“I … I can stay a bit longer.” Sierra decided she would wait out this waking hallucination with her grandma and go to school as soon as she knew Granna Mae was thinking clearly again.
“Oh, dear!” Granna Mae said, looking at the clock. It’s 8:25. I’ve made you late for school, haven’t I, Lovey?”
Sierra froze. She called me Lovey. She’s never called me that unless she’s thinking in the present. What if she’s telling the truth?
With her mind scrambling at a furious pace, Sierra popped up and said, “That’s okay. Why don’t you finish up here? I’m going downstairs for a few minutes.” She closed the door behind her and raced down the stairs to the study. In the top drawer of the old rolltop oak desk was the phone book. Sierra pulled it out and frantically flipped the pages until she found Dr. Utley’s number. She dialed, and the minute the receptionist answered, she said, “Yes, I need to talk with Dr. Utley right away. It’s very important. My name is Sierra Jensen.”
“One moment, please.”
The moment felt like an hour as Sierra waited. She could hear her grandmother’s footsteps upstairs in the bedroom right above her. “Come on, come on!” she breathed into the phone.
“Dr. Utley speaking.”
“Yes, hello. My name is Sierra Jensen, and my grandmother is Mae Jensen. I’m sorry to bother you, but she thinks that you called her this morning, and that she’s supposed to have an operation. But, you see, I don’t know exactly what to believe because her mind sometimes plays tricks on her and—”
“I see,” the doctor said, interrupting her. “Is your mother there?”
“No,” Sierra said. “I just wondered if you’d mind talking with her and setting her straight.”
“Actually,” the doctor said. “I think you’re the one I need to set straight. Your grandmother had some tests yesterday, and her regular doctor sent me the results. She has several gallstones. One has escaped from her gallbladder and is clogging her bile duct. I’ve scheduled her for surgery this morning at eleven. She needs to be at the hospital by nine.”
Sierra felt as if someone had sucked all the air out of the room. “Okay,” she finally managed to say. “I’ll take her right away.” She hung up the phone and took a deep breath. Her heart pounded.
“Lovey,” came the calm, birdlike voice from the stairs, “I’m ready to go.”
three
ST. MARY’S HOSPITAL was only a few miles from Granna Mae’s house. Sierra found a parking place near the entrance, and they checked in at the front desk at ten minutes before nine. Granna Mae had to sign papers, and then they were sent up the elevator to a room where Granna Mae was instructed to change into a hospital gown and wait on the bed.
“I’ll be right back,” Sierra said, thinking this would be a good time to call her mom.
“Not yet, Lovey. You need to watch the door for me. I don’t want one of those male nurses barging in on me while I’m changing.”
Sierra drew the curtain around the bed and stood watch by the door. She had to stop a lab technician. “She’s changing,” Sierra explained. “It’ll just be a minute.”
“Is that Ted?” Granna Mae called out.
Sierra bit her lip and felt her heart pounding at top speed again. Ted was Sierra’s grandfather. He had died when she was a toddler. This time Granna Mae had to be confused.
“My name’s Larry, ma’am. I need to take a sample of your blood. You let me know when you’re ready for me.”
“I’m ready,” the calm voice replied.
Sierra drew back the curtain. Granna Mae was in the bed with the white sheet pulled up to her chin. She had an innocent, passive look on her face. The sparkle she had exhibited earlier this morning was gone.
“Make a fist for me,” Larry said as he reached for her creamy white arm. “A little poke here … Hold on, I’m almost finished … There. Bend your arm and hold this right here.”
Granna Mae didn’t even flinch. She glanced at Sierra and smiled. Oh, my dear Granna Mae! Who do you think I am when you look at me? One of your daughters? A nurse? Do you even know I’m here? I wish I knew what you do!
For the next hour Sierra didn’t leave Granna Mae’s bedside. They didn’t talk much. At least Sierra didn’t talk much. Granna Mae asked for things like a blue scarf she said she had left in the car and a cup of coffee. She wanted to know what time they were leaving. None of it made sense. Sierra agreed to everything but didn’t move.
Granna Mae didn’t seem to notice. She willingly signed a form listing all the items she had brought to the hospital. She went to the bathroom when the nurse told her to, surrendered her arm for the IV, and only winced slightly when the needle was inserted. In a way, Sierra was thankful for the cushion of illogical thought that padded her grandmother’s preparation for surgery.
When it came time to wheel her off, Sierra asked if she could speak briefly with the doctor.
“Come with us,” the nurse advised. Sierra followed her, walking alongside of Granna Mae’s rolling bed. Impulsively Sierra reached over and grasped her grandma’s hand, squeezing it as they moved down the corridor. Granna Mae’s hands were elegant, silky white, and softly wrinkled.
“Do you mind waiting here?” the nurse asked.
The hospital bed was wheeled forward, and Sierra reluctantly let go of Granna Mae’s hand. “ ‘Bye,” she whispered.
A moment later, an older man dressed in mint green hospital garb approached Sierra. “Are you Mae’s daughter?”
“Granddaughter,” Sierra corrected him. “Yes, I’m Sierra. I wanted you to know that she’s a little confused. She was fine this morning, after you called, but now she seems mixed up. I don’t know if that makes any difference with the surgery, but I wanted you to know.”
“I appreciate it,” he said, patting Sierra’s hand. “Don’t worry. She’ll be fine. Will you be able to sit with her in the recovery? I think it would help her to see a familiar face when she wakes up.”
“Yes, I’ll be here.”
Sierra felt a huge knot tightening in the pit of her stomach. She knew she had to call her mom and let her know what was happening. But dozens of obstacles were in her way. First, she didn’t know Aunt Gayle’s phone number, and she didn’t know if she should go home to find it or stay nearby while Granna Mae was in surgery. She decided she shouldn’t leave the hospital.
Maybe the best thing would be to call her brother and his wife. They would have the number, and they could call Mom.
Sierra scrounged through the bottom of her backpack and found she didn’t have enough money to make a longdistance phone call. She would have to phone collect. Katrina would understand. Oh, how I hate not having my own cell phone!
The only problem was Katrina wasn’t home, and the operator wouldn’t let her leave a message on the answering machine. So there she was, with no money and no further along in her quest. Her only choice was to go home.
Once inside the big, empty house, Sierra went about placing her phone calls. First, she phoned Aunt Gayle’s, where she left a message on the machine. She didn’t want to freak out Mom by telling her Granna Mae was in the hospital. All she said was, “Hi, it’s Sierra. Mom, when you have a chance, could you call home today … right away. I need to talk to you.” She hung up and wondered if the message should have been more urgent.
Jotting down the number, Sierra tucked it in her backpack and decided to try to call it later from the hospital. Then she punched in Cody’s number again and left a message on his machine for him to call her at home. Again, she didn’t mention Granna Mae or the operation.
Sierra grabbed a carton of orange juice, a couple of granola bars, and all the spare change she could find in the kitchen drawer where Mom kept her stash. It was mostly coins recovered from the dryer, which Mom claimed were her “tips.”
Then Sierra hurried back to the hospital, where she waited for nearly two hours. Twice she tried Aunt Gayle’s, but each time she hung up right before the answering machine picked up on the call so she
could retrieve her change. She didn’t know what else she could do but sit and wait for Granna Mae to be released from surgery. It seemed like the slowest couple of hours in her life.
At about one-thirty a nurse came into the waiting room and told Sierra she could be with her grandmother in the recovery room. There, in a straight-back chair, Sierra waited for a few hours, half dozing, half flipping through a few magazines. She thought she should try to call Mom again but didn’t. What if Granna Mae woke up while she was gone?
Sierra pulled out the last granola bar and took a chomp. Just then she heard a low groan.
“I’m right here,” Sierra said, hopping up and standing beside the bed. Something inside her welled up and made her want to burst into tears. Her sweet grandma looked so helpless, lying there hooked up to all those tubes. She gently reached for Granna Mae’s hand. “It’s okay,” Sierra said, as much to comfort herself as Granna Mae. “You’re going to be fine.”
A nurse came in and went about her duties as Sierra stepped to the side. “I’ll be right back,” Sierra said. “If she says anything, tell her Sierra will be right back.”
She scooted down the hall to the pay phone and tried Aunt Gayle’s number. It was busy. She waited a few minutes and tried again. Still busy. It made her nervous, as if she were going to get in trouble for bringing Granna Mae in for surgery without asking anyone’s permission.
She tried the number again. This time it rang. She assumed someone was there and let it ring four times, but the answering machine picked it up after the fourth ring.
“Hi, it’s Sierra again. Mom, I really need to talk to you. Ummm …” She didn’t know how much she should say. “I, uh.,” she stammered. Then fearing that she might run out of time to leave her message, she blurted out, “I’m at the hospital with Granna Mae—” Before she could finish her sentence, the machine beeped loudly in her ear and cut off her sentence.
“Oh great,” she muttered, fumbling to find some more change, then realizing she didn’t have enough. Not enough to call Phoenix. Feeling exasperated, Sierra hurried back to the recovery room to check on Granna Mae. But when she got there, Granna Mae was gone.
four
“EXCUSE ME. I’m looking for Mae Jensen. Do you know where they moved her?” Sierra asked.
A uniformed nurse with a clipboard scanned her list and said, “Room 417. The elevator is at the end of the hall.”
Sierra breathed a sigh of relief. For a moment she had feared something had gone wrong, and they had taken her grandmother back into surgery.
Sierra stepped calmly into the elevator and decided she had been watching too many hospital shows on TV lately. Room 417 was in the middle of the hall near the nurses’ station, and Granna Mae appeared to be sleeping soundly when Sierra entered.
Granna Mae had a distinctive snore. It was faint and steady, a sort of ruffling of the air.
Sierra stood beside her and spoke softly. “It’s me, Sierra. Are you feeling okay? I prayed for you. I’m sure everything went just fine.”
Just then Dr. Utley stepped into the room and asked, “Has she awakened yet?”
“Not really. Not all the way.”
“She’ll probably sleep for the next few hours. The anesthesia has most likely worn off by now, but she’s on some pretty strong painkillers, and those tend to cause drowsiness.” Dr. Utley looked closely at Granna Mae’s face and did a quick scan of the IV tubes. “She looks good. I’m sure she’ll be fine. We were fortunate we spotted the problem when we did. She only had two gallstones, but they were both large. I had to make an incision about six inches long right here.” He traced his fingers across his abdomen, under his right rib cage.
Sierra resisted the urge to clutch her stomach. She felt queasy just hearing about the surgery and decided she didn’t want to see the incision.
“I’ll need to keep her here about a week. She’ll be groggy the first few days, but it will help her to know you’re here.” Dr. Utley smiled at Sierra. “You do know, don’t you, that your grandmother is a remarkable woman?”
Sierra smiled back. “I’ve always thought so.”
“It wouldn’t surprise me a bit if she bounced back from this in half the time of most patients her age.”
Sierra lowered her voice, just in case Granna Mae could hear her. “It makes it even more difficult to see her body still strong but her mind …” She trailed off, not sure how to complete that sentence.
“I know,” Dr. Utley said, nodding his understanding. “A little patience and a lot of love go a long way.” He glanced at his watch, and then with a renewed spring in his voice, said, “Well, I have a plane to catch and a very long-overdue vacation waiting for me. I’ve assigned my associate, Dr. Adams, to take over for me. He will probably stop by sometime this evening.”
“Thank you,” Sierra said. “And have a great vacation!”
“I plan to,” he answered on his way out the door.
Sierra moved closer to the bed and tried to talk to Granna Mae again. “Did you hear that? Dr. Adams will be checking in on you. I’ll stay as long as you want me to. If you need anything, just tell me, okay?”
When Granna Mae responded with a slightly deeper snore, Sierra settled into the upholstered corner chair. She tucked her legs up underneath her and looked out the window. The room faced another row of hospital rooms. Four floors down, in the center of the complex, was a lush garden. It was raining, and in the sky above, streaks of dark gray clouds seemed to be dropping lower while another layer of lighter gray clouds appeared fixed in place, blocking out the blue sky. A typical spring afternoon in Portland.
Sierra thought about all that had happened to her during the past few months. In January she had gone to England on a missions trip. She had become close friends with three of her roommates, Christy, Katie, and Tracy. Even though they were older, Sierra felt she could fit in with them just fine, better than she fit in with most people her own age. While she was in England, her family had moved to Portland from a small mountain community in northern California. In Pineville, Sierra had known everyone, and everyone knew her. She was one of the most popular girls in her high school. Here, she was nobody.
Going to a Christian school in Portland had seemed like a good idea because it was so much smaller than the public schools and therefore more like the high school she had attended in Pineville. But after returning from England, Sierra found it hard to settle back into her junior year. She started off poorly, and although things had leveled out, she still hadn’t connected with any of the other students. Of course, a lot of it was her fault. She hadn’t worked very hard to make friends. But still, it was a Christian school, and she would have thought the students would be friendlier to her than the mobs at the public school. It didn’t seem to be turning out that way.
Granna Mae stirred, and Sierra peeked over at her. She settled back into a rhythmic snore, and Sierra went back to daydreaming out the window.
Sierra knew she had to keep her appointment for the job interview at the flower shop tomorrow, even though she felt as if she shouldn’t leave Granna Mae. Without the job, she had no spending money. Without the spending money, she would never break into the circles of students at Royal Academy.
One time, some of the girls had invited her to go out for pizza on a Friday night. Sierra had agreed to go, but when Amy came by to pick her up that evening, her parents weren’t home to ask for money, and Sierra didn’t have even a dollar in change.
Amy seemed to understand when Sierra used the excuse of not being able to clear going out with her parents. But that was two weeks ago, and Amy hadn’t invited her to do anything again. Sierra felt certain the job would be the key to her social life.
For hours she sat listening to Granna Mae’s breathing, greeting each nurse who slipped in to check on the patient. Sierra’s stomach began to grumble, and she thought she should go home to find something to eat and to try to call Mom again. But she didn’t want to leave until Granna Mae had awakened enough to know Sierra was
there.
Finally, when it was growing dark, she gave in. Sierra stopped at the nurses’ station and explained that she would be gone only an hour or maybe even less. They smiled but seemed absorbed in their routine and not nearly as concerned about Granna Mae as she was.
It felt strange walking up the dark steps of the old house and unlocking the front door. She had never been there by herself. In a family of six children, she rarely had been home by herself. It gave her the creeps to step into a silent entryway and grope for the light switch on the wall.
The smell comforted her. It was a subtle mixture of cinnamon and mothballs. The scent hinted at childhood memories of her favorite hiding place during a game of hide-and-seek, the great, deep downstairs hall closet with the fuzzy red and yellow wallpaper. She would scrunch up in the back corner behind the winter coats and draw in that mothball, cinnamon fragrance.
One summer her dad had read a story to them about four children stepping through a closet full of old coats and entering a magical place called Narnia. Sierra believed it really could happen. As a matter of fact, she was convinced that Granna Mae’s closet was equally enchanted, and if she entered it at just the right time, she too would be transported to Narnia. She had tried many times, up until about the age of eleven. Even though she stopped trying, in her heart, she still believed.
It was a wonderful dream, and one she wished she could surrender to right now. How comforting to curl up in that closet. But she was sixteen and responsible for her grandmother’s welfare.
The first thing Sierra did was try to call her mom again. This time her uncle answered. “Hi, it’s Sierra.”
Before she had a chance to say another word, her uncle started to shout into the phone. “Where are you? What is going on? What was the phone message all about? Sharon, come here! It’s your daughter.”
Uncle Darren had never been Sierra’s favorite.
Sierra’s mom spoke into the phone. Her voice sounded calm in a forced way that told Sierra her mother was stressed. If Mom were home now, she would put on her jogging clothes and run until she was good and sweaty. “Are you okay, Sierra?”