My phone rang just as everyone began arguing about whether or not Kelly had already had her eyes done at the ripe old age of thirty-four, and although I scrambled to silence it, I realized that this crowd not only didn’t mind if I answered it, they expected as much.
‘Bette, hey, how are you?’
It was Michael, and he sounded slightly confused.
‘Michael, honey, how are you?’ Honey? I’d let it slip without even realizing it. The table looked on curiously, none more so than Penelope. ‘Honey?’ I saw her mouth at me questioningly.
‘Honey?’ Michael laughed on the other end. ‘What, are you drunk? I got released early! Tell me where you are and I’ll come meet you.’
I laughed ingratiatingly, totally unable to picture Michael, who was a dead ringer for Jon Cryer, punning in his sweetly dorky way as Davide waxed on about the villa they’d just rented in Sardinia for next August. ‘I’m at dinner with a few colleagues, but we’ll be finished here in an hour or so. Can I call you when I get home?’
‘Sure,’ he said, sounding even more confused. ‘Call me on my land line, though, because my cell’s out of battery.’
‘Talk to you then.’ I clicked the phone shut.
‘Was that our Michael?’ Penelope asked, clearly curious.
‘Who was thaaaaaaaat?’ Elisa asked, leaning hungrily across the table. ‘Love interest? Hot manager from the bank? Unresolved feelings that can finally be acknowledged because you no longer work together? Do tell!’
And even though the thought of having sex with Michael was less appealing than sleeping with my own uncle and Michael was madly in love with his sweet and adorable girlfriend and Penelope knew full well that Michael and I had absolutely nothing between us, I went with it. ‘Um, something like that,’ I said, deliberately looking down while the table’s attention focused on me for the first time all evening. ‘We’re, uh, just figuring things out now.’
‘Ooh,’ Elisa squealed. ‘I just knew it! Make sure Kelly adds him to The List so he can bring all his gorgeous banker friends to the events! What fun. Let’s have a toast! To Bette and her new boyfriend!’
‘Well, he’s not exactly my—’
‘To Bette!’ everyone chorused, raising wineglasses and clinking. Penelope raised her glass but stared straight ahead. They all sipped. I gulped and nudged Penelope. Blessedly, everything started to get a little fuzzy around dessert.
‘So I spoke to Amy and she said we’re good for Bungalow tonight,’ Leo announced, brushing his flawlessly highlighted hair away from his eyes. So far I’d heard them discuss the best places in the city to get a facial, the really stylish new men’s flip-flops at John Varvatos, and how annoying it was when their favorite Pilates instructor started class ten minutes late. And only Leo was gay.
‘Bungalow? Is that Bungalow 8?’ I asked, my usual filter having been relaxed by the free-flowing wine.
Conversation slammed to a halt and four perfectly groomed and/or made-up faces swiveled toward me. It was finally Skye who summoned the strength to withstand the burden of my question.
‘Yes,’ she said quietly, refusing to make eye contact, clearly humiliated for me. ‘Amy Sacco owns Bungalow 8 and Lot 61 and is a very good friend of Kelly’s. We’re all on the list for tonight, which is the best party of the week.’
Everyone nodded.
‘I’m game for whatever,’ Davide said, playing with Elisa’s hair. ‘As long as it’s guaranteed we’ll have a table. Can’t deal otherwise – not tonight.’
‘Obviously,’ Elisa agreed.
When the check came it was already well after midnight, and even though Penelope was chatting amicably with Leo, I could tell she was dying to get home. But Bungalow sounded like fun, so I shot her a few significant looks and left for the bathroom, where I waited for her to meet me.
‘What a nice night,’ she said neutrally.
‘Yeah, they’re cool, aren’t they? Something different.’
‘Definitely. Hey, I hope you don’t mind if I cut out early,’ she said, sounding more than a little distant.
‘Is everything okay? What’s wrong?’
‘No, nothing at all. It’s just kind of late and I’m not sure I’m up for, uh, for a club. Avery and I agreed to meet at home tonight, so I’d better get going. Whatever, dinner was great. I think I’m just tired, but you go and have a good time, okay?’
‘Are you sure? I could just as easily share a cab home and go to sleep. I’m not sure I’m up for it, either,’ I offered, but she saved me the trouble.
‘Don’t be ridiculous. Go and have fun for both of us.’
We walked back to the group and took our seats again, where what I hoped would be a final bottle of wine was making its way around the table. When the waiter presented the check with a flourish to no one in particular, I inhaled sharply. A quick mental calculation told me that I would owe somewhere in the neighborhood of $250. But apparently splitting the bill wasn’t an option because Davide reached for the little leather folder and nonchalantly announced, ‘I’ve got this one.’
No one blinked or even attempted to argue with him.
He slipped a jet-black credit card into the folder and handed it to the waiter. There it was, the mythical American Express Black Card, available by invitation only to those who charged a minimum of $150,000 a year. I had only just learned about it myself. It was mentioned in a blind item, as in, ‘Who needs a Black Card when she has a daddy with bottomless bank accounts?’ in reference to an anonymous socialite’s daughter. No one else appeared the least bit interested.
‘We ready?’ Elisa asked, smoothing her dress over her adorable little hips. ‘We’ll need two cabs. Leo and Skye, why don’t you grab the first one? Davide, Bette, Penelope, and I will meet you there. If you get there first, I’d prefer the table closest to the bar on the left, okay?’
‘Oh, listen, I think I’m going to head home,’ Penelope said. ‘Dinner was great, but I’ve got to be at work early tomorrow. It was so nice meeting all of you.’
‘Penelope! You absolutely cannot go home. The night is just beginning! Come on, it’s going to be a great party,’ Elisa shrieked.
Penelope smiled. ‘I’d love to, really I would, but I just can’t tonight.’ She grabbed her coat, gave me a quick hug good-bye, and waved to the rest of the table. ‘Davide, thank you for dinner. It was so nice meeting all of you,’ she said, and before I could tell her that I’d call her later, she was gone.
We all stumbled into our preassigned cabs while I managed to nod and make hmm sounds at the appropriate times. It wasn’t until we were actually standing outside the velvet rope at Bungalow 8 that I realized I was slightly drunk from dinner and, having almost no experience whatsoever with remotely cool nightspots, was in a perfect position to do or say something really, really humiliating.
‘Elisa, I think I better head out,’ I said feebly. ‘I’m not feeling great, and I need to be up early tomorrow for—’
She emitted a high-pitched shriek and her sunken face came alive. ‘Bette! You’ve got to be joking! You’re practically a Bungalow virgin and we’re already here. Going out is part of your job now, just remember that!’
I was semi-aware that the thirty or so people in line – mostly guys – were staring at us, but Elisa didn’t seem to care. Davide was doing some sort of clap-high-five-knuckle-bumping greeting with one of the bouncers, and I found that I was incapable of anything but the path of least resistance.
‘Sure,’ I muttered weakly. ‘Sounds great.’
‘Sammy, we’re on Amy’s list tonight,’ Elisa announced confidently to Davide’s bouncer. He was about six-three, two hundred twenty pounds, and happened to be the exact same guy who’d been working the door the night of Penelope’s party. He didn’t appear to be particularly amused by the chaos at the door, but as soon as Elisa unwrapped herself from him, he said, ‘Of course, Elisa. How many of you are there? Come on in. I’ll have the manager get you a good table.’
‘Great, honey, thanks so
much.’ She pecked him on the cheek and grabbed my elbow, leaning in close to whisper in my ear: ‘These guys think they’re special, but no one would ever even talk to them if they weren’t working the door here.’
I nodded, hoping he didn’t hear us, even if he did deserve it. I glanced up and saw him peering back at me.
‘Hey,’ Sammy said, nodding at me in recognition.
‘Hey,’ I replied cleverly, managing to refrain from pointing out that he didn’t appear to have a problem letting me in tonight. ‘Thanks for that umbrella.’
But he didn’t hear me; he’d already turned away to rehook the red velvet rope and announce to the remaining hordes that their time had not yet arrived. He said something into his walkie-talkie and pulled open the door. We cruised past the coat check and were immediately enveloped in a cloud of smoke.
‘How do you know him?’ Elisa asked as Davide greeted everyone within a twenty-foot radius.
‘Who?’
‘The door loser.’
‘Who?’
‘The idiot working the door,’ she said, exhaling what appeared to be more than a lungful of smoke.
‘You seemed to like him enough,’ I said, remembering how warmly she’d embraced him.
‘What else am I supposed to do? It’s all part of the deal. Such a waste of a face. Do you know him?’
‘No. He was pretty hostile to me at Penelope’s engagement party a few weeks ago. Made me wait outside forever. I know I’ve seen him somewhere before, but I can’t place him.’
‘Hmm,’ she murmured, sounding less interested with every passing second. ‘Let’s get a drink.’
For one of the hottest clubs in the country, it still didn’t look all that major. The whole place was one rectangular room, with a bar at the far end and about eight tables with banquette seats along each side. People were dancing down the middle of the room while others congregated at the bar, and only the high all-glass ceiling and rows of palm trees made me feel that we were somewhere a touch exotic.
‘Hey, guys, over here,’ called Leo, who was tucked into a couch in the far left corner, just as Elisa had requested. A hidden DJ was blasting 50 Cent, and I noticed that Skye had already settled onto some guy’s lap and was grinding rhythmically to the music. There was a sort of minibar set up on their table with scattered bottles of Veuve Clicquot, Ketel One, and Tanqueray. Carafes of orange, grapefruit, and cranberry juice were provided for mixers, as well as a couple bottles of tonic and sparkling water. Penelope had mentioned the prohibitive cost of her party, so I knew that we were paying many hundreds of dollars a bottle.
‘What can I make you to drink?’ Leo asked, coming up behind me.
I wasn’t risking another uncool drink order, so I just asked for a glass of champagne.
‘Coming right up,’ he said. ‘C’mon, let’s dance. Skye, you coming?’
Leo stood, but in the last six minutes Skye had progressed to a full-fledged make-out with the random guy she was straddling. We didn’t wait for an answer.
The crowd was almost uniformly beautiful. Everyone fell into a ten-year age range, from mid-twenties to mid-thirties, and they’d all obviously been there before. The women were tall and thin and completely comfortable baring wide expanses of thighs and ample décolletage in a decidedly untacky way. The men danced at their sides, moving their hands over hips and backs and shoulders, never perspiring, never letting a girl’s drink run low. It was nothing like the one rebellious teenage night I’d spent awkwardly camped out in a corner, terrified of the writhing masses at Limelight.
By the time I’d finished scanning the scene, Leo had already selected a beautiful dark-haired guy. The two of them danced with a model-hot straight couple, all four of them moving perfectly in tune against each other’s bodies. Occasionally they’d reposition themselves so the ‘girls’ would be facing one another, grinding.
I went to the bathroom, and before I could see who owned them I felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around me. I caught a glimpse of waist-length wavy hair, a sort of mousy light brown color, and I smelled the scent of smoke and mouthwash in equal parts.
‘Bette, Bette, I can’t believe how long it’s been!’ the girl shrieked into my shoulder. Her chin was squished against my breasts in a way that was fairly uncomfortable considering her identity was still in question. She hugged me for a few more seconds, and when she pulled away, I could not have been more surprised.
Abby Abrams.
‘Abby? Is that you? Wow, it’s been a really long time,’ I said carefully, trying not to show just how unhappy I was to see her. I had nothing but terrible memories of her from college and had somehow managed to forget she existed once we’d all moved to the city. Until now, it had been a big enough place to spend a half-decade without a single run-in. My luck had clearly expired. The five years since college graduation had made her look harder, older than her age. She’d obviously had a nose job and an extra-heavy serving of collagen in the lip area, but most noticeable were her breasts. Her now super-sized chest seemed to occupy her entire four-eleven frame.
‘I go by Abigail now, actually,’ she immediately corrected. ‘So crazy, isn’t it? Of course, I’d heard you work at Kelly, so I knew I’d run into you here sooner or later.’
‘Huh? What do you mean? How long have you been living in the city?’
She stared at me, slightly horrified, and pulled me by the wrist onto a couch. I tried to shake loose, but she maintained her death grip and leaned in much too close. ‘Are you, like, serious? Have you not heard? I’m at the vortex of the media world!’
I had to use my left hand to cover my mouth while pretending to cough so she wouldn’t see me laughing uncontrollably. Since our days at Emory, Abby had loved declaring how she was ‘at the vortex’ of something or other – sorority rush or the men’s basketball team or the college newspaper. No one really knew what it meant – it was the wrong usage, actually – but for some reason she’d latched onto the phrase and refused to let go. We’d lived on the same floor our freshman year. I’d noticed right away that she seemed to have an uncanny knack for sensing people’s insecurities. She was always grilling me on what boy I liked, only to ‘coincidentally’ be seen throwing herself on whoever I named within twelve hours of my admission. I’d overheard her once in the dorm bathroom grilling an Asian girl for tips on how to get that ‘sexy, slant-eyed look’ using an eye pencil. She’d once ‘borrowed’ one of her classmates’ history papers and turned it in as her own, only admitting to the ‘mix-up’ once the professor threatened to fail both of them. Penelope and I met Abby around the same time, in freshman writing seminar, and we immediately agreed that Abby was to be avoided. She’d been creepy from the beginning, the kind of girl who would make subtle but mean comments about your hair or boyfriend or outfit and then feign horror and regret when you inevitably took offense. We ditched her often and regularly, and she never seemed to get it. Instead, she’d purposefully make contact in order to put us down. Not surprisingly, she’d never had any real girlfriends, but she kept herself quite busy working her way through nearly every fraternity house and athletic team at Emory.
‘“Vortex of the media world,” huh? No, I didn’t know that. Where are you these days?’ I asked in the most bored tone I could muster. I vowed not to let her get under my skin.
‘Well, let’s see. I started at Elle and then made the jump to Slate – so much smarter, you know? Had a brief stint at Vanity Fair, but the office politics were so intense. Now I’m freelancing – my byline’s everywhere!’
I thought about that for a moment and couldn’t remember seeing her name … anywhere.
‘And you, missy, how’s the new job?’ she screeched.
‘Um, yeah, it’s been about a week, I guess, and it’s pretty cool so far. I’m not sure if it’s at the vortex of the public-relations world, but I like it.’
She sensed no sarcasm whatsoever, or she ignored it. ‘It’s such a hot firm; they’re repping all the best clients these days. Ohmigo
d, I absolutely love your shirt – it’s the absolute best call ever if you’re looking to hide a little tummy, you know? I wear mine all the time!’
I involuntarily sucked in my gut.
Before I could point out something nasty, like how five pounds on her frame would look like twenty, she said, ‘Hey, so tell me, have you spoken to Cameron recently? That was your boyfriend’s name, right? I heard something about him leaving you for a model, but of course I didn’t believe it.’
So much for not sinking to her level.
‘Cameron? I didn’t think you knew him. Then again, he is a guy who’s breathing and living in New York City, so …’
‘Oh, Bette, it’s really so great to see you,’ she said, ignoring my comment. ‘Let me take you to lunch, okay? We have so much to catch up on. I’ve been meaning to call you forever, but you just vanished since college! Who do you hang out with? Still that quiet girl? She was so sweet. What was her name?’
‘Oh, you mean Penelope? She’s gorgeous and engaged and, yes, I still see her. I’ll be sure to tell her you said hello.’
‘Yes, yes, definitely do that. So, I’ll call you at work next week and we’ll go somewhere fab for lunch, ’kay? Congratulations on finally leaving that dreadful bank and joining the real world. … I can’t wait to introduce you to everyone. There are just, like, so many people you need to meet!’
I was preparing what would surely be an even wittier response when Elisa materialized beside us. I never thought I’d be so happy to see her.
‘Elisa, this is Abby,’ I said, waving my arm at her listlessly.
‘It’s Abigail, actually,’ Abby interjected.
‘Right, uh-huh. And, Abby’ – I looked at her pointedly and continued— ‘this is my coworker Elisa.’