Allie studied him curiously.
He was an interesting-looking man – all angles and elbows, like an overgrown teenager. His hair flopped over his narrow forehead, and he kept shoving it back absently. She liked that his quick smile always reached his eyes.
‘Perhaps I was overly exuberant in my timing, because Lucinda was an inspiration to me,’ he continued. ‘She helped me many times when I was young, and we remained friends and colleagues throughout my life. I named my daughter after her.’ He paused. ‘Lucy’s eight now. I’d always hoped to send her to Cimmeria when she was old enough so she could walk in her godmother’s footsteps. Now I wonder if she’ll ever get that chance.’
It was heartbreaking to think of Cimmeria in Nathaniel’s hands – out of all of their reach. But if that was what it took for there to be peace, Allie would let it happen.
‘I wish there was another way,’ she said. ‘I just don’t think there is one.’
His reply came without a second’s hesitation.
‘Actually, I’m certain there is,’ he said. ‘We just have to find it.’
12
Classes resumed the next morning.
Allie, who had longed for any kind of normality, none the less endured the lessons with ill grace. It was hard to stay focused on what the teachers were saying. She wanted to be in Dom’s office, helping to find Carter.
She was also avoiding any situation when she might be alone with Sylvain. She wasn’t ready to deal with their confused relationship.
As soon as classes ended for the day she raced up to Dom’s office, working there until Night School began in the evening.
She hadn’t told anyone about her meeting with the Orion Group. If she told them that, she’d have to tell them she was leaving Cimmeria. And that was a conversation she wasn’t going to have with anyone until Carter was back.
And he would be back.
But she kept thinking about it. Julian had seemed so reasonable. He seemed to have absolute faith that they’d find a way to beat Nathaniel.
She wanted him to be right so badly it hurt.
Night School training resumed that evening. Isabelle suggested Allie should skip it (‘You’ve had a terrible week…’), but she refused.
She had to stay busy or she’d go insane. She wanted to run. To kick things. To knock everyone down.
Now the students were arrayed in Training Room One under the flickering fluorescent light. On one side of the room, Zelazny and two of Raj’s guards were working with the younger students, walking them through basic stretching and strength building.
On the other side of the dim room, senior students were working with Eloise, practising techniques for disarming attackers.
Sylvain was there, too. He looked relaxed, focused. He didn’t seem to have noticed she was avoiding him.
To Allie’s relief, Eloise paired him with Nicole, assigning Allie to practise with Katie.
So, thirty minutes after training began, Allie held a fake handgun in her hand, pointed at Katie’s face.
‘Bang,’ she said.
Katie rolled her eyes. ‘Very funny.’
‘It was the best I could come up with,’ Allie said. ‘I didn’t have much time to prepare…’
Without warning the redhead leapt into the air, directing a perfect flying kick at the weapon.
Before Allie could react, the gun flew out of her fingers, thudding against the wall.
Katie landed weightlessly in front of her. Allie stared at her, open-mouthed.
‘Bang that, girlfriend.’ Katie dusted her hands against her hips. She looked very pleased with herself.
‘Remind me never to get into a fight with a ballerina,’ Allie muttered, as she looked around for the lost weapon. But Katie found it first.
Picking it up, she pointed the barrel at Allie’s heart. ‘Your turn, rock chick.’
Allie’s eyebrows shot up, making her stitches sting. ‘Rock chick?’
‘It’s street talk.’ Katie gave a disinterested shrug. ‘Don’t blame me if you’re not down with the kids.’
‘I’m not down with the kids. I am a kid.’
‘Are you going to kick this gun?’ Katie asked evenly. ‘Or not?’
Allie noticed that her nails were beautifully manicured in pale pink. How did she have time to paint her nails when Carter was a hostage and Lucinda was dead and the world had gone to hell?
For some reason this small detail galled her. Anger, always close to the surface, flared.
‘I’m going to kick that gun.’ She gritted her teeth.
Whirling on the toes of one foot, she performed the same move with less balletic grace, and more violence. The gun flew ten feet, just missing Nicole and Sylvain.
‘Careful,’ Eloise cautioned from where she was training with Zoe. ‘Nobody’s supposed to get hurt tonight.’
Allie waved an unrepentant apology.
Katie examined her wrist. ‘That was unnecessarily brutish.’
‘Thanks,’ Allie said. ‘I tried.’
Katie craned her neck to look to where Rachel was training with Lucas. She was struggling to reach the gun with her foot, even though Lucas kept lowering his hand to make it easier for her.
‘I want to train with Rachel again. She has excellent manners.’
‘You mean she’s not very good at the fighting.’
‘That too.’ Katie picked up a towel to dab her face. ‘Let’s take a break while I plot my revenge.’
Grabbing a bottle of water from the floor, Allie took a swig. She wouldn’t have admitted it to anyone but she liked training with Katie. She was a quick student. Interesting to spar with. And funny.
She took her mind off things. At least five minutes had passed since she’d last worried about Carter.
Katie stretched an arm above her head, bending so far to one side she looked broken. ‘You must be glad to have Sylvain back.’
Allie followed her gaze. At the opposite end of the room, Sylvain and Nicole were practising with smooth, well-matched precision. Sylvain’s movement were as graceful as Katie’s – he had a dancer’s perfect balance. He defied gravity.
His muscles flexed as he whipped the gun from Nicole’s fingers.
So much for taking my mind off things.
‘I am glad,’ she said, not entirely dishonestly. ‘We need him.’
‘We need him?’ Katie’s gaze sharpened. ‘That’s an odd way of putting it.’ She turned to look at her more closely. ‘Now that I think of it, you two have hardly spoken all day. You used to be so lovey-dovey. What’s going on?’
‘Nothing,’ Allie lied. ‘It’s just been a rubbish few days.’ She looked down at her feet, as if something interesting had just appeared there.
‘Hmm.’ Katie didn’t sound convinced. ‘Try harder. I was watching the two of you even before that thing happened with his dad and he had to leave. I saw signs of strain. Something’s definitely up. You might as well tell me.’
She didn’t sound happy or unhappy about this fact. Just intrigued.
‘You were watching me? That’s so creepy.’ Allie tried to appear bored. But the conversation was making her increasingly uncomfortable. ‘Whatever it is, it’s none of your business.’
‘I’m right, then.’ Katie pounced. ‘I knew it. There is trouble in paradise. What’s going on? Did you argue? Did you lie? Did he cheat on you? Did you cheat on him?’
Allie’s cheeks flamed. Hurriedly, she turned away, pretending she was just collecting the gun from where it had fallen.
By the time she returned, she’d smoothed all the guilt from her expression.
She pointed the gun at Katie.
‘Fight me,’ she said darkly. ‘Or something that rhymes with that.’
Katie rolled her eyes. ‘Nice try. I’m not giving up. Tell me what happened.’
‘Whatever. Bang.’ Allie twitched the gun. ‘You just keep getting killed, Katie.’
But the redhead was relentless. ‘Tell me the truth. Did you and Sylvain fight
? Did something happen in France? What did he do?’
‘Nothing happened.’ Allie had begun to sweat. ‘We did not fight.’
She glanced over her shoulder to ensure the subject of this conversation couldn’t overhear them. But Sylvain and Nicole were laughing about something. Well out of earshot.
‘Fine. Then something must have happened in London with you and Carter,’ Katie persisted. ‘You professed your undying affection. Something like that.’
Allie dropped the gun.
She didn’t know how it happened. Her fingers just went nerveless.
The gun hit the blue rubber mat on the floor without a sound.
Katie’s green eyes widened. Wordlessly, she picked up the gun and pointed it at her.
Allie held up her hands; to a casual observer it would have looked like a hold-up.
‘Please,’ she whispered. ‘Stop this.’
‘Never.’ Katie’s cat-like eyes had gone cool. ‘That’s it, then. Something happened in London, that night. With Carter. And you. You fought. You kissed. He was cruel. You’re in love.’
There was too much truth in her litany of guesses.
Allie dropped her hands. Her shoulders slumped.
She thought of Carter, kneeling above her on the bed in the Kilburn safe house. Pulling her into his arms, pressing her body against his hard chest. Their whispered promises whirled through her memory, tainted by the guilt and loss she’d felt ever since.
She hadn’t told anyone about it. Not even Rachel. And it was killing her.
She couldn’t keep it a secret. Couldn’t lie anymore.
It was time to be honest with someone. Time to come clean.
Besides, if there was one thing Katie knew about aside from money, it was boys.
‘We didn’t fight, OK?’ Allie’s voice was barely above a whisper.
‘What did you do, Allie?’ Katie challenged her.
Allie took a long breath.
‘We had sex.’
‘You didn’t.’ Katie stared.
Her condemning gaze made Allie’s insides curdle.
Suddenly telling her the truth seemed like a really stupid idea. But it was too late to change her mind now.
‘We didn’t mean to,’ she said, defensively. ‘It just… happened.’
Katie had gone so blank Allie could project anything onto her. Contempt. Disbelief. Ridicule.
When she finally did speak, her voice was low and angry.
‘Did you think once about Sylvain? About how he’d feel? With everything that just happened to his dad…’ She looked away, her jaw tight. ‘Bloody hell, Allie. You’re much more ruthless than you let on.’
The familiar bite of guilt cut deep into Allie’s heart.
She dropped her gaze, unable to take the disapproval she saw in the other girl’s gaze.
‘I just don’t understand you.’ Katie lowered her voice. ‘What were you thinking?’
Allie thought of Carter’s dark eyes. His voice saying, ‘Oh God, Allie. I love you, too.’
How could she explain that to Katie? How could she describe the relief of listening to her heart at last? Or how it felt to have – if only for a few minutes – the one thing she wanted in the world?
She didn’t have words for that.
‘We weren’t thinking,’ she whispered. ‘It just happened.’
‘It just happened?’ Katie’s stare was incredulous. ‘Jesus Christ, Allie. That’s even worse. At least tell me you were safe.’
Allie flushed. Somehow, Katie asking her if she’d used protection was worse than anything else.
‘Of course we were.’ She mumbled the sentence, staring down at the feet.
‘Thank God for that.’
‘Look,’ Allie said. ‘I love Carter. I’m sorry about… everything. But I love him. It’s the most real thing in my life.’ She took a shaky breath. ‘Maybe the only real thing.’
If she’d hoped to move Katie, she was to be disappointed. The redhead squinted at her sceptically.
‘Come on, Allie. You have form on this. You love him today and hate him tomorrow. So ask yourself this. Is it love love? Like, actual love? Not the pretend…’ she waved her hand in an impatient gesture, ‘things are dangerous and you have muscles so let’s just do it’ love. But the messed up, ugly, painful, no-makeup love. Because if it’s not that kind and you break Sylvain’s heart…’ She took a step closer, fixing her fierce gaze on Allie’s. ‘I swear to God I’ll never forgive you.’
‘It’s that kind.’ Allie’s voice was ragged. ‘The ugly kind.’
Maybe Allie was imagining it, but it seemed like Katie’s face softened, just a little. Still, her response was cutting.
‘If it’s real love, I feel sorry for you. Because it’s going to hurt a lot of people. This kind of love leaves scars.’
A tear escaped and slipped down Allie’s cheek, but she didn’t reply.
There was nothing to say.
From the centre of the room, Zelazny’s harsh voice interrupted them. ‘All senior students: a five-mile run begins now. Junior students remain in the room, please.’
Relieved, Allie took a step towards the door, but Katie grabbed her arm, holding her back.
‘Allie…’ Her voice was low and urgent. ‘… be very careful how you handle this.’
The other students streamed past them towards the door. Rachel shot the two of them a curious glance as she passed. Across the room, Allie saw Sylvain turn back, his eyes scanning the crowd. Looking for her. As he always did.
‘Sylvain loves you,’ Katie whispered. ‘Ugly love.’ Her fingers were tight on Allie’s wrist.
‘This will demolish him.’
13
The conversation with Katie made everything worse. The next day, Allie could hardly look Sylvain in the face. Katie’s condemnation had left her feeling like a criminal.
Every time she passed her in the corridors, the redhead shot her a warning look. Sort this out, the look seemed to say.
But how the hell was she supposed to do that? With Carter missing and Sylvain utterly unaware of everything that had happened while he’d been away, Allie couldn’t see a way to handle this that didn’t end badly.
The only thing she could do was avoid the situation altogether.
As soon as her last lesson ended that afternoon, she tore up the stairs so fast her skirt fluttered around her legs from the breeze she created.
When she walked into Dom’s light-filled office, the faint sound of jazz swirled softly from hidden speakers. The room smelled of fresh coffee and Earl Grey tea.
Shak and another guard were working at the table. Isabelle and Raj were talking quietly in a corner.
‘Hi Allie,’ Dom said, looking up from her laptop. ‘What’s up?’
‘Any news?’ Allie asked, as she always did.
Dom shook her head, as she did every time. ‘Not yet. Hang tight, kiddo.’
Her pragmatic American sayings usually made Allie feel better. Today it made her want to cry. It must have shown on her face, because Dom got up from her desk and followed her across the room.
‘Look, Allie,’ she said, ‘this isn’t going to be fast, no matter what. It’s a big world out there, and we’ve got to find one seventeen-year-old boy in it. The people hiding him are very good at what they do. We will find him. But this could be a long slog. Nothing will happen overnight.’
‘I know,’ Allie said, biting her lip. ‘I just wish… it was faster.’ She glanced over to where Shak’s gaze was glued to his screen. ‘Look… I know my shift doesn’t start until eight. But I don’t have anything else to do right now. Do you want me to help out for a while?’
‘Sure. We can always use more ears.’ Dom waved at the table. ‘Grab some headphones.’
Rachel and Zoe walked in a few minutes later, as Allie was setting up.
‘Hey Allie.’ Rachel stopped beside her. ‘I thought you weren’t working in here until later.’
Ignoring them both, Zoe leaned over to see
what Shak was working on.
‘Ooh,’ she said, staring at the incomprehensible code on his screen. ‘Awesome.’
‘I’m impatient,’ Allie said. ‘Overeager.’
There was truth in this explanation, and Rachel accepted it without question, but Allie felt a little bad about not telling her.
She knew it might seem like an odd decision to tell Katie the truth about Carter instead of her best friend. But Rachel would always find reasons to understand, to sympathise. Katie, on the other hand, would tell her the cold, hard truth.
And that was what she needed right now. Still, it sucked. And she had to tell Rachel soon.
She slipped the earphones over her head and plugged them into the laptop. The room disappeared, replaced by the harsh male tones of Nathaniel’s world.
The voices of his guards were increasingly familiar. Some had such distinctive personalities, she felt like she was getting to know them.
The guard known as Nine was the most interesting – he seemed grumpy and bitter, but also funny and irreverent. He really didn’t like Nathaniel or Gabe at all.
Six, on the other hand, was whiny and unpleasant. He seemed the type to toady to anyone in power. Sucking up to anyone who could help him get more power himself.
He made her skin crawl.
When, after half an hour of idle chit-chat among minor guards, Nine’s gravelly voice appeared in her headphones, Allie was secretly pleased.
‘What’s the news?’ His question was apparently directed at anyone who happened to be listening.
The others ribbed him. ‘What kind of time do you call this?’ one of them asked him.
Allie recognised the voice as belonging to Five. He sounded younger than the others, and he and Nine often teased each other in a way that indicated they might be friends.
‘I call it early enough,’ Nine growled good-humouredly.
Then Six’s nasal voice interrupted them.
‘Our man is up.’ He sounded smug. ‘Back on his feet. One says he’s his old self.’
Allie straightened, instantly alert.
She typed, Nathaniel is better, into her laptop.
‘Hallelujah,’ Nine replied dryly. ‘Does this mean we’re getting on with things? Are we all through crying?’