He led me down the boardwalk to another pier and a fisherman younger than Father.
“You’ve heard all boats must volunteer to carry out military requests?”
Another nonvolunteering. The look on the man’s face said he thought so, too.
“What is it, then?”
“Our young friend here must be taken to Eilean, immediately. Soon there may be a flood of people trying to go, but there’s orders to get Mathilde out right away. Will you take her?”
He looked me over. I was starting to shiver in the sea breeze that tickled my bare legs, but I looked steadily back at him.
“What about fuel?” he asked the soldier.
“We’ll get you filled up to head out. And a supply to return.”
He nodded. “Course I’ll take her. Not that I have much choice anyway.”
“No,” the soldier chuckled. “But this task isn’t so bad.”
“They bombing ships?”
“Haven’t gotten their aerials far enough yet.”
The fisherman nodded and extended his hand toward his boat.
Just a small wooden fishing boat. But it had an engine.
I had never been across the sea on a boat.
I had never left Sofarende.
“Thank you,” the soldier said. I stared out at the dark water while he made the fuel arrangements. “Good luck,” he said to me when they’d finished. “I hope your mission in Eilean goes well.”
I had a mission in Eilean? I’d thought my mission was just to get to Eilean. But of course they wanted us to go there for a reason. Wasn’t that what the Examiner had said to Tommy? That we’d expect to receive messages there?
“You had any dinner?” the fisherman asked me.
I shook my head.
“You’ll want some. Food in your belly helps with motion sickness, weighs down the nausea. And who knows when we’ll have the opportunity to get more. Go to the fish shack down the way—not the first one, they lean on the scales and overcharge—but the second one, that one’s best—have a bite, and come back. I’ll be here.”
Would he be there? Was he trying to get out of taking me?
He smiled. “Go on, now. Don’t worry. I don’t mind taking you. I have my own children; I’d be glad for the right person to help them if they needed it.”
I hurried down the pier to the second fish shop. I bought a fried piece of fish wrapped in newspaper that became instantly greasy. I carried the fish back, biting into it as soon as it stopped steaming. Flaky and fresh, heavily breaded…it was so good! Maybe the most delicious thing I’d ever eaten.
It certainly competed with raspberry-glazed buns.
My heart thudded: this was my last meal in Sofarende.
Maybe ever.
I hurried back up the pier, licking my fingers.
He was still there. “Good grub, isn’t it?”
“Very good.”
He hopped into his boat, and offered me a hand.
—
I tried to get used to the wobbly feel of the boat as we passed the last of Sofarende’s islands.
No Eilean in sight.
The sun set, and darkness surrounded us. When I looked back, I could no longer see Sofarende.
My home.
My home. Where I had let loose an enemy.
And become a traitor.
—
I checked in my coat: the papers were still there. The blue world. My sisters’ handprints. I placed my hand over my pocket, feeling warmer, and a bit less wobbly, to know their small images pressed against my heart.
I carried a lot of things from home. Home including Faetre. All of Sofarende.
Not just in my pocket, but deep within me.
What had Megs picked to bring with her when she came to Faetre? I hadn’t even asked. I’d been so surprised by her arrival—a gift from home herself.
She had brought news of our families.
Hope that we could be reunited with people we loved.
Those things were more important than anything else she could have brought.
And those were exactly the kinds of things the Examiner had wanted me to learn about Rainer. His memories, small pieces of his life that were important to him. And why they meant something to him.
—
He’d brought anger, yes.
But other things, too.
Things that we’d all brought.
The idea of home.
Safety.
Family.
Wanting to have the whole world set right, back to how things used to be.
If not the whole world, then our own small pieces of it.
I looked back over my shoulder, toward Sofarende, even though I couldn’t see it.
A lump rose in my throat.
Father, Mother, Kammi, and Tye—were they all right?
Would someone tell them that we’d left?
Mother and Father would believe that we’d gone ahead somewhere safe.
It was what they had wanted. We had chosen that hope together, back in Lykkelig.
I turned my eyes ahead, looking into the dark for Eilean.
I remained standing, holding them all in my heart. Father, Mother, Kammi, and Tye; Megs; Brid, Caelyn, and Annevi; Tommy, Hamlin, and Gunnar.
Even Rainer and his blue world.
I would carry those people and things with me to Eilean.
And whatever happened when I got there, I would use them to build the world that I wanted.
One in which we could all be at home.
Thank you to the following organizations who provided access to the primary source materials, classes, and immersive environments that helped me imagine life, work, and family separation during wartime:
Dover Castle
Imperial War Museums, London, with special thanks to the Research Room
London Walks
Bletchley Park
Washington and Lee University
George C. Marshall Museum
The Intrepid Sea, Air & Space Museum
The New York Public Library
The Brooklyn Museum
Suzanne LaFleur is the author of Love, Aubrey; Eight Keys; and Listening for Lucca. She lives in New York City, where she decorates her walls with the handprints of children she loves. Visit her online at suzannelafleur.com.
Suzanne LaFleur, Beautiful Blue World
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