~Bezaliel~
Dinner came too quickly that night, and I made my way warily down to the refectory.
“Try smiling, Day. You look like you’re headed for the guillotine,” Amber murmured as she passed by me on the stairs.
I attempted the smile but only ended up grimacing. Easy enough for her to say. I felt the spirit of Marie Antoinette keenly tonight. Seemed appropriate my middle name was Marie. It wasn’t hard to imagine the executioner grinning at me from the bottom of the stairs. I waved my hand through the smoky vision as I moved to the open door.
“Good evening Amber, Dayton,” Sister Pauline said merrily as we entered the refectory.
The long table was crowded with Sisters and novices. Aunt Kyra sat at the head.
“Girls,” Aunt Kyra said, her hand motioning to the two seats at her side.
I found the gesture disturbing. I let Amber take the right. We hadn’t been seated by Aunt Kyra since the Abbey move seven years before. It seemed somehow significant. The table was quiet as we took our seats. As the last ones to arrive, we were immediately led into prayer. We complied by bowing our heads. Aunt Kyra said grace then recommended we commence with the meal. Chatter filtered down the table. It made the room hum. Normally, we were forced into silence at meal times. The chatter was strange.
“The Abbess spoke to us about your day at school,” Sister Rosaline said suddenly from my left. I froze.
“My day?” I asked carefully.
The Sister looked down at her hands. All eyes seemed glued to the discussion. A lump formed in my throat. The dinner chatter made sense now. This was what my aunt meant when she’d said we’d discuss it at dinner? I felt fury burn my cheeks.
“You made my day Abbey business?” I asked Aunt Kyra furiously.
Aunt Ky let her gaze move slowly down the table, taking the time to pause on each face before finally deigning to give me her full attention. I was keenly aware of my place at the bottom of the totem pole.
“The Sisters are your family, Day. We are all worried about you,” Aunt Kyra answered me calmly. I actually growled.
“This was my problem, not the so called family’s. The Sisters are your Order, not mine,” I said stonily.
Aunt Kyra didn’t even blink. She took a bite of bread and nodded her head at one of the Sisters further down the table. Sister Katherine stood up hesitantly.
“We could help you, if you like, Dayton. There are much better ways to deal with situations than anger,” Sister Katherine said patiently.
I pushed away from the table and stood. Aunt Kyra reached out and touched my hand.
“Sit back down, Dayton,” she ordered.
“Why?” I asked. “So each of you can take your turn condemning me?”
“We aren’t condemning. Only advising,” Sister Mary assured.
I turned toward her slowly. My gaze seemed to startle her, and she looked away.
“I don’t need your sanctimonious bullshit advice,” I roared. “It was a fucking paper. And I refused to re-do what was good work! End of story!”
Aunt Kyra shoved away from the table, her face calm. Her eyes, however, flashed with fury.
“Your mouth will remain clean at our table, Day,” Kyra ordered.
I looked her in the eyes.
“What do you want from me?”
“Subservience,” she answered. My eyes widened. Was she serious?
“Fuck that!” I answered as I moved away from the table. The Sisters stood as one.
“What do you expect to do when you leave here, Day?” Aunt Kyra asked as I moved along the wall. I paused.
“I have dreams, Aunt Kyra. I’m not without talent. I am a good writer,” I said confidently.
“I hope your written word is better managed than your mouth,” she said. I turned on her.
“You wouldn’t know, Aunt Kyra. You’ve never tried to know. What do you really expect from me? I’m not a bad person."
Aunt Kyra moved toward me.
“When you are not at the Abbey, you represent this institution. What you consider mild behavior is considered repulsive to us, Day. We expect more from you."
I stared at her a moment, the silence stretching between us. The whole room seemed to hold its breath. Never before had Aunt Kyra brought me before the Sisters this way. Something was wrong.
“I am not making the Abbey my home, Aunt Kyra. I want more than that. You expect what I can't give."
She moved closer still.
“Sometimes you can’t deny a calling,” she replied.
I glanced at Amber. She was still seated, her head bowed primly. I turned back to Aunt Ky. It seemed Amber was resigned to this "calling." I wasn’t.
“I can,” I answered simply.
Aunt Kyra nodded her head, her face taking on a determined expression. She seemed to be making a decision. She glanced at the Sisters and they all nodded.
“That’s that then. We can proceed. Dayton, you are dismissed,” Aunt Kyra said.
I was frozen with shock. What? I risked another glance at Amber and saw that her head was still bowed, tears glistening on her cheeks. What had just happened?
“You are dismissed,” my aunt repeated.
I didn’t spare her a glance, just turned on my heels and ran. I was in my room with the door closed behind me when the tears came. They were angry tears and I recognized them as such. My back slid down my bedroom door, and I let my head rest on my knees.
“Day?” a voice asked.
I looked up in time to see Conor leaning against my bedroom wall. I didn’t ask him what he was doing there, I didn’t think about why I should be questioning him about it, and I didn’t ask myself how I felt about him. I just stood up and ran into his arms, letting the feeling of being held cushion the jarring tears. He moved us to the bed and we sat, my tears soaking his shirt until my eyes fell shut in sleep.
Chapter 11
The factors of this fight are changing. The Other has not been expected, the amount of people involved is increasing. I am not sure if this relieves me.