Valentina drank the last swallow of tea, gathered up her cup and saucer and spoon, and went back into the house.
TEST
THE LITTLE KITTEN of Death was sleeping on Valentina's pillow. It was afternoon, and sunlight slanted through the bedroom window, across the rug, up the side of the bed, not quite reaching the Kitten. She was almost white enough to blend into the pillowcase, like a drawing of a polar bear in a snowstorm, Elspeth thought. Elspeth stood in the sun, letting it pour through her, watching the Kitten sleep. I want you. Elspeth felt depressed. She had never thought of herself as someone who would kill a beautiful white kitten while it napped. But apparently she was that sort of person. Don't you worry, Kitten. I'll put you right back. Elspeth extended one hand tentatively towards the Kitten; she did not stir. She poked her fingers through the soft fur of the Kitten's belly. How did I do it, before? She slid her fingers inside the Kitten, who made a mew of protest and turned but did not wake. Elspeth trawled unimpeded through hot blood, organs, bones, muscles. She was groping for that snick of immateriality; her fingers would recognise the Kitten's soul because it was made of the same stuff as Elspeth herself. Does it have a permanent location in the body? Or does it migrate? Last time it felt as though I'd hooked it with my finger. It was slippery like an avocado stone popping out. The Kitten moaned and curled up tighter. Sorry, Kitten. Sorry. Elspeth moved her hand higher, into the lungs, and the Kitten woke up.
Elspeth snatched her hand back. She can't see you. But the Kitten was uneasy; she arched her back, looked around warily. She padded to the edge of the bed and listened. The flat was quiet; Julia and Valentina were out. Elspeth could hear Robert hoovering his kitchen. The Kitten circled and settled at the foot of the bed, front paws crossed, chin resting on them, eyes slitted. Elspeth sat beside her and waited.
A few minutes later the Kitten closed her eyes. Elspeth watched her sides rise and fall. The tip of her tail twitched. Gently. Elspeth stroked her head; she liked that when Valentina did it. Now it only made her flick her ears in annoyance.
The Kitten went back to sleep. Elspeth raked her fingers through the little white body in a quick swiping motion, the way the Kitten might bat at a toy. Something caught - the Kitten's body slumped into itself like a cake collapsing - and Elspeth was holding a furious clawing, biting Kitten.
If she scratches me, can I heal? Elspeth imagined her ghost skin in tatters, and threw the Kitten onto the bed. They stared at each other. The Kitten hissed loudly. Elspeth was startled. If I can hear her ...? She said, 'It's okay, Kitten,' and held out her hand. The Kitten backed away, hissing. She turned, jumped off the side of the bed and disappeared. Elspeth flew over the bed just in time to see a white haze dissipating by the bedside table.
What now? How can I put her back now? Elspeth thought of Valentina and despaired. She curled up next to the Kitten's limp body. Come back, Kitten. I was only practising ... Oh dear. The Kitten looked quite dead. Her eyes were half-open and the third eyelids had slid across. She looked like a feline alien. Her small pink tongue protruded; her head hung over her paws at an uncomfortable angle. I'm sorry, Kitten. I'm so, so sorry.
Where could she be? Was she even in the flat? Perhaps the Kitten had gone to prowl the back garden, or to be a little white cloud stalking the cemetery for the ghosts of sparrows and tiny frogs. Perhaps she would become a ghost kitten that haunted the dustbins of South Grove. Elspeth stroked the Kitten. Even her fur seemed to have lost its liveliness. She pushed her fingers into the Kitten's side and was startled at the change: there was life in there, but it was the life of the things that break down the body. The micro-organisms that consume every dead thing had already been unleashed inside the Kitten.
Elspeth pulled her hand out and sat up. This isn't going to work, Valentina. Not the way you think it should. By the time the body got through a funeral, the rot would be well under way. You'd die of putrefaction. You'd die of your own deadness.
Elspeth let herself thin and spread out into the air. She was ashamed that she'd killed the Kitten for the sake of a stupid idea. I should have known better. Poor Kitten. Elspeth went and curled up in her drawer. She stayed there feeling awful and monstrous, berating herself and wondering what everyone would think of her cruelty. The answer was nothing at all, because no one except Valentina had any clue what Elspeth had done.
THE FUNERAL OF THE LITTLE KITTEN OF DEATH
IT WAS JULIA who found the Kitten. It was her first death; her only thought was for Valentina; she wished that this might not be, that somehow the Kitten might wake up, that Valentina would never find out. But Valentina was only subdued. 'Oh,' was all she said when Julia told her.
Julia found a hinged wooden box in the servant's room. It had once held silverware but now had only empty spaces for utensils lined with pale green velvet. The silver had been a wedding present for Elspeth and Edie's parents. It had vanished in a burglary in 1996. Julia wondered briefly why anyone would keep an empty box which had so completely lost its purpose. She carried it into the bedroom and placed it next to the Kitten's body.
Valentina opened the box. 'I don't think she'll fit,' she said.
'Maybe if she was more fork-shaped. Wait, I think this lifts out,' Julia said. The old glue gave way as Julia ripped the insert away from the box. This released a fierce mouldy smell. Valentina made a face and pulled her shirt over her nose.
'We'll put catnip in with her. And wrap her in something pretty.' Julia went into the dressing room and came out holding a blue silk scarf that had been Elspeth's. Valentina nodded. Julia spread it out on the bed. Valentina gathered up the Kitten and placed her on the scarf. She kissed the top of the Kitten's head. The Kitten's body felt a little stiff. Valentina wrapped the scarf over her and put her in the box. The Kitten seemed more dead in the box than she had lying on the bed; the lump under the silk was utterly still and pathetic. Valentina closed the lid.
The twins went downstairs and stood in front of Robert's door, not speaking. Valentina held the box. When Robert opened the door, he said, 'I've been thinking and I think we should bury her in the back garden.'
'Why?' said Julia. 'There's a whole cemetery on the other side of the wall. It's silly to have a family crypt and not be able to put her in it.' The twins walked into Robert's flat but then stood in his front hall as though about to leave again. He shut the door.
'There are some quite good reasons why that won't be happening. First, you don't have a proper coffin for above-ground interment, so that would get ugly. Next, animals aren't permitted to be buried in Highgate Cemetery, it's a consecrated Christian burial ground.'
'Not even Christian animals?' asked Julia.
'What if we got the right kind of coffin?' asked Valentina.
Robert said, 'We'll bury her next to the garden wall and have George carve her a little gravestone. She'll be two feet away from the cemetery and you can visit her any time you want to.'
'Okay,' said Valentina. She felt numb. She needed to talk to Elspeth, but Elspeth was nowhere to be found.
The three of them went out into the back garden. Robert fetched a spade and some gloves. After consulting with Valentina he began to dig a hole. Though the box was not large, he dug down three feet. When the hole was finally big enough, he had a new appreciation for the burial team at the cemetery; Thomas and Matthew could have dug that grave in ten minutes, and here I am getting blisters and covered with sweat. He laid the box carefully at the bottom of the hole.
Julia said, 'Shouldn't we ... say something?'
'A prayer, do you mean?' asked Robert. He glanced from Julia to Valentina.
Valentina said, 'Goodbye ... Kitten ...' I love you. I'm sorry ... She began to cry. Robert and Julia looked at each other, uncertain, each trying to allow the other to comfort her. Julia made a gesture with her hands: Go for it. Robert stepped towards Valentina, gathered her to him; she was sobbing now. Julia turned away. She walked to the house and up the fire escape. As she opened the door she looked down and saw Valentina cling
ing to Robert. Robert was watching Julia. He looks uncomfortable. Like somebody gave him a present he didn't want but has to pretend he likes. Julia went into the flat and left them to it.
For two days everyone avoided one another. Elspeth stayed in her drawer reproaching herself; Robert put in some time at the cemetery with the burial records; Julia rose early and went out without saying where she was going; Valentina hung around the flat and tried to work on her shroud dress. She found it difficult to concentrate, and the logic of the pattern continued to elude her. Robert had helped the twins order a new television, which arrived the day after the Kitten's funeral. Valentina abandoned the dress for Antiques Roadshow and a documentary about Islam. Martin had no clue that anything was amiss, and happily worked on his crosswords and practised standing on the landing. He could stand there for ten minutes now without incident; he was considering actually walking down the stairs.
Valentina was eating her dinner and watching EastEnders when Elspeth finally emerged. She sat a few feet away from the television, invisible to Valentina, trying to think what to say. The programme ended. Valentina turned the TV off and began to clear away her dishes. Elspeth followed her to the kitchen and then to the bedroom, agonising.
Valentina said, 'Elspeth? I know you're there.'
Elspeth touched her fingers to the back of Valentina's hand. Valentina went into the front room and sat down at the Ouija board. 'What happened, Elspeth?'
HORRIBLE MISTAKE I AM VERY SORRY
'I didn't want you to really kill her, you know?'
I KNOW I TRIED TO PUT HER BACK SHE WOULDNT SHE RAN AWAY
'Is she here now?'
I CANT SEE HER
'If you see her, will you please let me know?'
IT MAY TAKE TIME FIRST SHE WILL BE LIKE A CLOUD
'Okay.'
I AM SORRY
'Me too. It's my fault, Elspeth, I shouldn't have suggested it.'
BEST LAID PLANS OF MICE AND MEN
'Yeah, I guess.' Valentina stood up. 'Elspeth, I'm tired. I have to go to bed now.'
GOODNIGHT
'Goodnight.' Valentina left the room. Then Elspeth heard her brushing her teeth. So much for that, Elspeth thought. Perhaps it's just as well.
The following morning Julia found Valentina in the back garden. She was sitting on the bench in the sun, staring at the little mound of earth over the Kitten's grave.
'Um, hi,' said Julia.
'Hi.'
'I was thinking of going to Liberty. Do you want to come with?'
Valentina was about to say no when she remembered that Julia doesn't really like Liberty's; she must be going to please me. Valentina thought of the fabric-remnant bins on Liberty's third floor; she could spend a couple of hours mindlessly looking at fabric. It would make a change from TV. 'Okay,' she said. 'Sure.'
They didn't speak much on the way there. Valentina was dressed entirely in black; the clothes were Elspeth's. Julia, unable to match her, had settled for a pale pink hoodie and a short skirt with tights. Pink and black look good together, she thought. We'll match without matching. They sat side by side as the Northern line growled along, each acutely aware of the other but unable to begin a conversation. When they arrived at Liberty, Valentina went upstairs and plunged into the fabric department. Julia followed and hung back, turning over in her mind what she might say to Valentina when Valentina was willing to talk.
At lunchtime they left the store and went to a Pret; they split a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich and a bag of potato chips. Julia drank a Coke and Valentina had tea. As lunch stretched on in silence, Julia grew more anxious. Finally she said, 'What would you like to do next?'
Valentina shrugged. 'I don't know. Go home, I guess.'
'Oh, come on,' Julia wheedled. 'It's such a nice day. Don't go home yet.'
'Okay.' Valentina's tone made it clear that she didn't much care what she did.
'Let's go for a walk.'
'Okay.'
Back on the street, Julia headed south. She could navigate without consulting the A-Z now, Valentina noticed. Soon they were strolling in St James's Park. 'Let's watch the ducks,' Valentina said, so they sat on a bench and stared at the ducks for a while.
Julia said, 'Why are you so mad at me?'
'You know.'
'No ... I don't get it. We've always been together, and we were happy. I mean, we didn't even think about it, you know? That was just how it was. We wanted the same thing, and we were never going to be apart ... remember?'
Valentina shook her head. 'That was your thing. Your idea about how we were. We always did what you wanted. You never even noticed, but you got your way all the time. The things I wanted to do, somehow we never got around to doing. Like school. We could have stayed at Cornell, or U of I. We could be done with school now. We could have actual jobs. But you didn't like it when I tried to do stuff without you, so you left and you dragged me along. You don't want to do anything with your life, as far as I can tell, so I'm not allowed to have a life either. So what's the point, Julia? You can't hang on to me forever.'
'But we're supposed to be together. I mean, look at Mom and Elspeth. They didn't want to be apart. Something really huge happened and they had to separate, but they wouldn't have unless they had to, and they were unhappy about it.'
Valentina said, 'They could have gotten back together, but they didn't. Robert and Elspeth came to America on vacation and they never even went to Chicago because Elspeth didn't want to. Robert thinks Mom told Elspeth not to be in touch with us.'
'But the point is, they didn't want to be apart.'
'Who cares about them?' said Valentina. 'I want to go to school. I want to have a boyfriend, I want to get married and have kids. I want to be a designer, I want to live in my own flat by myself, I want to eat a whole sandwich by myself. Not necessarily in that order,' she added.
'You can have all the sandwiches you want,' Julia replied. She meant it as a joke, but Valentina stood up and walked off abruptly. Julia called after her. When Valentina kept walking Julia followed her. Where is she going? Julia worried. She doesn't have a map, she'll be totally lost in ten seconds. Valentina left the park, hesitated, turned right and began walking along the Mall. Julia ran to catch up. She saw Valentina glance backwards, then hurry on. When Valentina came to Trafalgar Square she stopped to talk with a Big Issue vendor, who pointed and gestured and seemed to be writing something down for her. She's trying to find the tube, Julia thought. She waited for Valentina to figure it out. I'll catch up with her on the train. She won't be able to get away then. Valentina looked around, did not see Julia, and walked off in the wrong direction. Why aren't you going to Charing Cross? Julia trailed her along Cockspur Street and up Haymarket. She's kind of invisible, wearing black. Julia closed some of the distance between them and luckily happened to see Valentina disappear into the Piccadilly Circus tube station. Julia ran after her. She saw Valentina slap her Oyster card on the barrier, pass through and run for the stairs. Julia followed; she took the escalator and got to the bottom before Valentina did. Valentina walked by Julia without a word. Julia walked a few steps behind her, distraught.
Valentina ducked into the platform for the westbound Piccadilly line. Where the hell is she going? Julia stood a couple of feet away and said, 'Valentina. This is the wrong train. It's going to Heathrow Airport.' Valentina ignored her. Is she going to the airport? She doesn't have her passport. She doesn't even have much money on her. A train came. Valentina got on. Julia got on after her.
Just as the doors were closing Valentina squeezed through them and jumped off the train. Julia saw her standing on the platform, watching the train slide away with an expression of satisfaction.
Robert came home from the cemetery shortly after six. He made himself a drink and went out into the back garden, intending to sit just inside the cemetery wall and relax. He found Julia sitting on the bench. She had been crying.
'What's wrong?' he said, against his better judgement.
'Valentina's
lost,' Julia replied. She told him some of the events of the day.
'I don't know,' he said. 'Just because she gave you the slip doesn't mean she's lost.'
Julia looked away. 'Then where is she?'
'I don't know, but surely she'll come home tonight.'
Julia looked doubtful, but she said, 'Yeah. I guess.'
Robert offered her his glass. 'Would you like some?'
'No, thanks.'
'Can I do anything, then?'
'No. But thanks.' Julia went up to her flat, leaving Robert worrying in the garden.
At eleven o'clock Julia came downstairs and knocked on Robert's door. 'Any word?' he said.
'No.' Julia continued to stand in the hall. 'What should we do? Should we call the police?'
'I don't know,' he replied. 'I'm not sure--'
The phone rang. Robert hurried to it. 'Hello? ... Thank God, we've been worried ... Where are you? ... West Dulwich? How did you get there? ... Never mind, let me get a map ... I'll come in a minicab, just wait for me at the entrance, okay? ... No, it's fine, just stay there. Yes, no worries. See you soon.' He hung up and turned to Julia. 'She's at a railway station in south London.'
'Can I come?'
Robert said, 'It might be better if you didn't.' He found his wallet and his keys; he stepped into the hall. 'I'm sorry, Julia. She sounded ... overwrought.'
Julia said, 'That's okay.' She turned and went upstairs. Robert set out for the minicab office.
The journey from Highgate to West Dulwich was a long one, and Robert had time to reflect. Perhaps I should call their parents. I'm not equipped to deal with their issues - Elspeth is no help. I could call Edie and Jack, ask them to come over ... and do what, exactly? Take them in hand ... I'm not their guardian ... What they need is a referee ...
When the cab eventually pulled up to the station, Robert got out and stood on the pavement. Valentina seemed to materialise from the shadows; Robert saw her disembodied head floating towards him, then he realised she was wearing black clothing. Neither of them spoke. She got into the cab and he slid in beside her.