“She told me she was sorry that she didn’t tell you sooner, that it had been a mistake to keep it a secret for so long,” Emma said. “I don’t think she was prepared for how much the truth was going to affect you.”
Raina rotated her shoulders, sore from tension. If Emma didn’t care, why should she? “She says there are no more secrets. I hope that’s true. What matters to me is that we found each other. I’m glad I have a sister. I’m glad you came for a visit. How long can you stay?”
“We leave on the twenty-eighth. Jon-Paul has to go back to work and we have to make up Christmas with our families.”
For the first time, Raina considered the Delaschmidts and Jon-Paul’s family. Of course they would want to have holiday time with Emma and Jon-Paul too. “Tell them thank you for sharing.”
Emma looked deep into Raina’s eyes. “You’re my sister. You gave me the marrow from your bones and saved my life. It was a most precious gift, Raina. Without it, I would certainly be dead by now.”
Raina’s eyes filled. “You deserve to be happy.”
“And so do you.”
Emma reached out and tucked a long strand of Raina’s hair behind her ear, and Raina’s tears spilled down her cheeks. “Hunter used to do that same thing,” she whispered. “The only time I’m happy is when I sleep and dream of him. I see him in my dreams and I feel overjoyed. I want him back so much.”
“Yikes! Did everybody decide to return their Christmas gifts at the mall today?” Kathleen was in the car with Carson, and they were on their second cruise of the mall parking lot looking for a space. “Are you sure you want to exchange that game?”
“I wanted to get out of the house,” Carson said. “A guy can take just so much family togetherness.”
“I think your great-grandmother is sweet.”
“And so are my two aunts, two uncles, three cousins and their little dog, Toto.” His mother’s family from Miami had descended on them for the holidays, turning their normally tranquil home into a madhouse. He swerved to miss a car backing out, shoved his car into reverse and pulled into the space.
“There are a lot of relatives hanging around. But your mom seems really happy to be with them.” Kathleen had missed most of the conversations because everyone was speaking Spanish, but they all had been nice to her, offering smiles along with platters of rich food. Carson’s ninety-two-year-old bisabuela, great-grandmother, kept touching Kathleen’s red hair and declaring it muy bonito—very pretty.
Kathleen and Carson walked into the crowded mall hand in hand. The day was sunny and the temperature was almost eighty degrees. Kathleen wondered how Holly was faring in the New Hampshire snow. The sudden appearance of Emma was keeping Raina occupied, which was a good thing.
“Everyone will be gone by New Year’s Eve. Of course, school starts the second of January.” Carson didn’t sound too happy about that, but she knew he’d been studying hard and his grades were up.
“Any more flak from your dad about your becoming an EMT?”
“I start at the community college in late August, but on academic probation. He says if I do well, he’ll approve my EMT plans. Although I suspect he thinks I’ll love college courses so much that I’ll want to switch to a four-year program at the university of his choice.”
“Don’t be crabby. I’ll be at USF—”
Someone called Carson’s name and they both turned to see Stephanie descending the escalator. “My favorite person,” Kathleen muttered under her breath.
“Don’t be crabby,” Carson whispered with a sly grin.
Stephanie glided through the crowd, leaving a trail of gawkers in her wake. Naturally, she looked stunning in a microskirt and stylish sandals, her long dark hair flowing behind her. “Carson! How are you?” She came up, leaned close and kissed both his cheeks, a common custom, Kathleen had learned, among Spaniards, Cubans and, apparently, South Americans.
“Fine, Steffie,” Carson said. “How was Christmas?”
“Rio was rocking.” She shook her finger at him. “You should have visited like I asked. Mama wanted to see you again.”
Stephanie had invited him to Rio de Janeiro for the holidays? This was the first Kathleen had heard about it.
“Not possible. My house is thick with relatives,” he said.
Stephanie looked delighted. “Bisabuela is here? I’m coming over tonight. I love her.”
Kathleen’s mouth almost dropped open. Where did this girl get off inviting herself this way?
For the first time, Stephanie glanced at Kathleen. “I mean, unless you have other plans.”
“No plans,” Kathleen said sweetly. She wasn’t about to get into a turf war over Carson’s great-grandmother!
“Then I’ll see you later. You can fill me in on what’s been happening since I’ve been out of the country.” Stephanie made a production of looking at her watch. “Must run. A spring fashion show starts down at Burdines in fifteen. Come watch me walk the runway—third floor.” She breezed away.
Carson sagged visibly. “Why didn’t you tell her we had plans?”
“And deprive you of the joy of her company? Wouldn’t think of it.”
He scowled. “Her eyes looked too bright,” he said, becoming serious.
“I didn’t notice.”
“I think she’s high.”
His assessment sobered Kathleen instantly. “She had on a lot of makeup for the show.”
“It wasn’t makeup. I’ve seen that look in her eyes before.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“There’s nothing I can do. I’m not getting sucked into that black hole again.” He tucked his arm around Kathleen. “Come on. Let’s get this game exchanged and get out of here.”
sixteen
THE FIRST WEEK of January, Holly went to Tarpon Springs with Chad and attended the Epiphany service with him and his family. They were members of the Greek Orthodox Church, which meant their church calendar was different from Holly’s and they celebrated Christmas two weeks after December 25. Holly had never stepped inside such a magnificent church. Built in the shape of a cross and elaborately decorated in the Byzantine tradition, the church looked exotic and mysterious, like something from a history book. Gold sparkled from every wall, the ceiling, the altar area. Beautifully painted panels called icons, depicting the Madonna and Christ, adorned the entranceway. The priest wore an elaborate bejeweled gown and headdress. Candles glowed and incense burned, filling the sanctuary with a sweet, smoky aroma. The music sounded medieval, totally unlike the hymns she knew. She was mesmerized.
Afterward, Chad took her to his home, a small white stucco house in a neighborhood near the bay, where he lived with his parents and three younger brothers: Timothy, twelve, and twins Jonathan and Stephano, seven. Sumptuous cooking smells floated through the rooms, many as exotic to her as the church service. Chad’s grandparents came for dinner, as did an aunt and uncle and their family of four. The house brimmed with talk, laughter, Greek music, good food and squealing children. Holly sat demurely on the sidelines, mostly watching, answering questions when asked and envying the robust family life spilling out in front of her.
Her house had once been a gathering place too, with her family hosting cookouts and potluck suppers, dessert fests after youth group meetings and Christmas caroling. But months had passed since her parents had opened their doors for such an event. She missed the gatherings.
When the meal had been eaten and the table cleared, Chad leaned over and whispered, “Want to go someplace with me?”
He took her to the harbor, where sturdy-looking fishing boats were anchored and gulls circled overhead, flinging cries at the blue sky. They walked to a marina, to sleek moored sailboats. Chad stopped in front of one boat painted white, with weathered teak railings. It looked older than most of the others, and only big enough for maybe four people.
“Yours?” she asked.
“Meet Katalina, my first true love. I’ve had her for years.” He helped Holly on b
oard, handed her a life jacket.
“I can swim,” she said.
“It’s the rule. Put it on.” He untied the line holding the boat in its berth and cast off. He sat in the stern and cranked a tiny outboard motor. “This will get us out to open water.”
Holly breathed in the salt air, watched the water turn from pale green to deep blue. Beyond the shelter of the bay, the gulf stretched endlessly, seeming to kiss the sky at the horizon. Once in open water, Chad cut the noisy motor. He untied the rigging and hoisted the mainsail, watching it fill with wind. He took the tiller and the boat began to skim across the water like a bird coasting on air.
“You never told me you sailed,” she said, astounded by his expertise.
“I’m Greek. It’s in our blood.” His smile was shot with sunlight. “Have you sailed before?”
“Never. But I could get used to it. This is great!” She turned her face skyward, let the wind rush over her skin and the sun warm her.
“Want to take command? Just keep her nose to the wind and her sail full.”
Holly moved cautiously to the stern, took the tiller and held the boat steady.
“You’re a natural,” he shouted after a few minutes.
She smiled, feeling an exhilaration that made her light-headed.
He taught her how to tack, come about, duck when the boom swung around. He took over only once, when, for a heart-stopping moment, the boat leaned far to one side and threatened to capsize.
In the golden sun-drenched afternoon, Holly lost track of time, and only when red streaked the sky did the wind slack and a calm settle in. Water lapped the sides of the boat. Holly felt it gently rock and watched the shoreline far away, not certain she wanted to return.
Chad scooted closer to her, put his arm around her. “The motor will get us in when we’re ready. Let’s watch the sunset.”
She leaned against him, felt his sun-warmed body and closed her eyes. “I’ve had a really good time.”
“Good. I’m glad it was with me.” He stroked her hair. “Not to ruin the moment, but what did you think of my crazy family?”
“I liked them.”
“I apologize for the twins.”
She remembered how they had whispered and giggled every time she glanced their way. “They’re cute.”
“You’re a novelty—I’ve never brought a girl home before.”
“How about sailing?”
“You’re first again. Between the homeschooling and the CF, Katalina has been my best friend for years.”
It touched her that he had been alone so much. “She’s a good friend to have.”
“What did you think of our church?”
“It was different from what I’m used to. It’s beautiful, though.”
“The first time I went into a Protestant church, I thought the friend who took me was playing a joke,” he said with a laugh. “Everything was so plain.”
Above, the red and gold sky was turning indigo, dark and inky. “With so many different houses to choose from, how does God pick which one to live in?” she mused.
“Perhaps he chooses many.”
“You think he’s fickle? Because I do. Actually, I’m not sure I believe in him anymore.”
There! She’d said it. The thing that had been on her mind since the day they’d buried her brother. She turned to look at Chad’s face, growing dim in the failing light, to see if she’d shocked him. “You think I’m terrible, don’t you?” she said. “All my life I’ve believed in God, and now I don’t.”
“I could never think you’re terrible, Holly.” His arm tightened around her. “I’ve wondered the same thing myself every time I’ve gone to the hospital. Why did I get sick? Why do I have CF? No one asked me if I wanted it. I was just born with it.”
She instantly grasped the inequity, the injustice of what had happened to him. She felt a rising anger toward the Being who supposedly controlled all things and could have prevented Chad’s illness and Hunter’s death. “My dad says it’s a mystery, which is another way to say ‘Who knows?’ What a cop-out.”
“My mom says she’s got a lot to ask God about when she sees him.” Chad grinned. “Even God had better duck when an angry Greek mother approaches.”
All Holly could think was that her own mother, a woman who had revered God all her life, was finished with him. And now, so was Holly.
With the failing sun, the evening had turned colder. She heard Chad’s breath wheeze in her ear and realized that the night air wasn’t doing him any good.
He said, “I have a windbreaker stashed under the front bench.”
“You should wear it,” she said, suddenly concerned about him.
He ignored her. He pulled the starter and the little motor kicked to life. They made it back to the pier with neither of them wearing the windbreaker. His father was waiting for them at the berth, pacing, his expression dark and serious. “Where have you been? Your mother is worried.”
“We got to talking. The sun dropped before we realized it.”
“You know you have no lights! You could have capsized.”
“We’re fine.” Chad helped Holly from the boat. He was wheezing hard, forcing words through blue-tinged lips. His father took his arm, but Chad shook him off.
Holly knew instinctively that Chad felt humiliated, but there was nothing she could do to help.
“I will take you home,” his father said sternly, “and then I will drive Holly to her house.”
“Dad!”
“This is not a suggestion!” his father roared.
Holly identified with Chad’s embarrassment. She vowed to send him an e-mail the minute she got home, assuring him that she understood, that he’d treated her to an amazing day she would never forget, and that she wanted to see him again as soon as he felt better. And yet, although she wouldn’t tell him so, she had also found his father’s outburst oddly comforting. Her father used to bellow at her in the same tone, using almost the same words, in the days when he had supervised her every movement. Before Hunter died. Before God abandoned them.
Emma’s visit did Raina a world of good, although Raina wasn’t sure why—nothing had changed in her life. Perhaps it was the connectedness she had felt knowing that their DNA ran together like a stream. Raina had always loved her friends, but having a sister was different. And even though they had no shared history, Raina liked knowing there was someone whose facial features mirrored hers, someone who had her mannerisms, who even sounded a little like her. It helped her see Holly’s loss of Hunter in a whole new light.
In February, she went to Holly. “I need your help.”
“My help?” Raina’s request surprised Holly because Raina had been living in another world for months. “Well, sure. What do you want?”
They were sitting together in the hospital cafeteria on a Saturday, nibbling on lunch. Being a Pink Angel gave Raina something else to do on Saturdays besides sit at home and feel lonely. Holly had told her that she came for the same reasons. Why else volunteer for no credit and no pay? At least Kathleen was paid for working most Saturdays.
“If I don’t get my grades up, I’m not going to graduate. My counselor called me in on Friday and delivered the bad news.”
“You’re kidding!”
“Does this look like the face of a kidder?”
Holly shook her head. “How can I help?”
“Study with me. Make me crack the books. I really don’t want to be stuck in summer school, or worse, have to take the equivalency test to get my diploma.” They’d used to study in the library together all the time. Before the world fell apart. “You still study, don’t you?”
Holly reddened. “It keeps my mind busy.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to sound sarcastic.” Raina took a breath. “You’re smart, Holly. The smartest of all of us. I’m jealous because I can’t get my act together.”
Raina’s smile looked watery, but Holly understood. “The books are a retreat for me. A place to hide when my brain g
ets full of stuff I can’t dump … stuff I don’t want to think about, or remember.”
“I guess we all have our hiding places.”
Dishes and glassware clanked as the cafeteria filled with lunchtime personnel. “So, how are you doing with the new boyfriend?”
Holly shrugged. “It’s not the romance of the century, but I like him. He likes me more than I like him, but that’s the way it is right now. Besides, I don’t see all that much of him because he works with his dad in the summer. His parents own a little restaurant over in Tarpon Springs.”
“You used to live for the day you’d have a boyfriend.”
“It’s not as important as I once thought.”
Raina’s cell phone played music foretelling that Kathleen was calling. She flipped it open. “Hey, Kathleen. What’s up?”
“I need to talk. I just found out that my mom’s going to marry this Stewart guy. Can you believe it?”
seventeen
“WHAT’S THE PROBLEM with your mom wanting to get married?” Raina asked. She and Holly had driven straight to Kathleen’s when they had finished at the hospital for the day. Mary Ellen had gone out for the evening with Stewart.
Kathleen restlessly paced the living room floor. “Hel-lo—she hardly knows this man!”
“Actually, marriage sounds logical to me,” Raina offered. “You’re going off to college. She’ll be alone. Why not get married?”
“I’m going to USF—right down the street. I’d planned to live at home to save money.”
“So?” Holly asked.
Kathleen threw her arms up in disgust. “I don’t want to live in the same house with this … this stranger!”
“He won’t be a stranger. He’ll be her husband,” Holly said.
“Your stepfather,” Raina added.
This brought Kathleen to a standstill. “I don’t want a stepfather.”