“Pain can turn an animal mean.”
“You sound like you know what you’re talking about.”
His voice lowered. “He could hurt you.”
“I can take care of myself.”
“Can you?”
Suddenly, strangely, Vivi Ann didn’t think they were talking about Renegade anymore.
She focused on the road, saying nothing until they were home again, parked in the gravel lot, and unloading Renegade. “Dinner will be a little late,” she said, letting the horse loose in the grassy paddock behind the barn. She knew from experience that horses like Renegade needed to be alone. Sometimes they were so broken they could never run with a herd again.
Dallas came closer. “Don’t worry about me. I’m taking Cat Morgan to dinner.”
“Oh. Well.” She took a step back, telling herself she wasn’t disappointed. “I guess I’d better get to the house.” But she didn’t move. She wasn’t even sure why until he closed the distance between them.
For a moment she thought he was going to kiss her, and in spite of everything, she wanted him to, but then he whispered against her ear, “We both know Cat isn’t the one I want.”
Chapter Seven
After dinner at the Waves Restaurant, Vivi Ann and Luke drove back to the farmhouse. The noises of an early June night were all around them, floating through the truck’s open windows—motorboats chugging onto their trailers after a day spent on the flat waters of the Canal, kids laughing in the park along the shore, dogs barking. There was so much going on in town it should have been easy to overlook the silence in the truck, but Vivi Ann noticed every pause, every breath. In the weeks since she and Dallas had rescued Renegade, she felt as if her life had been suspended somehow, as if danger were nearby and she had to be careful, be on her guard against it always. There was a pressure building inside her, heating up.
She looked at Luke, and the smile he gave her was everything a man’s smile should be: clear and bright and honest. It should have made her want to smile back, to say something romantic, but the longer she looked into his eyes, the more trapped she felt. The whole of her life with him was suddenly here with her, sitting in his truck, and it was small and unassuming. Not what she wanted for her life at all. She wanted passion and fire and magic. Maybe her mistake had been in not sleeping with Luke. In the beginning, she’d held back because he was serious and she wasn’t and she hadn’t wanted sex to trap her into a false love, but now she was trapped anyway, and the irony was that he believed their lack of intimacy was a signal of love, a proof of it in some way. Maybe if sex was great with Luke, she’d be swept away and tumble into love . . .
And stop thinking about Dallas.
As soon as they parked in front of the farmhouse and got out of the truck, she went to him, reaching out. “I want to want you, Luke. Right now.” She’d meant to say simply I want you, but it was too late now to take it back.
She pressed her body against him, rubbing wantonly, and pulled her shirt off, tossed it aside. “Come on, Luke . . .” she pleaded. “Make me crazy . . .”
He kissed her deeply and then drew back, looking down at her. “This isn’t how our first time should be. Let’s go back to my place.”
Vivi Ann felt a wash of disappointment. All that kissing, and nothing. It was as she’d thought: this good, handsome, loving man would never start a fire inside of her. She made herself smile. “You’re right. Our first time should be special. Rose petals and candlelight.” She bent down for her shirt and put it back on. “And not on a night when I’ve had one too many glasses of wine.”
He put an arm around her and led her toward the house. “I guess I’ll have to keep a closer eye on you, remind you that two’s your limit.”
I bet he treats you like some kind of pretty little treasure.
She couldn’t answer, but when they were on the porch, standing in front of the door, and Luke kissed her goodnight, it was all she could do not to cry.
“What’s wrong, Vivi?” he asked, pulling back. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”
“I’m just tired, that’s all. Everything will be better tomorrow.”
He accepted that and kissed her goodnight again. With a sigh, she watched him walk back to his truck and drive away. Then she went into the house and climbed the stairs to her bedroom.
There, she stared out across the darkened ranch, saw moonlight on the barn roof. She was just about to turn away when a flash of bone-white color caught her eyes. A cowboy hat.
Dallas was out there right now, standing by Renegade’s paddock, watching her. He’d seen her take off her shirt . . .
She turned away from the window and went to bed, but it was a long time before she fell asleep.
On a sunny afternoon in mid-June, Winona got the call she’d been waiting for: “Winona?” he said. “I need to talk to you about Vivi Ann. Can you meet me at Water’s Edge tonight? I’ll be in the barn after seven.”
She managed somehow to get through the remainder of her workday, writing deposition questions, reading through real estate contracts, seeing clients, but her mind kept going off-road, thinking about that phone call.
He’s going to end it. Finally.
Then he’d turn to her for comfort.
When her last client left and Lisa closed up the office, Winona went upstairs to her shambles of a living space. Up here, away from the public eye, her floors needed refinishing, her wallpaper had peeled away, revealing water-stained Sheetrock, and rust coated too many of the fixtures. Ignoring all that, she chose her clothes carefully and dressed in a long velour tunic and jeans. Curling her hair, she sprayed it away from her face and let it tumble down her back. When she looked as good as possible, she left the house and drove out to the ranch, surprised to find the parking lot full of truck-and-trailer combinations.
Finding a parking spot up near her granddad’s cabin—beside Dallas’s beat-up old Ford truck—she walked down the long grassy driveway to the barn.
Inside, she found a hive of activity: men on bulkily muscled quarter-horses, galloping along the rail, throwing well-aimed ropes at running steers; boys, practicing their throws on fake steers; women in the bleachers, clustered together, talking and smoking and drinking beer. And at the center of it all, clearly running the show, was Dallas Raintree. He was helping a man right now, telling him to keep his elbow up to flatten his loop, showing him how.
She found Luke sitting in the stands. “What’s all this?”
He took a sip of his beer. “Dallas is giving a roping clinic. It’s been going on for hours. Thirty-five bucks apiece.”
Winona studied the arena, counted the men on horseback and the boys practicing with the roping dummy, and did the math. “Wow.”
“Everyone here has already signed up for the jackpot tomorrow,” he added. “And the women want a barrel race next Saturday.”
She sat down by Luke, scooted as close as she dared. It wasn’t much, just sitting by him, but it was all she had these days. “I was surprised when you called. You’ve been too busy with Vivi Ann lately to get in touch with me.” She hoped she didn’t sound bitter.
“I’m sorry about that. Actually, I wanted to talk to you about Vivi Ann. I hope that’s okay. I’ll understand if you say no. There’s that sisters’ code.”
“It’s okay. Vivi Ann knows we were friends before you two fell in love.” She stumbled only briefly over the difficult sentence. “So tell me what’s wrong.”
“Vivi Ann is acting strange lately.”
Of course she is. She doesn’t love you.
Winona turned to him, saw the pain and confusion in his eyes, and her heart ached for him. He was no match for Vivi Ann, who treated love as if it were made of stone and hearts as if they were spun glass. She reached over and took his hand. Suddenly it felt as if there was an opening, a crack in the connection between Luke and Vivi Ann. “I love my sister. It’s impossible not to. She’s like sunshine, but . . . she’s selfish, too. Headstrong. Sett
ling down isn’t really in her. Maybe she’s afraid. Or not ready.”
“Sometimes I have trouble believing she really loves me,” he said.
“Vivi Ann’s emotions are transparent. If she loves you, you’ll know it to your bones.”
He didn’t hear the warning in her words. “I should have said ‘what the hell’ the other night and dragged her over to the grass and made love to her.”
Winona didn’t understand. “She wanted to have sex outside?”
“Right in front of the farmhouse. But she wouldn’t look me in the eyes. She seemed . . . frantic. I shouldn’t have worried about all of that, though, right? I love her and I should have showed her how much.”
Winona felt the dying of opportunity; it shriveled up inside, left her feeling small and dry. He wasn’t looking to her for comfort. Nothing had changed. Vivi Ann could treat him like crap, and still he loved her. “Yeah. Sure.”
“I mean, who cares who might be watching? We’re in love.”
“Sure,” Winona said dully, wishing he hadn’t called after all. “Who could be watching anyway?”
As she said it, her gaze fell on Dallas.
At dawn on Saturday, while Dallas and Dad were gathering the steers from the back field, people began pouring in to Water’s Edge. By the time the jackpot officially began at eleven o’clock, almost three hundred teams had entered. Vivi Ann began her day long before the sun came up and didn’t stop until the event was over.
Finally, when the last go-round had been run and the prizes had been handed out, she got a glass of lemonade from the fridge and leaned against the warm side of the barn.
The parking lot was a blur of people. Cowboys and their families were busy loading up their horses, putting away their tack, folding up their chairs. The snake of traffic had begun; trucks and trailers moved in a steady stream up the gravel driveway toward town.
Today’s jackpot had been more than simply a success. That word was too small and ordinary. This had been a bonanza. A triumph. At last count, they’d earned well over two thousand dollars. And that didn’t even count the profits they’d made selling food at the snack shack.
Winona came up beside her, leaned against the barn. Sipping Diet Coke from a plastic cup, she said, “You’re avoiding me.”
“Why shouldn’t I? You’ve been a real bitch lately. Would it kill you to just say congratulations, Vivi? Way to go? The jackpot kicked ass today.”
“I would have said all of that earlier . . . if you hadn’t been avoiding me.”
“I’m not avoiding you. I just don’t want to hear it.”
“Hear what?”
“You know.”
“He loves you,” Winona said quietly, “and he might not see that something’s wrong, but I do.”
Exactly the words Vivi Ann had been avoiding. “I’m marrying him, aren’t I?”
“Yeah. And why is that?”
“Are you asking as his friend or my sister?”
“What difference does it make?”
“Plenty.”
Winona seemed to consider that, and then said, “Okay. Let me be your sister for a minute. About Dallas. I’m worried—”
“You’re always worried.” Vivi Ann pulled away from the barn. “I’ve got to go, Win. All this craziness is upsetting the animals.” She practically rushed for the barn door and ducked inside. At Clem’s stall, she opened the door and went inside, resting her forehead on the mare’s soft neck. “She’s right, Clem, something is wrong and I don’t know what to do about it.”
Her horse nickered and gently nudged her thigh. Vivi Ann scratched her ears and whispered, “I know, girl. I’ll do the right thing.”
Then she left the stall, bolting it behind her, and went out the barn’s back door and into the falling twilight.
Renegade was at the fence, running wild, galloping back and forth around the paddock, skidding to a stop at either end and pivoting to start again.
“Whoa, boy,” she said, going to him. “It’s okay. The roping is over. It’ll be quiet again soon.” She reached out to touch his silky neck, but he reared up and spun away. “It’s okay, boy,” she said, trying to soothe him with her voice.
“I can’t get you out of my head,” Dallas said softly from behind her.
She turned. This was what she’d been looking for, why she was here, although she hadn’t admitted it to herself until right now. She tilted her chin just a little, waiting . . .
The kiss was like nothing she’d experienced before. It lifted her up and twirled her around and plunged her to the ground. She clung to him as she’d never clung to another human being in her adulthood, as if he alone could save her.
“Vivi Ann!”
She heard her name being called as if from underwater, far away. It came again before she returned to herself and reality.
“I have to go,” she said, pushing Dallas away.
He grabbed her elbow, held her close. “I want you,” he said in a low voice. “And you want me.”
She wrenched free and ran back along the side of the barn. In the parking lot, she found both of her sisters as well as Richard and Luke; they were all waiting for her.
“There you are,” Winona said, her sharp gaze scanning the area behind them. Was she looking for Dallas? Did she suspect something? “We thought we’d go out and celebrate the jackpot’s success.”
“Oh,” Vivi Ann said, trying to look casual. “Sounds great.”
Later, at just past one o’clock in the morning, Vivi Ann sat on the top porch step, with a sister on either side of her. She had a nice little buzz going, but unfortunately it wasn’t enough to muddle her mind. “Who wants to do tequila straight shots?”
“No, thanks,” Aurora said. “I need to get home. Richard said he’d wait up for me.”
“Win?” Vivi Ann said. “You in?”
“Are you kidding? I’m exhausted.”
Vivi Ann put her hands behind her and leaned back, looking past the porch roof to the night sky. On the rise behind the barn, a light came on, a little yellow firefly of color amid the darkness.
I want you . . . And you want me.
She turned to Aurora, who sat beside her, studying the tiny flags on her scarlet nails. “Aurora, how did you know Richard was the one?”
Aurora cocked her head just enough to make eye contact. In the orangey porch light, her face was a mask of light and shadow. “Because he asked.”
“That’s it? Because he asked you to marry him?”
“No. Because he asked me everything. Was I warm enough? Did I like the movie? Where do you want to go for dinner? Richard is . . . kind. Like Luke.” Aurora gave her a little jut of the chin that was its own question. “I dated a lot of unkind men before—you all remember Dylan and Mike. Anyway, I was tired of being hurt when Richard came along.”
“Why don’t you just admit it, Vivi?” Winona said. “You don’t know if you love Luke.”
“She knows if she loves him,” Aurora said. “And she knows if she doesn’t. What she’s asking is if she should settle.”
“Settle?” Winona said sharply. “That’s ridiculous. It’s Luke Connelly we’re talking about.”
Aurora looked at Winona. “You’re her sister,” Aurora said. “Don’t forget that, Win.”
“How could I?” Winona muttered. “You two remind me often enough.”
“It’s been the three of us since Mom died,” Aurora said, still staring at Winona as she spoke. “Pea, Bean, and Sprout. We can get pissed off at each other and scream and shout and cry—that’s okay, that’s being sisters. But we stick together. And right now Vivi Ann is asking us some hard questions. Perhaps things should have been said months ago, but they weren’t, and now we live with that. You understand? We live with it.” She turned and looked at Vivi Ann. “Here’s the truth, Vivi: there are worse things than marrying a decent man and hoping to be content.”
“What about passion?” Vivi Ann said quietly.
“Passion fades,” Aurora said.
She tried to smile, but it was false, that smile, and her eyes said something else entirely.
For the first time Vivi Ann wondered if Aurora wore all that makeup as camouflage, to hide the unhappiness of a dull marriage. “But there are better things, too. Is that what you’re saying?” As she said it, she couldn’t help glancing up at the hill, at that yellow dot.
“Are you sure you want to marry Luke?” Winona said. “If you don’t, it’s okay. Just admit it.”
Vivi Ann forced a smile. How could she admit what she didn’t know? It was insane to want Dallas the way she did. There was no way it would last. She’d just have to quit thinking about him. “I’m just nervous, that’s all. Marriage is such a big deal.”
Winona was watching closely, like a hunting dog on point. She didn’t look convinced. Had she seen Vivi Ann’s involuntary glance at the cabin?
But Aurora said, “That’s only natural,” and the conversation landed safely.
“Well, I’m beat,” Vivi Ann said. “Thanks for the help today.” She hugged each of her sisters, then walked them to their cars and watched them drive away. When they were gone, she went inside the house. At her bedroom window, she looked at the small yellow light burning in the trees. He was up there. Waiting.
“I just won’t go,” she said as she got ready for bed.
Chapter Eight
Throughout the rest of June, Vivi Ann woke at dawn and made breakfast for three, leaving the meal on the table. Every day she mumbled excuses to her father about why she couldn’t stay for the meal. Instead, she focused all her efforts on running Water’s Edge, and the ranch was becoming more successful than she could have imagined. All of the stalls were full now, and there was a waiting list. Vivi Ann’s classes and clinics were full, too, as were Dallas’s. For the first time in her father’s life, he was shoeing horses only when he felt like it. The rest of the time he spent working on the ranch, doing things that had been overlooked for years—like painting the fences and repairing the dock.