"You gave these up for a reason," I said. "What was it?"
"Give them back." He held out his hand demandingly, mouth flat and unimpressed.
"You made the choice to stop using them months ago, didn't you? Why did you do that, Jimmy? Tell me."
He declined to answer. Instead, slowly he moved left. So I of course moved right, keeping the same distance and the bulk of the table between us. Safety mattered.
"Lena," he said in a low voice. "I don't feel like going out in this storm to buy another pack tonight so you are going to give those back to me. And then you're going to keep your pretty little nose out what doesn't concern you."
"No."
"That's an order, Lena."
Did he really still think orders worked with me? By the firm set of his jaw, I guessed yes. Crazy wishful thinking on his part.
"Let's compromise here," I said, pulling a chair out from beneath the table. "I think we should sit down and talk about this like adults. Discuss the pros and cons, and make sure you're making an informed decision."
His big body held preternaturally still, strong fingers grasping the back of the chair in front of him. "Sure. We can do that."
"Thank you. That's all I'm asking."
Slowly, he sat himself down in the chair. The he cocked his head, waiting for me to do likewise. Veins in his neck and arms stood out against the skin. Please, as if he wasn't ready to pounce. The man must think I was an idiot. My breath quickened, breasts rising and falling beneath my shirt. For a moment his gaze stayed caught on them, color lighting his face. Boobs did make for an awesome distraction.
I might not be able to stop him smoking long term. I knew that. But I was sure as hell stopping him for tonight and then talking to him properly about it. Sadly, he sat between me and the garbage composter which would have made short work of destroying the things. I'd have to get inventive.
"Okay. I'm really glad we can be reasonable about this." I pretended to start lowering my curvy butt onto the chair. "Thanks for agreeing to talk it out with me, Jimmy."
Shiny sharp teeth filled in his handsome smile. "Course, Lena. Anything for you."
"That's so sweet." I smiled.
And then I bolted.
Adrenaline surged through me and my legs were pumping for all I was worth. I'd flush the fuckers in the bathroom off the front hallway. Perfect. Lucky it wasn't that far because even with the head start, he was gaining fast. Given he liked jogging and I liked pie, this was to be expected.
The chiming of the front door bell echoed through the house. It kept time with the pounding of my heart and the thumping of Jimmy's heavy footsteps behind me. I grabbed hold of the edge of the bathroom door, socked feet slipping on the slick marble floor. So close now. Jimmy's arm looped around my waist, drawing me back. But with his bare feet and my socked ones, neither of us had great traction. We did, however, have a lot of momentum. I flew forward, feet leaving the cold hard ground. If it wasn't for Jimmy's hold I'd have cracked open my chin on the hallway floor. As it was, my knees bore some of the impact, but he took the brunt. His palm smacked hard against the marble floor, breaking our fall and holding me up those few necessary inches to spare my face from meeting its doom. I lost my grip and the pack of cigarettes skittered across the floor, stopping.
Again the doorbell rang.
My hair had escaped its topknot, falling in my face in a dark tangle. I spied the pack a few yards out from the front door and scurried forward, clawing after the damn thing.
Jimmy put a halt to this by simply lowering his monstrous weight on top of me, trapping me belly down. Muscle made him approximately the same bulk as a baby elephant.
It turned out then when squished, I made a sound horribly close to "oomph-urgh."
Jimmy laughed most evilly.
"Get off me," I yelled, wriggling beneath him.
"Are you going to give this up?" His breath was warm against my ear, the length of his body pressed against my back. In any other situation, it'd be damn arousing. My ass accidentally rubbed against his groin and oh wow, holy hell. A hot flush swept straight through me.
Damn. So, it was arousing. "Never!"
"You're not going to win." Sweaty fingers wrapped around my wrist, holding it back from reaching the treasure. I could feel his cock firming, pressing against my rear. Hell, now he was enjoying it too much too. It had to be just a physical response on his part. "You're being ridiculous."
"Oh, and you're not?" I panted, nipples drilling holes into the marble flooring.
"Lena--"
Someone banged on the front door. Huh, that's right, we had a visitor outside waiting in the storm. All while we wrestled it out in a pseudo-sexual manner on the front entry floor. Excellent.
Keys jangled and the lock turned, then David Ferris came in along with a gust of bitingly cold wet air. A damp late-autumn leaf slapped me in the face. Jimmy carefully peeled it off before I could react. The wind cut off as David shut the door behind him. He stood frowning down at us.
"Guys," he said, eyes alight with laughter. "You taking up wrestling or what?"
"Why yes." I tapped my short fingers nails against the floor, put my head in my hand. "It was too wet for Jimmy to go jogging, so ... yeah. Had to improvise."
David's tongue played behind his cheek, his smile huge. "Right. Great."
On my back, Jimmy groaned. "She was acting nuts about something. Long story."
"I was doing my job and caring for your welfare," I said. "Will you get off me already?"
Then David noticed the pack of cigarettes at his feet. Shit. The wrinkles on his forehead were too numerous to count. With the toe of his combat boot, he kicked them toward us. Lightning quick, Jimmy snatched them. Dammit.
"You start smoking again, Jim?" His brother's voice expressed great displeasure and disappointment. Every inch of Jimmy tensed against my back.
"They're mine," I said.
"No, they're not." My boss's gargantuan mass disappeared off of me. Before I could return myself to an upright position, hands gripped me beneath the arms. I was lifted back up onto my feet like I weighed no more than a dandelion.
Jimmy cleared his throat. "Something else for you to disapprove of about me, right Dave?"
"That's not the way it is," his brother said, face somber. "I've been trying to call you all week."
"Yeah. Sorry, been busy."
"Right."
The two brothers just sort of stared at one another. This reunion was not going well at all. If Jimmy had his lips any more tightly pinned together they'd have disappeared from existence. Women everywhere would mourn their loss. Or at least I would.
The pain and regret in David's eyes was horrible to see. Surely Jimmy would forgive him. He was family. Mind you, I wasn't exactly the poster child for absolving siblings. But these two were different, they loved each other.
"It's good you came over," I said. "How's Ev?"
"Fine. Thanks." David nodded.
"We're just in the middle of something here, Dave." Fingers wrapped crushingly tight around the cigarette pack, Jimmy did his usual avoidance thing. He glared at the floor like it'd eaten the last Reece's Pieces mini-cup in the pack. Not that he ate chocolate, but you get what I mean.
"I'll catch you later," he said dismissively, not even looking at his brother.
My spirits dived. "Jimmy--"
"Later okay, Dave?" His firm voice echoed through the room. The silence that followed it was awful.
"Don't." I stepped closer to him, keeping my voice low. "You two should talk."
"It's okay, Lena." David scratched his head, gave me a mildly embarrassed look. Water dripped off his coat, forming puddles at his feet. "We'll talk when he's ready."
Jaw set, Jimmy stared down at me, saying nothing.
Without another word David turned and opened the door, heading back out into the storm. Jimmy swung the door shut. Plastic crinkled as he crushed the pack of cigarettes into nothing more than mangled rubbish.
"Go
after him. Now." I jogged over to the hallway closet and threw open the door, grabbing the first jacket I found.
He hurled the mess of cardboard and tobacco onto the side table. The cigarettes had definitely met their end.
"Be quiet, Lena."
"No. You only have one brother and he's actually a pretty decent guy," I said, the words tumbling out of me in a rush. "He messed up saying what he did and siding with your mom in Idaho, and I know it hurt you. But, Jimmy, he knows it too and he regrets it. It's eating him up, you can see it in his eyes."
"We're not talking about this."
"I have one sibling and we hate each other's guts. It's basically split my family in two. Trust me, you do not want this situation escalating into that." I grabbed hold of his arm. "Jimmy?"
He shook me off. "Can we not do this?"
"Everyone screws up sometime. You of all people know that. But he's your brother and he loves you. Give him a chance to apologize."
"What, so you're on his side now, are you?" He glared down at me. "Davie always was the pretty boy with the soft heart. Girls love him. But you gotta know he's taken, Lena. He's not going to give you what you need."
"Oh, please." I shoved him hard in the chest with the coat, actually sending him rocking back a step. So damn frustrated I could have kicked him. "Are you for real? I am not interested in your brother. And I am on your side. Always."
The man did not look convinced.
"I am only worried about you and how wound up you've been the last week, worrying over this and missing him. David was wrong, but he knows it. I promise you."
For a moment he stared at me.
"Please, Jimmy."
He looked away, Adams apple bobbing. Then, with a snarl, he twisted the door handle, dashing straight out into the pouring rain. The cold wind whipped up my hair and stung my face. I wrapped myself up in his forgotten jacket, hiding behind the partially open door. Jimmy ran across the front lawn and out to the black 4x4, sitting at the curb. The car door opened and David stepped out. At first they kept a good body length between them, David's arms crossed and Jimmy's on his hips. Then David reached out, clasping his brother's shoulder and giving it a shake as if imploring him. Jimmy seemed to loosen up after that, they moved closer. Soon enough their heads were together, obviously having some sort of conversation despite standing out in a storm. Good. That was good. I think David nodded. It was hard to see.
A couple of gold and brown leaves blew past me into the house.
Jimmy turned to come back and his brother grabbed his arm, pulling him in for a brief back-thumping hug.
Yes. Thank you, baby Jesus.
Finally, Jimmy ran back to the house, soaked to the ever-loving bone.
"Careful, don't slip with your wet feet." I offered him his jacket but he shook his head and stripped off his shirt. Water ran off his wet hair, down his face and neck. "I'll get a towel."
"Don't bother. I'm fucking freezing." He made for the bathroom and walked straight into the shower, turning on the hot water.
"Everything's okay with you two now?" I asked.
"Yeah." He pushed down his sweat pants, baring his black snug-fitting boxer briefs with quite the parcel up front. Holy shit, his thighs, his washboard chest, his everything. What with all of the sudden sex fantasies filling my head, I was surprised there's any room left in the building. My body went into shock, pulse rocketing. I could warm him. For certain, my face and other pertinent body parts felt on fire. Good god, I bet his skin tasted divine.
Jimmy raised a brow. "Lena?"
I blinked.
"What, you waiting to tell me you were right again?"
"Sure?"
"Consider it done." Jimmy stood, hands on hips, watching me. The look in his eyes, I couldn't decipher it. But his lips parted and it seemed he was almost on the verge of asking me something. Then changed his mind. "C'mon, what are you doing in here? Unless you're offering to scrub my back, you need to get out."
My eyes went wide, as wide could be. "What? Are you serious?"
Gently, he grabbed me by the upper arm and marched me out of the bathroom. "Get out, Lena."
"I was just trying to talk to you." I was so not trying to talk to him. But now, we very much needed to discuss his back scrubbing needs and how I, as employee of the month, could meet them.
"Talk to me later."
"But--"
And he slammed the door in my face.
Nice.
Jerk.
Disappointment was a nasty big beast and it was sitting right on my heart. I wrapped my arms around myself, guarding against the chill. It seemed that standing in the doorway, I'd gotten a bit damp myself from the mist and the encroaching rain. Mostly, however, it was about being thrown out of heaven, a.k.a., the ground-floor bathroom. How was that for gratitude? I gave the door the finger.
"You did good," he hollered from within.
I dropped my arm to my side. "Thanks."
"Dave and me are all fine again."
"Great," I shouted back.
"Yeah, you told me so."
I smiled. "I'm glad. Are you going to stop smoking?"
Muttered swearing. "Yeah, okay. And stop hanging around the door when I'm showering. That's creepy."
I rolled my eyes. It wasn't like I could see anything through the keyhole.
Let's pretend I didn't try.
# # #
Two-thirty in the morning was kind of a bitch as times went. It fell into the in-between, nowhere land. Too late to get a really good night's sleep, but much too early to start the day.
I rolled over onto my back and stared at the ceiling. It remained every bit as entertaining and enlightening as it had for the last four hours. Over on my bedside table, my water glass was empty. This made sense since my bladder felt demandingly full. All of me was awkward, uncomfortable. I bet Jimmy paid top dollar for this mattress, Kings and queens probably slept on the same. And yet, it still did me no good.
With a groan I threw back the covers and dragged my sorry ass into the bathroom. I took care of business and washed my hands. Since I was already up and grumpy, I might as well go in search of chocolate.
Don't question the logic. It made sense to my sleep-deprived mind and that's all that mattered.
I trudged down the stairs. A flickering light came from within the living room, shadows playing across the wall opposite. I'd abandoned Jimmy to a documentary on Phil Spector hours and hours ago. Mr. Spector might have been a musical genius but considering where he wound up, it was all a bit too macabre for my tastes. I'd bid the rock star goodnight.
Tigers were mutely roaring and roaming the golden savannah on the wide screen. Jimmy lay passed out on the couch, fast asleep. The lines of his beautiful face were no less determined and harsh in repose. Yet they seemed softer somehow without his piss and vinegar going on. His long dark lashes lay against his cheek and his lips were slightly apart. They looked so soft. A feeling, a sensation worked its way up from deep in my belly, spreading right through me until it tingled in my toes. It was all about him. It was hot and cold, forever and never all at once. It was physical, but it was also more, much more. I wanted to know him, every last little thing about him. And I wanted him to know me. I wanted to be a real part of his life, not just his employee. To be the person he confided even his darkest thoughts in, the person he trusted.
It was insane.
Ever notice how the world seems different in the wee small hours of the morning, when you've been awake too long? Surreal somehow and yet clearer, quieter so you can hear the whispered truth of things you couldn't bring yourself to face in the light. My feelings for Jimmy weren't fading. I was a fool to imagine they would, living in his house and breathing the same air as him. They weren't leaving anytime soon.
And if they weren't, then I had to.
I couldn't take another broken heart. Especially not when I could see it coming a mile away as in the case of Jimmy Ferris. He needed me to be a helper and a friend, not a lovelorn
little twerp making starry eyes at him. He already had those by the bucket load.
I drew a deep breath, let it go. If only it didn't feel like I was being slowly cut open at the thought of leaving him. Overly gruesomely dramatic, but true. But it was just the like the old ripping off the Band-Aid analogy. Better a smallish pain now than heartbreak and ruin down the track.
Still, the next few weeks were going to be hard.
Afterward, once I had my replacement settled in, maybe I'd go sit on a beach somewhere and feel sorry for myself. Get out of the rain and into the sun for a while, order frothy drinks with little umbrellas and fruit in them. I could wait out my sister's wedding and then sneak home while she was away on her honeymoon. Yes, I had a plan.
Jimmy's feet were bundled together, arms pressed against his chest. Poor, baby. He must be cold. Not good after his time out in the rain this afternoon. I grabbed a couple of throws from the cabinet, chucked one at his feet and spread the other out wide. The fine woolen material drifted down to cover him from shoulder to toe.
"Better," I whispered.
"Yeah," he whispered back, opening one eye to look me over. "Cute jammies."
"I'll have you know that flannel teddy bear print jammies are on the cutting edge of fashion." I sat down, slumping tiredly. "What are you doing here?"
"Fell asleep. You woke me stomping down the stairs." He sat up in slow motion, rubbing at his head. His dark hair stuck out every which way. The television cast shadows across his face. "What time is it?"
"Just past two-thirty."
"What are you doing up?"
I shrugged. "Couldn't sleep. Sometimes I just can't get my stupid head to turn off."
A nod and a yawn. "Pretty sure we can find something better than a nature documentary to watch."
"You don't have to keep me company. It's late. Or early," I amended. "Go on up to bed, I'll be fine."
He picked up the spare blanket and tossed it into my lap. "Once I'm awake I don't tend to get back to sleep so easy."
"Sorry I woke you. Pass me the remote?"
He chuckled darkly. "Lena, Lena. Shame on you. I'm half awake, not crazy."
"Boys and their toys." I wrapped the blanket around me, settling in.
He just gave me a half smile with the faintest trace of dimple. Actually, it was more of a quarter grin with a dash of the devil. But he was getting better at smiling and that's what counted. It was going to be one of the regrets of my life that I'd never got to see the full thing. I bet it was lethal in all the ways.