"I don't even know. I was so floored, I didn't ask."
Emilia frowned, slipped down on the couch behind us and patted the cushion next to her. I got up and went to sink down beside her. "I noticed he was acting strangely today at the reception, so I went to talk to him. I think it had to do with all that happened yesterday at the company party. April is his intern, after all, and I think he's really upset about what happened to her."
"Uh, yeah, you've pretty much hit the nail on the head. How did you do that?"
She looked away, her eyes narrowing at some random memory. "I asked him about April because I was concerned, and he got all weird and started asking me about The Scarlet Letter."
"You mean the movie with Demi Moore?"
She laughed. "The novel that the movie is based on, silly."
"I may have...watched the movie to get out of reading the novel."
"You and about ninety percent of all high school graduates." She paused, looking thoughtful. "I don't get why he was fixating on that, though, or why he thought to ask me about it when I asked him about April."
Understanding dawned, based on what I knew. I had a feeling it wouldn't take her long to figure it out. Nevertheless, I kept my mouth shut.
"Does it have to do with April being outed for the video? But they don't know who the guy--" She stopped and her eyes widened. And there it was... Not surprising, given her brilliance. "Oh em gee. Jordan was the guy, wasn't he?"
She amazed me every time. All the time. "I don't know how you figured that out. Not sure I want to know." I cocked a brow at her.
She gave me a sly look. "I have super powers, but I would gladly give them up if I could have been a fly on the wall when he told you that."
I grimaced. "Not unless you wanted to see steam coming out my ears."
"Hmm. I've had that same effect on you before. I don't think I'd like to see it again. Did you two argue?"
I reached out, cupped her cheek with my hand and she smiled, leaning into my touch, turning to kiss my palm. Slowly, I calmed down from the yelling match with Jordan. "Yeah. I was pretty pissed at him."
"You're still pretty pissed at him."
"I feel betrayed."
She nodded. "He was probably terrified to tell you."
"Then he should have grown a pair and done it anyway," I ground out between clenched teeth, feeling the heat under my collar rise again.
"Why'd he tell you now?"
I shrugged. "He said I wasn't being fair by firing April and not him."
Her face clouded and she straightened, looking at me. "He's right."
I took a deep breath and released it, letting my hand fall. "He's the CFO of my company. She's just an intern--"
Her jaw dropped. Uh-oh. "Adam."
"What? You don't even like the interns."
"Not your groupie interns, no. But April is not one of those jerks. And saying she's just an intern is sexist, especially since Jordan was the one in the position of power."
"I didn't mean it that way. But her dad insisted I terminate her on the spot."
Emilia's eyes narrowed and she flicked a pointed finger toward my chest. "Then you should have grown a pair and told him no. Who's in charge of the company, you or him?"
I didn't answer the rhetorical question and she continued. "I'm actually pretty impressed with Jordan...that he put himself out there like that for her. He was just so miserable today..." Her voice died out and she looked off to the side, almost as if she'd forgotten that she was lecturing me.
"What's wrong?"
She shook her head and then looked at me. "I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that... No..."
"What?"
"You've known Jordan for a long time, right?"
"Since I started college at eighteen."
"In nearly ten years, has he ever stuck himself out there for a woman?"
"Not since his surfer girlfriend at UCLA, no. But that was a bad breakup, and it was after that he became a womanizer. And now apparently, a perv who screws his interns," I said, unable to disguise the bitter edge in my voice.
"'Cause you and I never had sex while I was working for you, right?"
I clenched my jaw and released it. She always had a comeback for everything. "We had a relationship before that and we weren't just sleeping together."
"But if he was just sleeping with April, why would he have gone to bat for her with you? He's sacrificing his career for this. It means more to him than just doing the right thing. She means something to him."
"Maybe she gives a really good blowjob." Emilia scowled and I held up a hand. "Don't shoot. I was joking. You're right, though. This isn't how he normally acts."
"I never thought he'd be capable, 'cause it's Jordan, but maybe he's in love with her."
"But he finds the whole concept of love utterly repulsive."
"So did you, once."
"Well, so did you."
We looked at each other for a minute before she mock-punched my arm. "Okay, so we were dumb, too. But you can't let him walk away from the company like this."
I threw up my hands, exasperated. "Apparently, I don't have a choice. Emilia, he insisted I fire him and I absolutely refused. So he quit."
"But he quit because you won't take April back."
"Her dad--"
She raised her eyebrows at me. "You're the boss."
"You usually only say that in bed. I'm getting all hot right now."
She quirked her mouth at me. "I never say that to you in bed. Maybe in your dirty dreams. But seriously...I think what's bugging you about all this is that you already know what you have to do to make this right."
I sighed. "The timing couldn't be shittier, and I really still am pissed as hell at him. He didn't come forward and tell me before. And not only did he keep it a secret this entire time, but he covered it up."
"So you're going to trash a ten-year friendship and a meaningful business relationship because your feelings are hurt?"
I sighed, throwing my head back. "Stop making such good points, please."
She snuggled up beside me, laying her head on my shoulder and tilting it to kiss me on the neck. I closed my eyes.
Her mouth found my ear. "You're the boss," she murmured, devouring my lobe, sending a nice zing right down to my center.
"That's right. Say it again."
"You're. The. Boss..." she drawled, laughing.
"Mmm. That's what I like to hear," I said, pushing her down on the couch beneath me. I pressed my body over hers, kissing her. I didn't want to think about anything but this.
I didn't want to think about going down on the stock exchange floor alone without Jordan tomorrow or not having him as my right-hand man from this day forward. And I definitely didn't want to focus on that heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach that indicated what the right thing to do really was.
Emilia was helping me forget, at least for a little while.
Chapter 28
April
The doorbell rang at oh dark hundred. Naturally, Sid was already awake, quietly puttering around the apartment while I moaned and rolled over to face the wall, hoping to forget I was still alive.
That persistent ache in my chest, that feeling of loss and rejection, it was still there like a giant hole that could very well take ages to heal. And my eyes were sore from crying all day yesterday. I'd checked my text messages constantly. Nothing from him. Nothing.
I'd also checked social media against Sid's advice. Tons of people had tagged me in their unflattering posts and tweets, of course. How thoughtful of them.
Jordan's profile displayed a picture he'd taken in Times Square yesterday, mentioning his excitement for the impending IPO. But that was it. I had no other inkling of what was going on with him and I couldn't exactly ask Susan for an update, since I was now persona non grata at Draco.
She'd be back at her desk today. It was Monday morning, business as usual, at the company. It wasn't like I could sneak into the office and clean out my d
esk. Maybe Mia would take pity on me and do it when she got back from New York City tomorrow. As soon as I found some shred of dignity, I'd email and ask her.
My mind continued to race, even though I willed it to shut the fuck up. I wished I could fall back asleep, since I hadn't been able to even close my eyes before one a.m. I was exhausted enough to sleep until noon, if I could just fall back to sleep. I stuffed my pillow over my head with a groan. Sid was speaking to someone at the front door, but they were quiet enough that I could muffle out the sound with my pillow.
A few minutes later, just as I was trying to turn off my thoughts so I could doze in blissful oblivion, Sid came back into the bedroom and sat down at the edge of my bed.
"Go away," I mumbled from under my pillow.
She tugged at the pillow and I clutched it tighter to my face.
"Sid! Do you really want me to tear you a new one? Please let me sleep."
"But I want to talk to you," came the reply. Not Sid's voice. A man's voice. Not my dad.
I froze, my heart thumping wildly at the base of my throat. I was certain I was having audible hallucinations. Could a person hallucinate a voice?
The weight on the bed shifted as if he was turning toward me. He tugged the pillow again, and this time I allowed it to be removed from my face. He set it down by my leg and turned to look at me, his face serious. His hazel eyes scoured my features. He was taking in my puffy eyes ringed with dark circles, the chafed skin around my nose where I'd frequently blown it. I'd seen myself in the mirror the night before. I knew how bad the damage was. And it was probably even worse this morning with the additional swelling that troubled sleep had brought.
I looked at him, my eyes widening then flying to the clock on the dresser. It was five thirty in the morning and Jordan was dressed in rumpled clothing--like he'd slept in his clothes. I sat up to face him.
"What are you doing here? The stock exchange opens at six."
"I came here to watch the opening with you. Can you livestream it to your TV?"
My jaw dropped. "Why the hell aren't you in New York?"
"Because I didn't want to be in New York. I wanted to be here. With you."
I rubbed my forehead, looking down. "I don't understand. You're supposed to be on the platform with the other officers so you all can ring the opening bell."
"Well...I'm not."
I pushed myself out of bed and stood, crossing my arms across my chest. I was wearing a short, thin nightie because it had been a warm night. Jordan's eyes slid over me like a warm caress. I got goose bumps just from the touch of his gaze. Which pissed me off. I was supposed to be mad at him. I was supposed to hate him.
It was five forty. "I'll be right back."
In the bathroom, I brushed my teeth, splashed cold water on my face and found a thin robe to slip over my shoulders. Quickly determining that I had no time for an emergency makeup session, I stiffened my spine and went back into the bedroom. He'd grabbed my laptop off my desk and had it sitting on the bed, unopened. I blinked.
"Can we watch the livestream? It's almost nine there. The bell rings in ten minutes."
With a shrug, I settled beside him on the bed--not too close, since I still wasn't sure what the hell he was doing here--and leaned against the wall. Jordan scooted next to me so he could look closely at the screen. I keyed in my password and quickly closed the social media and news sites I'd been using to track my name smeared across the whole world, along with pictures of my ass and tattoo. Jordan didn't react to those as I opened a new browser window and typed a Google search to get the livestream for the NYSE. By the time this was all accomplished, we were five minutes from the opening of the floor and the ringing of the bell.
The platform that looked out over the trading floor was a white gabled balcony. Across the front hung a banner with the Draco logo and lettering. My former bosses and their significant others crowded the platform around the CEO. Adam stood talking to the chief executive officer of the Stock Exchange, likely receiving the last of the instructions. Mia stood at his shoulder, a wide smile on her face. The operating officer, Cheryl Waltman, whom everybody called "Walt," and her husband and all the others stood behind and around them.
But there was a noticeable empty space at Adam's other side, where Jordan should have been standing.
Adam looked tense. But whether it was because of the hoopla surrounding the initial public offering or because of Jordan's absence, I couldn't tell. America's soon-to-be newest billionaire stepped up to the podium and, at the exact stroke of nine, pressed the button that set off a cacophony of bell-ringing while everyone around him beamed and applauded. Then he picked up the gavel and handed it to Mia, who, with a shocked smile, hit it against the sounding block. Then they embraced.
I turned to watch Jordan as he took in the goings-on. His face was an unreadable mask, his eyes hooded. It was his dream to be up on that platform when the company listed on the market. He'd been working hard for years to that end. But he'd left. He was here, sitting on my bed, watching it on a twelve-inch laptop screen instead.
My throat closed up, but I didn't want to interrupt his moment. Just after the live feed cut, we went to the trading page to follow the price of the shares opening at thirty-five dollars and watched them rise steadily. Jordan remained silent and didn't tear his eyes away from the screen.
Finally, I leaned back against the wall and sighed. "Are you going to tell me why you aren't there with the rest of your colleagues?"
His gaze flicked to me before skirting away. "I no longer work at Draco."
All breath left me in a sudden rush and my jaw slackened. I blinked, my mind racing and my mouth unable to find the words--any words--to say. Jordan spoke for me.
"I told Adam he needed to fire me, and when he refused, I quit."
"Why?"
"Because--because I didn't want to be a hypocrite."
My mouth worked for a moment, my throat dry. "That's...that's so stupid."
His brows shot up. "Excuse me?"
"There's no reason to share this humiliation...it's not like doing that is going to make this any better for me. In fact, it will make it worse."
He frowned but didn't say anything. My fist tightened.
"You need to tell him you want your job back."
"I won't do that."
My face flushed and I pounded my fist on the bed between us. "Jordan! Could you be any dumber? I was going to end my internship in two weeks anyway. It was so not worth it!"
He scowled, his eyes narrowing. "I really hate it when you say that. Because it's not true."
In exasperation, I set the laptop aside and stood. I needed a minute. This nausea and anger and...and...this stew of emotions simmering inside my chest made it hard to breathe. I was almost out of my room before he caught my arm and closed the door. He pulled me around to face him.
"Why is it so hard for you to see?" he asked in a voice steeped with emotion.
That simmering stew was boiling over. Tears sprang from my eyes and my chest tightened. I couldn't talk so I shook my head.
"April," he said quietly, placing his hands on both of my cheeks, holding my head still. I squeezed my eyes shut. Who would have thought I'd have more tears to shed than I already had?
"Go away," I whispered. "I've already decided that I need to hate you."
"Really?" he said in an equally quiet voice. His thumb smoothed over my cheek, and he moved so close I could feel the tendrils of his warm breath skate across my skin. My throat tightened and those damn tears kept coming.
"It's my only defense right now. You need to go."
Slowly, his hands dropped away from my face, but he didn't move. I shuddered a little, already aching with the loss of him. I didn't want to open my eyes. I didn't want to see his beautiful face staring into mine. It hurt too much. But I didn't want him to walk away, either.
"Let me tell you something, and then I'll go away if you really want me to."
I didn't say anything but nodded m
y silent permission.
"It really pisses me off when you say that you aren't worth it. You say that over and over, and I honestly think you believe it."
"It's just an expression--"
"No. It's an ideology. You firmly believe it. You think it's not worth it for me to step in to defend you with your shithead ex-boyfriend or your dad or whoever. It's not worth it, you think, for me to put myself out there for you. But you know what? It's not enough. Giving up that job was nothing compared to what you mean to me."
Those words. Those words did something to me physically. They pierced me with a needle-like pain while joy burned white-hot inside my chest.
"We were just fooling around..." I said faintly, almost hoping he would confirm that. I needed to stay angry at him. I needed those walls to protect my tender and battered heart.
"I've wanted you since the moment I first laid eyes on you. And yeah, I wanted that in my way, on my terms. I wanted your body. I thought you were beautiful. I knew who you were at Comic-Con, and I thought being drunk would be a great excuse to be one and done with you, get you out of my system."
He blew out a breath and reached up to rub the back of his neck. "But it didn't work out that way. I couldn't get the taste of you out of my mind and it just made me want you more."
He had no idea that his words were doing the opposite of whatever his intent was. Because they were only confirming what I'd suspected all along. "Yes. We had fun, but--"
"I'm not finished." I raised my brows and folded my arms across my chest, leaning back against the door to allow him to continue. "The sex was good. Really good. I thought--I thought that was all it was. Just really good, hot sex." I opened my mouth to interrupt him, but he held up a hand to stop me.
"But then I realized there were other feelings involved and that I was putting the cart before the horse. I thought that the sex being so amazing was leading me to confuse that for deeper feelings...until I started thinking about stuff yesterday on the plane and in New York. I couldn't stop thinking about everything that had gone on and how I felt like shit because of it. And then it occurred to me that the reason the sex was so good was because I already cared. Deeper than I ever thought I could. Than I ever even wanted to."
"You didn't want to?"
He looked away and then back at me. "No."
"What--what made you change your mind?"
"I never changed my mind, April. You changed my heart." My eyes slipped from his even as my own heart skipped beats. First one, then two. Then it tripped all over itself as his words registered.