Eve's flesh25 as any in Illyria.
MARIA Peace, you rogue, no more o'that. Here comes my
lady: make your excuse wisely, you were best.27
[Exit]
Enter Lady Olivia with Malvolio [and Attendants]
Aside
FESTE Wit, an't28 be thy will, put me into good
fooling! Those wits, that think they have thee, do very oft
prove fools, and I that am sure I lack thee, may pass for a wise
man. For what says Quinapalus?31 'Better a witty fool than a
To Olivia
foolish wit.'-- God bless thee, lady.
To Attendants
OLIVIA Take the fool away.
FESTE Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.
OLIVIA Go to, you're a dry35 fool. I'll no more of you. Besides,
you grow dishonest.36
FESTE Two faults, Madonna37, that drink and good counsel
will amend. For give the dry fool drink, then is the fool not
dry: bid the dishonest man mend39 himself. If he mend, he is
no longer dishonest; if he cannot, let the botcher40 mend him.
Anything that's mended is but patched41: virtue that
transgresses is but patched with sin, and sin that amends is
but patched with virtue. If that this simple syllogism43 will
serve, so. If it will not, what remedy? As there is no true44
cuckold but calamity, so beauty's a flower.45 The lady bade
take away the fool: therefore, I say again, take her away.
OLIVIA Sir, I bade them take away you.
FESTE Misprision48 in the highest degree! Lady, cucullus non
facit monachum: that's as much to say as I wear not motley49 in
my brain. Good madonna, give me leave50 to prove you a fool.
OLIVIA Can you do it?
FESTE Dexteriously52, good madonna.
OLIVIA Make your proof.
FESTE I must catechize you for it, madonna. Good my54
mouse of virtue, answer me.
OLIVIA Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I'll bide56 your
proof.
FESTE Good madonna, why mourn'st thou?
OLIVIA Good fool, for my brother's death.
FESTE I think his soul is in hell, madonna.
OLIVIA I know his soul is in heaven, fool.
FESTE The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your
brother's soul being in heaven. Take away the fool,
gentlemen.
OLIVIA What think you of this fool, Malvolio? Doth he not
mend?66
MALVOLIO Yes, and shall do till the pangs of death shake him.
Infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever make the better
fool.
FESTE God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the better
increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be sworn that I am no fox71,
but he will not pass72 his word for twopence that you are no
fool.
OLIVIA How say you to that, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a
barren rascal. I saw him put down the other day with76 an
ordinary fool that has no more brain than a stone.77 Look you
now, he's out of his guard78 already. Unless you laugh and
minister occasion to him, he is gagged. I protest79, I take these
wise men, that crow so at these set80 kind of fools, no better
than the fools' zanies.81
OLIVIA O, you are sick of82 self-love, Malvolio, and taste with
a distempered appetite. To be generous, guiltless and of free83
disposition is to take those things for bird-bolts84 that you
deem cannon-bullets. There is no slander in an allowed85 fool,
though he do nothing but rail86; nor no railing in a known
discreet man, though he do nothing but reprove.87
FESTE Now Mercury endue thee with leasing88, for thou
speak'st well of fools.
Enter Maria
MARIA Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman
much desires to speak with you.
OLIVIA From the Count Orsino, is it?
MARIA I know not, madam. 'Tis a fair young man, and well
attended.
OLIVIA Who of my people hold him in delay?
MARIA Sir Toby, madam, your kinsman.
OLIVIA Fetch him off, I pray you. He speaks nothing but
madman. Fie98 on him!--
[Exit Maria]
Go you, Malvolio; if it be a suit from the count, I am sick, or
not at home. What you will100, to dismiss it.--
Exit Malvolio
Now you see, sir, how your fooling grows old101, and people
dislike it.
FESTE Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest
son should be a fool, whose skull Jove104 cram with brains,
for -- here he comes --
Enter Sir Toby
one of thy kin has a most weak pia mater.106
To Sir Toby
OLIVIA By mine honour, half drunk.--
What is he at the gate, cousin?
SIR TOBY A gentleman.
OLIVIA A gentleman? What gentleman?
Belches/To Feste
SIR TOBY 'Tis a gentleman here--
a plague o'these pickle herring!-- How now, sot?112
FESTE Good Sir Toby!
OLIVIA Cousin, cousin, how have you come so early by this
lethargy?115
SIR TOBY Lechery? I defy lechery. There's one116 at the gate.
OLIVIA Ay, marry, what is he?
SIR TOBY Let him be the devil, an he will, I care not. Give me
faith, say I. Well, it's all one.119
Exit
OLIVIA What's a drunken man like, fool?
FESTE Like a drowned man, a fool and a madman: one121
draught above heat makes him a fool, the second mads him,
and a third drowns123 him.
OLIVIA Go thou and seek the crowner, and let him sit o'my124
coz, for he's in the third degree of drink: he's drowned. Go
look after him.
FESTE He is but mad yet, madonna, and the fool shall look
to the madman.
[Exit]
Enter Malvolio
MALVOLIO Madam, yond129 young fellow swears he will speak
with you. I told him you were sick, he takes on him to130
understand so much, and therefore comes to speak with
you. I told him you were asleep -- he seems to have a
foreknowledge of that too -- and therefore comes to speak
with you. What is to be said to him, lady? He's fortified
against any denial.
OLIVIA Tell him he shall not speak with me.
MALVOLIO He's been told so, and he says he'll stand at your
door like a sheriff's post, and be the supporter to a bench138, but
he'll speak with you.
OLIVIA What kind o'man is he?
MALVOLIO Why, of mankind.141
OLIVIA What manner of man?
MALVOLIO Of very ill manner. He'll speak with you, will you143
or no.
OLIVIA Of what personage145 and years is he?
MALVOLIO Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough
for a boy. As a squash is before 'tis a peascod, or a codling147
when 'tis almost an apple: 'tis with him in standing water148,
between boy and man. He is very well-favoured149 and he
speaks very shrewishly.150 One would think his mother's milk
were scarce out of him.
OLIVIA Let him approach. Call in my gentlewoman.
MALVOLIO Gentlewoman, my lady calls.
Exit
Enter Maria
OLIVIA Give me my veil. Come, throw it o'er my face. We'll once more hear Orsi
no's embassy.155
She is veiled
Enter Viola [and Attendants]
VIOLA The honourable lady of the house, which is she?
OLIVIA Speak to me, I shall answer for her. Your will?
VIOLA Most radiant, exquisite and unmatchable beauty --
I pray you tell me if this be the lady of the house, for I never
saw her. I would be loath to cast away160 my speech, for besides
that it is excellently well penned161, I have taken great pains to
con it. Good beauties, let me sustain162 no scorn; I am very
comptible, even to the least sinister163 usage.
OLIVIA Whence came you, sir?
VIOLA I can say little more than I have studied165, and that
question's out of my part. Good gentle one, give me modest166
assurance, if you be the lady of the house, that I may
proceed in my speech.
OLIVIA Are you a comedian?169
VIOLA No, my profound heart.170 And yet, by the very fangs
of malice, I swear I am not that I play.171 Are you the lady of the
house?
OLIVIA If I do not usurp173 myself, I am.
VIOLA Most certain, if you are she, you do usurp yourself,
for what is yours to bestow is not yours to reserve.175 But this is
from my commission.176 I will on with my speech in your
praise, and then show you the heart of my message.
OLIVIA Come to what is important in't. I forgive178 you the
praise.
VIOLA Alas, I took great pains to study it, and 'tis poetical.
OLIVIA It is the more like to be feigned. I pray you keep it in.181
I heard you were saucy182 at my gates, and allowed your
approach rather to wonder183 at you than to hear you. If you be
not mad, be gone. If you have reason, be brief. 'Tis not that184
time of moon with me to make one in so skipping185 a dialogue.
MARIA Will you hoist sail186, sir? Here lies your way.
VIOLA No, good swabber, I am to hull187 here a little longer.
Some mollification for your giant188, sweet lady; tell me your
mind, I am a messenger.
OLIVIA Sure, you have some hideous matter to deliver,
when the courtesy of it is so fearful. Speak your office.191
VIOLA It alone concerns your ear. I bring no overture192 of
war, no taxation of homage; I hold the olive193 in my hand. My
words are as full of peace as matter.194
OLIVIA Yet you began rudely.195 What are you? What would
you?
VIOLA The rudeness that hath appeared in me have I
learned from my entertainment.198 What I am, and what I
would, are as secret as maidenhead: to your ears, divinity199: to
any other's, profanation.200
OLIVIA Give us the place alone. We will hear this divinity.
[Exeunt Maria and Attendants]
Now, sir, what is your text?202
VIOLA Most sweet lady--
OLIVIA A comfortable204 doctrine, and much may be said of it.
Where lies your text?
VIOLA In Orsino's bosom.206
OLIVIA In his bosom? In what chapter207 of his bosom?
VIOLA To answer by the method208, in the first of his heart.
OLIVIA O, I have read it: it is heresy. Have you no more to
say?
VIOLA Good madam, let me see your face.
OLIVIA Have you any commission from your lord to
negotiate with my face? You are now out of213 your text. But we will draw the curtain214 and show you the picture.
Unveils
Look you, sir, such a one I was this present.215 Is't not well
done?
VIOLA Excellently done, if God did all.217
OLIVIA 'Tis in grain218, sir, 'twill endure wind and weather.
VIOLA 'Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white219
Nature's own sweet and cunning220 hand laid on.
Lady, you are the cruell'st she221 alive,
If you will lead these graces222 to the grave
And leave the world no copy.223
OLIVIA O, sir, I will not be so hard-hearted. I will give out
divers schedules of my beauty. It shall be inventoried225, and
every particle and utensil226 labelled to my will: as, item, two
lips, indifferent227 red: item, two grey eyes, with lids to them:
item, one neck, one chin and so forth. Were you sent hither
to praise229 me?
VIOLA I see you what you are, you are too proud.
But if231 you were the devil, you are fair.
My lord and master loves you. O, such love
Could be but recompensed, though233 you were crowned
The nonpareil234 of beauty!
OLIVIA How does he love me?
VIOLA With adorations, fertile236 tears,
With groans that thunder love, with sighs of fire.
OLIVIA Your lord does know my mind: I cannot love him.
Yet I suppose239 him virtuous, know him noble,
Of great estate, of fresh and stainless youth;
In voices well divulged, free241, learned and valiant,
And in dimension and the shape of nature242
A gracious243 person; but yet I cannot love him.
He might have took his answer long ago.
VIOLA If I did love you in my master's flame245,
With such a suff'ring, such a deadly246 life,
In your denial I would find no sense,
I would not understand it.
OLIVIA Why, what would you?
VIOLA Make me a willow cabin250 at your gate,
And call upon my soul251 within the house,
Write loyal cantons of contemned252 love
And sing them loud even in the dead of night,
Hallow your name to the reverberate254 hills
And make the babbling gossip255 of the air
Cry out 'Olivia!' O, you should not rest
Between the elements of air and earth,
But you should pity me!
OLIVIA You might do much. What is your parentage?
VIOLA Above my fortunes, yet my state is well260:
I am a gentleman.
OLIVIA Get you to your lord.
I cannot love him. Let him send no more,
Unless, perchance, you come to me again,
To tell me how he takes it. Fare you well:
I thank you for your pains. Spend this for me.
Offers a purse
VIOLA I am no fee'd post267, lady; keep your purse.
My master, not myself, lacks recompense.
Love make his heart of flint that you shall love269,
And let your fervour, like my master's, be
Placed in contempt! Farewell, fair cruelty.
Exit
OLIVIA 'What is your parentage?'
'Above my fortunes, yet my state is well;
I am a gentleman.' I'll be sworn thou art.
Thy tongue, thy face, thy limbs, actions and spirit,
Do give thee five-fold blazon. Not too fast. Soft276, soft!
Unless the master were the man.277 How now?
Even so quickly may one catch the plague?278
Methinks I feel this youth's perfections
With an invisible and subtle stealth
To creep in at mine eyes. Well, let it be.
What ho, Malvolio!
Enter Malvolio
MALVOLIO Here, madam, at your service.
OLIVIA Run after that same peevish284 messenger,
The county's285 man. He left this ring behind him,
Gives a ring
Would I286 or not. Tell him I'll none of it.
Desire him not to flatter with287 his lord,
Nor hold him up with hopes.288 I am not for him. br />
If that the youth will come this way tomorrow,
I'll give him reasons for't. Hie290 thee, Malvolio.
MALVOLIO Madam, I will.
Exit
OLIVIA I do I know not what, and fear to find
Mine eye too great a flatterer for my mind.293
Fate, show thy force. Ourselves we do not owe.294
What is decreed must be, and be this so.
[Exit]
Act 2 Scene 1
running scene 6
Enter Antonio and Sebastian
ANTONIO Will you stay no longer? Nor will you not1 that I go
with you?
SEBASTIAN By your patience, no. My stars shine darkly3 over me;
the malignancy of my fate might perhaps distemper4 yours;
therefore I shall crave of you your leave5 that I may bear my
evils6 alone. It were a bad recompense for your love to lay any
of them on you.
ANTONIO Let me yet know of you whither you are bound.
SEBASTIAN No, sooth, sir: my determinate9 voyage is mere
extravagancy.10 But I perceive in you so excellent a touch of
modesty that you will not extort from me what I am willing11
to keep in. Therefore it charges me in manners12 the rather to
express13 myself. You must know of me then, Antonio, my
name is Sebastian, which I called14 Roderigo. My father was
that Sebastian of Messaline15 whom I know you have heard of.
He left behind him myself and a sister, both born in an hour.16
If the heavens had been pleased, would we had so ended. But
you, sir, altered that, for some18 hour before you took me from
the breach19 of the sea was my sister drowned.
ANTONIO Alas the day!
SEBASTIAN A lady, sir, though it was said she much resembled
me, was yet of many accounted beautiful. But though I
could not with such estimable wonder overfar23 believe that,
yet thus far I will boldly publish24 her: she bore a mind that
envy25 could not but call fair. She is drowned already, sir, with
salt water, though I seem to drown her remembrance again
with more.27
ANTONIO Pardon me, sir, your bad entertainment.28
SEBASTIAN O, good Antonio, forgive me your trouble.29
ANTONIO If you will not murder me for my love30, let me be your
servant.
SEBASTIAN If you will not undo what you have done, that is, kill
him whom you have recovered33, desire it not. Fare ye well at
once. My bosom is full of kindness, and I am yet34 so near the
manners of my mother35 that upon the least occasion more
mine eyes will tell tales of me.36 I am bound to the Count
Orsino's court. Farewell.
Exit
ANTONIO The gentleness38 of all the gods go with thee!
I have many enemies in Orsino's court,
Else40 would I very shortly see thee there.
But come what may, I do adore thee so,
That danger shall seem sport42, and I will go.
Exit
Act 2 Scene 2