“Brian.” But I didn’t know what else to say.
“I’m so sorry.” He hesitated. “You never talk about it, though. Don’t you think we should—?”
“No.” I said it too quickly, and he looked hurt. “I’m sorry, but no.” The last thing I wanted was to discuss my very darkest memories in the middle of the woods with the man I’d be marrying in six months.
“If you change your mind…” He tried to pull me into an embrace but let go immediately when I didn’t relax or hug him back. “Okay, you’re not ready. That’s okay. Sometimes, it takes a long time to get over—”
“That’s not it,” I snapped, irrationally irritated by his assumption that he knew what I was thinking and feeling.
He knew nothing. Because I’d never told him. Just the thought of how that conversation might go made me sick to my stomach.
“Is it me?” Brian frowned, studying my eyes. “Am I the problem?”
“No.”
“Then it’s Jace.” His gaze dropped to the ground, but not before I caught a fleeting glimpse of jealousy. “I should have known.”
“What?” My pulse raced with a sudden burst of alarm. “No—”
He looked up sharply. “I see the way you look at him, Abby. He’s so pissed at you right now that he can’t even stand to be in the same house with you, but you still have that look on your face, like you want to take a bath in his pheromones.”
My face flushed, and I hoped he couldn’t see that in the dark. What I wanted didn’t matter, because it wasn’t reciprocated. Because it would be extraordinarily inappropriate. Because I’d already given my word and accepted a ring. “It’s not like that, Brian. He’s my Alpha.”
“That’s why you want him, isn’t it? It’s some kind of biological imperative. He’s an Alpha, so deep down, you think he must be the best possible father for your kids, but—”
“Okay, that’s enough!” I snapped, finished with trying to coddle his ego. “My biological imperatives are not the issue. I don’t even have biological imperatives, because this isn’t the Stone Age and I’m not some knuckle-dragging cavewoman, helpless to fight her reproductive urges.”
Brian’s eyes widened, and I could practically smell panic in the beads of sweat that popped up on his forehead. He’d never heard me yell. He only knew the Abby who’d been afraid of her own shadow. Afraid of everyone’s shadow.
The Abby who would agree to almost anything just so she wouldn’t have to talk anymore.
But that Abby was gone, and this Abby was going to have to start talking her way out of trouble rather than into it.
“Jace is my Alpha and nothing more.” I took another deep breath to cover the hitch in my pulse. “I’m wearing your ring.” I held up my left hand, and the diamond glittered in the moonlight. “Does that make you feel better?”
Brian nodded. “I guess I just needed the reminder. Sometimes, it seems like everyone else knows you better than I do.” He took my hand, running his thumb over my knuckles. “I love seeing that on your finger.”
Yet somehow, I couldn’t get used to the bulk of the ring, as if that one third of a carat weighed as heavily on my mind as it did on my hand.
Brian cleared his throat, then met my gaze with more boldness than I’d ever seen from him. “I’ll be so good to you, Abby. I’ll do everything I can to make you happy.”
My chest ached as if he’d punched me square in the sternum, but my heart was the real target. Brian was sweet, and honest, and my parents loved him. Maybe someday I could too.
Maybe…
“I know you will,” I said at last. His eyes lit up, and it worried me that a few words from me could change his entire demeanor. I didn’t want to be responsible for his mental state. Hell, I didn’t want to be responsible for my own mood.
“Okay. I need some space now, if you don’t mind. I need to think.”
Brian frowned and glanced around at the dense woods. “I’m not supposed to leave you alone out here.”
I made sure he could see me roll my eyes. “I’m an enforcer now. Besides, we’re in the middle of the South-Central Territory, less than a mile from the ranch. I’ll be fine.”
He glanced in the direction of the main house. “You sure?”
“Yeah. I’ll catch up with you before you even get back. I just need a few minutes. Please.”
“Okay. But hurry.” He took one last look at me, then walked off through the woods. When his footsteps finally faded from earshot, I exhaled and leaned against a tree, staring up at the moon between its bare branches.
Why did I find every conversation about my impending marriage utterly exhausting?
A twig snapped in the dark and I jerked upright, instantly on alert. I scanned the woods to my left and right, suddenly wishing I’d taken the time to shift my eyes. But then I inhaled to survey the ambient scents, and…
“How long have you been there?” I demanded in a whisper I knew damn well he could hear.
Jace stepped out of the shadows, his hands in the pockets of his jeans, his arms relaxed, as if he were on a casual midnight stroll. Through the deep woods, exactly where he’d sent me on “patrol” with Brian. “Long enough.”
Shit. He’d heard everything Brian had said about him. “It isn’t nice to eavesdrop.”
Jace took a silent step toward me, and the gravity of his gaze belied his casual posture. “‘Nice’ isn’t in an Alpha’s job description.”
“Brian just bared his soul, and he had no idea you could hear him.”
“I gave him every opportunity to notice me.” He took another step forward, his intense focus pinning me where I stood. Was that anger in the line of his jaw or…something else?
My heart hammered so hard, I was sure he could hear it. “Don’t blame him. I didn’t notice you either.”
“You’ve been on the job for all of twenty minutes. Brian’s been an enforcer for nearly five years. He should have noticed. And he should never have left you out here alone. Patrol always works in pairs.”
“He was a little distracted.” And now so was I. Jace was three feet away, and I could see every cerulean striation in his irises. Even in the dark.
“An enforcer can’t afford to be distracted.”
Was he still talking about Brian? Or was this about me now? “It wasn’t his fault. I was…”
“Giving him false hope.” He stepped closer, and I caught my breath. Something was different. His pulse was steady, but each beat of his heart sounded harsh and tight, as if the muscle was working harder than usual.
“No I… It might have been hope, but it wasn’t false,” I insisted.
“You’re lying.”
I’d heard his heart beat like that many times before, right before he pounced on prey. Yet he no longer looked angry enough to pounce on me. Maybe hungry enough, though.
That was it. Jace looked hungry. And not for food.
My heart jumped up into my throat. I’d seen glimpses of that craving in him before. When he’d seen the carnage I’d unleashed in the hunters’ cabin. When he’d seen the short cut of my skirt. But both of those times, professionalism and willpower had overruled any inappropriate appetite.
Now that hunger seemed to have been unleashed somehow, and I couldn’t decide how to react. Surely, anything was better than the icy gaze he’d turned on me after the council meeting.
I was suddenly hyperaware that my idle hands wanted…something. “I’m going to marry him, Jace.”
“Yes. You are.” He stepped closer, and my pulse tripped, not in panic—I wasn’t afraid of him—but with nerves. This wasn’t the big-brother-Jace who called me kiddo and told me to wear a longer skirt. This was a pensive, intense Alpha I’d only seen glimpses of before. This was a predator closing in on his prey, and I couldn’t tell whether he intended to devour me or simply play with his food.
“‘Knuckle-dragging cavewoman.’” Jace chuckled, and each rich note resonated low in my stomach, then burned even lower. He took another step forw
ard and we were a foot apart. “You’re going to eat that poor kid alive. If he hasn’t figured that out yet, he has my sympathy.”
“Does he?” I wasn’t sure how else to respond to the rapacious shine in his eyes or the way each movement he made suddenly felt tightly controlled, as if he were one overstressed thread of willpower away from reaching for me.
What would happen if that thread snapped?
What did I want to happen?
“No, you’re right. I don’t feel sorry for Brian.” His voice was just a hint of sound, yet I heard every syllable. “Why did you railroad me, Abby?” Jace put one hand on either side of my shoulders, pressing me against the tree at my back with his very presence, and I couldn’t tell if my sudden disorientation was because of his proximity or the rapid subject change.
“I didn’t—”
“Don’t even think about lying to me.” His body was a torch blazing in the night, threatening to burn right through my clothes, though we had yet to touch. “You made a fool out of me in front of half the territorial council, and if Brian is the reason, so help me—”
“Brian? What?” I frowned up at him, confused.
“If working for me is just a way to delay your wedding, I’m disappointed in you. Faythe would never have used—”
“The hell she wouldn’t!” I pressed myself so hard against the tree that the bark caught on my borrowed jacket and bit into my palms. “She would have done whatever it took to get what she needed out of life. She still would. But that’s not what I was doing. I’m going to marry him. Eventually.”
Jace stared down into my eyes, his breath warm against my cheek. Stirring my hair. “Your pulse didn’t race while you were with him. Your pupils didn’t dilate. There was no attraction.”
Panic flooded my bloodstream like fuel dumped onto a fire. If he could hear what hadn’t happened with Brian, surely could hear what was happening now. With my gaze caught on his beautiful mouth…
My face flamed, but I couldn’t look away. “The job isn’t about Brian.”
“Then tell me the tru—”
I pushed up onto my toes and kissed him.
Jace went completely still, evidently as shocked by what I was doing as I was. Then he relaxed and slid one hand into my hair, not surrendering to my kiss but guiding it. He tilted my head and tasted my lower lip. I opened my mouth for a taste of him and Jace growled with pleasure, a sound so deep and strong, it triggered primal tremors all over me, lighting me up from the inside.
My entire body was on fire. I’d never felt anything like it.
Then Jace stepped back, ruthlessly severing all contact, and the space between us seemed suddenly colder than before. “What the hell are you doing?” he growled.
What was I doing? “It takes two.” Yet the deflection of blame made me feel even guiltier.
Jace took another step back, and a brutal sense of loss settled over me with an almost tangible weight. “Abby, this can’t happen. I’m your Alpha. Hell, now I’m your boss. And you’re…” He glanced at the ring on my hand, which suddenly felt too heavy to lift. “Those are all lines I can’t cross.”
Can’t cross. He hadn’t said he didn’t want to cross them.
I sucked in a deep, cold breath, trying to purge treacherous thoughts.
“I know.” I had to fight to maintain eye contact. “I’m sorry.” What the hell was I thinking?
“I mean it.” He stepped back again, and his eyes closed. “I’m a mistake you don’t want to make. I’m sending you home with your father. We’ll start your training after the holiday, if that’s still what you want.”
Jace started to turn, but I grabbed his wrist and he froze. “I won’t change my mind,” I whispered, suddenly desperate to be taken seriously. Working for him had nothing to do with Brian or with my wedding. Hell, it had nothing to do with him, or with whatever had almost just happened between us. “You said I could start now. Alphas don’t go back on their word. You have to keep me, Jace,” I said, and his exhalation came on the tail of a frustrated growl.
His next words were a rumble so low and gravelly, I could hardly understand them. “Fine. But you’re done for the night. Go to bed, Abby.”
“Okay. I’m sorry, Jace.” When he only growled at me again, I raced through the woods toward the ranch without looking back, silent tears trailing into my hair. I’d really messed up, and now Jace thought I was using him. Of course, I was, but he couldn’t possibly understand why or how.
Or how much I hated myself for it.
Or the fact that I had no choice.
If I wasn’t with him when he investigated the murder, I’d have no way to explain why my scent was at the scene of the crime.
FIVE
Jace
I followed Abby at a distance until she got to the ranch, then I shifted and headed back into the woods in feline form, trying to escape my thoughts. And give everyone else time to go to bed.
They could not get a whiff of Abby’s scent on me.
What the hell was I thinking? Abby Wade was infuriating. She disobeyed any order she didn’t agree with, then instead of apologizing, she would insist that she’d actually done me a favor. How could I ever have found that exciting? She was hazardous and unpredictable, like a bomb with a broken timer. Yet somehow, the more she pissed me off, the harder it was to get her out of my head.
I hadn’t spent so much time thinking about a woman—especially one I’d hardly touched—since Faythe. But she’d never had the corrosive effect on my willpower that Abby had.
Back then, I’d crossed lines because I wanted Faythe and I was too young and stupid to give a damn about the consequences.
Now, consequences were all I ever thought about, but I’d kissed Abby back because I couldn’t fucking help it.
I should have known better than to follow them. I’d sent her out with Brian to remind her of where she belonged, no matter how I felt about the pairing, but seeing them together had actually hurt, and an injured tomcat is a dangerous tomcat.
Even more dangerous was their complete lack of chemistry. Abby wasn’t shy around him because of fear or inexperience. She was just completely unattracted to him.
I should not have been in on that secret. And I damn sure shouldn’t have been happy about it.
I ran as hard and as fast as I could, concentrating on the feel of the earth beneath my paws rather than the images I couldn’t seem to purge from my memory.
Abby leaning against that tree, crimson curls caught in the bark, breath puffing from her mouth in little white clouds.
Abby’s eyes, deep brown, staring right through me as if she could see exactly what I wanted.
But what I wanted didn’t matter. Whether or not she was attracted to Brian, Abby was taken. I’d been down that road before, and the emotional wreck at the end had nearly killed me. I couldn’t go through that again, and I couldn’t put her through it at all. Not to mention Brian. That spineless mouse didn’t deserve Abby, but he didn’t deserve to lose her either. None of this was his fault.
Keeping things professional would save their engagement and prevent my premature departure from the Appalachian Territory under a shroud of disgrace.
Cold air stabbed at my eyes and nose. Nocturnal mice, skunks, and rabbits fled from my path and I considered snagging one, since I’d missed out on Karen’s chili. But to hunt, I’d have to stop running, and if I stopped, those thoughts would close in on me again.
Where the hell had she learned to kiss like that, anyway? Was that how she kissed Brian?
My blood boiled at the thought of him kissing her. Of his hands plunging into those fiery curls. Of him tasting her…touching her…
He had no right—
Except that he did.
She’s not yours. My head was sure of that, but my body vehemently disagreed. My heart… Well, what the hell did my heart know? I hadn’t even realized she’d grown up until a couple of months before.
A growl of frustration rumbled up from my throat, an
d rats skittered from a hidden den into the dark. The solution was simple, if unpleasant.
We would just pretend that kiss never happened.
“So, you and Abby, huh?”
I froze with the doorknob in my hand, the soft click of the latch still echoing in my head. I’d been sure everyone else was asleep.
“Kaci?” I blinked, and the guesthouse living room came into focus in the dark, another warp-speed race down memory lane.
Ancient springs groaned as her outline rolled over on the old sofa. “Yeah. Does Brian know?”
“There’s nothing to know. What are you doing here?”
“Roughing it on the couch.” She sat up on the farthest cushion, her shadowed silhouette clad in a baggy tee and yoga pants. “Abby’s in my bed. In case you were wondering.”
I ignored the inference and tried not to wonder how she knew whatever she thought she knew about me and Abby. “And you couldn’t rough it on your bedroom floor, in your sleeping bag?”
“What am I, eight years old?”
I knew better than to answer that, with tabbies suddenly turning into women overnight.
The other Alphas had all been put up in the main house or at Owen’s, but I’d practically grown up in the guesthouse back when Marc, Vic, and Parker all bunked there, so I’d voluntarily exiled myself. “Hate to break it to you, kiddo, but the couch is mine.”
“I’ll scoot. You wanna spoon or be spooned?”
I growled in warning. Shifters sleep in big piles all the time—even nude—but an authority figure sleeping alone with an underage tabby? That was yet another scandal I could not afford.
“Kidding.” Kaci laughed. “You’re not my type.”
Thank goodness. “And your type would be?”
“Under twenty-five. Which is why Faythe and Marc put a moratorium on enforcers anywhere near my age two years ago.”
“Good for them.”
She scowled at me in the dark. “Whose side are you on, anyway?”
“Theirs.” I didn’t even have to think about it. “You’re too young to—”
“I’m six months younger than you were when you came to the Lazy S. If you were a virgin at seventeen and a half, I’ll bite off my own claws.”