it’ll be like Halloween.”
“I’ll bring your schoolwork,” she said.
He grimaced. “The hospital’s already told me I can do homework on computers in the common room down the hall. And there’s an internal channel from the school system for class lectures too. Whoopee. Big deal.”
“It is a big deal if you want to graduate in June.”
“How about you, Ally? Promise me you’ll keep up your debate schedule. Keep collecting those trophies.”
“I haven’t thought about debate.” At the moment she felt overwhelmed, and preparing for the next tournament in January was the last thing on her mind.
“I’m in the hospital, Ally, not you.”
A nurse signaled that her time was up. Alexis kissed Adam’s forehead. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”
Deep in thought, Alexis went to the ICU waiting area, which now held several people. As she walked in the door, a teary-eyed Kelly hurried up to her. “How is he? They won’t let me see him.”
“You’ll be able to see him once he goes into a private room. Probably tomorrow.”
Wade materialized beside Kelly, saying, “Hey,” and giving a little wave.
“Wade drove me,” Kelly said. “I only have my learner’s permit.”
“It’ll make Adam feel better knowing you came,” Alexis said, trying to be charitable. She really wasn’t in the mood to comfort Kelly.
“What’s wrong with him?”
Baffled, Alexis said, “It’s leukemia.”
“That’s what Sawyer told me, but how did Adam get it?”
“He’s had it for years, but he’s been in remission until now.” Kelly offered a blank stare, and slowly revelation dawned on Alexis. “Didn’t you know?”
Kelly shook her head, and her big blue eyes filled with tears. “No,” she said. “He never said a word.”
TWELVE
“I felt pretty stupid delivering the news to her, Adam. Wade said he hadn’t known either.” Alexis was with her brother the next morning. He’d been moved to a private room and was scheduled to begin his experimental treatments later that day. She’d gotten an excused absence from morning classes. The school faculty was being very sympathetic about Adam’s hospitalization; plus, she was an excellent student who could afford to miss some classes.
“It didn’t come up in conversation,” Adam said. He was out of bed, sitting in a chair, still attached to an IV hanging on a wheeled pole, making him mobile. “I figured Kelly might have heard something because kids from our old middle school knew, but I guess they didn’t say anything. Go figure.”
“But not to say anything to your girlfriend—”
“It’s a turnoff, Ally. I figured I had one chance with her, and dumping my medical history on her didn’t seem like a good way to start a relationship. I saw it as need-to-know-only information, and when we started dating, she didn’t need to know. Now give it a rest.”
She was upsetting him, so she tempered her critical tone. “You’ve been dating her since last summer. I just figured she knew, that’s all.”
“Well, she didn’t.” He toyed with the IV line running into his arm. “How was she after you told her?”
“She had that deer caught in headlights expression.”
“I need to call her.” But he didn’t make a move.
“You probably should. I’m going to school after lunch. I can give her a message.”
“Tell her I’ll call tonight. Do you think this will make a difference? I mean, do you think she’ll still like me?”
Sympathy filled her. He’d worked so hard to be normal, to live a life everyone else their age took for granted. She wanted to throw her arms around her brother and tell him everything was going to work out fine. Yet she couldn’t make false promises either. Why did he have to like Kelly instead of Tessa? Having Tessa as a girlfriend probably would have saved him heartache. “If Kelly doesn’t still like you, she’s plain crazy,” Alexis said, smiling quickly.
Adam returned her smile. He changed the subject. “How are Mom and Dad doing?”
“They look shell-shocked. Mom’s shut off her phones. Dad’s been coming home early from his office. It’s kind of like they’ve circled up the wagons, know what I mean?”
“I wish they’d go back to their everyday lives. It doesn’t help knowing I’ve turned them upside down.”
“I don’t miss the arguing,” Alexis said. “They’re upset, but not with each other. Mom wants to camp here at the hospital like she did before, though. They’ve had words about that.”
He shook his head. “I don’t want her to.”
“Neither does Dad. He called her a martyr, which made her mad. I heard him tell her this was your disease, not hers.”
“Then Dad gets it,” Adam said. “He understands.”
“I don’t,” Alexis confessed.
“It doesn’t do anybody any good for Mom to live here twenty-four-seven. It may make her feel righteous, but it doesn’t do anything for you and Dad.”
&nbs
p; “We’ll survive. We did before.”
A nurse came in to take his vital signs. “Go on to school now,” he said. “I’ll see you tonight.”
On Saturday when Alexis went to visit Adam, she found Kelly in his room. They were sitting together at the small table. Adam wore street clothes, but he was still linked to the IV, and he had a mask over his nose and mouth.
“Hi,” Kelly said, looking stiff and uncomfortable. The look of bliss in Adam’s eyes lit up the room.
“Nice to see you,” Alexis said, and this time she meant it. “I’d have brought you if you needed a ride.”
“My dad brought me. He’s downstairs in the lobby.”
“Well, if you ever want to come, just call me. I come every day.”
“Look what Kelly brought me.” Adam held up a sports magazine.
Alexis knew he subscribed to the magazine, but evidently it was more special because Kelly had brought it. “Sports . . . now, there’s a sleeping pill if I ever saw one,” Alexis joked.
Kelly fidgeted with the ends of her hair.
“Kelly’s been asked to be on the school dance team,” Adam said, breaking an awkward silence. “Tell my sister.”
“Um, yes, the captain of the dance team recommended me to Mrs. Tyner, and she’s asked me to try out in January. That’s when the team forms for next year.”
“Excellent,” Alexis said, even though she really didn’t care.
“Not many sophomores are invited to try out for the team. It’s mostly juniors and seniors.”
“And you’ll be a junior next year,” Alexis pointed out. “Good timing.”
After another minute of awkward silence, Kelly stood. “I should be going.”
“You just got here.” Adam looked crestfallen.
“Dad’s waiting, and he’s got other stuff to do today. I’ll call you.” She leaned over and hesitantly kissed his forehead. She whisked out the door with a wave.
“Gee, was it something I said?” Alexis asked.
“She was nervous. It’s the first time we’ve seen each other since the night I passed out in front of her. And you could have been more excited about the dance team.”
“Should I send flowers?”