I inhaled deeply, trying to recover. My whole body hurt as I was racked with tremor after tremor of need. Donny tried to put her arm around me, but I skittered away from her, not trusting myself to touch her.
I concentrated on the repetition of breathing. I tried to bring back that peaceful feeling from the morning after I smelled those beautiful flowers in Under. After what seemed like an eternity, the pangs lessened and the fog in my head began to clear.
“Oh, God,” I said.
They both looked at me as if I’d . . . well, as if I’d just about turned into a demon in front of their eyes.
“Are you . . .”
“I think I’ll be okay,” I said. “But it was a very close thing. I’m losing control, Donny. I’m not sure how much longer I can do this.”
Gabe ran his worried fingers through his wavy hair, making it even more perfect instead of disheveling it. “Ame said take her to Varnie’s and she’ll join us as soon as she can.”
“Not Varnie’s.” I couldn’t chance running into Haden. I was all over the place emotionally and he would put me over the edge.
Donny opened the passenger door for me. “Why not Varnie’s?”
“Haden might be there.”
“So? Then you can confront him about the Brittany rumors.”
My gaze flitted all around the parking lot but wouldn’t settle on any one thing. Like a frightened animal, I sensed danger everywhere. “You don’t understand. It’s not just about Brittany.”
She put her hand on her hip. “Then make me understand, Thei. What is going on with you?”
“I think I need to feed.” It was the first honest thing I’d said all day. “That’s what is wrong with me. It’s worse when I’m upset . . . and frankly the idea of seeing Haden right now . . .” I slid into the car without finishing. I didn’t want to give voice to my thoughts. They were ugly and they made me feel unstable—something I couldn’t afford to be.
She got into the driver’s seat. It seemed like so much time had passed since we’d pulled into the lot.
“Look,” she said, “I know you don’t want to see him, but he’s the only one who knows what you are going through right now. He might be able to help.”
“I can’t. Donny, my control is precarious. Thinking about Haden makes it worse. . . . Seeing him might do me in.”
“Okay, but seriously. It’s not like I can go through the drive-thru at Souls-to-Go and pick you up a snack. Whether or not you and Haden have an uncomfortable relationship, you know he’ll help us. And he might not even be there, in which case Varnie is the next best thing.”
I nodded. She was right.
Haden would know what I was going through because maybe he really did need to feed. Maybe that was what was happening with Brittany and the others.
* * *
We went straight to Varnie’s. Haden wasn’t at the house. I alternated between fear, anger, and numbness. It was the numbness I tried to hold on to since it seemed to dissipate my unnatural cravings. Thankfully, my eyes returned to normal and I wasn’t drowning in a vortex of emotion any longer. The pangs of hunger subsided, and the whispers faded into silence. I was still very wary, though.
Gabe had a final in third period, so we sent him back to school, even though he didn’t want to leave us. He was really the only one of us with direct access to the sneetches anyway, so his job was “recon.” Donny’s nervous energy got the best of her, so she went for a drive to scout for Haden’s truck. Ame stayed with me and insisted on holding my hand even though I asked her not to touch me. I didn’t want to accidentally absorb her essence. She patted me and told me I was being silly.
How awful to be afraid of being alone with my best friend.
My heart hurt too. I was really trying to hold it together, but I was scared that the last band of my control was about to snap. I concentrated on centering myself, something that Amelia always talked about. I used to ignore her ramblings—what did I care about being “grounded” or “centered” metaphysically? Now it was a lifeline.
She suggested that I imagine a place where I was at peace, and my mind immediately pictured my favorite spot at the riverbank in Under.
The underworld was my happy place?
I loved that riverbank. The water reflected the rock bed beneath it—a crystallike stone that reminded me of highly polished lapis lazuli. The river flowed contentedly, never rushing, never stagnating . . . just a steady current around bends and turns. On the bank, a proud willow tree stood guard. And comforted me . . . literally. It never spoke, but I knew there was a gentle entity of some kind inside it. I spent a lot of time there, beside the tree, playing my violin while the breeze feathered the leaves gently. For those moments I was happy in Under, a thought that shocked me now.
Happy. In Under.
Just thinking about my river spot soothed me, though. I smiled at Amelia. I almost felt whole for a minute.
I remembered the unread note I’d stuffed back into my bag when everything fell apart at school. The paper had been torn from a spiral notebook, but it felt ominously heavy in my hand. I didn’t want to alert anyone yet, so I waited until Ame went to the bathroom to read it. I opened it slowly.
Be careful. You’re too trusting.
Who would have given it to me? Mike? He’d been talking to me in the hall before I found the note—but why would he warn me secretly? It made no sense.
Was someone trying to mess with me? Play games with my head? Maybe it was one of the girls who wanted Haden for herself. I balled it up and thrust it back into my bag. It didn’t matter who wrote it, or even why. They weren’t telling me anything I didn’t already know.
Varnie finally opened his office door, ushering his client gently towards the front door. His eyebrows shot up when he noticed us. “Oh, hello, dearies,” he said, his voice a terrible imitation of Mrs. Doubtfire. “What a lovely surprise.”
Varnie did most of his psychic work in drag as Madame Varnie because his clients seemed to trust him more when he was a middle-aged woman than when he was a young surfer. Today he wore a red muumuu and a matching turban. His face was under layers and layers of thick makeup, and the bodice of his dress was stuffed full of who-knew-what to give him huge, pillowy breasts.
“Hello, Madame Varnie,” Ame said in a singsong tone, teasing him.
Varnie glared at us from behind his client’s back. Then to her he said, “Same time next week?”
As soon as she was out the door, he swept the turban off and slid down the back of the door to a sitting position on the floor. “Duck my life.” He banged his head on the door to punctuate every word.
“Duck your life?” I asked.
He gestured to Ame with a chin nod. “Miss Amelia doesn’t like it when I swear.”
Amelia grinned back at him, her dimples on display, and she was positively beaming. I looked back at Varnie, who had dipped his head and was smiling shyly back at her. They were absolutely adorable. How could Ame still be blind to the chemistry they shared?
“Not that I’m not happy to see you, but what are you two doing here? Shouldn’t you be at school?”
“Theia’s having an exceptionally bad day. Have you seen Haden?”
He shook his head. “I thought he stayed with Theia this weekend.”
Ame and I shared a look. “They broke up,” she said, so I wouldn’t have to.
Varnie looked shocked. “Are you sure?” he asked me.
“I was there,” I said blandly. “The kids at school say he spent the weekend with”—I couldn’t say her name—“sneetches.”
Varnie grimaced. “That makes no sense. He doesn’t like those people you call sneetches. He says most of them are boring because they all try to be like each other. He says Gabe is the only one he’ll voluntarily spend time with.”
“And Gabe hardly hangs out with them anymore,” Ame said.
I tried to rub the chill off my arms. “Brittany and Haden haven’t been seen since Saturday night.”
“Wha
t’s really going on?” Varnie wondered. “You sound jealous. . . . Are you jealous?” He looked at Ame. “Is she jealous?”
“No!” I protested, a little too loudly. “I’m worried. That’s all. And . . . just worried. I should go to the hospital to check on my father.”
Amelia yanked my sleeve. “Not so fast. You have your cell. If there is a change they will call you. Right now we need to figure out how to keep you from wanting to eat your classmates every time you get your feelings hurt, and we need to find your boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, whatever, and figure out why the sneetches are all zombified lately.”
I bit my lip. “Do you think something is happening to them? Other than being knackered?”
Varnie squinted in a look of confusion.
“She means tired,” Ame explained to him. Then to me she said, “It’s a little coincidental that the people you dislike the most are suddenly shambling to class with pasty skin and bruised-looking eyes.”
“Wait. You think I’m draining their essence?”
Amelia looked at Varnie nervously. He quirked his eyebrows at her, but didn’t say anything. “Well, you have the ability.” She winced. “I mean, maybe it’s not you, but it’s possible, right? You don’t have much control over your demony urges, and you are jealous of Brittany.”
“I am certainly not jealous of Brittany. I can’t believe you’d accuse me of that.”
“Hey, now,” Varnie broke in, “nobody’s accusing anyone of anything.”
My temples throbbed. “It’s not me.”
Amelia put on her best super-sunshine smile. “You’re probably right. I’m sure you are—really, I am. But it would be really foolish of us not to look at all the possibilities.”
“Fine. What are the other possibilities? Let’s look at some of those.”
I should have told them right then about the Lure and the little girl’s nightmare. I just couldn’t say the damning words. They would think that I was like Mara then . . . and they wouldn’t believe me that I wasn’t the one taking souls.
The front door opened an inch into Varnie’s back and he groaned.
“What the hell?” we heard Donny say from the other side as she continued to shove the door into Varnie.
It went on for another few seconds until Varnie moved away so she could get in. “How come you don’t get mad at Donny when she swears?”
Ame shrugged, and just as Varnie sat back against the door it opened another inch into him. “Ducking A,” he moaned. “Nobody knows how to knock?”
“Sorry, dude,” said Gabe.
“Gabe, tell us what’s going on with your people,” Donny said as she plopped onto the couch.
“They’re not my people. You are my people,” he told her as he popped a kiss on the top of her head and sat next to her.
“Don’t get all sweet with me. You know I don’t like it.”
“Whatever. I know for a fact that you do. Anyway, you guys aren’t going to like hearing what I learned. Maybe we should just wait until we find Haden and let him explain. That seems fair.”
Donny rolled her eyes. “We’re not concerned with good sportsmanship. The entire school is saying that Haden is cheating on Thei and now he’s gone MIE.”
Varnie decided to sit in a folding canvas chair instead of in front of the door. While he spoke, he removed his turban and unzipped his caftan to reveal a Dead Kennedys T-shirt and board shorts. “What is MIE?”
“Missing in Evil. Gabe, tell us what the sneetches know.” Donny impatiently prodded him with her finger. “Like now.”
“Fine.” Gabe looked at me, then averted his eyes, choosing a spot on the carpet to focus on. “There was a series of parties on Saturday.” He raised his eyebrows at me, but didn’t tell the others he’d heard I had been to one. “Haden showed up kinda late to the last one and while he was there, they say he stuck close to Brittany. She was plastered and they left together. Nobody has seen either one of them since.”
Varnie snorted. “Well, that doesn’t mean he cheated on Theia. Besides, according to Theia, they broke up.” He removed his clip-on earrings. “I agree it looks bad, but he might have a good reason.”
“Dude, your breasts are really distracting me,” Gabe said.
Varnie crossed his arms over his chest protectively.
Ame sat up a little straighter in her chair. “What could possibly qualify as a good reason for cheating on Theia?” Her eyes were shooting daggers at Varnie. “Even if they’d had a fight, he shouldn’t have gone off with another girl the same night.”
Something in his expression softened and then solidified into an almost grim determination. I thought for sure he was about to stalk across the room and kiss her. I wished he would. I think Ame deserved to be kissed really soundly.
And it was past time for Varnie to tell her how he felt.
“Why are you staring at me?” Ame asked him. I wanted to pinch her.
There was a high current of tension in the room. I knew for a fact it wasn’t doing me any good. The air crackled with the weight of all the emotion that was pulling and pushing us in opposing directions. It was like we knew we were just one misstep away from chaos.
Varnie blinked, pulling his gaze from her. “He’s not cheating on Theia,” he argued.
“How do you know that?” I asked.
“The guy is completely in love with you. I’d lay odds that you were the one to break up with him, because no way in hell or Under would he ever break up with you. Am I right?” He saw the answer in my eyes. “He’s not cheating. Whatever is going on, I’m sure he thinks that he’s handling it the best way he can to protect Theia and the rest of us.”
Gabe nodded, but Donny folded her arms across her chest like Varnie. “Wow, I feel so much safer knowing Haden is keeping the world safe by sacrificing himself one cheerleader at a time.”
I slammed my eyelids closed and sucked in a breath. The thought of Haden kissing her . . . The sound of glass breaking startled me. Varnie got up and followed the sound to the kitchen. “Huh,” he said, in a characteristically subdued tone.
“What happened?” Amelia asked, following him. “Whoa.”
The rest of us got up to find out what had both of them awed. Varnie stood in front of an open cupboard. Every drinking glass in it was shattered into jagged shards.
“Sorry,” I said. “I think I did that.” I blushed. I could feel it heating my whole face. “I’m pretty sure it was me that blew out the windows at the Salad Bowl the other night too. When I get stressed, glass starts exploding and I see auras.”
Nobody even seemed surprised. That’s how crazy our lives had become. Donny just sighed as if she was getting accustomed to her friends adding strange things to their personality.
“Psychokinesis. Cool,” Gabe said, patting me on the back.
“How do you know about psychokinesis?” Varnie asked.
“Video games.”
“What exactly is it?” I asked, unsure if I wanted to know. I didn’t want any more demon powers.
“Basically, it’s moving or controlling things with the power of your mind.” Varnie rubbed his face, forgetting he was wearing makeup, so he wiped his hand on his muumuu. “There are lots of different manifestations of it. Blowing things up is a pretty cool one.”
“Except I have no control over it,” I added.
“Yet,” said Ame.
Gabe’s phone buzzed and he handed it to Donny after he read the message. “Holy shit. Gabe just got a text from the sneetch party line. Nobody’s seen Haden yet, but Brittany was just admitted to the hospital. Sources say she’s in a coma.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The nurses wouldn’t tell us anything about Brittany’s condition since we weren’t related, and then they kicked my friends off the hospital floor too. Since Brittany was in the same wing in the ICU as my father was, I was able to monitor her condition by the expressions of her family while I sat in the lonely hall outside his room.
Her parents’ faces were drawn and p
inched underneath their fabulous vacation tans. What a terrible way to end a vacation—though they all should have known it was ill-advised to leave Brittany unsupervised. What had they been thinking? It’s not like Brittany and the other sneetches were usually examples of good behavior. They were overprivileged at best and spoiled rotten at worst. Few of them had real responsibilities and fewer had ever experienced repercussions.
I would know—I’d been one of them for a few hours.
Brittany, who now lay comatose, suffering the same condition as my father, was not pregnant. I felt a little relieved at that, but then I felt worse. Yes, I was glad she wasn’t carrying Haden’s baby, but there was no known cure for what she and my father were fighting. The doctors hadn’t come up with anything, and Amelia and Varnie were stumped as well.
Was Haden responsible for her coma? I didn’t want to think it was possible for him to have been draining her slowly all this time—especially since we’d still been together for most of it. I hated doubting him, but I knew firsthand how difficult it was to resist the urge to feed.
I listened for more clues in the hall. Brittany’s family was so different from mine. Her dad golfed with my father sometimes. That was all the two of them had in common personality-wise. Whereas my father was formal and distant, Mr. Blakely was funny and casual. My father worked all the time, seven days a week; Brittany’s family was always going on vacations to expensive resorts.
Mrs. Blakely was an older version of Brittany—their sisterly image most likely helped along with Botox. Under the harsh fluorescent lights, though, she’d aged considerably. She and her husband both had. I tried not to be alarmed by that. Nobody looks good in hospital lighting, and they were under a great deal of emotional stress. I hoped that was all it was. I didn’t see their auras, and I didn’t want to, even though it might have helped me diagnose whether their pallor was related to demon activity or my own anxiety. I didn’t feel strong enough to go looking for human essence. None of my friends were around to bail me out of trouble if my eyes turned black like Mara’s and I lost control again.